"I missed you."
Feeling her cheeks turn a couple of shades deeper Jade laughed it off, "Oh, come on. We haven't seen each for about fifteen hours maximum."
Perrie shrugged and leant her head back against the cushions of the sofa. "I know. It was kind of weird without you, though, because we've been really... on each other's tail lately. Do you think it was a needed break?"
"I wouldn't call it a break," Jade told her quietly but still cuddled up to the blonde either way. She didn't quite feel like admitting it but it had indeed felt weird to fall asleep alone and wake up to an empty bed.
The chat she'd had with her mum had helped her a lot and made her a bit more hopeful, if she was being honest. True, her mum had her told that she deserved someone who treated her differently but then again Jade didn't think that Perrie was doing anything else than her mum told her. Perrie made her feel like the only one at the moment, she made her feel like she was the only one she wanted at the moment.
Of course, Perrie could find someone new any day, someone she could be in a real relationship with instead of using them as a rebound but maybe, Jade thought, she could be more than just the rebound. Like... sometimes rebounds stay around, right?
Perrie kissed Jade's temple before getting up from the sofa, "You want anything from the kitchen? I'm going to get some food."
Jade shrugged and nodded but didn't specify any needs and watched Perrie leave the room, her hips swinging nicely as she left (Jade bit her lip at the sight but decided to let it go). They hadn't had sex since that night and the brunette felt kind of frustrated about it.
It wasn't like she was craving Perrie's body all over her, except that she totally was. She couldn't remember ever feeling as good as she had that night (or morning, really, because after all it had been four in the morning) so obviously the desire to feel like it again was immense.
She didn't really know why they hadn't done anything since then – maybe Perrie felt weird about it? They hadn't really talked about it either, which was probably necessary considering this wasn't really something friends did. She hadn't done it with Leigh-Anne and Jesy and while Jade was very well aware why she wouldn't do it with either of them (because she wasn't in love with either of them) she was curious as to why Perrie had decided to go this way.
"Here," the blonde said and put a bowl of popcorn in Jade's lap. Sitting down next to her again she took the television remote and zapped through the channels.
Chewing on the popcorn the brunette wondered how she could start this conversation – after all, she did want to know more about how Perrie felt. She didn't expect her to claim her undying love for her because it was still a short time between her and Zayn's breakup but then again maybe... maybe Perrie kind of wanted her a little bit as much as she wanted Perrie.
"Um, Pez?" She managed to utter and felt her throat tighten uncomfortably so she swallowed thickly (which didn't have any effect, of course). "I kind of wanted to talk to you."
The blonde turned her head lazily and watched her wife with such big blue eyes that Jade felt her heart pace quicken. "About?"
"Us," Jade replied before she changed her mind. God, this was going to be such an awkward talk.
Frowning Perrie sat up properly and looked at the brunette quizzically, obviously confused what there was to talk about in the first place. "About what exactly?"
Clearing her throat Jade looked down at her hands which were fidgeting in her lap. "Well, I was unsure about what you wanted – from me, to be precise. I don't really know what you expect from this... relationship we have right now."
"I thought I'd said that," Perrie told her confused. "All I want is to have some fun and to relax and not think about the future. Isn't it good the way it is now? Are you feeling uncomfortable with anything?"
The brunette quickly shook her head but then opened her mouth only to close it a few seconds later again. She didn't even know what to say anymore because her head was running a mile a minute.
"Come on," she told Jade with a reassuring smile, "I'm your best friend. Also your wife. You can tell me everything."
"It's just – I don't know. I just thought that maybe there was more to it. I know you don't want to talk about him but you can't just ignore everything forever." She bit her lip, knowing she was probably overstepping boundaries but Perrie must know that what she was saying was the truth. She couldn't run from what happened forever and ignore it – sometimes you needed to think about what had happened so you could move on from it.
"Why are you doing this now?" Perrie asked and the pain in her eyes took Jade's breath away. "Why do you want me to think about all of this now? Do you want me to be hurt?"
Jade gaped at Perrie's words. "How can you even think so!?" She asked, her voice louder than necessary. "I've been nothing but supportive these past few weeks! You know I wouldn't do this if I didn't think it was good for you!"
