Today is a good day. I thought happily as I watch the tiny craters appear on the smooth batter as it cooked. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, life is good and today is going to be damn good day. When the surface of the batter becomes filled with holes, I flip it neatly to the other side then let out a squeal of satisfaction at the gold-colored pancake.
My body bobbed and swayed along with the familiar intro of the song playing from the speakers as the music drifts in from the living room, "Saturday morning, jumped out of bed, and put on my best suit." I sang as I plucked the pancake from the pan and into a waiting plate, "Got in my car and raced like a jet, all the way to you." I pour another helping of batter onto the pan then used the rubber spatula as a microphone as I danced away from the pan with my eyes closed. "Knocked on your door with heart in my hands to ask you one question cuz I know you're an old fashioned man."
When I open my eyes, I see my dad standing behind the counter, watching me with an amused expression on his face. The unexpected visitor makes me jump and I drop the spatula in panic. "God! Pa!" I bark at the same time that I try to catch my breath. "What ever happened to knocking?"
He laughs, proud to have gotten such a reaction. "I knocked!"
"You did? How'd you get in?"
He answers by showing me small key, "Hide-a-key. Anyway, what's gotten you in such a good mood?"
I shrug and try to contain the smile on my face, "Nothing."
"Althea, how many times do I have to tell you that us Guevarra's make horrible liars?"
That makes me roll my eyes but remembering the pancake cooking behind me, I quickly whip around and use another spatula to flip it. "I'm just really happy right now."
"Pancakes for lunch? Did you get laid?"
My eyes widen and I look at him in shock, "No! What is wrong with you?!"
"Then what is it?" He asks as he slides up and unto the bar stool. "Who do you have to thank for the smile on my daughter's face?"
For the first time, I don't shy or turn away from his questioning but sly gaze whenever he would ask me such personal questions. I smile and fish my phone from my pocket before sliding it along the counter then turning my attention back to the pan.
"Oh wow..." I hear from behind me after a short moment. "Wow, you two look good together."
He was referring to my phone's homescreen wallpaper which was Jade and I a few days ago. We had gone to the roof one afternoon and took several pictures together on her and my phone; before she left, she changed the wallpaper on my phone just for fun and I just didn't have a heart to change it back.
"Her name is Jade. She's my..." I hesitate, not really sure what to label her as, "...special friend." I finish weakly before adding another finished pancake to the plate.
"Special friend?"
"Yes."
"Althea, if this woman is your girlfriend, you know you can tell me right?"
A low groan passes my lips but luckily he didn't hear it, "I know. She's not my girlfriend."
"Well, this picture could have fooled me." he muses before making his way to my side then grabbing the spatula from my hands. "I'll take care of this, you go buy us some whipped cream and peanut butter."
"Pa, I have butter."
"I want peanut butter."
"Peanut butter is disgusting."
"Will you deny a dying old man his wish?"
My body stiffens and when the shock passes, I smack his arm lightly, "That's not funny."
I hated how cliche I was being. As soon as I stepped out of the building, it was like I was looking at a brand new city where everything was beautiful and refreshing. The kids outside that once annoyed the hell out of me, I now found amusing. The newspaper and tabloid vendor on the corner of the street that never spoke now smiled at me and greeted me a good afternoon. The homeless old man that always hissed and growled at me now threw me a smile; even the polluted air of the city felt like fresh mountain breeze.
God, everything was just so beautiful.
A buzzing in my pocket shifts my attention and I pull the phone up just as I enter the store. It was Batchi,
"Hello?"
"Dude, I have amazing news!"
"What's up?"
"I have to tell you in person. Are you free right now?"
"Pa is just at home but I can meet you now if it won't take long."
"Great, I'm on my way to you. I'll pick you up in ten?"
"Alright. See you. This news better be good."
"Oh trust me! It is! See you!"
"Bye."
Luckily, there were very few people in line so I was able to pluck the items I needed off of one shelf, pay for it in and exit the store in less than five minutes. As I make my way back, something in the newspaper vendor's hands catches my eye. It was a well known tabloid magazine and written across the top of the page was:
Childhood sweethearts JT & DL finally tying the knot? Business move or fairytale becoming reality?
Beside the text was a picture of a man and a woman with their faces covered with a question mark, but I easily recognize the dress that the woman wore because Jade sent me a picture from her car before she went to meet her parents.
