I wake up slowly the next morning in my own dormitory. As soon as my mind clears, I remember that today is the day of the mission. Groaning, I drag myself out of bed and stumble over to the drawers where I keep my clothes.
"Is it time already?" Leah moans.
"I wish it weren't." After I pull on my clean clothes, I head towards the door.
"Hey. Where are you going?"
"I'm going to see Matthew before we leave."
"Oh, come on! Haven't you seen him enough? It's not like he won't be here when you get back." Her voice is more teasing than angry.
"See you," I reply, stepping out of the dormitory.
"Bye."
It's 6:00 a.m., an hour before we leave, and the Training Facility is still silent and empty. Quietly, I slink to the other side of the room and knock on Matthew's door. For a moment I wait tensely, sneaking quick glances over my shoulder to make sure I'm not being watched. Then the door opens and I slip inside. Matthew scratches his neck and smiles at me somewhat tiredly. He wears shorts and an old t-shirt.
"Good morning," I whisper. "Sorry, I didn't have time to brush my hair. It must be awful."
"Nonsense." He grabs my arms and pulls me towards him, kissing the spot behind my ear. Warmth spills into me slowly, like honey. I'm led to the couch in the living room, and we sit down together.
"Do you know what you're going to do today?" I ask.
"Mmhmm." He kisses my neck, and I sigh. "I'm going to keep watch in front of Luke's tunnel. Maybe I can catch him off guard."
"Good idea."
"What about you? Do you know what this 'mission' is all about?" Yesterday, just before we were released from training, Sam gathered all of the Squads together and told us that we would be relocating to the residential district of the city, away from the Depot and government facilities.
"I think he just wants us to practice sneaking into the city in case something ever were to happen and we were needed to investigate it."
"Hmm..." Matthew pulls away a little, his eyebrows tugged in.
"What?"
"Maybe I'm misunderstanding, but ... If something really were to happen, shouldn't you be guarding the Depot? Not storming towards it?" He has a point. If Sam were truly convinced that the Depot might be infiltrated, wouldn't guarding the entrance to the Resistance make more sense? A little troubled, I shrug and force myself to discard the thought. He must have his reasons for our trip to the residential district.
"Well, anyways, I know you'll do great." Matthew places his hand on the small of my back and presses me towards him. We kiss again -- slowly, sensuously -- and a thrill of anxiety forces its way down my spine. My stomach jumps and I pull away quickly. I can feel my face growing red.
"What is it?" He asks quietly. I look into his still eyes, and I hate myself for being scared.
"I-I..." After spluttering dumbly for a moment, I take a deep breath and attempt to form an intelligent sentence. "What is this? What is this between us?" Matthew sits up straighter and shakes his head, looking shocked.
"Enna, what are you talking about?"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about! Opposite genders have always been discouraged from interacting and I... I don't know. What if it was for a good reason?" To my dismay, Matthew narrows his eyes angrily.
"I thought you were smarter than that! Isn't it obvious they've been lying to us?"
"Yes, but I..." Embarrassed and confused, I hold my palms to my face and lower my head.
"Look at me," he demands. I don't. After a few moments, he grabs my wrists and gently pulls my hands away from my face. His stare isn't as hard, isn't as disappointed.
"Do I scare you, Enna?" I shake my head and swallow. "Tell me the truth."
"No, Matthew, you don't. Not at all. I just... don't understand what's happening."
"Well, if it helps," he whispers, withdrawing his hands from my back, "I don't understand either." I laugh a little and he smiles. In the heat of the moment, I'd forgotten that both of us had lived in the city; that both of us, to some extent, are emotionally damaged. I'd forgotten that I'm not alone like I used to be.
"I guess we're both screwed up, then," I whisper.
"Yeah. I guess so." He mutters. Finally at peace, I rest my head on his chest and listen to him breathe until Sam calls the Trainees into the Training Facility. I can't help but groan, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep in Matthew's arms and forget about the looming task ahead. Instead, I raise my head and sigh.
"I'll see you soon," Matthew whispers. "Okay?"
* * *
"I wonder if we'll be bombed again." Oscar smirks and leans against the wall. Just like our field trip to the Statue of Liberty, Sam ordered all of the groups to leave periodically to avoid discovery. Guess which group is leaving last again.
"That's not funny," Josh mutters, looking down at his feet. Oscar punches him lightly on the shoulder.
"I know, buddy. I'm sorry."
"This mission better be downright historic. I'm missing precious sleeping time," Leah complains through a wide yawn. Sara glances up at her from her position on the floor as she ties her blonde hair into a ponytail.
"Did you know that sleep isn't mandatory?"
"Excuse me?"
