Title: Asking for Trouble
Paring: Tony Stark X Male!Reader
Warnings: Don't try this at home. It will end in a Civil War. Also, this has a male reader, and is suited for men. Sorry gals.
Spoilers: none
Author's Note: Sorry for not updating in a few weeks! I've been swamped with all of my uni homework. I know it isn't the best, but I'm trying!
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You knew the day would end in a fight after Vision drank the last of the team's coffee and had declared there was no more in the tower. That event only led to the domesticated spies bickering about who had the biggest withdrawal from the drink (and therefore needed it more), Steve was trying to read his book quietly in the corner with his toast and orange juice, the twins had taken to watching the madness unfold, and maybe when you and Tony graced the team with your collective presence, it wasn't what you would expect for a Thursday morning.
Or, actually should expect by now, because the Avengers were actually a group of six year olds.
The Ironman turned to you, and under his breath, whispered, "Prank day. You and me try and hit everyone around here with something silly. Ten points for every prank you land." The billionaire's eyes flittered to where Steve was trying his best to ignore everyone's problems, making a scrambled egg. "If you get Capsicle, you freakin' win the game."
You kiss his cheek, you speak into his ear, "Game on."
Now, you wouldn't call yourself a guy suited to being a spy, or one with the body of a super soldier, but you had a skill set - one which was as important in battle as this game. Ever since Strucker's experimentation, you've been able to see multiple futures in every action and reaction, and now, how to win the prank war.
"Morning," you moan, theatrically frowning at their protests. "No coffee?" You ask Romanoff.
She blinks.
"I think you mean, no absolutely necessary morning juice is here to keep us alive," Clint huffs.
You roll your eyes. "Why don't you just run down and get some from the cafe across the street?" As you speak, you rummage through the freezer as quietly as you can, and snagging a packet of frozen peas, rip them ready to aim.
"That's actually a good idea, ________." Nat glances to your hand, and to Clint silently. She knows what you're doing, and you know who you're aiming for.
And then, a shower of frozen peas rains over Clint's head, falling over the bench and the floor, pouring into his shirt.
"Dude! Cold, cold, ah - why?" Clint screeches.
"One down!" You laugh, and grin to Romanoff. "Thanks for not ratting me out."
She quirks a brow. "I know everything." At the very same moment nearby in the tower, there's a clatter and a clank and a very uncivilised string of curse words. "Sounds like someone tried to get Wanda."
"Sorry! Sorry!" Tony yelps, and from the corner of your vision, you see him running from an orb of red light. "Please don't hurt me!"
Wanda chuckles darkly on the go. "Let's see how this pans out first, yes?"
You were such a caring boyfriend. Always. Every other time except for now. Because while everyone was distracted by the billionaire superhero's run for his life from a certain scarlet witch, you couldn't help yourself but make your way to Steve.
"Need salt for your egg?" You asked. It was a harmless question.
The super soldier cocked an eyebrow. In suspicion? Maybe. "Sure do, ________." Steve smiled, and handed you his plate.
Internally, you gaped. This was too easy! "Just a little, or a lot?" You asked him steadily.
He shrugged, returning to his act of ignoring everyone. "I don't really mind."
Turning, the cogs in your mind whirred into what you could prank Steve with. He'd let you go wide in - what could you do? Hot sauce on eggs? Too visible. Pepper flakes. He's a super soldier, basically unbreakable, chilli wouldn't phase him. Sugar. Sugar! Looks like salt - perfect.
"Aw, hell no, Stark don't - Steve! He took my wing suit!" You heard Sam shout from the other room.
"I'm on my way, Sam." Steve made waves to investigate the nuisance. "Tony! Give him back the suit -,"
And then quickly, you covered the eggs in sugar.
"Hey! Sorry. Sorry! It's just a harmless prank. Dudes! Chill." Tony was still chuckling. "Imagine what this fight would be like if we had the Gods here. What a nightmare, hey?" He elbowed Sam, who held onto his flight pack of wings as if for dear life.
"Total disaster," you chime in with Tony. "I don't even think Thor knows how to take a joke."
Steve sat down, and resumed his eggs.
"Smash everything - hey, why aren't you - I put sugar in them!" You cry, breaking character to shriek. "How - how?"
Steve shrugged. "I swapped the salt and sugar this morning to punk Bucky, and while he's scraping his tongue free of sugar, you picked up the sugar to prank me, and it's actually salt."
At this, he takes another mouthful. You can hear it crunch! with every bite he takes. A normal person would get sick from that.
"First off, gross," Tony judged Steve, "Second, because you basically out-pranked _______, I'm stealing him away so I can have my wicked way with him. So long, avengers! I'm sending F. R. I. D. A. Y. for more coffee too."
"Can you get F. R. I. D. A. Y. to help me clean up the peas?" Clint whines, at the same time Nat announces,
"Just go with your boyfriend before I do something I regret." She frowns.
"I don't have a problem with that!" You kiss Tony's beard.
"Me neither!"
And at that, you're both off toward where it all started - the bedroom.