y'all...i am so sick and i'm literally coughing up a lung lol but i really have been wanting to write this chapter for a while. it's really long and i REALLY hope you like it. and just like last time, here are the songs i listened to while writing this that really matched the mood of this chapter!
((p.s. this is probably one of my favorite chapters)) oh! and if you want to know what luke's place looks like, go to iwriteabout5sos.tumblr.com/damagelocations
Wait by M83
Going to California by Led Zeppelin
Sunday Morning by Acid House Kings
Harvest Moon by Neil Young
***
LUKE
9:25. Saturday morning
Mia comes padding down the stairs and walking towards the dining room, wearing my fuzzy grey dress socks and my high school sweatshirt. Dark brown, curly hair framing her face like a goddamn halo.
My sweatshirt practically swallows her up, but still only hits the top of her thighs - undeniably sexy but in an unassuming way. She notices that I'm looking and laughs, sheepishly pulling the sweatshirt down before sitting in the chair across from me at the dining table.
Mia looks out the floor-to-ceiling walls that surround the dining room and pushes a bit of hair behind her ear, leaning her elbows against the table.
"Did you sleep well?" she asks.
I almost never sleep well. "Yeah, fine. You?"
She laughs a little and nods. "Mm-hmm."
I clear my throat. "Were you uncomfortable? Cold?"
"No, I always sleep really well when I come over." She looks down and smiles but I can tell she's slightly embarrassed. "I'm sorry I come over a lot."
"No." I shake my head. "I like when you come over."
There's a short silence.
And then I interject again. "Are you sure you slept well?"
"Yes, Luke," she laughs. "I slept like a baby."
"Okay." I take a sip of my coffee and then look over at her. "Oh right, do you want something to eat?"
"Kinda," she bites her lip. "But don't inconvenience yourself!"
"It's no problem. What do you want? Cereal? Fruit?" I stand up then fiddle with my lip ring nervously. I'm probably majorly fucking this up. "I'd give you waffles or eggs benedict or something but Nilda took her day off."
She shakes her head ardently. "No, seriously, I wouldn't want to inconvenience you or anything. Just fruit is fine."
I walk around the wine rack wall to the kitchen on the other side and reach into the fridge. Fortunately, there's some mixed fruit that Nilda prepared yesterday. I spoon some out into a white bowl and stick a fork in it, hoping it looks good enough.
"Did you want something to drink?" I say from the kitchen, loudly enough so she'll hear.
"Ummm...just orange juice is fine."
I pour out a glass on my way out the kitchen, bringing the carton with me into the dining room.
I hand the bowl of fruit to Mia and set the glass down in front of her. Her eyes brighten up and she thanks me, adjusting her legs so she's sitting criss-cross in the chair before grabbing the fork.
"Wow, this looks so good." She sleepily rubs her eye before taking the fork and picking up a piece of pineapple. "It tastes good too," she looks up and smiles at me. "Is this guava?"
"Umm, I think so. I think it's pineapple, guava, strawberry, and mango."
"It's really good," she smiles and it knocks me out, like every time.
I take a sip of my coffee and look at her from over the rim. I've never seen her in the morning before. Whenever she's slept over, I've never been here in the morning.
Mia eats her fruit and I drink my coffee and watch her and even though it's silent, this moment feels so fucking perfect that it hurts.
It hurts, every bit of it. She catches me staring and bites her lip, smiling, but neither of us say anything, enjoying the morning and the way we get to sit across from each other.
Every time she looks up at me, her skin dewy and bright in the sunlight and her big, dark brown eyes turning to a golden color when the sun shines over them, I can feel my heart being pulled and my chest collapsing. Because her smile is too infectious to ignore, and she's too beautiful to exist and all of this feels too good to be real.
She's too good and I'm too fucked up to deserve this.
Mia takes a forkful of fruit and looks out the window, and I can't help but think about how fucking sweet her lips must taste. I can't stop looking at her and every single glance feels like a step toward the end, when she'll be ripped away from me.
Mia came into my life as a stroke of luck, a random occurrence, something out of my control, and I know she'll eventually leave the same way.
I take a sip of my coffee and Mia walks to the window, leaning against the glass and gazing out at the panorama of the city below from the windows - the red and orange autumn trees, the bustling city I know too well.
