Well this is the first story I'm publishing on wattpad and actually really very very nervous about it. To be frank with, my story might contain lots of grammatical mistakes but please be kind enough to bear with me and ugh* if you have this feeling that my story could go a lot better, feel free to confront me. This chap may be a little bit elaborated as I want to give the audience a clear view about her life and misery because later on, I'm not going to be very distinct about it. HAPPY READING!!! <3
I laid in the bathtub leaning on my back, thoughts flown over the clouds, Imagining of a world, a world where one day I could be a willing participant in enjoying the bliss of happiness. When all of this chaos and hurdles are over, and one day, I would like to finally breathe, smile and Love for real. No more crying, no more hates. One day, I would like to love ME.
The miasma engulfed with an intense humidity turning my body all sticky and slimy provided that I was literally sweating, not out of cold but an unknown fear rapidly growing in momentum as time followed. My dry lips quivered, breathing in air like an asthmatic as I read the vivid movements of my chest pump in chorus along my heartbeat.
My eyes diverted to a corner where the closet hung. The attached mirror was partially shattered on the right as though some body had thrown something on it in blind rage. The closet was slightly open, giving an open view of the shelf stuffed with medicines....painkillers, sleep tablets, empty bottles snickered all around the area.
It was coming. Eerie silence filled the whole atmosphere and at a point that I could even hear the beating of my own heart violently beating in arpeggios. The water leaked from the sewer pipe dripping down on the bare floor while the light bulb dimmed and flickered in recitation with perfect harmony as my senses were provoked to slumber every now and then.
This wasn't happening again.
And you know there are moments when even the littlest noise seems to make a difference, at times it could even big impacts and leave you wandering to all the nonsensical stuffs that happen in your life or drift you off the mystical land of wild dreams.
No water dripping on the floor, no flickers on the bulb. Just strange silence . The bulb had gone out and I wandered if my electricity had been cut out provided that I didn't pay my bills for months now.
I didn't get my salary although, the manager was a total dick last Friday commenting on how I lacked professionalism in my work and I needed to grow up, well, it's because it's literally very easy to point your finger at someone and judge .
But in reality, you know nothing about the person and you're just raising your biased view on her moral values and character but lemme tell him, his opinion wasn't paramount and nobody gave a shit about what he thought as well.
And if I wasn't gonna get my pay then, I'd-I'd call the US embassy or the human violation rights or even contact the president of the united states and create a scene whatsoever until I got my rightful pay. Like come on, I was probably gonna get evicted from my own apartment from the pending bills if this was gonna progress any further.
And once and for all, I'd be jobless, homeless and friendless all over again.
Knocking me from my thoughts, the bulb glowed again and to my assumption, may be karma was playing its part now.
I deserved it, even though its naive, I felt like I deserved it...after all the shit I've gone through....
But in that brief amount of darkness, something, something had changed but I couldn't interpret what. I hurled my eyes all over the scenery, the mirror, the old cabinet, the closet, painkillers, empty bottles, the dirty little sock at the corner. Literally everything was just the same but somewhere deep inside me knew, knew that the nightmare was beginning, that the hell would come all over again and bring with it so much pain, so much torture.
I heard a strange hum in the stillness, collective sounds of unusual voices came rambling down to my eardrums, whispers, grunts, cries, shouts as if trying to convey something. A cool breath fanned my ears with a low murmur echoing to my ear drums. Murmurs from the past that kept haunting me ever since, murmurs that were trying to convey something but never really made sense, murmurs that got louder and louder and louder at every precision.
What was the point? To be sent to hell and back where the only outcome was me giving up all over again.
A projection hit my blurred vision. Something Like I've never seen before yet felt so familiar, with a feeling that I've known it for my whole life. A whole new feeling of nostalgia enveloped me alluring me to a world, hallucinated by this darkness. The darkness that I've known for life, the world that was very much a part of me.
An eerie presence seemed to slowly swallow the vicinity around me, devouring time itself at a point that even the world seemed like a hollow, empty pit where the phantom and me were the only things standing in between.
Gradually and gradually, it started to eat up the distance between us and my heart was palpitating violently in semi quavers. Time was ticking away to the beat of the drums....Tick tock Tick Tock.... and with every second lost death was nearing me but all I could do was just sit and watch.
Because in a way, this had become a part of me, a disease where I could do nothing but sit back and watch myself being tormented.
From the old mirror laid perpendicular to me, I could see a girl, someone who was very much stronger than I was. Who could fight back the odds rather than to sit and cry over it. But after all, what could I do? I always lost, no matter how hard I tried, this would never stop, no matter how strong the girl in the mirror was, one day it would shatter, naked and exposed.
