A/N: Here's the last chapter of Part One. I've decided to merge the two books so don't fret. There will be more coming.
I'm not sure how you will feel about this chapter but know that lovestories aren't always the smoothest journeys. Sebastian and Cassandra will prove that.
Enjoy! I may not be able to post right away because I have some family visiting so I won't have as much time. In the meantime, check out my other story, The Mischievous Mrs. Maxfield. Thanks!
Please VOTE and COMMENT!
***I want to dedicate this chapter to JessGirl93 whose books I enjoy very much. She's on a mini-hiatus so I'm pulling my hair a little bit waiting for an update on The Bad Boy's Girl because it's a totally awesome read. This is a symbol of my fervent wish to see what happens next between Tessa and Cole.***
***
Two days later, I was fretting over my empty inbox wondering if I was going to hear about any of my other scholarship applications before school started.
I had already worked out a schedule with Sebastian.
I was going to leave this Friday and spend several days packing up my stuff before flying out to Philadelphia exactly a week later. All my flights were booked and I had a spot reserved in residence already.
I had cried quite a bit as we were booking the flights and Sebastian held me in his arms for a while, soothing and reassuring me that it was going to be alright.
He had a shareholders' meeting that Friday I arrive in school but he was going to fly out on the weekend to help me settle down before classes started.
As to when we were going to see each other next, I didn't know.
We hadn't planned that far ahead.
Sebastian mentioned something he was working on but he wouldn't quite tell me. I was certain he wasn't moving to Philadelphia—it was too far away when his work was here.
He had actually been quite busy after that day of our trip downtown that I'd only seen him in the evenings when he came home from work now that he had started to ease back into it again.
I was planning dinner in the kitchen when Sebastian called.
"Jennison's going to pick you up in an hour," he told me without preliminaries. "Dress for dinner and bring the key I gave you for your birthday."
I smiled. "What do you have planned, Sebastian?"
"It's a surprise," he said mysteriously. "I'll see you soon, okay?"
"Alright," I said, putting back the produce I'd taken out on the counter. "I'll get ready."
"I love you."
I grinned. "I love you, too."
Since his declaration at the cemetery, Sebastian hadn't been reserved in saying it to me over and over again. He always had this bright, excited gleam in his eyes whenever he said it as if it amused and surprised him to find himself capable of saying them in the first place.
I showered and fixed up my hair into a loose bun and slipped into one of my new clothes—a cobalt blue silk shift dress with a romantic, ruffled neckline. I wore my white slingbacks with it and topped it with a small, knit cardigan.
"Hi, Jennison," I greeted the bodyguard warmly as he helped me into the car.
We briefly exchanged pleasantries and he even went on to tell me that the property management company who was looking after the house was going to send over a couple of their staff to help me pack up.
I tried asking him where we were headed but all he told me was downtown.
I assumed we were going to Sebastian's penthouse but we were on the wrong side of the city center.
We pulled over in front of a large, brownstone Victorian mansion in Sidley Yard, Cobalt Bay's oldest neighborhood that had slowly converted into a popular hotel, restaurant and specialty store area after the city's economy boom decades ago. Its location was right in the heart of downtown and its architectural interests made it sought-after by the elite and the artistic crowd. Real estate had risen all around it, boxing it in between two large, old-fashioned office buildings.
"This is Sainthill," I said to Jennison, recognizing the house from my childhood memories.
It was built by British immigrants who moved to Cobalt Bay. They were thoroughly criticized for the ostentatious grandeur of the residence that included the mansion, the courtyard gardens and the apple orchard behind it. Their only explanation was that they were gentry, minor, but gentry, nonetheless, and they had become ridiculously wealthy after setting up a successful shipping trade in the west coast.
The first few generations had lived like aristocracy for some time before some of their business collapsed due to bad investments. Maintenance on it had been gradually slackening over the years but the government couldn't do anything about it due to strong urging from the residents to retain it as a historical landmark and the fact that it was still privately owned by whoever had bought it off the Sainthill family.
"Go on inside, Cassie," Jennison said as he helped me up the front steps.
The grand entrance was still in excellent shape although the tall trees badly needed trimming. Vines had crept along the front wall of the house but I found that it added to its old-world charm. The wall scones were lit, brightening the front of the house and accentuating the stone benches and fountain that filled the small front yard.
Why I was here, I had no idea, but my curiosity got the better of me so I went on to knock at the heavy, arched double doors.
It ceremoniously opened, a man dressed in an impeccable butler uniform sweeping an arm sideways to invite me in.
The interior was everything one could imagine in an old Victorian mansion—gilded, ornate and despite its wearied state, fabulously resplendent with its accents of gold and silver from furniture hardware to the light fixtures to the intricate mirror sets on the walls.
The butler stayed behind as I walked forward to look around the hall and peek at the rooms on either side of it. Even with most of the furnishings gone, they both looked like very large and airy sitting rooms.
There was notecard pressed up against the wall beside the door on one of them.
These could be merged as the restaurant/cafe.
My brows arched, a funny feeling starting in my gut as I recognized Sebastian's handwriting.
In the center of the hallway was a U-shaped wooden staircase that led up to a mezzanine of some sort. All around it was a vast, empty room with high ceilings and large arched windows. It looked like a ballroom.
There was another notecard sitting at the bottom step of the staircase.
This was the living room/dining room area that often converted into one large entertaining space. This could be the main bookstore. Imagine it with dozens of high shelves stacked with books.
My heart pounded.
Sebastian couldn't possibly be serious.
I went up the stairs, taking one careful step at a time, watching out for any creaks that would ward me off but the staircase was solidly built, not even springing a little with each of my step.
Reaching the top landing, I found myself in the center of another large ballroom space. A notecard was tucked on the hand railing.
This could be a ballroom for special functions or a gallery—whatever you want it to be.
I crossed the room and headed towards the back hallway where four bedrooms were set up, two on each side.
Another notecard was on one of the walls.
This could be either an extension of the ballroom or serve as administrative offices.
I went back downstairs and crossed the room again to find a very similar set up as upstairs. The first two rooms that faced each other were the office and the library, both featuring a large, wood-burning fireplace.
This could be merged with the main floor ballroom space for the bookstore. Didn't you say you wanted a place where people could sit and read while the fire warmed them up?
The next two rooms after them were the kitchen on the left and staff quarters on the right.
A notecard lay on top of the large prep table in the center of the kitchen.
The kitchen could be used by restaurant staff and the room across could serve as a small retail space for a specialty gift shop or something similar.
"Sebastian," I breathed in disbelief as I looked around the hallway in search of him.
