Arianna Jones is not a morning person. This fact has not changed in all her thirty-four years and probably never will. And you would think, she thought as the opened her eyes to find her fifteen, soon-to-be sixteen-year old daughter staring down at her with those big blue eyes of hers; beautiful sea-blue eyes, which contrasted drastically with her light, caramel skinned complexion, would know this by now. Just like her father. Sixteen years. It's hard to believe that her Brianna, her little Bri-Bri, will be sixteen years old in a just under two weeks' time. The years passed by so quickly, yet she can still remember so vividly the time she spent with him. Brianna's father Jason Williams or, as Arianna always called him, Jase. Memories of that wonderful but brief time came flooding back to Arianna just then. Memories that she had learned to bury long ago. Or so she thought. Even now she could still see those blues eyes smiling down at her. She could still feel that rush of heat she always felt whenever she was near him. Now that Brianna's birthday was coming up, she was thinking about him more and more. She did so every year around this time, but this year more than ever. Hearing Brianna calling her name halted Arianna's train of thought.
"Ma you listening to me?" Brianna asked jarring Arianna out of her trip down memory lane. It's wasn't exactly a trip that Arianna wanted to take anyway. Not exactly.
"It's are you, and no I wasn't, sorry honey," she corrected her. "Bri-Bri, you know Mama is not a morning person. What's so important that you had to wake me up," she glanced at the digital clock on her nightstand, "at 7:30 a.m. on a Saturday? This better be good missy," Arianna said as she sat up on the side of the bed and reached for her old, tattered, purple terry cloth robe. Looking at the her old comfy robe caused Arianna to smile and think to herself, this thing has seen better days, as she pulled it on and slipped on her matching fuzzy purple slippers, which were in just as bad of shape, and walked to her in-suite bathroom.
"Ma it is. It's about my birthday and what I want. And the best part is it's not even going to cost you a thing. Really, I promise," Brianna finished breathlessly.
Arianna got the feeling that Brianna was going to ask her about him again. And at this point, she was running out of excuses and ways to avoid the subject of Jason with her. Ok, she thought, this is not good. She is going to ask me again. And I can't keep stalling and lying to her. Adopting a tone of interest and surprise Arianna said, "Well, well. This I must hear. Let's have it."
"Ma it's real easy. I want to meet my dad." Fixing Arianna with a stubborn and determined look on her beautiful face, Brianna added, "Mama, its time. It's way past time actually."
Arianna dropped her tooth brush in the sink. She could feel the blood drain from her face. Not going to cost anything, she thought, that's what you think. She hated to disappoint her daughter more than anything in the world, but this is the one thing that she can't give her. Ever. That was the decision she made. The day she walked out of Jase's life forever and took the truth about Brianna with her.
Arianna stilled herself for the coming lie; a lie that she had been telling to everyone she loved for the last sixteen years.
"Oh Brianna we have talked about this. And I thought you understood," she said sadly. "I just don't know where he is, honey. I haven't seen or heard from your father in sixteen years, since before you were even born. He didn't want a baby or a family, and I found out that I never really meant anything to him at all, so when I told him you were coming he split. I never saw him again." Arianna turned on the tap and ran water in her hands and splashed it on her face. As she looked in the mirror, she felt guilty about her web of lies, but she also felt that agonizing pain that crept in her heart every time she thought about Jason. But, she told herself sternly, it has got to be this way. Brianna, and Jason for that matter, can never know that she is his daughter. She looked over at her beautiful young lady. Brianna was upset and trying really hard not to cry.
"Are you mad at me Bri-Bri?" Arianna asked quietly. "I understand if you are. But I'm sorry. I just can't give you what you want this year for your birthday. Anything else baby, a car even, but not that," Arianna finished sadly.
"It's ok Mama really. Forgive me for wanting to know that I wasn't conceived in a dish somewhere, or somebody didn't just drop me off on your doorstep one day. And since I'm going to be sixteen in two weeks, can we drop the Bri-Bri please?" Brianna asked sarcastically. "Brie or Brianna but no more Bri-Bri please and thank you," she snapped. She always got that tone when she was unhappy about something. Wanting to assert her independence and hide the pain that she so obviously felt. Arianna tried to hide her smile.
"Sure thing Brie," Arianna laughed equally as sarcastic. Sobering she added, "No matter how old you get Brianna, you will always be my baby. It's me and you to the end kiddo. Right?"
Very rarely did Brianna stay upset with her mother for very long. She hopped off the bathroom counter and gave Arianna a quick hug and a wet peck on the cheek and ran out the bathroom and through Arianna's room down the hall to her own room.