As my eyes kept staring at my own reflection, a perceptual darkness clouded over my view and there, a tall, misty shadow towered over me. I tried to widen my eyes and gaze deeper into who it was, who it was that sent me to this hell or whether this was even real or just a product of my imagination.
As my eyes went deeper through the tensed darkness ,the figure seemed to have no face at all, it was just terribly deformed . Its face surface was a little bloated up from what I assumed were effects of burns and warts covering up its face.
My eyes seemed to get heavier and heavier every second, while numbness invaded to every part of my veins partially paralyzing me. And I laid there, helpless. Helpless to my bones.
From my straight view, even though the creature barely had any pupils, I had an paranoid feeling that it was gazing at me. Something allured me, and I too, looked at the creature with no meaning at all.
It was not like I wanted to, but I was more like forced as every time I tried to move my eyes away, my movements were absurdly dulled by acute numbness.
My head rattled, I was sick, sick of this. Just sitting there and lamenting was never gonna be of any help. If I wanted to escape, I would have to fight no matter the chances of me winning were 0%. A new hope grew inside of me.
If I wanted to escape, there was an assurity that I had to fight over and over and over again, no matter how much I failed. I would have to fight or else, the fear inside of me knew, knew I would be lost, screaming and crying and shouting for help. Only for my echoes for salvation die unanswered.
As my thoughts wavered, the voices became significantly louder, almost like these voices were trying to burst off my veins. Something was calling out to me, something like muffled voices trying to convey something but failed miserably to make any sense. It never made sense. Never.
The numbness was replaced by a trilling sensation of pain burning to every part of my body like a virus. I growled in angst desperately pulling my hair and screaming at the top of my lungs just in hopes for those voices to fade away but it seemed only to get louder at the moment making my eardrums ting with a hot sensation, threatening to burst out like a volcano any moment. I hopelessly cried.
I never wanted a life like this, I don't deserve this.
I needed an escape. I didn't want to be a part of this nightmare anymore. This void inside my heart that kept eating my soul away. I needed an escape but I was helpless, who could redeem my soul from hell?, the hell where I was constantly tortured every day and night, every moment of me life.
There was no escape.
My tight prickle grabbed my scalp. I knew the answer I've been asking myself over and over. There was an escape, but why did it feel so wrong? I've seen enough, but why was I hesitating? Shaking from underneath, I slowly fought the burning pain and slid my hand to my pocket.
As the cold metal blade came in contact with my skin, I froze. A tiny voice diverged in this darkness, My little warrior kept shouting from a deep corner, somewhere inside this dark pit, shouting out to me
Bear it! You can survive this!
No
Yes! You can.
No...
No matter how much I denied it, at the end of the day, I always gave up, I always retreated. No, no, no, no
I took out the blade from inside my pocket bringing the hard metal to my wrists. I momentarily shook as the warnings alarmed.
Don't do this
But I proceeded on and pressed the sharp end of the blade on the skin of my wrist until red fluid drained from my flesh, staining the surface of the ivory white tube. I leaned on my back, sighing as the raw pain devoured me and the voices, the darkness gradually diminished.
It had released the devil inside of me.
~*****~
The phone rang for some swift seconds as a little girl with icy white hair and a floral neon-colored dress came running across the hall, picking up the call.
"Hello? Eleanor speaking..." she smiled at a picture frame of mom and her, hand in hand laid on the table. I'm glad she's recovering.
She leaned on the desk plank, smiling faintly and twirling her long locks waiting for an answer. But by the minute, her smile evaporated, the phone jiggled in the air as loud stomps could be heard across the hall again.
A poster stuck up on the wall reading "ELEANOR'S TERRITORY, DO NOT ENTER". From behind the door, Eleanor laid curled like a ball underneath the blanket, light , suppressed cries could be heard.
Ever since dad abandoned us, my mom was the only one left to whom I can rely on. I loved her home- baked cookies, missed the summers we spent sipping lemonade under the cool shade of the big sycamore tree just outside our yard, feeling the soft blades caress our naked skin, my eager ears desperate for her to fly me away to the land of fairy tales and happy endings while I excitedly cuddled, basking in the comforting warmth of the sun. When I was around 13, I got a call from the hospital saying my mom passed away, she wasn't ready-I wasn't ready for this, doctors said she was recovering, she was getting better, how could they let this happen? The whole idea just made me mad, I wasn't as strong as my mom to survive the pain of getting betrayed and abandoned and it pained me, pained me every single time she smiled because I only knew how much she was hurting inside. My whole world just flipped upside down, it felt like I was stabbed in my heart a million, trillion, bazillion times and the only outcome would had to be my death. And at some point I was mad, mad at my own mother for leaving me all alone in the world....AGAIN.
