#SAT9S
DEDICATED TO : REINALYN ANN GALANG
(Note : Wala lang. Huwag niyo sana ako murahin. Iyon lang. Lol.)
LAST CHAPTER : COBY RAMIREZ
"Ready?" Artemis wears the biggest and brightest smile I've ever seen on her. I couldn't help but smile back as my eyes darted down on her big tummy that stretches her white dress. I'm expecting my nephew in three months.
"I've never seen it 'that' big."
She giggles. "Is that a subtle way of telling me that I'm fat?"
I shook my head in disagreement. "I didn't say anything like that. I think you should wear a loose dress, and not as tight as what you're wearing right now."
"I'm okay, Coby. Don't fret. The dress is nice and it's not tight. Akala mo lang." She pouts and I have no other choice but sigh. I know I'm going to lose in one pleading. For heaven's sake, she's pregnant and upsetting her is the least thing that I want to do today.
"You look good in black tux." Her eyes twinkled.
I grinned. "This is her choice."
"She always has a great taste. Especially on choosing the right one to marry." She fixed her gaze on me. Naluluha ang kapatid ko habang nakatitig sa akin. I chuckled as I come closer. I wipe her tears with my thumb. "The same title goes for you. Finally, huh? You've been waiting for so long."
"Yeah." I murmured. "Finally."
I still remember everything, everything that happened before we got here. I got tested. I've always thought that a perfect timing is everything. Waiting is not a big deal for a man who possessed a great patience. I always remind myself that it would lessen my struggles in the future. It would lessen the pain. What I didn't know is it also lessened my faith in love as I wait.
Who am I kidding? Pain has no exemptions, no restrictions. No matter how patient I had been, pain and aches would still come for me. We cannot dodge or escape it if it's meant for us. No matter how kind we had been and how good our intentions are, you would feel pain like it's naturally inflicted. Sometimes, the level exceeds your expectations. It could be higher, more painful, and the worst thing after it is there's no guarantee of a happy ending.
I'm lucky to have mine and I think, I just get what I deserve to have.
I have no power to force someone to marry me. My guts would surely betray me and I don't have the heart to do so, no matter how much I loved the woman. But I got the chance to offer myself and the decision was all hers if she would accept me or not. It's a win or lose, all or nothing game. Ang kailangan ko lang gawin ay maghintay sa desisyong gagawin niya.
Inisip ko kasi na minsan lang ako magmahal. Kindness is universal but love is not for general. What I show to the world is a selfless part of me. The other part is reserve and uncontrollable. I could say my heart is very stubborn. My demands have been disposed. Kung kaya ko lang pumili ng mamahalin, dati pa sana nangyari 'to. Kung kaya lang magdikta kung anong mas tamang gawin, wala sana akong masasaktang tao. I couldn't stand to hurt other people but sadly, I ended up hurting some including myself.
"Lahat ata kayo, iiwan at iiwan ako. I thought you won't leave. Na-delay lang pala." That was what Rhea said when I told her that I'm going back to Korea.
The truth is I never wanted to be away from her but the situation wasn't as bad as before. It got worse, not to mention, toxic for all of us. We have to take a break. If I stay with her, I'm certain one of us will break and I couldn't trust myself after that. The last resort is to go far away from here.
"Pwede naman ako bumalik." I answered. I want to. I really want to. But before that, I have to be sure that there's a reason to go back. Gusto kong magpakasiguro na may babalikan ako dahil kung wala, wala ring saysay 'yon.
"Sa ganito pala magtatapos lahat."
That was the moment that I gave her the ring, along with the choices. Alam kong malakas ang kalaban ko. Kung titimbangin ang damdamin niya para kay Ren at sa akin, alam kong talo na agad ako. But I still want to give her this ring for the last try. High hopes and positive expectations aren't necessary. This maybe my last move, and if it's not, this would be the start. Alin na lang do'n sa dalawa.
"Throw it if you disagree. Throw it if you're going to chase him again. Throw it if you find someone else. Don't give it back 'cause I'm going to throw it myself and it won't make any difference. Rejection is rejection."
I would rather live far away from her than to see her again if she's gonna reject me. At least, I could save myself from another heartbreak and humiliation.
"C-Coby. . ."
"I know this won't make any sense. Bakit pa ako magsasayang ng pagkakataong magpropose kung aalis rin naman ako? Kasi sayo na nakasalalay kung babalik pa ako o hindi na."
"W-what do you mean?"
"Six months. I'll give you six months to decide. If it's yes, call me as soon as you consider my proposal. If it's no, you don't need to call me anymore. Just throw the ring. After the given time with no call from you, I'll find my other half. . .if it's not you."