The whole house had been planned out perfectly to fit my dream bookstore and why it had been was a question I needed answers for as soon as possible.
The butler stood by the double doors that led to the back of the house and he held one open for me.
I stepped out to the vast stone patio that overlooked the overgrown but still recognizable maze garden that flanked a majestic stone water fountain in the middle of it.
With the setting sun, everything was touched with a wash of gold, taking my breath away momentarily.
Beyond it was the apple orchard that stretched out to fill the rest of the block that the estate occupied. Behind the high stone walls that surrounded the property were the many buildings and other similar-style homes that had cropped up around the block.
It was like a small slice of the english countryside in the middle of downtown Cobalt Bay.
The butler handed me another notecard before disappearing back into the house.
Come to me. I wait by the fountain.
The fountain was in full display despite the rough shape of the property and it stood like a beacon to me as I walked along the path between the tall, overgrown hedges and shrubs.
I rounded the fountain, gazing up at it, mesmerized by its glorious beauty before I felt a pair of hands touch my shoulders.
"Cassandra," Sebastian's low, husky voice caressed my neck and I gently turned within his arms.
He was handsome and smiling, dressed in a simple black suit with a white shirt opened at the collar.
"Sebastian," I murmured before he pulled me close and kissed me slowly on the lips.
"Thank you for coming," he said as we pulled away. "Come on, let's have dinner first."
He took my hand and motioned towards the orchard where I could see a rustic table set for two in a narrow aisle between a row of trees heavy with glistening red and pink apples.
He helped me get settled in my seat before taking his.
Two, well-dressed attendants came to fill our wine glasses and serve our appetizers.
"What are we doing in here?" I finally dared ask just as we were halfway through our summer salad and fresh herbed bread. "I didn't even know you could get in here but then if you're the one asking, I won't be surprised."
He grinned. "Do you like it? I've always admired this place. It reminded me of my other home. I thought it would be perfect for your dream bookstore."
I blushed and nodded. "It is perfect. I could picture out everything you described in the notecards."
"Good, because it's yours," he said casually although it didn't stop me from choking on a piece of bread.
I chugged down some water and wiped my mouth with a napkin before looking up at Sebastian's amused expression.
"What did you just say?"
Sebastian's face softened as he reached for my hand. "It's yours. Whenever you desire to start your bookstore, it's here waiting."
I blinked. "You bought this place?"
"The owner, a distant relative of the Sainthills, died and the house was about to be put up in auction," he explained. "A contact of mine alerted me to it because I've had my eye on it for years. If someone else ends up with it, they might tear it down. The government's also reluctant to put money into preserving it as a heritage site and would be more than happy to get it off their hands. I offered on it before it was even put on the market and they accepted my offer. I wanted it before without really knowing what I was going to do with it. But when I saw it again, I immediately realized it would be perfect for you. I wanted to give it to you on your birthday but the official paperwork wasn't done so I gave you the key for it instead."
My mouth dropped open and I hastened to shut it.
"It needs some serious renovation to make it into the bookstore you want while preserving a lot of its character but it can be done," he continued as the servers came with our main course—something lamb and a complicated vegetable toss artfully set in the plate.
All I could do was stare at it silently as Sebastian went on.
"We can go through the renovations slowly, get proposals and bids from interested contractors," he said, helping himself to a big bite of his food. "The planning stage alone could take a while plus getting all the necessary permits. It could be done by the time you graduate."
I glanced up at him. "You want me to run a bookstore after college?"
He smiled and nodded. "It makes sense. You're going into business and finance, you love books, you've always dreamed of a bookstore. What else could be stopping you?"
My fork fell into my plate with a clatter. "Maybe the fact that I don't have the money to open a bookstore and that I've never started a business of my own before."
He sighed. "Here we go again. I swear, couples with less money probably fight less than we do about it."
"Only because you keep buying me houses and businesses when I never asked for them!" I exclaimed in exasperation. "First the Pendley house, then the pawnshop. Next, you bought me a heritage Victorian mansion to turn into a bookstore. What are you going to buy me next? A goddamned private island?"
His brows quirked. "Did you want one?"
"Sebastian!" I threw my napkin at him which he expertly caught and set aside.
"Alright, this would make more sense if I do this now," he said, getting up on his feet. "I was saving it for later but, anyway..."
He stood around nervously while I glowered at him.
Then all of a sudden he sank down on one knee by my feet, taking out something from his jacket pocket.
My heart nearly stopped as I watched him open a small black velvet box and hold it up to me.
"Cassandra Francesca Collins," he started in a low, husky tone, looking up at me with his piercing green eyes. "Will you do me the great honor of becoming my most beloved wife?"
The ring was a beautiful, vintage design with a large, european-cut diamond set in an intricate mounting with kite-shaped diamonds sitting on each shoulder while smaller diamonds wrapped all the way around the entire circumference of the platinum ring.
It sparkled brilliantly against the golden rays of the setting sun, inviting me to touch it.
"You want me to be your wife?" I breathed unsteadily, stunned at the sudden turn of events.
Sebastian smiled and lifted the ring out of its bed, slipping it smoothly over my ring finger.
It was heavy, dramatic and frighteningly tempting.
I wanted to spend my life with Sebastian but I wasn't sure I was ready to start it this way, branded by his name and his iron will.
"Yes, I want you to be my wife," he said, kissing my fingers. "We'll marry when you return for Thanksgiving. Then you can transfer to somewhere in Seattle or California for the second semester. That way you'd be closer to me and you can be on top of the bookstore project. When you finish, you can work on it full-time. I've already—"
"Wait," I sputtered, putting a hand up to stop him.
"I thought you had just asked me?" I asked sarcastically. "For a second there, it sounded like you've already made up my mind for me and proceeded to make plans for the rest of my life."
His eyes narrowed. "I can't help it that I'm practical. If we marry, you will have no qualms about me spending my money on you. It would give you a reason to study closer to here and it would keep you with me for good. What better plan can there be?"
My anger snapped anew and I snatched my hand out of his grasp.
"A better plan would be one where I get to make my own decisions," I hissed at him, getting up and gripping the back of the chair. "I'm only eighteen, for God's sake, Sebastian."
"Your age didn't seem to bother you too much when you were out seducing me," he ground out as he got up on his feet, his expression dark and stormy. "What's the matter, Cassandra? You're suddenly not sure you want to spend your whole life with a man like me?"
"Don't put words in my mouth!" I cast him a cold, harsh look. "This is not about how I feel about you. This is about how I feel about your controlling attitude and the fact that I don't know how to be a wife more than I know how to be an independent adult."
"It'll be exactly the way it is now except that you'll bear my last name and that you'll be legally and entirely mine!"
