5.
"Don't let your struggle become your identity."
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
August Alsina.
It was now, three days later from me and Justine's church experience. And, every day, Justine has texted me, thanking me for bringing her to church. It's awesome that I was able to help her, by taking her to church.
I live shit to talk about it, and show other people that anything is possible. When I was at one of my lowest points, I ended up homeless but I still felt rich because I knew what I possessed. I'm glad that, even through Justine's pain and sorrow, she can permanently escape it due to the power of prayer. Pretending to be happy when you're in pain, is one thing. But actually being happy when you're in pain is just an example of how strong you are as a person. And, Justine was very strong. I admired that.
I was currently in the tattoo shop, just waiting on my last customer to come in. The only one who was out here in the waiting room with me was Solana, and Kehlani who was blasting Chris Brown's "Liquor". She had that shit on repeat for about a half an hour.
Receiving a call on my phone, it was her. I smiled brightly, before answering it.
"Helluh'?" I answered.
"Hey, August. Um, you wanna come with me to the park or something? Or are you busy?"
"Well, I got my last customer in about thirty minutes. Can we go in, like, an hour?"
"Yeah, that's fine. I'll see you later,"
"A'ight, bring some food, guh'.
"I'on know about all that," she laughed.
"Please, I'm hungry as fuck."
"Okay, I'll see what I can do,"
"Aight, see ya' later."
"Bye."
Hanging up, Solana began clapping. "Okay, I see you macking over there. That is Justine though, right?"
I laughed. "Yeh',"
"Mhm, better be. Don't play my girl, Aug." Kehlani said.
"Trust me, I won't. She real special, man."
"That, she is." Kehlani nodded.
"So, you really like her?" Solana asked.
"I do, fa'real. But, she playin' hard to get or maybe she is hard to get, I'on fuckin' know. But, I'm addicted and it's kinda' scarin' me," I laughed. "I barely know all of her, but I look at her as a blessin', you know? My blessin' from God in human-form. I look at her like that. All her flaws, her beauty, her happiness, her sassiness is a blessing, her in general; is a blessing to me. And, I'm grateful, man. Fa'really tho',"
"Awwwwwwwww," Solana and Kehlani cooed. "That's so cute!"
"How are you and Justine relationship goals for me, and y'all ain't even in a relationship yet?" Kehlani asked.
I laughed and shrugged.
*
After I did my last tattoo of the day, I went to go meet Justine at the park. The park. Justine got me doing shit I would never ever do with no other girl. It amazed me, really.
I spotted her, sitting on a blanket on the grass beside a tree.
I walked up behind her, placing my hands over her eyes. "Guess who?"
"Santa Claus?" She joked, making me laugh.
"Yeh', and I got all 'da ho, ho, ho's."
She laughed. "I'm sure you do, August. Anyways, how was work?"
"It was a'ight. How was ya' day?"
"It was cool."
"Good, na' whea' 'da food at?" I rubbed my hands together.
"Oh, glad you asked." She laughed before pulling out two lunch boxes. Then, she pulled out four peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
"Justine.. I know damn well you didn't bring some sandwiches here,"
She giggled. "C'mon, everybody loves PB&J sandwiches."
"True, howeva' I rememba' tellin' you 'dat I was hungry--"
"--As fuck, yes, I know. But, I didn't feel like actually cooking anything. Sorry, boo."
I sighed, acting like I was really upset.
"Aw, poor baby's upset," she said in a baby voice, pinching my cheeks.
"Gon' na'," I laughed.
"I'll cook you something some other time, maybe."
"Can you even cook?"
She smacked her lips at me. "Boy, I can throw down. My mom grew up in Alabama. And, oh, my God, ain't nothing like that down south cooking. She's taught me everything she knew in the kitchen. So, I believe that I'm very good in the cooking department,"
"Hmm.. I'll hold you to that,"
Grabbing one of the sandwiches, I bit into it.
Justine laughed. "You just had a whole hissy fit about these sandwiches, and you're eating them."
"I mean, I was gon' eat it either way," I shrugged.
"So extra," she chuckled. "Okay, so tell me some more about yourself. I wanna know everything."
"I believe I tol' you everything. What else you wanna know?"
"Tell me your morals, your favorite quotes, some life lessons you've learned from past experiences, stuff like that."
I smirked, flattered that she wanted to know everything about me just like I wanted to know everything about her.
"Uh.. I jus' think you, well, all people in general, should put themselves first 'cause people ain't shit."
"You ain't shit, but I'm willing to put you first," she responded, picking up a sandwich.
".....I mean, well, I'm an exception."
She laughed loudly, making me smile. I liked making her laugh and shit.
"Okay, what else?"
"I think that the happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything," I told her. "And, wit' all honesty, that's how you are. You don't allow your struggle to become your identity, and I luh' 'dat shit,"
"But.... I don't get it. When I first met you, I kinda' did allow my struggle to be my identity. I mean, I told you to call me the incurable woman, for crying out loud."
"Nah, you tol' me that, to make yourself seem unimpressionable. I peeped ya' game, ma," I laughed. "When you first saw me in the waitin' room, you smiled at me. You offered to shake my hand, bein' friendly. Meaning that you're naturally friendly, naturally happy. You didn't come up to me, actin' mean like 'Don't talk to me 'cause I have cancer'. You were very nice to me. But, when I started askin' for ya' name and numba', basically tryna' get wit'chu, you started actin' standoff-ish and shit. But, before 'dat, I ain't know ya' struggle and I neva' would've guessed it cause my first impression of you was 'dat shawty is happy, and shawty loves life. That's all I needed, to want to get to know you more,"
I continued, "I think the more you get to know someone; see their vulnerable side and watch them undress their soul right in front of you - I think it's hard not to like them. There's somethin' so raw about watchin' someone lay in their own chaos, ya' heard me? It just makes them so human; so fuckin' real. And, in a world where idealism overrules reality, watchin' them spill their guts out kinda jus' brings you back. It makes you rememba' that in the end, we're all jus' hopeless romantics, tryin' to find somethin' or someone; an escape."
"Sometimes we just need to sit back and watch somebody else try and escape their own skin in order to find out that we've been doing the same damn thing this whole time." Justine said.
I took a moment to stare at her. She was so stunning. And, her intellect attracted me even more. Her aura, her in general made me speechless. There's this quote that says, "She didn't look nice. She looked like art. And, art wasn't supposed to look nice. It was supposed to make you feel something." Although, Justine always looked nice; she looked more like art to me. I jus' don't know what the fuck I'm feelin'. This is all so new to me.
Clearing my throat, I asked her, "So, what about you? Any morals, favorite quotes, life lessons?"
"Life lesson number one; just chill and do you. No matter who leaves your side, no matter who sticks by your side.. remain yourself because without them, the one thing you will always have is you."
"Understandable. You have any family?"
"Uh, you know about my mom. My dad passed away too, before I was born, sadly. He was in the army. All of my cousins, aunts, and uncles live in Alabama and New York. And, I'm an only child. So, yeah, I'm just by myself."
She didn't sound sad, but she didn't sound happy.
"Well, sometimes you've got to run through the six by yourself," she laughed. "And, with me of course, if you'd like,"
"I'd love to run through the six with ya', woe."
"Good to know," I smiled.
--