Mahirap linlangin ang sarili. Alam kong kahit ang liit ng pag-asa ay umasa pa rin ako. Hindi nga lang kasing taas ng dati. I gave her the deadline. Six months. Maybe it was too soon for her. Baka nga malabong makaahon pa siya kay Ren. But for me, it's long enough because I don't want to prolong the agony. If she hasn't move on in six months, I'm done. If she hasn't move on and calls me, I'm willing to take the risk and make her fall in love again.
I believe it's possible. Mahirap makipagkompetensya sa anino ni Ren Delgado lalo na't alam kong siya ang una. Well, let's see. Hindi naman ako siguradong tatawag nga si Rhea.
When I went back to Korea, my sister was already planning her wedding. I'm happy for her but felt miserable for myself. Ang hirap humarap sa mundo pagtapos ng mga nangyari lalo na't lumilipas ang mga araw at wala akong komunikasyon kay Rhea. I was missing her. I was missing the old times. I wanted to know what she's doing and if she's fine or not. It was already half of my deadline and I almost feel like it's over. It drove me insane.
"You still have three more months." Artemis knew it. I told her. Siya lang naman ang mapagsasabihan ko. I didn't tell this to Dad. Tama na munang kapatid ko lang ang nakakaalam. "Huwag ka muna mag-alala."
"I'm not worried." I sighed.
"Ano lang?" She sat beside me. "You know it's not an overnight decision. In her case, months may not be enough for her to consider your proposal."
"And here you are, telling me that I don't have to worry." I said drily.
"At least you already knew her decision. Don't you realize how lucky you are?"
"Where's luck in that?" Kunot-noo ko siyang nilingon.
"Yours has a deadline and you'll get her answer withing six months. Some waits forever." She shrugged her shoulders. "If she denies you, none of you will lose. That only means both of you were meant for someone you haven't met yet, or she might go back to her ex."
Yumuko ako at huminga nang malalim. "Hindi ka dapat mahiya, Coby. You deserve her, too, but if she's not for you, ipagpapasalamat mo rin na hindi siya napunta sa'yo and that makes you different from the rest of the men 'coz not all of them could wait this long. The right girl would come in God's time. Look at me?"
I chuckled. "Yours is like a scripted movie."
"Oh, you!" Pabiro niya akong tinulak. "Mine is every fan girls dream!"
"That makes you luckier."
Contrary to what I said, love is not based on luck. You don't get to measure what's more convenient or who's the most deserving. You love because you're capable of feeling it. Compatibility and incompatibility be damned. You love because your heart told you so and there will come a time that every beat of it would only meant for one person. It sounds inappropriate for a man like me. I lost my cool in some of my beliefs, or maybe I wasn't that cool at all.
Minsan, nakakasama ng loob kapag ang tingin sa'yo ng ibang tao ay mahina kapag binibigay mo ang kung anong meron ka at hindi mo na pinipiling lumalaban. The strange feeling it brings made me numb. I got used to it. Hanggang sa inamin ko na lang sa sarili kong gano'n ako. Hanggang sa tinanggap ko na lang ang opinyon nila at hindi na ako nasasaktan. I stopped thinking about it.
"Kung ikaw na kaya ang tumawag kay Rhea?" My sister suggested.
Umiling agad ako. "It's okay, Artemis."
The deadline was near. Five months had passed. I wouldn't dare to call her. No need to count the remaining days. I assumed that she already has her decision, so I silently gave up. I was quite thankful that she didn't call me for a confirmation. Mahihiya lang ako sa sarili ko.
"Don't tell me you're giving up?"
"For my own convenience?"
"What if she calls?" Artemis crossed her arms, I could sense challenge in her tone. "And you finally give up? Would that make you deserving? Come on, isang buwan na lang. Don't lose all your hope."
"You're making this harder for me." Napailing ako.
"I just don't wanna see you like you've lost the world and you're ready to die. Oh, I know she almost became your everything and she lights your life even though she didn't return your love but come on, I know you better than that. Ngayon ka pa ba magiging selfish? Kung may award lang sa pagiging selfless, you would be one of the nominees. Marami pang mangyayari sa loob ng isang buwan."
"You're such a torturer." I said and she giggled.
Siguro ay pinagbigyan ko na lang si Artemis that's why I reconsidered the idea but deep inside me, my hope is already on its lowest point. As much I as I want to get some news about her, minabuti kong huwag na lang.
I got busy with studying culinary. Pinagpatuloy ko lang ang nasimulan ko dito dati sa Korea. Saka ko na lang babalikan ang filmmaking. I was doing fine and I almost forgot the six months deadline of my proposal. I tried to think positively and avoiding the bitter feeling it used to bring 'til the day I received a call. I was with Artemis that time. She begs me to accompany her on her fiancee's concert.
