It's been four months and three days since I found out I was pregnant. I have yet to tell my parents and Shawn. It's been hard trying to hide a pregnancy but I can't hide it any longer my stomach is starting to swell. I told my boss at work and she said I've been doing an exceptional job at work so they will give me time off for the baby but unfortunately I won't be getting paid because I haven't been working for the company long enough.
Anise and I just came from Out Back Steak House and surprisingly my dinner is still down. Over the last four months I have learnt what Baby A loved to eat and don't like to eat. It's been a very hard learning processes but I think I got it.
"Soooo? What you going to do girl? This secret can't last any longer. Your jeans can't button and your stomach starting to show, you have to tell Shawn and your parents." Anise said as we rode in the car on our way home. Anise was driving that night.
"I knoww" I whined "But I'm scared Nise. What if my parents disown me?" I questioned.
"You work, girl and I have your back 110%" she said.
"Thanks" I smiled "What If Shawn leaves me? I know he will and I've grown so attached to him I don't think I could handle that." I said honestly and began to sob. My emotions have been sprawling lately.
"He's a good man and he'll show you he's better by staying anyway." she said
"What man you know is going to stay with a pregnant girl and the baby is not there own Hmm?" I questioned.
"He will and if he don't imma be your baby daddy." Anise said and we both start laughing.
"I love you" I told her honestly. I don't kno what I'll do with out my best friend and sister. She reached over and rubbed my hand.
"I love you too. Now stop crying were home." she said and smiled at me.
***
Shawn and I was laid up on my bed watching an old episode of the Fresh Prince of Belair. For the past week we have spent every night together watching TV, playing games, cuddling and having oral sex. I told him I wasn't ready to go the extra step as yet but I did my best to keep him happy. So we're laying down and I say to myself 'It's now or never'. I take a deep breath and began to talk.
"Shawn, I have have something to tell you?" I said and turn to look at him so I could guage his reaction.
"What's that, baby" he said and kissed my forehead.
"Well I don't know how to exactly say it because I know what I'm about to say is going to ruin us." I said and looked down at my hands.
"Baby, I don't think nothing you can tell me can ruin us." he said confidently
"Baby, I know this will." I said and began to cry. Damn hormones.
"Don't cry, Lil" he said and wiped my tears with the pad of his thumb.
"I'm pregnant." I sob and looked at him. I watched as his faced changed from surprise, angry and then worry.
"How?" he simply said.
"Remember that night I told you about Corey and I?" I said and he shaked his head "It was the last time I had sex and the baby is Corey's own." By the time I was done with that sentence I was full on crying. I kept wiping my face but the tears wouldn't stop from falling.
"I'm so sorry... " I began to say but he crashed his lips to mine and began to kiss me soft.
"Don't be" he whispered against my lips and continued to kiss me.
I didn't understand why he was kissing me but I was to selfish to stop him. After we were done kissing he pulled me to his chest and I inhaled his special Shawn scent that I loved so much. He held me close to him and I felt safe in his arms then slowly went to sleep.
Morning came rather quickly and my body felt breaked up I guess that was from all that crying last night. I turned over to reach for Shawn but he wasn't there and I began to freak out.
I know it was to good to be true. I told Anise he wouldn't stay and that I would be lonely forever. But what hurts the most is that he made me feel last night like he would be here for me. I mean I know it wouldn't be easy and we would have to fight extra hard with our relationship. I really thought he liked me enough to stay. I babbled on and on in my head and was shaking and crying in my bed.
I heard my door open and my body stiffen then I felt strong hands wrapped around my waist. I felt relieve run through my body when I turned and saw Shawn's face.
"What's wrong? "he said looking deep in my eyes.
"Bad dream." I lied
"Oh, it's OK now, baby." he said and kissed my forehead. "Come, Anise made breakfast." he said while pulling me out of bed.
"OK give me a minute" I said and walked to the bathroom to take care my breath and wash my face.
Anise, Ryan, Shawn and I had breakfast then we all decided that we could use a beach day. Although it was November the sun was still hot enough for the beach. Shawn suggested that we all come by him since the beach was in his back yard and we all agreed. Shawn left after to get his place ready and Ryan claimed he had work to do and he'll meet us at Shawn's.
Since all the men was gone me and Anise decided to clean the house then make snacks to carry.
"So how was the talk with Shawn last night?" she asked.
"It went better than expected. I told him, then cried and he kissed me and held me all night." I told her.
"See, I told you!"
"I know, I know but this morning I thought he left. " I told my best friend.
" Why?" she questioned
"Well for starters I wasn't expecting him to stay and when I woke up and he wasn't on the side me I just thought the worst." I said honestly.
"That's why you were in there sobbing. We heard you and I thought you were having a bad dream but before I turned around Shawn was already at your door." she said smiling.
"I really hope this work." I told her.
"I know, now next we have to tell your parents and Corey's parents." she said
"Shit I forgot about Corey's parents." I sighed and thought about it and suddenly telling my parents became easier to me.
"So you thought your were going to have their grandchild and not tell them. "
"No, I just didn't think that far." I sighed
"We'll your going to have to tell them soon. Cause that stomach is swelling fast." she teased.
When it isn't me hiding it from Shawn and my parents it's me scared as shit to tell Corey's parents. What if they think I'm lying? What if they cursed me out and tell me they want nothing to do with my child? Although Corey wasn't here I wanted the baby to know his or her family and where they came from. I know Corey would of wanted that.
I sighed as I became frustrated with my thoughts. It was now 11:30 am and we weren't going to Shawn's untill 3 so I decided to take a nap. Sleep have became my savior.
Anise woke me at two and told me I had an hour to be ready. I got up took a bath and ate carrot sticks with peanut butter while I looked for clothes. Don't judge my eating habits I'm pregnant and that seemed to stay down.
I put on my red and black two peice and felt fat so I put on a my black netted dress over my bathing suit to look less fat. It didn't work but I was caring less by the minute and getting hungrier by the second. I could embrace my weird and overbearing appetite now that Shawn knows. I hope I don't scare him off. Shit, my cravings scared me. I drove to KFC last weekend and got a five peice original just to eat it with sour cream and garlic butter.
We arrived at Shawn's around 3:30 because Anise couldn't find a bathing suit set for nothing she kept finding either the bra peice to one or panty peice for a next one. Shawn and Ryan was already chilled on the beach when we arrived.
Our beach day was fun. We played, told jokes, watch TV and eat of course. Spending time with the people I care for the most was awesome. Ryan, Anise and I left around eight. I guess tonight would be the first night without Shawn in a week but I can't blame him.
***
I was sitting in the living room reading a book then I decided to call my mommy.
"Hello?" she answered on the second ring.
"Hi mommy, how are you?" I said.
"I'm good baby. How are you?" she asked
"I'm good. I was wondering if you me and daddy could do lunch this week?"
"How about dinner tomorrow night?" she asked.
"Umm... OK I guess that's fine."
"Is something wrong baby?"
"No mommy. I just miss you and daddy that's all." I said although it was half the truth.
"We miss you to baby. Well your father and I was just off to bed so we'll see you tomorrow at 4. OK?" she said
"OK love you Goodnight."
"Goodnight. Love you more darling." she said then hung up.
'Lord please let my parents take this news well' I said a silent prayer.
I went to my room and tried not to over think the situation with Shawn. He was nice and sweet all day but he was still a bit distant. I know this is huge deal but I think we could do it. We've only made our relationship official two weeks ago when he took me to dinner and ask me. I really hope we work it out but I'm prepared to do this on my own.
'Lord please let it all work out for me' I prayed again and went to sleep dreaming about tiny feet and brown eyes.