The next morning I awoke to the neatly pressed covers being ripped off of me. A cold shiver spasmed throughout my body. The sun seeped through the curtains and into my squinted eyes that were still crusty from sleep.
"Time to get up, sweet cheeks." A female voice said. I rubbed my eyes a little and removed all traces of sleep from them. I screamed as I looked straight ahead. Delta sat on the bed, her face only inches from mine. "WHY ARE WE SCREAMING?" She yelled along with me.
"Dammit, Delta. You scared the crap out of me!" I said after our screams subsided.
"Good. Now come on, up up UP!" She yelled and pulled me out of bed. Only then did I remember that I was still in the thin nightgown I had been dressed in since my arrival. And Cale saw me in it last night. Crap.
"Um, Delta?" I asked. She had begun to rummage through some plastic bags that made their way up here sometime while I was sleeping.
"Mhmm?"
"What time is it?"
"3:30 in the afternoon." She replied nonchalantly. I jumped a little. How in the world did I manage to sleep eleven hours? Before I could even ask about it, Delta turned around and tossed a bundle of clothes to me, as well as a bag of toiletries. "Bathroom's down the hall. You might want to shower, if you want to catch the attention of my brother at all. You reek of wet dog."
I stood there, stunned. "It's not like th-... How'd you even-"
"Kid, you read like an open book." She said. My eyes felt as if they were going to pop out of my skull. Was I really that readable? Delta began to laugh, "Don't worry, it's not just written on your face. I may or may not have heard you guys talking into the wee hours of the night."
My cheeks flushed. "Oh... It was honestly nothing. We were just getting to know each other." I explained.
"Yep, just what I thought." She smirked. "Just getting to know each other. How cute."
"Delta!" I shrieked. "Not like that!" My face felt hot. Wether that was due to anger or embarrassment or both was anyone's guess.
She laughed so hard I thought she would fall over. She clutched her stomach and bent over, her face turning pink as she laughed. "I'm sorry." I said between her fits of laughter. "But I don't understand what's so funny about that."
It took her several minutes to recover enough for her speak. "Oh Perri, you're too cute." More laughter. "You actually thought I was serious?"
"But I-"
"I didn't really hear you two talk last night. I was out like a light. I wouldn't have even known you two met if Cale didn't bring it up at breakfast this morning." she explained. Thankfully, her laughing had ceased and she was able to form coherent sentences. "Don't look at me like that."
"Like what?" I asked. I wasn't aware my face bore any sort of expression at all
"You're giving me that 'he actually talked about me?' look. No, don't you dare try to question it. I know that look well enough. My sister used to give it to me all the time. It all starts the same- the confused expression, leading to the giddy smile once the person elaborates. Then, you walk around like you've just seen a rainbow, or something like that."
"You had a sister?" I asked quietly.
"Is that really the only thing you got from that? Jesus, kid. We're gonna have to work on your attentive listening skills. Well, anyways, to answer your question, yes, I did. But she's dead now." She said, blatantly. She did not look upset, nor did she look happy. Her face remained placid, despite the topic of conversation.
"Oh, I'm sorry" I said.
"Yeah?" She asked. I nodded. "Me too. But, it's not important now. We can talk about any feelings you may have for my brother later, no matter how girly and ridiculous they may be. Now go, scoot, get in the shower. I give you permission to use all the hot water you want." she placed her hands on my back and pushed me out the door and down the hall.
"But I never said I had feelings for-" I protested. Clearly, she didn't want to hear it, for she shoved me in the shower, clothes and all, turned on the water, and slammed the door behind her.
_________________
Delta had lied- there wasn't any hot water at all. Thankfully I had thrown the new clothes she had given me to the floor before she pushed me in the shower. It felt nice to scrub away all the dirt and grime that accumulated since the the day of the Cleansing. My skin turned the water a sickening black tar-like color once it hit it. My hair, which had been so completely knotted and ragged, took an entire bottle of shampoo to clean. When I finished, I dug through the bundle she had left me. I groaned as I examined the dress she left for me- plain black and fitted at the waistline, exactly like the one she wore. A military-style jacket was with it, along with matching boots. I put them on, along with the dirty socks I wore earlier, and went to find where everyone else was. My boots made a horrid clomping sound against the battered wood flooring as I made my way down the several flights of stairs. Everyone was sitting around the dining table, deeply rooted in conversation, when I arrived.