TRGGGGGHHHHH!!!! The alarm buzzed out for the 7th time now. You have to wake up Ela. I tried hard to open my heavy eyes that seemed like some 50 pound shutter but each time I tried doing so, my senses were paralyzed from acute sleepiness. Groaning I tapped the buzzer off as the alarm started ringing again, ripping open my sleepy eyes to check what time it was. Shit waaay past 7, I jumped off from my bed and darted towards the bathroom. Frantically sprinkling my face with the cool water flowing on the basin and shoving the brush with a little Colgate flake into my mouth that smelt like well, trash left to rot in Pharaoh's tomb for some thousand years.
I helplessly ran to the kitchen counter while the toothbrush was still sticking inside my mouth like a lollipop, grabbing some plain bread and veggies creating the signature Eleanor's spaghettified sandwich while trying my best to ignore the white curls messily hanging around my shoulders as if I had woken up right from the dead. Yes, unhygienic much.
With the signature bread pursed between my lips, I ran up to my room blindly grabbing on some ripped dark denim jeans, a tank top along with matching black converse shoes I found lying on the allnah, messily shoving the clothes aroung my body like I was dressing for the circus or something.
As I was about to rocket off, my eyes laid on the cut marks on my wrists from last night's..... groaning in irritation, I urged myself to the cabinet, taking out a first-aid box and doctoring the scars that laid beneath, much more, hiding away the hell, I hell I escaped for once. Knocking off my thoughts I made my way towards the door, through the moaning stairs, parading off the neighbourhood like a gazelle in the African Savannah.
~****~ IN THE CLASSROOM
"Ms Eleanor white" the teacher read out the roll only to hear no response. Not facing to the audience, she sternly called out to the room "Ms Eleanor white?"
"Present!!!" I abruptly stormed into the class as I felt Professor Machiavelli's eyes pierce through my skin as if I had killed her in her previous life and now come back for vengeance to murder me as well. She looked at my frozen structure steadily sliding my way through desks until I finally reached my destination, next to the beautiful red hair sitting beside the window.
The Professor let me off with a last glare, murmuring some grunts and cruses as she proceeded on with the roll. But that was obvious. I was always late, ALWAYS.
"phew...that was real close" Ro childishly chuckled aside me as she handed me a handful of books. "Sociology notes, you missed them yesterday... A.G.A.I.N" sounding a little pissed off.
"sorry Ro... I really can't help it, had to go to my job early yesterday, uhhhh thank you soo much, you're an angel" I sobbed and wiped off my tears in pretence.
"well, that's absolute fakeness Ela, try to be more serious about your academic progress, or you'll fail miserably and end on the streets, begging and crying and--" she spoke in a deep, hoarse, high-pitched voice perfectly mimicking one of the famous professor Machiavelli's lines.
"Suits you better" we both broke down into a big laugh as Beatrice, the blonde beauty looked at us, snorting in disgust as though we were freaks and then went off with her legendary feedback.
"Weirdos..may you fall in love, get married, get lots of babies, get real fat and die." She hissed at us.
"AMEN" we childishly sang in unison, as Beatrice rolled over her eyes as though she could bear the sight no more.
Well, that was normal, gladly normal.
At school I wasn't that much of a popular but somehow managed to cling to one of those 'Normal' categories. I never really had many friends, in fact no other friend besides Ro. We would always spent our weekends together watching Netflix, munching pop corns and off course ramble down to glory.
I loved her company because she was the only one who loved me as I was, the one that really saw inside of me.
Thinking about it made me miss my mom, she always had an unfailing tendency to coax me saying I was special. Ro was in a way, like my mom, she would always be there for me, coax me, scold me, make me laugh, make me cry. Only when I was by her side, would I forget the eerie feeling of being all alone in the world. With her, I was more me, a more refined version of Eleanor white.
During lunch break, I heard some girls pondering over, most probably staring at the cover of the vogue magazine which had the picture of the most egotistical guy I've ever heard about, Nicholai.
An elite bastard who studying in the same school as me, probably 3 good levels above of my academic level and practically ruled the whole school campus. He is a descendant of the royal family and probably owns half of the city. Every girl has their eyes set on him; their rooms are like religious shrines of the celebrity.
They scream, cry, shout, jump, faint, die and off course rise from the dead from loving him all over again. He was the ultimate IDEAL guy for every girl in town; sadly even Ro fell as a victim to this guy's appeal.
But honestly, All I could see was empty hollow character inside that handsome face. He might be the most handsome, hottest and richest guy in town but I could give the ultimate guarantee that I wasn't probably falling for a guy like him. LIKE EVERRRR.
Even if the whole world was gonna come to a dead end and we would be the only survivors on the planet, I'd rather kill myself, more like kill him and enjoy the bliss of solitude.