"Isn't it beautiful?" she says.
I don't even look at the window, my eyes are just on her. "Yeah, it is."
And then my thoughts are interrupted by a ding on my phone. A text from Ashton.
Enjoying your lovers' holiday?
Smug piece of shit. I shake my head, almost laughing, and quickly text back a 'Fuck off' before clicking my phone off.
"What was that?" Mia asks.
I put my phone in the pocket of my sweatpants. "Nothing." I stand up and walk over to her by the window, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind. "What do you want to do today?"
She sighs a little, humming in thought. "Nothing really."
I feel her small frame against mine and think about how there's always been something self-destructive in me, maybe something that destroys other people too. And when I saw her I wanted her to stay away, and I still do. But I can't stop her and I can't stop myself either.
So I lean down and kiss the top of her hair. "Let's do nothing together."
MIA
11:47
Luke and I are both reading on his bed, lying in opposite directions, and it feels like a dream.
My head is at the foot of the bed and I have a pen beside me, ready to annotate and underline any important lines. For Literature Humanities, we read a new book almost every week, and although it's draining to keep up all the time, I don't mind. We started with The Iliad and now we're on Ovid's Metamorphoses. After reading Dante's Inferno a few weeks ago, the professor figured we should go back and read a few of the books in Metamorphoses to gain some context. Steadily, we'll move on to more modern literature.
I grab my pen to highlight a particular phrase and notice how handsome Luke looks at the other end of the bed - glasses, messy dark blonde hair, defined cheekbones.
I've slept in Luke's room before and I slept in here last night. But although I'm familiar with the surroundings - white bedsheets, wooden nightstand, large and spacious layout, windows all around, bookshelves filled with books and photos - seeing Luke in here makes everything look different. I sit up and watch him, how he's sitting up against the headboard, reading intently.
He reads with a pen, just like me. I can't help but smile when I see what he's reading: The Goldfinch. A few weeks ago, I told him offhandedly that I had just finished reading it and loved it.
From seeing his library, I knew he was a bookworm like me, but now I'm finally seeing it in person.
To tease him, I sit up and half-crawl to the other end of the bed.
"Whatcha reading?" I ask, innocently, before smirking and snatching the book from his hands. I look at the cover and see the notes made on the page in his heavy, scrawled handwriting briefly before he takes the book back.
I muse aloud. "The Goldfinch...You know, I remember telling this blonde guy I was reading it. I didn't think he'd really care but..."
Luke smirks then pulls off his glasses before putting the book underneath the pillow behind him. Still, he may be bigger, but I'm quicker. I climb closer and reach over him to get the book before holding it above my head.
"Something to hide?" I ask, smiling and wondering what he wrote on the page.
The sunlight shines off the Pulitzer Prize sticker and after a few tries to get it back, Luke gives up, both of us laughing.
Slowly, I open the book up to the page he was on, ignoring his protests, and glance over the segment he underlined.
"Sometimes we want what we want even if we know it's going to kill us."
But when I see the small note he made in the margin is when I look up at him. I bite my lip and trace my finger over the letters before looking up at him.
"Why'd you write 'Mia' next to that line?"
Luke looks down at his hands, scarred and still covered in cuts along the knuckles. The memory of what he's done for me.
"Luke, why'd you write my name next to that line?"
He takes a breath then looks down at me.
"Because it made me think of you."
And in that second I understand. I understand and I become hyper-aware of where I am, not just in this room but where I am in the entire universe. I am a tiny human in a big city on a rapidly spinning planet, going in circles around the sun, part of a small solar system in a big chaotic mess of galaxies and stars and dark matter.
I am a tiny human in a big city, wearing Luke's sweatshirt and unknowingly straddling his lap, reading my own name on the pages of a book we've both read. Thinking about my past and my present and feeling my heart breaking.
"What's wrong?" he asks raspily, resting his hand against my cheek.
I close my eyes and shake my head. "Nothing."
I open my eyes and see Luke looking intently into them, trying to gain some understanding. Some sliver of truth that I keep hidden.
"Nothing's wrong." I take a deep breath and smile, tinged on the edges with sadness. I look down at the sentence and my name. "Nothing, just....just kiss me."