I flinched, struck by the declaration.
"Yours?" I asked with a dry laugh. "Legally and entirely yours? Is that what this is all about?"
His eyes softened. "Of course not. We love each other. Of course I want us to spend our lives together."
"We can and we will," I told him, tears stinging my eyes. "But we don't have to get married in two months. I can consider changing schools but I'm not stepping out into the real world as Mrs. Sebastian Vice when I haven't even had a chance to be regular Cassandra Collins yet."
"You'll never be a regular Cassandra Collins," he muttered.
He briefly closed his eyes and when they opened, raw pain glimmered in them before it was shuttered off. "You have to come up with a better excuse."
"It is not an excuse!"
"It is!" he thundered, his jaw tightening and his green eyes flashing furiously. "All I'm hearing are excuses as to why you don't want to marry me. If you love me, you'll marry me. If you don't, then stop this charade and get out of my life!"
I gasped. "Sebastian!"
But before I could say anything else, he stormed off, marching into the house and slamming the door behind him.
Finally the tears came and I shuddered with them.
I held on to the back of my chair and stared down at my hands, the engagement ring glinting back up at me.
Oh, God. What have we done?
***
I don't remember much of the drive home except that I climbed up into the backseat of the car that was waiting outside, barely acknowledging Jennison who stiffly went about helping me up and strapping me in with the seatbelt.
Sebastian had been nowhere in sight after he left me several minutes before.
My face was pressed up against the glass as I watched the city roll past us, my teeth biting down on my lower lip to hold the tears in.
"Don't worry about him," Jennison said gently. He hadn't spoken a word to me since I got into the car. "He'll find his way home."
"What if it he doesn't want me there anymore when he comes back?" I whispered, drawing in a shaky breath and blinking back the tears that were starting to slip down my cheeks. "I've hurt him and I'm the last person he expects it from which makes my sin all the more unforgivable."
The man was silent for a moment.
"He's a proud man and he's not used to, you know, letting his guard down," the man said uncomfortably although his tone was sympathetic. "He just needs some time to sort it out in his head."
"It was such a total disaster," I finally wailed, bursting into tears and burying my face into my hands. "We kept saying all the wrong things and I was so angry and he looked so utterly betrayed..."
I kept sobbing quietly, my shoulders shaking with the effort, tears running unchecked down my face.
Jennison said nothing else all the way to Cove Manor.
"Will you manage?" the bodyguard said as he helped me out of the car.
I nodded. The tears had long dried up and my throat hurt but I nodded.
"Don't lose heart," he said with a pat on my shoulder. "You've both come this far."
I bit my quivering lower lip and wrapped my arms around my midsection.
"Is it too much to ask to love him just a little bit less? Just to leave me with enough so I don't forget myself," I asked in a small voice. "Because I'm afraid that no matter what I know is wise, I'll do anything for him anyway."
Jennison pressed his lips together, his brows pulling in a little bit with understanding.
It was very odd to find a listening ear from the usually stoic bodyguard but if there was anyone who had a glimpse into the world Sebastian and I shared in the last few weeks, it was him.
"I'm afraid that's where the lines blur, Cassie," he said quietly. "When your happiness is tied with his and his with yours, it's hard to tell who's taking too much and giving too little."
He ruffled my hair a little and for a moment, I felt like I had my uncle back.
"Sebastian is capable of a lot of love but he'd allowed himself very little of it over the years that it's now threatening to overwhelm you both," he continued. "He's going to make a lot of mistakes and you're going to try to lead him by the hand when you're quite lost yourself. It'll get worse before it can get better but the key is to know that it will get better."
My emotions mellowed a bit as his words sank in.
I had no illusions that life with Sebastian Vice was going to be easy.
The man was proud, possessive and terribly scarred inside.
I was impetuous, willful and, in Jennison's words, lost.
We were going to make one hell of a pair so yeah, it wasn't always going to be smooth-sailing.
"Do you have a wife, Jennison? A girlfriend?" I asked with a half-smile. "I would've never taken you for someone who handed out sage love advice."
He smiled back, looking relieved that I was in slightly better spirits.
"I had a wife," he answered, glancing off into the distance. "I drove her away many years ago when I forgot that the decisions I was making were not just for myself anymore. I never got her back but I learned well from that."
My smile abruptly disappeared.
"I'm sorry," I said lamely, feeling terrible for making light of what was obviously an old wound.
"Don't worry about it," he said, patting me on the shoulder again. "That chapter of my life is over. You two, on the other hand, are still young enough to start all over again."
I nodded and waited for the man to get back into the car before I started my way up the front steps of the house.
The house was completely empty.
The silence, one I haven't heard in a while, filled the hollowness in my heart, reminding me that Sebastian was gone, and fresh tears spilled down my cheeks.
I climbed into our bed in the studio alone, holding his pillow close to remember his scent, willing time to rewind back to that disastrous dinner several hours ago.
"Why?" I whispered in the silence, staring at the walls where Sebastian's beautiful paintings hung from. "Would you have given him a different answer?"
I realized then and there that I never even gave him an answer.
I lifted my hand up and studied the diamond ring he'd slipped onto my finger.
It was old-fashioned and extravagant, just like my Sebastian.
It was also timeless and enduring, just like my Sebastian.
I slipped off the bed and padded to the corner close to the balcony doors where a large easel stood, draped over with a thin white sheet.
It was the portrait Sebastian had been painting of me. He'd worked on it bit by bit over the last few days but he refused to show it to me, claiming that if I saw it too soon, I might think he was doing a complete massacre of it.
I caught one end of the sheet, hesitating.
But before I could further think about it, I yanked the sheet away and gasped at the unfinished portrait.
I had been fully sketched in, my form cozy in the wicker armchair, leaning slightly forward, my wrists crossed together over my knees, my hair tumbling in abundant waves around my shoulders, my face tilted sideways a bit but my eyes focused on the viewer, crinkled slightly in laughter, my right dimple deepened into my cheek.
My hair was almost a matching shade, my eyes warm and brown, my lips a faint pink while the rest of my skin hadn't been fully filled in yet.
The details weren't polished yet but they were considered carefully and fondly, in a way only a person who knew me intimately would be able to.
I looked young, happy and lovely and in all the eighteen years of my life, I realized I never really saw myself this way.
"It's because you're in love and well-loved," I murmured, gently touching the edge of the easel, noting the light streaks and smudges of paint on it, trying to find traces of Sebastian in them.