A heavy feeling settles in my chest as my heart beats erratically. What the hell was this? Engaged? That's impossible-- My phone rings again and this time I pick it up without looking at the screen, "Batchi, I'll have to call you back."
"It's me."
Just from the voice alone I knew it was her, I had become so in-tune with her that I could probably pick the sound and timbre of her voice from a crowd of hundreds.
"Where are you?" She asks and something in her voice doesn't sit well with me; it sounded all too tight and controlled.
I grab the tabloid off of the shelf and pay for it before answering, "I just stepped out for an errand. I'm on my way home. Why?"
"We need to talk."
"Okay..." I say with an inaudible sigh, "Where do you want to meet up? My dad's at home so I can't just leave him."
"I know and you won't have to."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm at your apartment."
My skin felt prickly as I waited for the elevator to reach the ground floor, my eyes flickering to the small red lights on the screen as it showed me what floor the elevator was in. I ran through as many scenarios and in my head and even more feelings in my chest. I wasn't sure how to feel. I wasn't sure whether to be sad, angry, heartbroken, bitter or all four all at once.
Did she go here to tell me about the engagement or was this just coincidence? Why would she be engaged to David anyway? I remind myself that the tabloid that now sat idly in my back pocket, was based off of assumptions and hearsays.
I shift nervously from one foot to another as more people line up behind me.
"Hey, I've seen her around here." A woman states from beside me and for some reason it pulls my attention to her. She was a middle aged woman with a friend, holding the same tabloid that I had in her hands and pointing to a picture of Jade on the inside of the paper.
"Look at that! That's what you call an engagement ring!"
"It's so big!"
"I bet that's real diamond."
"Doris, they're two of the richest families in the country. Of course,that's real diamond."
Curiously, I sway on my feet to get a better view of the picture but a loud ding makes me stiffen and my eyes to dart back towards the elevator just as it opens. Feeling like Doris and her friend had just caught me sticking my nose in their business, I quickly moved and stood just inside of the elevator.
The ride upwards was torture because as the elevator brings me higher and closer to Jade, it also felt like my stomach was anchored to the basement and having it pulled further and further made my body feel clammy and cool to the touch; like I was standing on a wire hanging between a wide and deep ravine.
By the time the bell dings for my floor, I was just about ready to pass out.
Every step I make that takes me closer to my apartment was punctuated by a thudding sound in my ear, like battle drums being beaten as warriors approach the enemy, which I found out to be my own heart hammering in my chest.
I stand just outside the door with my hands held above the knob, shaking slightly. Everything would be fine. Everything was fine yesterday, things don't change that quickly. Especially not Jade and her feelings. No way.
With a steadying breath, I push open the door and step in. I immediately see my father sitting on the couch in front of the TV, his eyes on the screen as he watched the game. The door swings closed behind me and before I could turn towards the kitchen, Jade walks in from the kitchen with a plate of pancakes in hand.
"Here you go, Mister Guevarra." She smiles as she places the plate in front of him.
My father turns and pats Jade's cheek lovingly, "Please... Call me Felix or Pa." he says and he turns just enough that he sees me standing dumbly in the middle of the apartment. "Althea! Didn't even hear you come in. Your... um... Jade is here."
In a heartbeat though, Jade was on me, her arms wrapping tightly around my waist then she buries her nose in my hair before inhaling deeply. "I missed you." She whispers and her warm breath gently creeps along the skin of my nape, causing goosebumps as it ghosts over the tiny hairs.
My arms ached to hold her, to feel her warmth on my skin again; but the paper in my pocket, which was basically weightless, felt like it weighed a ton. Like it was this giant pink elephant in the room that demanded attention and when I pull back to take her hands in mine, I knew I couldn't ignore it any longer.
I felt it there.
I didn't have to look to know what it was.
It was hard and cold against her skin and as the pad of my fingers slide over the band, it was like it had ripped my heart in two.
"We need to talk." Jade says quietly, her eyes filled with guilt and torture.
A sigh leaves my lips and I nod, hanging my head as I reach behind me to retrieve the tabloid from my pocket; shoving it into her hands and causing a confused look to pass Jade's features. Her eyebrows furrow as she straightened the paper to get a better look.
I watch her eyes scan the paper for only a short second before locking on to the top where I knew her picture was displayed. Those eyes that once held so much emotion back was now overflowing with what I saw as guilt and grief. I hated seeing such a pained look on her face but the look on her face basically confirmed what I had felt and the rush of hurt was too much that I couldn't bring myself to apologize for showing her so harshly.