After a moment of hesitation Luke kisses me and I feel my universe shift into place. He begins to pull away quizzically but I keep him close and reach up to his face, delicately running my finger along his jawline and relishing in the way his lips feel against mine.
My body presses against him, trying to get as close to him as possible, trying to fit myself against him. He's hard around the edges but he feels like everything I need and I never want this moment to stop.
I sigh a little and he opens up the kiss, cupping my face with both hands before moving one hand down to my back hold me against him.
It feels like the entire world is spinning and I pull away so I can breathe. And then like a moth to a flame, I find my way back to him and he kisses me so deep that I can't tell whose air I'm breathing.
LUKE
I don't understand how or why we're kissing. All I know is that Mia's lips taste like fruit. Like every sweet thing to ever exist. The book is right - she'll be the death of me, but I can't get enough.
I move my lips away from her, trailing my lips down her neck and feel the way she responds to me, the way she melts like sugar.
My lips reach the base of her neck, just by her collarbone, and she whispers my name.
"I never want this to end," she says, yanking out my heart and turning it in my chest.
Her hands are cold but her skin is so warm, so sweet-smelling and I can't even understand how one person could drive me so crazy.
I can taste the universe on her lips and her skin and even in such a cold place, even in my arms, she's still so warm. Warm like the late-spring air in the middle of May.
I can't help but wonder how she does what she does to me, trailing my hands along the top of her thighs, lightly brushing against her hip bones before moving up to her waist. She whimpers my name and I cover her voice with my mouth, tasting every bit of her.
She feels like every good thing I've ever known and I need more. "Take it off," I mumble against her lips, I'm impatient but I don't care.
I reach underneath my sweatshirt that she's wearing and lift it up, looking at how fucking gorgeous she looks before taking my t-shirt off as well, desperate to feel her skin against mine.
I kiss her lips, hungrily, rasping out a "Fuck, I need you" against her lips and, probably a little too roughly, pulling down the straps of her bra and unclasping the back.
She's so perfect and I can't stop, pulling her closer to me and kissing her, pulling against her bottom lip and gripping her waist like it's the only thing keeping me anchored to this world.
Mia lets out a little pleasure-laced whine when I get ahead of myself, kissing and biting the skin at the bottom of her neck a little too hard. It's hard to even believe we were just reading when I have her in my bed, only wearing her underwear and whimpering underneath my touch.
Besides the time she was on my couch, I know she's never done anything like this before, so I know I have to be careful. But she's so intoxicating and as our hands explore every inch of each other's skin, it's hard to not get lost in her and everything that she is.
I trail my lips down her collarbone, then to her shoulder, then back up to her lips as I move my hands down to where her smooth, caramel skin meets the cotton of her 'days of the week' underwear. (Even though today is Saturday, hers say Tuesday.)
I lift her up so she's on her knees, straddling my lap, and I reach underneath her panties. She moans and when I feel how wet she is, I can't help but feel myself straining against my boxers.
I deepen the kiss and go a little farther, rubbing against her clit and she half-moans, half-whimpers my name, making me almost smirk at how easily she can come undone.
But just as I'm about to go even a little farther, she shakes her head and pulls her lips away from mine.
"What's wrong? Do you want me to stop?"
She bites her lip and looks down shyly. "Well, it's just...I want to reciprocate." She sits back down, her panties already damp and resting against my boxers and the erection underneath.
"Shit," I mumble and her eyes widen when she feels how hard I am.
"Oh my god, I'm sorry."
I laugh and fiddle with the seams of her underwear before lightly kissing her shoulder. "You know, most girls wouldn't apologize."
She smiles shyly and then reaches down to palm me through my boxers. Unsurely, she looks up at me. "Really though, I want to reciprocate. What, um, what do you want me to do?"
I smirk. "Well, there's a lot of things I'd like you to do and a lot of things I'd really like to do to you, but -"
She laughs and shuts me up with a kiss.
We laugh and then slowly, it fades to silence. She takes a deep breath, looking into my eyes. "I've never done this before," she says softly, so innocently.
I take a breath. Then I kiss her for reassurance. "I know." Then I sit up and cup her face with my hand. "One thing at a time, okay?"
She nods and then I tell her what to do, watching as her eyes crinkle at the sides when she smiles and her ochre-colored cheeks tinge slightly with pink.