"You're well-loved by a man who didn't even have the slightest conviction that he was capable of it," I added quietly, leaning against the wall next to the easel, wrapping my arms around my midsection, fighting the hollow ache inside me at the sight of the empty room—devoid of Sebastian's powerful presence, his laughter, his deep voice that gentled and caressed when directed at me.
What to do?
Without a doubt, I loved Sebastian.
I was ruined for all other men.
I really did want to spend my life with him.
If tonight was a taste of a life without him, I wasn't going to last long.
The dreamy, reckless part of me had almost instinctively answered a merry yes but that other half of me had erected walls—a fucking fortress—in a desperate attempt at defense.
A part of me didn't believe all of this to be real.
After all, how can all this be real to a simple, small-town, eighteen-year-old girl who was just about to have her first attempt at braving the big, bad world on her own?
How could've my world changed from growing up a charity project to being the center of Sebastian Vice's world? Why couldn't I have a life in between—one where I get to grow up and do something extraordinary first?
Isn't loving Sebastian something pretty extraordinary?
I sighed, turning towards the glass doors and looking out to the dark, moonlit ocean, wondering what exactly it was that I was afraid of.
I'm terrified of waking up and finding all of this a dream, I admitted to myself, pressing my cheek against the cold glass. I'm terrified that I'm giving up everything I am and being left with nothing—not even the man I'm abandoning it all for.
I wish I could say I fully trusted Sebastian's love.
It wasn't him who caused me doubt—it was my own sense of self-worth or lack thereof, and my inability to completely believe a fairytale despite my desperately romantic heart.
I devoured happily-ever-afters like an addict chasing a high only possible in hallucinations.
When I was sober with reality, I had trouble believing they existed beyond the pages of a book.
That sense of doom gnawed at me.
It ate away at my confidence and made me question everything between me and Sebastian.
I was a walking contradiction.
How did I end up being the one so fearful of the very thing I pushed Sebastian to trust and embrace?
Not only did I sabotage my own happiness, I also threw Sebastian's own worst fears in his face.
For the first time in his life, he opened his heart and offered it up to me in a platter.
Despite his infuriating presumptions and domineering attitude, he was like a child who decided to trust someone he was certain would never hurt him.
Even without an answer, you rejected him, a voice in my head said and I couldn't summon the will to come to my own defense. You rejected him with your hesitation—the tiniest cracks of doubt that caused his already fragile state of happiness to shatter completely.
It was like encouraging someone terrified of water to come near it and take a dip and then suddenly pushing them off into the deep. They will never come near the water again—at least not with you.
I wasn't sure if there was anything I could say now that would gain me back that trust.
I could try telling him the truth—that my own secret fears collided with his in an epic disaster—but I was afraid all he'd hear was another excuse.
But if I left it at that, I had every certainty I was going to regret it for the rest of my life—more than I ever would a chance at being regular Cassandra Collins, the independent version.
I had regular Cassandra Collins my whole life and that didn't really suit me.
A few tweaks to it didn't promise a satisfaction anywhere near that of the happiness I found with Sebastian.
"If I have to start over from scratch, I will," I said with a firm resolve, suddenly determined to get Sebastian back into my life—permanently.
Dream or not, there was no quitting Sebastian Vice.
A rare sense of peace washed over me and the rioting voices in my mind and heart quieted.
There was no doubt about it now—I will marry Sebastian Vice.
Not because he asked, not because it was practical, not because it was easier than losing him—I will marry him because every fiber of my being was united in that purpose.
Careers could wait, adventures could be done later and not on my own, and insecurities could go to hell.
True love only happened once and I'd be damned if I let it go without a fight.
***
The next day I went for a long walk.
I've made my decision but I needed to breathe—to free myself of any more fears and figure out how I was going to face Sebastian.
Without meaning to, I found myself standing outside of Dover's.
I didn't know what to do so I stood staring at the door until it suddenly opened and Ty stepped out, his bright blue eyes dimming instantly after catching sight of my face.
"I was about to grab some lunch," he said, cocking his head towards the row of restaurants and cafes down the block. "Walk with me. You look like you could use some company."
"Is it that obvious?" I asked as I fell into a step beside him as we walked.
"What did he do, Cassie?" Ty asked in a low, angry voice. "The last time I saw you, you had stars and rainbows in your eyes. Today you look like your whole world came crashing down."
"It did." I exhaled sharply, shaking my head. "We kind of did it to each other but we don't need to talk about it. How are you doing? I thought you would've left for school by now."
"I'm leaving tomorrow," Ty said as we stopped in front of a greek restaurant, standing aside to open the door for me. "Mom's having a small family dinner tonight. I wasn't sure about asking you at first but now I think you should definitely come. It'll cheer you up."
"Thank you but I can't," I said as we rounded a table and took our seats. "I have to fix this first."
A petite girl with bright pink hair cut in a sleek bob came over and handed us the menus.
I didn't want to eat anything but Ty wouldn't hear of it, ordering me a wrap and salad.
Apparently, Sebastian wasn't so unique in being a tyrannical male.
"Is it so bad?" Ty asked once the waitress left.
I picked up a salt shaker and toyed with it. "Uh-huh. It was shouting-crying-walking-out kind of bad."
Ty winced. "I'm still convinced it's entirely his fault but how do you intend to fix it, Cass? I don't know Sebastian Vice well at all but I don't imagine he's an easy guy to get along with."
A smile tingled the corner of my mouth even if I thought I'd permanently lost all ability to smile and laugh since last night.
"He's not your typical boy-next-door, no," I said, setting the shaker down and pushing it back into its station on the table. "I've always been very level-headed but the past couple of months have been the most insane of my life."
"Maybe that means he's not good for you," Ty said, pausing as the waitress came back with our drinks. "Or you for him."
"Hmm, you're probably right," I said before taking a long sip of my soda. "Unfortunately, bad or not, I don't think we can manage without each other."
Ty studied me for a moment before sighing loudly and slumping back in his seat.
"You're crazy in love with him, aren't you?" he asked with an almost disbelieving shake of his head.
I nodded, tears stinging my eyes and I quickly blinked them back.
I'd already stayed up all night, crying myself dry.
I had to get a grip.
I needed to make my move, not dissolve into a salty puddle.
"What are you going to do then?" he asked, his tone gentle now.
"Go after what I want the most," I said, now managing a full, wry smile. "I'm already crazy in love. Might as well go the whole mile."
We both fell quiet.
"How does it feel like?"
I raised a brow at him. "How does what feel like?"
Ty smiled. "Being hopelessly and helplessly in love?"
I smiled back. "It feels like nothing could ever possibly go wrong while dreading that every second was going to be the last. It's an exhilarating state of happiness typically ruined by people's jaded presumptions that such things never last that you just couldn't wait sometimes you go ahead and muck it up yourself."