Perrie frowned and her nostrils visibly widened in anger. "Well, yeah, you don't always know what's best for me! I enjoyed these past few weeks and now you come and ruin it all. Why do I have to talk about this? I feel good right now and I thought so did you!"
Jade gulped because how was she going to get out of this? She wanted to turn back time but if she was honest she would probably still ask Perrie because she really wanted to have answers now – it was just that this had not gone the way she had hoped.
"I didn't – I didn't want to ruin it," the brunette told her and hated herself for the tears that were stinging in her eyes. She didn't want to cry now, she didn't want to behave like she was the victim in this when nothing had happened.
Perrie looked at her quietly for a few seconds, her eyes still showing her anger towards her wife. "Stop this," she told Jade. "I don't want to talk about this and you need to respect that."
Jade bit her lip and took a deep breath, avoiding to look at Perrie. After another few seconds of tense silence she nodded her head because as much as she knew she was right Perrie was right, too – it was her decision and if she didn't want to talk about it she didn't have to. "Yeah, you're right. Sorry I brought it up." She quickly got up from the sofa and walked into the kitchen, where she poured herself a cup of iced tea.
This was ridiculous really – she had fled the room because she had been so embarrassed to cry in front of Perrie? She had never been afraid to show her emotions in front of the blonde.
Leaning against the sink she took a sip of her glass and cursed herself internally when she noticed how shaky her hands were.
"Jade?" Perrie's voice startled her and out of fear she almost dropped her glass. Quickly she turned around and placed her glass on the counter, using the chance to wipe her eyes while her back was turned to Perrie. Taking a deep (but as quiet as possible) breath she faced the blonde an expression that was supposed to look indifferent but probably only seemed whiny and childish.
"I'm sorry," the blonde told her and walked closer carefully, her fingers dancing on the aisle in the middle of the kitchen. "I didn't want to get all angry."
Jade bit her lip and watched the blonde to maybe be able to tell what she was about to do.
"I don't want to fight with you."
The brunette nodded but didn't move from where she was stood, leaning against the counters. Her eyes were examining her carefully, almost like they were afraid of Perrie's next move.
"Aren't you going to say anything?" Pouting the blonde stopped coming closer, about three feet between Jade and herself.
Jade couldn't help the smile rising on her face at the younger female's hesitation. Truth was, she couldn't stay bitter or angry or sad or whatever it was that she had been feeling when Perrie was like this. "I wouldn't know what to say."
Perrie's smile broadened as well at the sight of the brunette's taunting grin. "Are you mad at me?"
Jade shook her head no rather quickly, with no hesitance but not quickly enough to make it look like she was lying. "I don't have any reason to be mad at you."
"I shouted at you," Perrie murmured and took another step forward. She was moving so slowly that Jade almost didn't notice she was moving towards her – except that Jade was so in love with Perrie that she couldn't help but notice every little thing the blonde did.
"I shouted at you first," Jade mumbled and when Perrie was only two feet away from her she reached out her hand.
The grin on Perrie's face broadened and she let herself be pulled into Jade's embrace, enjoying the feeling of the older woman's warmth around her. "That's true. I should be mad at you."
"Are you?" Jade asked carefully and watched her fingers move in circles on the back of Perrie's shoulder.
The blonde shook her head, her hair tickling Jade's chest. "No, I don't think I could be mad at you."
"Now, look at us," Jade laughed. "We're really like a married couple, eh? First we're fighting and then we're back into each other's arms after a few seconds. It's kind of ridiculous."
"Well," Perrie told her and pulled back to look at her properly. "To be honest, we kind of are a married couple. We're married. We love each other, even if it might be a little different. But then again we like to do this..." Her voice slowly faded towards the last words as she pressed her lips to Jade's, "or this," her mouth moved south, kissing at the brunette's jaw tentatively, "or this," her hands were tugging on Jade's shirt, to which the brunette lifted her arms and let her shirt be pulled over her head, "and maybe this." Her hands were on Jade's bare thighs, the only material covering them a skirt Perrie could easily slip her fingers under.
"Fuck," Jade breathed out and gasped in surprise when the blonde lifted her up and placed her on the kitchen counter. "Yes, please."
"Yeah," she hummed a couple of minutes later when Perrie's fingers pulled out of her and she leaned back against the wall. "Even the makeup sex. Like married couple."