"Sleeping. You don't have to sleep. Studies were carried out years ago, proving that you aren't physically harmed in any way if you don't sleep. Sure, you may be tired and might lose basic cognitive abilities, but--"
"Hey, it's time to go," Oscar cuts in quickly. Even though I consider Sara a friend of mine, I'm glad that her biology lesson is cut short. Oscar leads the way out of the apartment and we cross the street, traveling towards the heart of the city. I lower my head. A few months ago when I saw people wearing RScreens, I grew angry and annoyed at them. But now, after the things I'd learned from Matthew, I can only pity them for the choice they've made.
I quickly snap my head up to search the crowd for Sam: I see his graying head bobbing far ahead of us. Slightly comforted, I go back to my practice of staring at my feet. The concrete underfoot slowly starts to become patchier and patchier. We must be close. Suddenly, I walk into Oscar's back, crushing my nose against his shoulder.
"Sorry," he whispers. I nod in reply, because it hurts to move my mouth. Peering around Oscar, I notice that we've stopped in the middle of a small, empty square. Crumbling apartment buildings stand to one side, and a large park with browning grass stands to the other.
"Alright, everyone," Sam calls out. "Since this is a mock mission, I want you all to split into your Squads and choose a section of sidewalk to patrol." After a moment of watching him, I realize that he continually searches the skies behind us. He must be worried about being bombed again. I find myself doing the same thing after a while, out of paranoia. A tall boy at the front of the crowd of Trainees raises his hand, and Sam grudgingly acknowledges him.
"Yeah?"
"What will we be doing?"
"Excuse me?" He snaps forcefully. I wonder why he's acting so tense. The intervals between his quick skyward glances have shortened.
"I just want to know why we're just standing here." Sam slowly advances towards the boy until their faces are inches apart. All of the Trainees seem to hold their breath. He whispers something so quietly that I can't hear it. When the boy turns around, his face is plaster pale.
"Any more questions?" Sam roars, his voice echoing as it bounces off the buildings surrounding the small square. He is replied with a fearful silence, then all of the Squads begin to separate, each heading to their own spot.
"What crawled into his bed this morning?" Leah mumbles. I shrug, glancing towards the sky again.
"Well, this sucks." Oscar leans against the nearest building and we gather around him, standing awkwardly. "What are we supposed to watch for? Pigeons?"
"There's one." Josh suddenly points to the park across the street, where a small gray bird nibbles on the dead grass then promptly takes flight.
"Wow!" Sara exclaims, her eyes wide. "I've never actually seen one!" Most people haven't seen them. Wild animals seem to have given up on life in the city; after all of the plants died and the oceans became too polluted to drink from, they were forced to migrate elsewhere.
"I feel bad for it," Josh mutters pensively. "It hoped that life might change for the better, at least once, and it was disappointed. Just goes to show that misery is inevitable." Leah raises her eyebrows at me and I give her a silencing look. Even Leah picked up on the depressing sentiment.
"Don't say that," I mutter. I try out Matthew's phrase. "You can always find happiness if you look for it, no matter where you are."
"Do you really believe that?" Josh asks. I look into his clear eyes.
No. Yes. No?
"Of course." I force a smile.
* * *
The sun begins to dip behind the skyscrapers in the distance, bringing darkness in its wake.
"What time is it?" Leah asks, her eyes still closed. Hours ago, she decided that sleeping was more important than standing around and doing nothing. I believe her. She sat on the ground and leaned against the brick building we were "patrolling" in front of. Personally I long to do the same, but I'm not eager to be screamed at by Sam: especially not now, when he seems so tense. Almost every second now he snaps his head towards the sky, searching frantically for something that isn't there.
"This is ridiculous. I'm going to talk to him," Josh mutters, getting to his feet and starting towards Sam, who stands in the openness of the empty park. I find it odd that no Members have passed through here today.
"Are you nuts?" Oscar hisses, grabbing his wrist. "He'll rip you to pieces!" Josh yanks his arm from Oscar's grasp, glaring back at him determinedly.
"I don't care." Sara, Leah, Oscar and I anxiously watch as Josh struts towards Sam. Sam turns on his heel, on the verge of yelling, and then the coldness leaves his gaze to be replaced by discomfort. He begins to talk quickly, staring at the sky, and I think he is telling Josh to go away. Josh doesn't leave. I can't hear what he's saying, but the anger in his gaze is unmistakable. After thirty tense seconds, he starts back towards us. Sam seems even more nervous than before.
"I can't believe this!" Josh fumes. "Why do we have to sit out here when obviously nothing is happening?"
But I can't hear him. Even if I did, I wouldn't be able to focus on what he's saying. Overhead, five helicopters fly swiftly towards us. I can see small, black objects falling from them. Bombs. Sam must see them too, because he starts sprinting towards them.
"No!" I scream. My legs act of their own accord, carrying me towards the bombs. I hear the others break into a frenzy, following close behind me. I don't know why I'm running towards the danger. Maybe I'm running towards the Depot. Maybe I'm running towards the ones I love.
Because if I'm right, the government's attack has begun.