Next thing Arianna heard was the sound of Luther Vandross' Dance with My Father blasting from her room. Arianna couldn't help but laugh out loud. Even though they had never met, she was definitely her father's daughter. Quick temper and all. And those vivid blue eyes. Jase's eyes. Jason Williams. Rich, handsome, golden-haired, blue eyed Jason Williams. Arianna leaned against the bathroom counter and closed her eyes. In an instant she was transported back in time, back to the day she first saw Jase.
******
It was early November. Arianna had been eighteen and a freshman at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and she was working part-time at Taste of Heaven, a local pastry and coffee shop that served as a hangout for the local college students. She was wiping down the counter one afternoon when Jason walked in.
When the door opened, Arianna looked up and smiled to greet the newcomer. But when she saw him and their eyes met, she was mesmerized. Her mouth went completely dry and huge, tight knots formed in the pit of her stomach. Never before, in all her eighteen years, had she seen a more handsome boy. And the fact that he was white didn't bother her at all. The thoughts that did seem to go through her mind as she just stood there slack-jawed and staring at him, was the fact that never in a million years could a drop dead gorgeous white boy like him, ever be interested in a slightly overweight, insecure, black girl such as herself. Still, she could not bring herself to look away. He was wearing a Duke University sweat shirt with matching sweat pants, and looked like he just stepped out of an ad for The Gap. He was lean and tall, at least six three, with a medium muscular build, and had a glossy mane of luscious, golden hair, just above shoulder length, and deep, vivid sea blue eyes. He must have said something just then because he smiled and dropped his head. Embarrassed, Arianna felt her cheeks get hot and flushed and she returned her rapt attention to cleaning the already spotless counter.
"Excuse me miss?" Wow, his voice is just as sexy as he is, she thought.
"I'm sorry sir. Welcome to Taste of Heaven. How can I help you," she asked him then.
"Can I get a half dozen blueberry muffins and a mocha latte?"
"Sure. What size latte?" As if it even matter. Just don't go away yet, she remembered thinking.
"Large," he replied and smiled.
Arianna rung up his order.
"That'll be 9.95." He handed her a twenty dollar bill. She got his muffins and his coffee.
When she went to give him his order and change, he smiled again, shook his head and said, "Thanks. Keep the change. It's not every day a pretty girl looks at a guy and makes him feel like he's a movie star or something." And then he turned to walk away. When he got to the door, he turned back to Arianna and said, "Oh and miss, you look really cute when you're embarrassed." He flashed her that brilliant smile of his once more and then he turned and left.
As Arianna stood staring at the door where he had just left, she wondered if she would ever see the golden-haired boy with the sea blue eyes again. And she did. Every day for almost two weeks. He came in and ordered the same thing every time. Then one day the oddest thing happened. After she gave him his usual order, Jason asked her name.
"Arianna. Arianna Jones. But everyone calls me Ari. And you are?"
"Jason. Jason Williams. But my friends call me Jase." Then he flashed that earth shaking smile again. He could stop traffic with that smile, she thought.
"Nice to meet you Jason." Oh my goodness he has the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen, she thought.
He gave her that heart-stopping smile once more. "It's nice to meet you too, Arianna." Jason's eyes seemed to twinkle as she asked her, "What time do you get off? I was hoping we could sit and talk for bit."
Arianna was shocked and excited, but she tried not to let it show. This sort of thing just didn't happen to her every day. Sure she'd had boyfriends before, but they were nothing like him. And there was also the fact that she had never dated a white guy before. Was he really asking her out? Well sort of. And isn't this exactly what she had dreamed of since that first day he walked into the pastry shop? She didn't want to seem too eager or desperate, but she also wanted to let Jason know she was interested. Arianna tried her best to appear calm and casual. She looked at the clock. 6:50 p.m.
"I clock out in ten minutes," Arianna replied casually.
Jason flashed her his brilliant smile once again. "Great. I'll wait."
At seven o'clock, Arianna clocked out and she and Jason took a booth in the corner that was quite and private. They sat and talked for what to her, seemed like hours. Jason, Arianna learned, was a junior at Duke, played lacrosse and was studying English literature. He wanted to become an English teacher when he graduated the following year. He told Arianna he had applied for an internship at Oxford University, due to start at the end of the following summer, which he would do, if accepted, in lieu of his senior year. Jason had always loved reading literature as a child and grew up wanting to share his love of it with others. He had hoped to someday become a writer himself. He came from a very wealthy family and was an only child. She couldn't help but wonder what his family would think of her and their budding friendship. Would they object to her because of the color of her skin? This being North Carolina, there were certain rules regarding dating and marrying outside of one's race, that could not easily be ignored. Arianna tried not to think of that but secretly it was always there at the back of her mind. She told him about her dream of becoming a Mental Health Counselor. Arianna had always struggled silently with her own self-esteem and she wanted to help young girls, and other women, particularly minority women, that had those same feelings she had growing up, that she still sometimes dealt with. She told him about her family. Arianna was the youngest of three children, two girls and a boy. Her parents were not rich, certainly not in the same way as Jason's parents, but they were happy and content. It was all they could do to afford to send her off to UNC. She managed to help out by working at the pastry shop part-time, and with financial aid and work-study programs.