Jade's voice come weakly as she spoke, "Althea, I--"
"Is it true?"
"Please..." She says and I could see the tears pooling in her eyes; but it didn't matter because as good as my day had begun, my heart now felt like it was tearing little by little. "Althea--"
"Is it true?!" I barked without looking away from the tabloid in her hands, not realizing that I had made Jade jump back in surprise.
There was no warning though before a single tear drips from my left eye then scorches a path down my cheek. Jade reaches out but I flinch away from her hand, not wanting any contact between us because I was sure it would just ruin whatever dignity and control I had left.
"Althea." My father huffs unhappily, "don't raise your voice."
I purse my lips in an effort to hold back any more tears that may come before nodding, my palm swiping across my cheek to wipe any evidence of the tear. "Sorry, Pa. I'm sorry Jade. Excuse me." I say quietly before making my way past the woman and towards my room.
"Althea... Althea wait." Jade pleads from behind me but I kept going. I couldn't stop. I had to keep walking. I had to make it to my room because there was no way I'd let my father see me cry. "Althea please... Let me explain."
I could hear her following me through my apartment and as soon as I entered the bedroom, I whipped around just as she was closing the door. I was angry. I was hurt. I wanted to release some of the agitation and sadness I felt but there was nothing I could do, so I simply run my hands roughly through my hair and pulled at the locks that got trapped between my fingers.
"Explain what, Jade? Explain why you left yesterday saying you were going to break up with David and then come back to news that you're engaged to him?" I hiss, unable to control the anger I felt but still unwilling to raise my voice at her again.
"I didn't have a choice!"
"Did he weld the fucking ring to your finger?" I ask before grabbing her left hand, holding it up between us so the that stone of the ring was facing me.
The diamond that rested on Jade's finger was so big and brilliant that it looked like it was it's very own light source. It was beautiful but at the same time, it was also the most horrible thing I've ever seen; the woman I love, wearing an engagement ring that didn't come from me.
I pause for a moment to let that harsh reality sink in, through the pores on my skin and past the flesh to settle coldly into the very core of my bones. My hand begins to tremble and grow cold against Jade's so I let her go, releasing her hand as quickly as I did when I grabbed it.
Jade's face was stained by the tears that now flowed freely from her eyes and for a moment I fear that I could have hurt her when I took her hand so roughly in mine. Of course I had to remind myself that I shouldn't care, that I should stop caring for someone who clearly doesn't care about the promises that she gives me.
"Althea, I--I'm sorry." she says, stuttering from the involuntary reactions of her own body as she cried, "I wish I could make you understand. My family... They... We have to live up to certain standard and I can't just turn my back on them. I can't."
My eyebrows crease together as I answer, "I never asked you to do that. I would never ask you to do that. All you were supposed to do was to break up with David, wasn't that what you wanted?"
"It was!" Jade whines then releases a breath, "It is."
"But...?" I ask because I was quickly learning that there was more; there was always more when it came to Jade.
The woman huffs then drags her feet towards the bed, sitting on it and sighing before answering, "but my family wants me to marry David. If I leave him..." She pauses and I notice a panicked look cross her face before she looks up at me, "... Althea, If I leave him, my father will disown me."
"What? No. No way. Let's not get dramatic. Your father isn't going to disown you for breaking up with your boyfriend."
"Yes he will."
"No father would do that."
"Your father wouldn't." Jade says and I could sense the fear in her voice as she gets off the bed, beginning to pace the room. "But you don't know my father. David is his business partner, breaking up with him could cause issues in the family and the business. I also told you about that matchmaker, remember? Breaking a matched couple would give my family bad luck."
"Jade...!" I bark but hold back my voice just enough that it wasn't at full volume.
I grab her arms and hold her steady to keep her from pacing, then I stand in front of her to make her look at me. "There's no such thing as luck. You make that on your own." I tell sher and she simply looks at me like she doesn't know what I was saying.
"I can't do this..."
"You won't have to. We can pawn the ring and go away together. We could--" "No, I can't turn my back on my family. I can't leave them. I can't leave Ama and my brothers. I can't."
"And David?" My voice edged with anger and bitterness that even I could taste. "You can't leave him too?"
"It's not that easy."
"Yes it is! You said were going to break up with him before you decided that uou wanted to get engaged to him!"