His brows furrowed for a moment as if what I said didn't immediately make sense but a second later he grinned slowly.
"It doesn't sound like fun," he commented dryly.
I laughed. "It has its moments. When you find it one day, Ty, you'll totally get what I mean."
After lunch, I felt marginally better.
I went back to the house and started packing my bags for my trip home.
It distracted me from the fact that Sebastian had neither called nor texted me and I was itching to hear his voice.
I had typed up a message draft after draft and scrapped it altogether anyway. I practiced lines all afternoon but couldn't summon the courage to call him.
It was going to take more than that if I wanted him to believe me.
Finally, on an impulse, I called his number.
It rang five times before it went to voicemail.
I listened to his voice, nearly delirious with a quick rush of happiness at its sound, but decided not to leave a message.
I waited a few minutes to see if he would call me back but the minutes stretched on until it was an hour and a half later and still nothing happened on my phone.
Groaning, I shot to my feet and decided that waiting for a plan was just as good as failing in these circumstances.
I showered quickly and tossed my slightly damp hair over my shoulders, foregoing any attempt to tame it. I pulled on my jeans and a red cami and threw my white cropped cardigan over it. I slipped into my ballerina flats and barely managed to slip the engagement ring onto my finger before flying down the stairs.
I went down to the garage and snatched the first set of keys.
It was for the Range Rover, thank God, and not one of Sebastian's ridiculous sports cars.
It had been a while since I navigated Cobalt Bay on my own but the roads were familiar from the recent drive.
Forty minutes later, I parked by the street just down the block where Rockford stood.
The trick now was how to enter.
Last time, the doors simply parted for Sebastian.
I wasn't confident the concierge that overlooked the entrance was going to remember me but it was worth a try anyway.
"Hi," I said with the most dazzling smile I could manage, hoping they couldn't tell that my heart was beating wildly in my chest like a caged animal wanting out.
There were two tall men behind the counter, both well-dressed, one of them sporting an ear piece.
"I'm here to visit Mr. Vice's penthouse, please," I said cheerily, secretly groaning that I didn't sound sure of myself—for one, I had no idea of the rules in asking admittance to Cobalt Bay's most exclusive high-rise residences. I thought I'd just ask flat out.
One of the men glanced at me with a barely imperceptible arch of his brow.
Please, please, please have them buzz me in without having to get Sebastian's permission, I chanted inwardly, my palms clammy. If he turns me away, I'll have to resort to other means I would rather not try.
"What's your name, miss?" he asked as he typed something on his computer.
"Cassandra Collins," I said tightly, my fists clenching together as I watched him stare at his screen.
"I can visually confirm," the other man said to his co-worker while smiling and nodding at me. "You're on the full-access list, Ms. Collins. I'd be happy to escort you to the elevator."
I grinned broadly.
I remembered this guy—he was one who greeted us at the door last time.
I happily followed him down the hall, trying not to skip in the process.
"What's your name?" I asked, still with a smile.
"Jim, Ms. Collins," he replied with a polite nod. "At your service."
"Thank you."
We turned towards the bank of elevators.
"What's a full-access list?" I blurted out, silently cringing at my inconvenient curiosity.
"A list of people the residents give full access into their units anytime," he answered. "That way, you need not be inconvenienced by any of the standard security measures. You are free to walk in and out as you choose."
The list might not have been updated since yesterday but I didn't look a horse in the mouth.
I thanked him profusely as he punched in the code for Sebastian's penthouse before stepping into the elevator.
I waited nervously as the metal box silently and smoothly carried me to the top floor.
I checked my phone again to see if there were any messages or calls from Sebastian and my heart sank at finding nothing.
"Don't worry," I muttered to myself, watching the last three floors blink through the switch panel. "You're almost there. You'll explain and he'll understand and things will be right again."
I stepped out of the elevator and didn't budge for a minute, just staring at Sebastian's door at the end of hallway.
I took a deep breath and slowly made my way towards it, pausing before pressing the metal button on the side with an engraving of a bell shape.
In less than a minute, the door swung open and Percy stepped into view.
"Percy!" I greeted enthusiastically, hesitating when I realized that the butler looked uncharacteristically pale, his eyes wide, his throat working nervously as he swallowed hard.
"Is Sebastian in?" I asked, my tone soft and pleading. "I need to speak with him, please. He's not expecting me, I know, but it's really important."
"Ms. Coll—I mean, Miss C-Cassie," the butler stammered, stepping out and slightly closing the door behind him. "How good to see you again. I, uh, Mr. Vice is, um, indisposed right now. I'll get Jennison to see you home. Please wait here."
"Wait!" I lunged forward to smack a palm against the door just as Percy ducked behind it. "Percy, please. I need to see Sebastian. He probably doesn't want to see me but I promise I'll be quick and it's all on me. I'll make sure you don't get into trouble. Just please, let me see him."
Color had now returned to the man's face, all in a bright shade of red.
He sighed wearily. "Cassie, now is just not a good time. Please return to Cove Manor. I'm certain Mr. Vice will come see you when he—"
"I'm so sorry, Percy," I mumbled regretfully before shoving my entire weight against the door to propel it open.
With quick feet, I easily slipped past the butler and ran down the foyer, pausing to look for the hallway that led to the bedrooms.
I ran down the length of it and halted abruptly when one of the doors opened and Sebastian stepped out, attired in his usual gray drawstring pants and a white shirt.
He was murmuring and smiling before he looked up and stopped in his tracks.
A giggle came from behind him to be followed by the appearance of long, bare legs and matching bare feet stepping out of the room.
Natalie.
She slipped from behind Sebastian, still smiling, before she saw me and stopped still.
She was in a light blue buttoned-up shirt—one that was too long and too big it grazed the top of her thighs.
Sebastian's shirt.
"Cassandra," the doctor said nervously, breaking the horrible silence.
I barely acknowledged her, my gaze never once unlocking from Sebastian's own.
A slow, strange and cruel kind of pain lodged inside me, pushing the air out of my lungs that I finally gasped in a breath.
"Um, I'm going to get some fresh air," Natalie said awkwardly, glancing at a still-immobile Sebastian before tiptoeing past me and out of the hallway, her footfalls filling the silence.
"Miss Cassie!" Percy's alarmed voice came from behind me and I felt him appear at the end of the hallway but one nod from Sebastian, who was still looking at me, and I heard him scurry away as well.
No tears stung my eyes, no sob escaped my throat.
All I felt was an incredible, searing fury.
I preferred it to the hurt and betrayal that were fast making their way to my brain and heart and I grabbed on to it, tethering my survival of this confrontation to its strength.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice mild, his face inscrutable.