"Hello. . ."
"Coby, this is Rhea. . ."
I froze as I heard her voice. It took me several seconds before the idea penetrates my mind.
"What's wrong? Who's that?" Tanong ni Artemis. Tinaas ko ang kamay ko para huwag sumenyas na huwag muna siyang magsalita.
"Coby?" Muli siyang nagsalita. I inhaled sharply. "Uhm, d-did I disturb you?"
"N-No." I stammered. Damn it. I couldn't hear her on the other line. My heartbeat is louder than the speaker. Napapikit ako at napahawak sa manibela. What date is it? Is she going to confirm the rejection. I told her not to call if it's a no. Oh, I forgot that she loves giving me a hard time.
"Coby?" Hindi ko magawang lingunin si Artemis. I focus on the other line. I bit my lower lip, anticipating her next words.
"I-I'm in Korea right now."
Napatuwid ako ng upo sa kotse. "What?"
"Nasa airport ako."
Do'n ako napalingon kay Artemis. I was shocked. Why did she come here? My chest constricted.
"W-What? You're scaring me, Coby." Naguguluhang sambit ng kapatid ko.
"Wait me there." Sagot ko.
"Okay. I'll wait." Her voice cracks on the last line and it made me crazy. Is she crying? Bakit pa siya pumunta? She could easily throw the ring. Maayos at malinaw naman ang usapan namin, di ba? Now, why did she come in Korea? Para ibalik sa akin ng personal ang singsing? Napahilamos ako.
"Coby, what's happening? I-Is that Rhea?" My sister asked worriedly.
"Can you come on the concert alone? I have to go somewhere." Wala sa sarili kong sagot.
"Why?" Naguguluhan niyang tanong.
"Rhea is here in Korea."
Her eyes widened. "Oh, my God!"
Pinaharurot ko kaagad ang sasakyan ko sa airport. Hindi ko pinasama si Artemis kahit gusto niya. I have to talk with Rhea in private. Marami akong gustong linawin. Nagmadali ako sa paghanap sa kanya sa waiting area. I called her number. Sinagot niya agad 'yon.
"Where are you?"
"Behind you."
I turned my head and there, I saw the girl that I'm waiting. I gave her once. I tried to get again but she reserved herself. I had a small chance and offer what I could offer. I almost give up. But I'm not hallucinating, am I? She was standing in front of me. My eyes lowered on her hands. The ring I gave her. . .she's wearing it.
My heartbeat suddenly stopped. I'm almost out of breath. Humakbang ako at hinawakan siya sa magkabilang balikat. I want to confirm but I want to assume again. Ang hirap itanong. Ang hirap magsalita.
"Are you here to reject me face to face?" I whispered.
She smiled at me. Hindi siya umiwas ng tingin. "I'm not that heartless."
I suddenly weakened by her words. Bumaba sa braso niya ang mga kamay ko. Ako ang napayuko. I have to take deep breaths or else I would die in anticipation.
"I thought you're not. . ." I closed my eyes tightly. It was overwhelming and I could feel my eyes burning. "I almost give up."
"Me, too."
Napilitan akong tumitig sa kanya. "Where's Ren?"
"He migrate in Spain."
"He. . .left you?" He left her again? After the troubles she got into, after all the chase?
"I couldn't make him stay and he badly needs to be away from me. He's lost, and so am I." Huminga siya nang malalim. "You know I tried to get him again but I guess, that's how it ended. The more we stay with each other, the more we hurt ourselves."
"Why didn't you go after him? Why me?" I wonder why I bothered to ask? I should be grateful that she's finally here. This is what I ever wanted.
I shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe because it's time for me to set him free. He set me free a long time ago. I was the who let go but I didn't have the guts to cut all the ties. He did. That's what I failed to do. The main reason why I couldn't move on. Siguro napakabagal dumating ng realizations sa utak ko kaya late ko na naiisip ang mga bagay-bagay. Days after he left, I finally convinced myself that he deserves to be free and whether I like it or not, he should live without me."
"When did he left?"
"Five months ago. A week after you."
Five months? I couldn't believe it. "Then, what took you so long?"
"I. . ." I bit my lower lip. "I got a hard time convincing myself that I deserve you."
I was speechless. I've seen her getting insecure about her past, unconsciously comparing herself to Georgia, depressed by her own decision, and bothered by so many issues within herself. I know she has been damaged. I was wrong. She had been destroyed.
"And I couldn't offer anything but the little confidence left in me. That's unfair to you because I only rely on little chances-"
Unfair? Life is naturally unfair. The only fairness we get is it's unfair to everyone, so why should I care? I, too, rely on little chances and here we are, we made it this far. I didn't let her finish the sentence. I cupped her face and crushed her lips against mine. Still has the sweet taste just like the last time, only sweeter this time because it's no longer forbidden and I feel like it's already for me.