Jade shakes her head then meets my gaze with pain etched in those chocolate orbs, "I didn't have a choice! I still don't have a choice! I have to marry David!"
"You can stand up to your family! Stand up for yourself and what you want!"
"No I can't. You make it seem so easy but it's not!"
"It's not supposed to be easy, Jade!"
"It doesn't matter now, I have to marry him."
"Of course it matters!"
"Why? Why does it matter?"
"Because you don't love him!"
"and I shouldn't love you!"
That pulls me up short and my body turns rigid, the metaphorical slap in the face stinging like she had actually hit me. Five words that shouldn't bother me anymore, now causes an oddly familiar ache to pulse in my chest.
Insecurity. Confusion. Inadequacy. Jealousy.
Because the person that loves me, the person that I love, thinks that marrying herself off to some guy she doesn't love is better than being with me. Because Jade can't even bring herself to accept what she feels for me. Because what the hell did David have that I couldn't give her? Why am I not enough for her? Why am I never enough for anybody?
First Wila and now even Jade sees nothing in me to fight for.
Nothing.
My jaw clenches at the awful realization and I force myself to look away from her because if I looked at her and see in those eyes that she believed what she had just said, I was sure I would fall apart.
"Maybe... Maybe this happened... Maybe this happened to stop us from making a mistake."
I scoff just as the doorbell dings above us, "I know what a mistake is, and it's not this. Not us." With that, I leave her and make my way back out of the bedroom. At the door, I see Batchi standing in the hallway with an excited look on her face that quickly dissipates when she sees what state I was in.
"Whoa dude. What the hell happened to you?"
"Nothing. I'm fine." I lie unconvincingly.
"You were fine fifteen minutes ago, so spill."
As much as I wanted to, I just wasn't ready to pour the pieces of my broken heart out and into the palm of Batchi's hands again so I shrug, "Later. Can you take Pa out for tonight and bring him home? I have a... guest."
"Pa's here?"
"Right here!" he calls from the living room.
Batchi turns to me and huffs, "Fine, but don't think I'd forget. I'll take him out because I miss him, not because I believe you."
With that, they were both out of the house in less than five minutes. Once I lock the door behind them, I place my hands on the back of my head and lean back on the cool wooden surface with my eyes closed.
I simply breathe slowly, inhaling and exhaling in a steady rhythm.
In... 1....2...3... Out... 1...2...3...
Going back into that room with a head full of steam wouldn't help my case with Jade. It wasn't like I didn't understand how important her family was but I just couldn't accept that the only way to stay with them was to marry David. What sort of family would even do that to their only daughter?
I knew Jade wasn't lying though, I could see the honest fear in those eyes and I understood that being in a relationship with me wasn't only unconventional, it was still unaccepted especially for women like us who still look like straight women.
God, why? Why did I have to fall in love with her? Everything would be so much easier if I could just shut off these feelings. I could let her marry David and we could both pretend like we didn't happ-- My thoughts are interrupted when I feel a weight pressing against me and a familiar warmth to envelope my body. It wraps around my waist and covers the whole front of my torso. At the same time, a fragrant weight settling on my shoulder and against one side of my neck, causing me to drop my arms.
"I'm sorry." Jade whispers into the skin of my neck, "I shouldn't love you but I do. I love you. I love you, Althea and it scares me just how much I do." she says quietly into my ear while her fingers tangle with the hairs on the back of my neck.
"But...?"
"No buts. Not today. I love you and I need you." She whispers and the tone of her voice makes my eyes fly open. It was both filled with love and desperation, like she was holding on to the last strand of hope she had. "I need you to make me forget. Help me forget the world, even just for today."
Before I could answer, she uses her hands to tilt my head at just the right angle so she could connect our lips. As soon as it does, all thought in my head is immediately incinerated and it's ashes fall from my brain to my mouth before melting on our tongues as they danced and moved against each other.
I wake up late the next day with my body pleasantly sore and a soft but tired smile on my lips. I stretch my arms high then reach over to wrap them around Jade but when I do, my hands make contact with the cool sheets of the bed.
My head snaps up and I open my eyes to the site before me. The side of Jade's bed was empty except for a single piece of sticky-note that was stuck on the pillow beside mine. With a heavy feeling in my heart, I pluck the note from it's resting place and held it up so I could read what was written.