I smirked, not out of amusement. "You know, I was just asking myself that same question."
His green eyes flashed. "I'm not in the mood for another one of your games, Cassandra."
My hands, cold and clammy, bunched up into fists at my side. "You're right. It's time we give up the games. I was starting to get the idea that you were, for once, going to be different. What was I thinking, right?"
I laughed, a hollow, grating sound if you ask me, and squared my shoulders, my anger steeling whatever tender feelings I may have had for Sebastian.
He advanced towards me and I backed up the same amount of steps.
He stopped, his eyes narrowed. "I will not put up with your ridicule, Cassandra."
"And I will not put up with your cheap promises, Sebastian," I snapped furiously. "The moment you don't get what you want, you throw a stupid tantrum. What, did the good doctor set you right? She didn't care that you just proposed marriage to a different girl before fucking her brains out a few hours later?"
I couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth but I was too deep in my rage to care.
Somewhere inside of me, my young, naive heart bled and died.
I had the strongest urge to avenge it, to inflict the same kind of pain that was threatening to break me completely.
His jaw clenched and his green eyes darkened like windows shutting away the outside world.
"At least Natalie and I are clear on what exactly it is that we want from each other," he bit out.
The comment stung but I refused to show the slightest indication of my suffering.
"Good," I said tartly. "Maybe then you could set your life back on track again—there is so much casual fucking not to be missed after all."
"Feel free," I continued, ignoring his flushed face and palpable fury. I slipped the ring off my hand and tossed it to the floor, watching it land with a dull thump against the rug that ran down the length of the hallway. "There's your ticket to the future you have long awarded yourself."
I met his molten gaze and tipped my chin up stubbornly.
"Goodbye, Sebastian."
How I got out of there, I had no clear idea.
I must have rushed out on a run until I reached the car.
Not a single tear spilled on my drive back.
Not as I answered my phone and yelled at Jennison that I was to be left completely alone.
Not even as I packed up all my stuff with ferocious intensity.
I packed exactly what I brought with me to Cobalt Bay.
I left everything else behind—the cellphone, clothes, books, the key and the emerald necklace.
I penned a quick, goodbye letter to the staff and left it at the kitchen counter, my heart heavy.
Determined not to take anything more from Sebastian, I ate a granola bar for dinner and cleaned the guest bedroom I'd stayed in until it looked exactly like it did the first day.
Night came and went as I sat out by the front steps, waiting.
At quarter to five in the morning, the gates opened and the town car rolled in, stopping in front of the house.
Jennison stepped out, his expression grim and pained.
"I called for a cab to take me to the airport," I told him, wrapping my sweater more tightly around me to keep the chill out. "Thank you for everything but you need not trouble yourself anymore, Jennison."
"I will drive you to the airport, Cassie," he said firmly. "I would've come earlier had I known you stayed up waiting. You may want to take a nap before we leave. The flight is still two hours away."
I shook my head. "I just want to go home. As soon as possible."
The bodyguard sighed. "I know, Cassie."
I pressed my knees together and perched my chin between them.
"Sebastian had the entire security staff out looking for you after you ran out," he said. "An army of them would've marched into here but you made your preference very clear on the phone. He relented."
I didn't say anything.
"You do know he loves you, don't you?" the man said again, his tone slightly exasperated.
"Yup," I answered with a mild snort. "Sebastian-style, of course. He loves me as long as his orgasm lasts."
"Cassie," Jennison said almost sternly.
I looked up at him. "Did she stay the night, Jennison?"
The bodyguard's face tensed and despite his excellent skill at impassivity, his answer was clear.
"Yes, she did," he said quietly and uncomfortably.
Raw pain slashed through me at the confirmation but I only took a deep breath and got up on my feet. "Can we head to the airport now, please? I'll just check in and wait to board."
The man didn't say anything more as he loaded up my luggage into the back of the car and opened the door for me.
And that was how I left Cobalt Bay and the short-lived summer fairytale I knew was too good to be true.
***
"Cassie, that guy's staring at you."
"Not again, Em," I said with a grin as I concentrated on the graph on the textbook. "You're not pairing me up with every cute guy in the vicinity."
Emma Carston, my new best friend after I rescued her from a sleazy guy who was bothering her while we were at the residence's laundry room, sighed and stretched in her seat across mine.
We were at one of the tables at a Starbucks's outdoor patio, waiting for a couple more people for our informal study group.
It was a little after four in the afternoon but I was already nose-deep in homework.
School started two weeks ago.
In the week I was home at Bluefield, I got news that the school's financial aid program was awarding me half of my tuition after I appealed my new circumstances and in consideration to my academic merit.
It wasn't enough but I was already lining up job openings to hunt down when I started school.
Also, I met with the new management at the pawnshop to make sure things were running smoothly, packed up all of my things from the Pendley house and put them in storage. Then I sat down with a lawyer who started paperwork for me to name both the pawnshop and the house back to Sebastian who was the rightful owner. I wanted to be rid of the vestiges of my old life that no matter how much I wanted to avoid anything related to Sebastian, I didn't have a choice.
A week after school started, I got a job at Old Nook, a small bookstore near the university. They took me up on my offer to work weekends and some evenings.
That second week, I'd been approached by a small, private foundation called the Elliot St. Claire Educational Assistance Program, who offered me a generous bursary more than enough to cover the rest of my school expenses in the next four years.
Kevin Burkett, the administrator, explained that they usually looked through waiting lists for most of the school's scholarship programs for candidates who might be taking academic directions that could prove useful to the various private companies who helped fund them.
So life had really turned around for me—at least in this new phase of it.
I had been so busy in the last couple of weeks I had no time to think of the past and I liked it that way.
I went out of my way to avoid quiet moments alone—the smallest hint of Sebastian had not once failed in making my heart squeeze with pain.
Some of my anger had faded after a couple of weeks and the longing for him had intensified—but the memory of seeing him and Natalie step out of the bedroom combined with their shared past still cut deep.
So I threw myself into schoolwork, my part-time job, meeting new people—the life I'd originally planned for myself at the beginning of summer.
It was hard but it gave me purpose.
People made it easy—a lot of the students were friendly and outgoing and the pair of us, Emma and I, seemed popular for freshies. Not that I was surprised. Emma's shining beauty and matching personality was like a beacon and I merely stood close to her light.
Emma was a tall and attractive blond. Coming from an affluent family, she always carried herself confidently, unafraid to speak her mind and go after what she wanted. Why she decided to be friends with me, only she knew. Everywhere we went guys drooled over her but she wasn't usually interested in anything other than some harmless flirting.