Slowly, and a little bit nervously, she pulls down my boxers and wraps her hand around me.
Like I told her, she spits into her hand and delicately, slides her hand up and down, biting her lip.
She looks up at me, still pumping her hand up and down.
"Is this okay?" she asks, innocently. I nod my head and kiss her in response, but when she brushes her thumb across the tip, I can't help but deepen the kiss, groaning into her mouth.
"Did I do something wrong?" she asks, pulling her hand away.
I laugh, and pull her closer. "No, that was good."
Mia wraps her hands back around me, sliding up and down, running over every ridge, every vein. Normally, I would think of a handjob as juvenile, but with her it's different. Intimate.
She looks so good like this, and I kiss her again before leaning back and cupping her face in my hand, my fingers on her cheek and my thumb tracing her lips. Her lips are pink and so soft but as I trail my thumb across her bottom lip, she surprises me and unassumingly pulls my thumb past her lips, pulling it inside her mouth and sucking.
Shit. I strain against her hand but she keeps my thumb in her mouth, sucking on it while she pumps her hand up and down.
It's unexpected and I love it. She looks so innocent and sweet and beautiful, but simultaneously, so dirty.
Seeing her like this makes me think of all the things I want to do to her. I want to take it slowly but at the same time, I can't help but thinking of all the ways I want her.
She has no idea of the effect she has on me, how seeing her like this makes me want to push her panties to the side and slide all the way inside of her. How seeing her like this makes me want to flip her over and slam into her from behind, hearing her whimper my name as I fill her up all the way.
I'm so close and it's taking everything in me to maintain my self control. A raspy, pleasure laced groan escapes past my lips and she speeds up, sucking on my thumb a little harder. As I get closer and closer to the edge, I pull her closer so there's barely any space between us. I pull my thumb out of her mouth so I can trail my hands against her skin and she lets go with a wet 'pop' before brushing her fingers across the tip. It feels so good, better than I've felt with other girls and starting to lose control, I bite and suck against the skin of her neck.
She whimpers out my name and suddenly, I'm pushed over the edge, spilling all over her hand and groaning against her neck.
Mia gasps in surprise and I clasp the white sheets next to me, shuddering and before breathing out deeply.
"Baby," I moan raspily as I come undone, holding her against me as I kiss along the skin of her shoulder.
Slowly, I open my eyes back up again and exhale against her skin. "Was that okay?" she asks sheepishly.
I laugh and gently kiss her lips. "It was better than okay." I take a little bit of the cum that's on her hand with my index finger. "Taste?"
Shyly, she nods, then takes my index finger in her mouth and sucks it clean. She's so dirty without meaning to and I love it.
"It's salty," she giggles and I laugh too.
"I'll get you a towel," I say, kissing her lips one more time before getting up and walking to the bathroom.
When I come back with a damp towel, Mia's face is glowing. I love the way she looks like this. The evidence of my orgasm spilled over on to her hand and there's a little bit on her lower stomach and upper thighs.
Secretly, I can't help but love the way it looks on her. It's so primal, like a mark.
I wipe it all off before gently kissing her palm, then her forehead, then her lips. She smiles and closes her eyes, keeping them closed even after I kiss her.
MIA
"What's wrong?" Luke asks me afterward, looking at me, searching my eyes.
I open my eyes and smile, shaking my head. "It's nothing."
"Do you regret - "
I laugh. "No, no." Then I bite my lip, just a little embarrassed. "That was really..." I trail off, smiling. "No, not that."
"Then what's wrong?" Luke rests his thumb underneath my chin so I'll look up at him. "You've gotta let me in sometimes, okay?"
It's hard. But I do it because he's right, I have to open up with him. Breathe in. Breathe out. "It's just. Are we just just kidding ourselves? I mean, what are we?"
Luke pauses and I feel my heart in my throat. And then, he takes a deep breath before cupping my face in his hands.
"I'm yours," he says raspily. "I'm yours, if you'll have me."
I take a breath and look into his eyes.
I'm not sure how any of this happened or how it makes sense. I don't understand how he is or why he is, I'm only able to comprehend that he is. And that against all reason, we are as well.
"Okay."
And I know, that this is when it begins.
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