Two words were written on it and nothing more. No explanation. No long speech. No goodbyes.
I'M SORRY.
"That's it? That's all she left you with after a day of lady loving? I'm sorry?"
"Yeah." I answer Lauren with a shrug as I turn the piece of paper over and over, trying to see if there was another message I had missed. A code, a secret message, a fine print, anything. Anything that could make sense of how she could have just left me like that.
It had been weeks since Jade's disappearing act and as much as I buried myself in work and arranging the wedding, I couldn't keep the demons from whispering doubts into my head.
Maybe she never loved me?
Maybe Jade just needed some excitement in her life and I was her little plaything?
Maybe she was just another curious straight girl and when she got a taste, she decided to stick to what she knew?
All these thoughts swirled and stewed inside me until I couldn't hold it in anymore. So before I could do something stupid like go to Jade's house and beg for an explanation, I held on to my pride and simply called Batchi and Lauren over. I told them everything from Jade and I's first meeting, the barn, the parking lot and even the afternoon before she left where we spent the day making love. The last one making it worse for me because for days and even until now, I could feel her on my skin like this ghost that haunted me. Her scent, her warmth, every sound she made that day, every whispered promise, every climax where she screamed my name; all of it haunted every waking moment and every dream at night.
"You should have told me about this..." Batchi muses quietly, "I wouldn't have take job if I knew. Now it's too late to back out since we already signed the contract."
The job, much to my dismay, was to arrange the engagement party and subsequent wedding of David and Jade for next year. That was the news that Batchi was so eager to tell all those weeks ago and really, I couldn't blame her for taking it. It was big money and a good opportunity to get more clients for the company.
So for the next year, I'll just have to suck it up and do my job. If Jade can pretend like nothing happened between us and I didn't exist then I'll do the same thing.
"It's fine. I can handle it." I reassure firmly before grabbing the folder off of the dining table, "now let's go. We need to be at the church before eight, the flowers are going to be there soon and I have to make sure they're perfect."
"Althea, wait." Batchi huffs, grabbing my arm to keep me in my seat.
I turn to the two and raise a questioning brow, "what?"
"Are you sure about this?"
"You can sit this one out." Lauren adds then grabs the folders from my hands.
Rolling my eyes, I grab the folder back and answer firmly, "I can handle it. I spent months on this too, I want to be there. Just get me one of those small canteens and fill it with rum-coke and we're all good."
Without waiting for an answer, I made my way out the door and towards the elevator so we could leave.
The church was epic, the large red arc with Chinese charms and lantern that the family had requested stood at the very back of the aisle, the flowers were white as pearls and were spreading a mild sweet scent all over the church, the guests were all smiles as they entered, the wedding band was set-up and the entourage was ready and waiting for the ceremony to begin.
Batchi had recruited Lauren to help with the event, she was assigned to direct the entourage, Batch assisted the guests as they entered while I was in charge of making sure the choice, band, priest and flowers were all in their proper place at the right time. It allowed me to hide in the small area where the singers were assigned to be in, so I wouldn't see Jade.
I take another pull from the small canteen in my hands, fueling the lightheadedness I was beginning to feel.
"Althea?" Batchi's voice drifts past the slight haze and into my ear.
"Hmm?" I hum as I pull my lips from the mouth of the bottle.
"Stop drinking. That's your second refill in two hours."
A scoff escapes me and I peek my head out from the area to look at her, giving her the thumbs up. "Yes, mom."
"Good girl." She nods just before the bridal car pulls up near the church entrance. I see three women exiting ahead of the bride and knowing Jade was with Pearl, I slipped back into the small area so that I didn't have to see her.
The wedding march starts not five minutes later, not giving me any time to calm the choking sensation I could feel in my throat from anxiety, followed by the entourage.
"Psst! Psssssssst!" The hissing makes my head snap to the seats where I see an old woman, who was introduced to me as Gabriel's grandmother, beckoning me to come closer.
Left with no choice, I swallow down the lump in my throat and step out from my hiding place to approach, "Yes, Mrs. Tanchingco? How can I help you?"
She leans closer to me then points accusatively at a man that was walking along with the entourage,"Who is that?"
My eyes follow her and I feel the knot of bitterness tighten in my chest. "That's David, Ma'am. David Limjoco, Jade's... um... fiancé."
"Fiancé? But they can't get married--" "It's okay, Ma'am. They'll get married next year so no tradition will be broken." I answer with a voice as steady as I could muster.