She had declared one day that after having dated shamelessly, all that she was after now was true love and she didn't want to do more frog-kissing first before finding her prince.
I almost quipped that she probably shouldn't plan her life out based on a fairytale but I held back, determined not to let my unhappiness contaminate other people's lives.
But because there were always guys hovering around us, Emma started the habit of picking out the best ones for me, insisting that I should at least acknowledge the male population.
When I first asked her what she meant with that statement, she had just shrugged and said that I seemed to be intent in avoiding male company. She followed that up with a pointed stare and asked if I was a lesbian.
Her logic straightforward and ridiculous, I cracked up laughing and promised her I had no lascivious interests in her.
But since then, I made a conscious effort of not dismissing guys she pointed out to me—no matter how much some of them reminded me of Sebastian which usually came up when I would unintentionally start a mental comparison to standards I knew they could never measure up to.
"I wouldn't say this guy is cute," Emma continued, her tone now thoughtful. "He looks a little too dangerous to be cute."
"Then I definitely don't want to be matched up with him," I said, laughing, reaching for my coffee and taking a sip.
"If a guy stares at me that intently, I wouldn't care how dangerous he is."
I sighed and looked up from my book to roll my eyes at Emma. "Fine. Discreetly point him out so we can get this over with."
"To your left, corner table, dark wavy hair, strong jaw, black sweater," Emma started as I picked up my coffee again and attempted a casual sideways glance, my eyes scanning the tables, looking for someone dangerous—possibly with tattoos and all that. "Sexy, fuck-me green eyes."
I choked on my coffee and to avoid spitting it out all over Emma and our books, I swallowed down the scalding liquid, my nose burning, my eyes stinging with tears.
"Cassie, you okay?" Emma asked in concern, handing me a napkin and a half-full glass of water.
I took the napkin and dabbed it on my mouth, my eyes quickly moving down to stare blankly at the textbook page.
I took a deep breath, willing my body to slow down on the adrenaline before it became too hard to breathe.
Get a grip, I chided myself, my fist clenching. He isn't the only one with green eyes in this world.
"So, what do you think?" Emma's amused voice drew me out of my thoughts and I looked up and found her glancing slyly at the direction of the mystery man. "His eyes haven't once left you. It's kind of hot, Cass."
I dragged in some more air until my heartbeat steadied.
Crushing the napkin in my hand, I steeled myself and sharply turned my head to glare at the guy who had been the first to successfully reduce me back to the emotional mess I had been weeks ago.
My heart stopped.
His hair was longer, now curling behind his ear, his chin was peppered with the rough traces of a beard, his eyes were the same intense green.
His mouth was set in a thin line and although he still looked severely handsome, he looked older, world-weary.
"My God," I breathed, my composure vanishing from me.
My first instinct was to run to him, feel his face, his hair, his shoulders with my hands just to make sure he was real.
It hit me, harder than any of the other emotions that followed, that I missed him terribly my heart twisted painfully inside me.
A few seconds later, I remembered the anger and that's when I broke my gaze away.
"I gather you two know each other," Emma said carefully, watching me with keen eyes. "I've never seen you look like this, Cassie. Should we leave?"
I took a deep breath and shook my head. "No, it's okay. I'm okay. Just... just an old friend."
Emma raised a brow. "Must be one hell of a friendship."
She glanced at Sebastian again and wrinkled her nose thoughtfully. "He looks familiar. I swear he reminds me of someone..."
I looked down at my book and fussed absently with scanning the pages, hoping for a distraction.
"Oh, my God," Emma suddenly exclaimed and I cringed before I glanced up at her.
Her eyes were huge and round with recognition and her lips were pursed in dainty, pink-glossed O.
"That's Sebastian Vice, one of the billionaire playboys," she said, blinking rapidly. "I met him at a party in Cobalt Bay."
"I thought you're from Connecticut," I said lamely.
"My parents live in Connecticut. My uncle, Dad's twin brother, owns and runs an advertising firm based in Cobalt Bay. They threw an anniversary party two years ago and invited their biggest clients. The Vice Group is one of them considering they practically started the trend of basing company headquarters in the city."
The world was just too damn small.
Emma reached for my hand and gave it a sympathetic squeeze. "Cassie, did he hurt you? Break your heart? He's known to be a bit of ladies' man so I won't be surprised if he pulled one on you. I hope you gave the jerk what he deserved."
There were many things I could say in response to Emma's statement but as great a friend as she was to me, I worried that she wouldn't understand. Worse, I didn't know where to start that will help her understand. I didn't understand it myself either.
There were so many mistakes between us but they weren't the only thing between me and Sebastian. We had memories—beautiful, happy ones—that made the mistakes hurt so much worse.
"I think he's here to see you," Emma said, glancing at Sebastian again. "He's not making a move though. He's still staring at you with those green eyes. Should I leave, Cass, to give you two some privacy?"
I almost lunged forward to grab Emma's hand as she snapped her books close but I clasped my hands together and tucked them between my legs.
I had long stopped assuming things about Sebastian but I couldn't think of any other reason why he would be here in Philadelphia, sitting at a coffee shop, four tables away, if not to see me about something.
Maybe it's about the house and the pawnshop, I thought, remembering the documents I signed and mailed back to my lawyer a week ago.
"I'll call the others and have the group meet up at the new Korean fast food down the block," Emma said as she slung on her black leather bag and picked up her books. She paused and gave me a reassuring smile. "I'll cover for you. Call me if you need anything."
"Thanks, Em," I mumbled with a nod.
She beamed at me and got up. "Later, babe."
I didn't watch her leave knowing she'd be walking past Sebastian to get to the exit.
I just sat there, staring at the texts and graphs blurring on the page, wondering what the hell I was supposed to do now.
It never occurred to me that I would see him again so I never planned SOPs for when I did.
I should leave. If he wants to tell me something, he can pass it along through my lawyer.
Decided that it was the best course of action, I gathered up my books, tossed up the last of my coffee and grabbed my messenger bag.
I pulled down the brim of my old newsboy cap over my eyes, letting my unbound hair swirl around my neck and shoulders as I hugged my books tight, hoping it would somehow hide me away from him as I briskly made my way towards the exit, determined to ignore his presence.
I kept my eyes on the floor and my scuffed riding boots as they trudged along, the route to my escape stretching on interminably.
Suddenly, a pair of black Italian loafers entered my line of vision and I stopped abruptly.
"Cassandra."
The way my name rolled off his tongue in a slow, husky manner sent a tingle down my spine and I was hard-pressed to keep from shuddering visibly.
I looked up and was hit with the mesmerizing green of his eyes.