Her tears drop on my fingers. I pressed her forehead against mine. My vision blurs as I opened my eyes. I've never cried in front of her but not today. There's an invisible lump on my throat.
"I wasn't able to take care of myself well, so please take care of me." Yumakap siya sa leeg ko. Pinulupot ko ang braso ko sa katawan niya, feeling her heat. It's cold in here but the warm inside us beats the summer sun.
"I'm willing to do more, Rhea. I'm will to do more."
Nilayo niya ako. She tried to grin despite the tears in her eyes. "Is it possible to do courtings even after the proposal?"
Napataas ang kilay ko. "Do you mean, you want me to court you again?" I courted her before. Hindi niya ako sinagot noon at napunta siya kay Ren.
"Can you still do that?"
"It's easy. It's like you're asking if I know how to breathe."
Her jaw dropped. "Never heard you being conceited-"
Tinawanan ko lang siya at hinalikan ulit. That was start, I guess. I've learn things. I've learned how to gain trust, both easy and hard way. Rhea wanted it slow and thorough. A gentle relationship that begins for all the good reasons. Artemis was having a great time on teasing us.
"Never knew a couple who got engaged but still in the level of courtship. Oh, you're both so cute."
I laughed merrily before I turned to Rhea. "All red face, fairy."
Pinalo niya lang ako sa braso at tinakpan ang mukha niya. Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at pilit na tinanggal 'yon habang natatawa sa reaksyon niya.
She stayed in Korea for two months and we're both forced to go back in Phil because her brothers are looking for her. There was no problem at first. They were all casual and polite. Naramdaman kong pinoprotektahan nila si Rhea kaya hindi rin madaling tibagin ang pader at kunin ng buo ang tiwala nila. Lalo na si Tito Robi. Though, I never felt unwelcome, they all have a say on our relationship and I guess that was normal after what she experienced with Ren. Gaano man kaganda ang relasyon, may butas pa rin. Imposibleng wala kang maririnig sa iba. Imposibleng walang titibag sa samahan niyong dalawa.
"Coby to earth." Pinitik ni Artemis ang daliri niya. "Done reminiscing? We have to go to the church now."
Ngumiti ako at napilitang sumunod sa kanya. Ilang minuto lang at nasa simbahan na kami. Maraming bumati pagdating namin at nagulat ako nang may makita si Ren na nakikipag-usap kay Tito Loren.
I thought he wouldn't come. Dad gave the invitation to Tito Loren at pinasuyo ko na rin ang kay Ren. We listed him as the best man.
Napabuntong hininga ako. I have other friends but I never had someone whom I called a best friend aside from him, so I consider the idea when my soon-to-be-wife assigned me to look for two best men. The matron of honor is, of course, my sister.
Nang makalapit ako kay Ren ay pormal siyang bumati at nakipagkamay. "Congrats."
"Akala namin hindi ka pupunta. You missed the rehearsals."
"Just tell me what to do." He shrug his shoulders and grinned. "It's good to be back."
"Kailan ka pa dumating?"
"Kahapon lang."
Tumaas ang kilay ko. "Just for my wedding?"
"Think it that way. What else I could say?"
"So, how's Spain? It has been years."
Tumango siya at napabuntong hininga. "Years. I feel old." I chuckled.
We talked in civilized manner. Nalaman kong professor siya sa Spain at siya na rin ang namamalakad ng mga negosyo nila. Tingin ko ay nakalimutan niya na rin ang nangyari sa nakaraan. It's all in the past. We don't have to dig again. We got over it. Hindi na namin kailangang mag-usap ulit tungkol ro'n. I believe we're too old for that. Masmagandang makiramdam na lang.
"I really hate weddings." Bulong niya. Sandali akong napalingon sa kanya.
"Then, why did you come?" Hindi ko napigilang magtanong. "Don't tell me you're going to ruin my wedding day?"
"No. I would never think of that." Hindi ako nakasagot agad dahil nagsenyas na ang oragnizer na magsisimula na ang kasal. Parehas kaming napatuwid ng tayo ni Ren sa baba ng altar.
"Why?" I asked again.
"This might be the last time that I'm going to see her again."
Natahimik ako. I suddenly wonder if he knew about me and Rhea through the years. Hindi ako naniniwalang wala. He's Ren Delgado after all.
I was fine before the music started. Naramdaman ko lang ang tensyon nang maglakad na ang mga panauhin sa aisle. Ren got stunned as she saw Rhea. Emotions rushed into me as I saw my emotional bride walking in the aisle. I closed my eyes as I smile contentedly.