The old woman then yanks me down and hisses, "They can't get married because Jade doesn't love him. She loves someone else. I know it."
That catches the attention of another woman who was sitting behind her, Amanda Tanchingco, Jade's mother. "Sorry about her, Althea. She doesn't know what she's saying."
I nod and force down the tears as well as the lump in my throat, "It's no problem. Do either of you need anything?"
Amanda sighs as she transfers seats to sit beside the older Tanchingco woman, "Actually, can you call one of the maids to keep watch of Ama? Tell them the medicine is in the car, you can get the keys from Oscar."
Unfortunately, Oscar was standing at the front of the aisle with Gabriel and going to him would put me in direct view of the entourage but what choice did I have? I nod and walk to the end of the aisle to retrieve the keys from the intimidating man.
As soon as I got there, I hear Gabriel whisper to his father.
"There's our girl, Dada."
"She'll make a beautiful bride next year." The father states proudly and it prompts me to look down the aisle where I see her.
Jade looked absolutely breathtaking in her strapless yellow gown. She was standing under the large arc, waiting for her turn to walk with her eyes locked on the altar and a soft smile on her lips. My imagination felt like poison spreading in my brain and I fight the images of Jade in a wedding dress, Jade walking down the aisle, Jade slipping a ring on my finger-- I shook my head clear of those images and cleared my throat, making Oscar and Gabriel to look at me.
"Mr. Tanchingco, I'll need the car keys to get your mother her medicine."
He nods then huffs before reaching into his pants pocket and handing me the keys. Once the keys drop to my hands, I turn and make my way down the corridor with my eyes downcast.
Keep your head down. Keep your eyes on the ground. Stay in your place. Do not look at her. Don't you dare look up. Don't you dare. I chanted in my head over and over, like my very own mantra.
"Althea, I thought you were going to hide?"
"Dude, what are you doing?"
"Where are you going?"
"Althea?"
"Jade's walking. Go faster and don't look."
Batchi and Lauren's voice echoes in my ear as I walked but like some sort of sick joke, this unstoppable and unseen force grabs my head and yanks my gaze up just in time to see Jade make her way along the carpeted aisle. She had her eyes forward and I could see how tense the muscles in her shoulders and neck were. I stop and just look, thoughts that were both angry and pained screamed in my head as I did but I kept quiet.
I just had to accept the fact that Jade didn't care anymore.
Jade blinks then turns her head towards me and before I could look away, her eyes meet mine. The intensity in her gaze was palpable and the change in her features was visible because her smile faded until it completely disappeared. She looked at me with so many emotions, so many unspoken words floating in the air between us and it causes actual pain to stab at my heart.
She somehow continues walking and I grip my pride tightly to stop myself from following her with my gaze.
"Keep walking, dude. Keep walking." Batchi reminds me through the earpiece, yanking me from the hole I was starting to dig myself into.
"Right." I clear my throat, "I'm on my way out. Have you see the maids?" I ask as I force my feet to move and lead me out the church; not seeing that Jade had turned around to watch me leave.
"You're going to die of alcohol poisoning." Lauren huffs as she hands me a glass of water.
I hesitantly take it and take a small sip, "don't be so overdramatic."
"Or I'll kill you for getting drunk during the reception." Batchi threatens.
"See? That's more realistic." I muse playfully before taking a large gulp of water. "I didn't get drunk during the reception, I got drunk before it even began."
"Oh my God, can you please sit her down somewhere?" The short haired woman groans before attending to the other guests that had arrived.
Lauren helps me to my feet and we make our way to an empty corner of the room. There she hands me more water and even uses her own handkerchief to wipe at the sweat on my face. "You're going to feel like shit tomorrow."
"Meh, used to it."
She sighs and cups my cheek, "She really hurt you that much?"
"Nah." I shrug, "I hurt myself because I hoped. Because I was stupid enough to follow my heart or whatever."
"That's not stupid. It's brave."
I scoff at that, "then I'm pretty fucking brave, aren't I?"
"Yep. Take some of that bravery and hold on to it."
"What are you talking about."
Lauren nods and glance towards the door in response, "Jade and her boyfriend are here."
I turn and look as the rest of the family enters the hall, still wearing their wedding outfits. "Great."