"Sebastian."
I thought of walking around him but what was the point?
He was standing right in front of me. I didn't want to be so pathetic I'd go as far as pretend he didn't exist. It would only make me seem more affected and right now, with my world having been just tipped out of balance, I needed the upper-hand.
I chose to ignore his familiar scent of soap and man, the call of his skin to my fingertips, the way his gaze was making my stomach shift restlessly.
I focused on his face, ignoring the ache it invoked in me as I tried to remember the many reasons why I shouldn't hurl myself into his arms.
Cheap promises.
Anger streaked through me in a rush and my lips pressed together tightly.
Well, that was easy.
"What do you want, Sebastian?" I asked in a flat voice, noticing some curious onlookers, mostly female, who were drawn to Sebastian's dark and mysterious beauty.
Not much has changed with that.
"You," he answered in a low, thick voice, his gaze softening.
I froze. "What?"
He lowered his eyes for a moment before glancing back up at me, suffering plain on his face.
"Come back, Cassandra," he said miserably. "Come back to me."
Tears, unbidden, stung my eyes and clogged my throat.
I stepped back to give myself some breathing room.
"You've closed that door when you cheated on me, Sebastian," I managed although my voice cracked and trembled slightly. "Excuse me."
I stormed past him and hurried out to the sidewalk, my vision swimming in tears as they trickled down my face.
I was angry.
Angry that he was commanding me back into his life. Angry that for a second, I almost said yes. Angry that it still hurt so much. Angry that my new, shiny armor crumbled so easily around him. Angry that I wanted to wrap my arms around him and see him smile again.
I abruptly halted when a strong hand grabbed my elbow and whirled me around swiftly.
"Let me go, Sebastian," I muttered, trying to wiggle my arm free, uncaring of the fact that my tears were streaming down my cheeks for him to see.
I was hanging on to my pride by a thread.
I just wanted to run away.
I didn't want to stand here any longer with his arms now locking around me, tempting me to give up the fight and sink into his embrace which felt as good and as safe as I remembered.
"I'm sorry, Cassandra," he murmured, his lips grazing the curve of my ear. "I'm so sorry."
I don't know how long I cried while he held me in his arms.
We must have been drawing a crowd because a short while later he was leading us slowly along the more secluded brick and stone path of Woodland Walk which was beautifully lined with trees and lamp posts.
"We'll do this your way, Cassandra," he said, stopping and turning to me, his expression strained. "However you want it. Just, please. Come back."
He raked a hand through his hair and gazed at me bleakly.
"You wanted me out of your life, Sebastian," I said in a small voice, clutching my books tight to draw some strength. "If I didn't marry you, you wanted me to get out."
His eyes briefly closed as if he were in pain.
"I didn't mean it. I was just so... angry."
"I thought the same thing," I agreed before casting him a sharp glance. "Sleeping with Natalie though—you couldn't have meant it any other way but that. Nothing will change that fact."
A muscle in his jaw worked as guilt flitted through his eyes.
"I told you I'm not a good man. No matter what I do, nothing will change that fact," he answered, his voice hard and hollow. "I can only ask you to understand."
"Understand, maybe," I said bitterly. "I can even probably forgive it, in time. But I will never forget it. Nor will I ever put up with it."
His expression now seemed desperate as he swallowed hard and reached forward to grasp my elbows. "You have to, Cassandra. I need you to because I can't go on without you. I'll take whatever you can give me. Just stay with me."
Fresh tears sprung and I furiously blinked them back. "It doesn't work that way, Sebastian. I'm sorry but I can't do that with you."
"No," he growled stubbornly before pulling me against him, his arms caging me and my books. "Don't say that. You don't mean it."
I let him hold me as long as he wanted, saying nothing because there wasn't really much that I could say.
He had blatantly hurt me and as much as I loved Sebastian, his betrayal broke me and I haven't even yet begun to pick up the pieces.
I loved him blindly and recklessly, trusting that his love for me will lead him out of the shadows, but with one act, that trust shattered and for the first time since we met, I was terrified of just how much he could hurt me because I barely made it out of that summer with my soul intact.
Finally, after a while, he stepped back, releasing me.
His eyes were dark and sorrowful and I fought the urge to pull him back against me and reassure him that it was okay, that we were okay.
He knew we weren't and by the way his expression slowly shut down, masking everything with his stony profile, he knew he'd reached a dead end.
"You're not coming back," he said in defeat after a moment of gazing at me as I refused every nerve in my body that called out to end this misery.
For a second, I glimpsed the six-year-old Sebastian in him who was hurting and lonely—so very lonely.
"I can't be with you when you're the reason everything hurts right now, Sebastian," I said wearily. "Someday, the pain and anger will fade. Until then, I have to hold myself together. Being with you will only break me more and I've got nothing left."
He said nothing more.
He simply closed his eyes for a minute before he drew himself up straight, his expression now resolute.
He leaned close to kiss me softly on my left cheek and the top of my brow, his hand cupping my cheek gently.
I trembled but before I could say anything else, he stepped back, turned around and walked away.
Something in my world shifted and I had the most disquieting certainty that it will never be perfect. There will always be something missing, something not quite right and there was not a damned thing I could do about it.
When I arrived at my dorm room later, my roommate, Andrea, pointed at the stack of boxes set by the foot of my bed and gave me a shrug before heading out.
I walked up to the stack and found a folded note on top of it.
I have scarcely left you
when you go in me, crystalline,
or trembling,
or uneasy, wounded by me
or overwhelmed with love, as when your eyes
close upon the gift of life
that without cease I give you.
My love,
we have found each other
thirsty and we have
drunk up all the water and the blood,
we have found each other
hungry
and we bit each other
as fire bites,
leaving wounds in us.
But wait for me,
keep for me your sweetness.
I will give you too
a rose.
I gasped out the tears as I pressed the note to my heart.
It was another Neruda poem, one he'd written in that collection he'd put together for me.
What it meant for us, I didn't know.
I set the note aside and pried open the lid of the top box.
Several minutes later, all ten boxes were opened, and they were full of the clothes, books and gifts that I'd left behind at Cove Manor.
I ran my finger along the delicate chain of the emerald necklace.
I didn't want them.
I didn't want reminders of the very thing I wanted to forget but I knew they were of no use to him and perhaps, he didn't want the reminders either.
How we got here was a long, complicated and painful story.
This was where the happy ending was supposed to be but there wouldn't be one.
Perhaps, because it was not meant to be.
Or perhaps, because the story wasn't over yet.
***
What do you think is in store for these two? Is there a future?
What do you think? Let me know!
XOXO! -Ninya