The chemistry Arianna felt between her and Jason was so electrifying that it both excited and scared her. They laughed and talked about anything and everything until one of her co-workers came over and told her they were about to close up. After a few short hours, Arianna felt as if she had known Jason all her life.
It was Jason who spoke first. "Wow I totally lost track of the time. I really enjoyed talking to you Ari," Jason said.
"Me too," Arianna replied. And I hope that we will do this again real soon. Oh please let him ask me out, she thought.
As if Jason had read her mind he asked, "Would you like to go out with me sometime? Maybe we can catch a movie or grab some dinner?" Oh my gosh. I cannot believe he just asked me out.
It was all she could do to keep from shouting with pure glee. "Sure," she said instead. "I would love too."
Jason reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet and a pen. He handed Arianna a piece of paper and the pen and asked her to write her phone number down for him. Arianna jotted the number down and handed the pen and paper back to Jason. The he said, "I'll call you to let you know when." And then he leaned across the table and brushed his lips lightly and sweetly over hers. His lips tasted sweet, like chocolate and whipped cream. The kiss was so fleeting that Arianna was sure that she must have imagined it. Until she opened her eyes and Jason was staring at her so intently. "Arianna you taste so good. I can't wait to kiss you again."
And he didn't wait. He kissed her again right then. This time, the kiss was a deep, muscle-clenching thing that Arianna was sure she felt it all the way down to her toes. She felt as if the ground was breaking away beneath her and she was free-falling through the air. Arianna felt a heat that she had never felt before begin to spread through her veins like wildfire. All she could think about was what it would feel like to really kiss him. When they were alone and in a dark room.
At that moment Jason pulled back again and looked into Arianna's eyes. They both stood up and walked to the door. Once they were outside, Jason pulled Arianna into his arms and kissed her again.
"I don't understand it. I don't want to let you go. I have never met anyone like you before Ari."
"I feel the same way. I don't know what it is Jase but you take my breath away."
They stood there on the sidewalk in the dark holding each other for a few more moments, but the moments felt like they could go on forever. Then Jason looked down at Arianna and said, "Hey don't you have class in the morning? I know I do and you should be getting back to your dorm room now. Its late and I don't want you walking around campus by yourself."
His concern for her safety was touching, if a bit unnecessary. "Thanks but I don't live on the yard. I have an apartment off campus. It was cheaper to get an apartment than to pay room and board to live on campus. And besides," she said as she pointed to a little white Pontiac Sunbird parked across the street, "my car is right over there."
"Then let me walk you to your car." Jason grabbed her by the hand, and they walked across the street to her car. When she took out her car keys, he gently took them out her hands, unlocked the car door and held it open for her to climb inside.
When she got inside she started the car and rolled down the window. He leaned down and kissed her once more.
"Drive safe beautiful girl. See you soon." Then he straightened with an ease and grace that was like watching poetry in motion, and walked back across the street and got into the sleek black BMW that was parked in front of the pastry shop.
As she put her car in gear and headed for her apartment, she knew that as irrational as it was, she was head over heels in love with Jason Williams. Smiling and listening to her favorite song by Mary J. Bilge, A Dream, she drove home thinking aloud to herself, God if this is a dream, don't wake me up just let me sleep.
She hadn't expected to hear from Jason until sometime the next week. But about an hour after she got home, her phone rang. "Hello?" she asked.
"Glad to see you made it home safe beautiful girl," replied the husky voice on the other end of the line.
"Jase," she said breathlessly. "Glad to see you made it home safely too."
"So I was thinking," Jason said. "How about we go out soon, let's say Friday or Saturday night. Whichever one you have off, either night is fine with me," he finished.
Arianna was elated. "Friday night sounds perfect," she said. Since Friday was only one day away, she didn't think she could bear to wait an additional day before she saw Jason again.
Arianna could hear the smile in Jason's voice when he replied "Sounds great. I'll pick you up at seven. Good night beautiful girl, sweet dreams," he said and then they rang off.
Arianna could hardly sleep that night. She finally settled down with the soft sounds of Etta James singing At Last and contently drifted off into a sound and peaceful sleep with thoughts and dreams of Jason and what lie ahead.
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