With the attention on the newlyweds and their family, I was able to slip behind Lauren and towards the bar. I took two glasses of wine, downing one then carrying the other towards the bathroom. On the way there, I make the mistake of looking out into the main hall where, lo and behold, I make eye contact with Jade who was holding hands with David.
Seeing that causes venom to crawl up my throat and I roll my eyes and continue walking until I reach the short hallway that lead to the bathrooms. Just as I pass the men's bathroom, a fairly handsome man steps out and bumps into me. Luckily, the wine doesn't spill and I look up at him with the intention of cutting him with my words but the drunk goggles I had on and the burn I still felt from seeing Jade again makes me do something I just know I'll regret when the alcohol levels in my bloodstream return to normal.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't see you--" I cut him off with a kiss. He immediately reciprocates but it just felt off. It felt wrong. The lips against mine were too firm, the five o'clock shadow was too itchy, his shoulders were too broad, all wrong but I didn't care. I just didn't want to feel this way and taking after Jade's steps, this was the next logical step.
His too-large hands pushes me back until he pins me against the wall. It was then, when my back makes contact with the cool wall that I see through the haze enough to pull back, "Wait. No. Sorry."
"What do you--" He's cut off when Jade appears beside us and pushes him away from me.
My eyes snap to her and I take in the possessive look in her eyes.
"Jade? What was that for?" He asks, confusion etched all over his face.
She huffs then pinches the bridge of her nose between her fingers, "That's my... friend."
"Hey she kissed me."
Jade's eyes open and dart to me, "is that true?"
I shrug, "yeah, sure, I guess."
"Don't deny it lady--" "Jordan, can you leave us? Tell David to get me food from the buffet." The woman interrupts.
"Here, You can have this." I muse before handing him my glass. Jordan shrugs then walks away just as I wipe my mouth with the back of my hands.
"I don't know how you manage it but I definitely can't do it." I say, a disgusted look on my face.
Her brows furrow as she responds, "what are you talking about?"
"Kissing men. Kissing someone you have n-no feelings for. I don't know how you do it."
She doesn't answer and instead, she takes my arm and pull me towards the bathroom, "Come on. Let's get you out of sight before anyone sees you like this."
I scoff and yank my arm away from her grip, stumbling back against the wall. "Oops, be careful. You don't want to get infected by my horrible homosex-sexuality."
"Althea, stop it." She hisses, her eyes darting to the end of the hallway then back at me.
"Stop what? I'm just telling the truth. I mean, really. I-it must have been so horrible because you were so scared of it that you fucking disappeared. You ran with-without looking back and you left me behind."
"It's not like that." Jade says quietly before trying to take my arm again but just like the first time, I yanked it back.
"I mean I guess you're right. That..." I pause, pointing to where Jordan had just exited, "... That's what us lesbians need, right? A man? A man that can turn us straight? I mean look at you!" I yelp happily, "You seem to doing fine while here I am being haunted by you. I can't sleep. I can't eat. Tell me though, what was it? What did I not give you? What made you see that I just wasn't good enough for you?"
Jade doesn't answer.
She simply looks at me with this pained expression in her face that I didn't have the soberness to think about.
"This isn't the time or the place to talk about this. Please. You're drunk so you're not thinking clearly."
"I agree. I'm done having a one way conversation anyway." I bark before commanding my legs to carry me out towards the doors that lead out unto the hall.
Jade catches up to me easily and blocks my path, "Althea! Where are you going?"
"Home." I shrug
"I'll take you. You can't drive like this, who knows what might happen."
"Do you care?"
The question hung in the air between us for a second before the silence is shattered when another person enters the hallway. "Jade? Is everything okay? Jordan said you were back here with some drunk girl."
Of course he comes in as the stereotypical male hero of the day that's come to save the damsel in distress.
I raise my hand, "that's me. No worries, man. I was just leaving."
"Althea..." Jade whispers and the tone of her voice causes a pang of bitterness to echo in my chest.
Without looking or regarding Jade, I walked up to David and held a hand out to him. "Congratulations on the engagement."
The man takes it with a confused but cautious look on his face but he does shake my hand, "Thanks."
I turn to Jade and look at her with a look that was as cold as I could muster, "I hope you two have a beautiful life together."
The tears I had kept in now threatened to spill for Jade and David to see, but the pride that I held on to refused to let that happen so I immediately turn towards the exit, fishing my car keys from my bag. Ignoring the calls from behind me as I slipped into the driver's seat of my car and slipping the key into the ignition.