"Look who finally decided to show up." Lu announced, his eyes darting between mine and the table. "Did the princess have a good rest?"
"Shut up." I said as I took a seat at the table between Benton and Cale. Cale forced a small smile, while Benton just glared.
"Ooh, the princess' got bite to her, too." He said with a laugh. Lu joined in with him. The two brothers burst into an immature fit of laughter at their attempts to get under my skin.
"Oh, give the girl a break." Cale said, rolling his eyes. "Don't you know that's not how you treat women."
"And since when do you care how women are treated?" Bridgette piped in. She leaned forward on the table with her hand tucked under her chin. Delta did the same, as they both stared intently at Cale. The two women shared the same spark in their eyes. When they exchanged quick glances at each other, part of me wished to be in on their silent conversation. But, the other part, the more logical one, said that I already knew what they were saying.
"I'm just trying to be polite to our guest." He explained. "Besides, just because she's a new capsule of estrogen in this household doesn't mean that, in due time, she shouldn't be treated any differently than you two. But I mean, who knows his long she'll last here. If I'm being realistic, it's only a matter of time before she realizes she can't take living in the real world, and has to go back to her genetically engineered paradise. " he turned to me, "listen, darlin," he seethed, "we're in the midst of a war. Contrary to what you make think, this isn't a playground like you're used to in your home time."
Both women gasped noisily at this, though I remained silent. My insides felt as if they deflated at this. After our conversation last night, I had thought that we were off to a decent friendship. But, as it turned out, the one person that made me feel even a little more comfortable in the midst of this disaster didn't even care. Bridgette chastised him, saying how completely insulting it was to all of the women in the room. Cale fired back at her, though I didn't pay much attention to what either of them said after that. My mind felt clogged, my heart saddened by this. I recalled something that Liam told me once- that some people know exactly what to say to hurt someone. I didn't believe it then. Now, I understood.
It wasn't that I wanted to be treated as special, or be treated differently than the others. It was his phrasing, his words, to be precise, that left the burn. His words that reassured me that I was exactly what I always feared- ordinary.
I excused myself from the table to take a walk, with the excuse that, since I'd been cramped indoors for the past five days, I needed some fresh air. Bridgette nodded and told me to be careful on my way out. At this point, I didn't care. The cool breeze nipped at my skin as I departed into the thick grasslands that surrounded the house. The atmosphere was much different than that I had grown accustomed to. At home, our community closely resembled what I thought a city would look like- Pounding, heavy, yet airy and spacious. The sound of bicycles peddling against the concrete and salesmen and women shouting on the streets were normal occurrences. Outside the house, however, the only sound that could be heard for miles was the faint whistling of the wind against the grass. From what I could tell, we were on the outskirts of the city- still within the borders enough to have to abide by city regulations, but remote enough that contact with other humans was not likely.
I sat down in the grasses and pulled my knees to my head. The breeze blew my sopping wet hair around with it, causing goosebumps to cover my arms and legs. If there was any doubt in my mind that I was homesick before, there certainly wasn't now. I wished now, more than ever, that I wasn't alone. Back at home, when I was upset, I would climb the tree in our backyard and stay up there for a little while until Liam would come out and bribe me to get down. Usually, that bribery came in the form of a steaming mug of tea or hot soup. If I closed my eyes for long enough I could imagine it now, so much so that I started to believe it was real. Warmness washed through my throat and down to the pit of my stomach, where it settled peacefully. I could taste the sour crunch that the chunks of tomato would produce when bitten into. Their juices erupting from inside their flesh, mixed with the sweet, creamy consistency of the broth the swam in, was enough to make me forget the reason I was upset altogether, even if it was just for a little while.
But no, there was no soup this time, nor was there a mug full of loose tea leaves and steaming water. There wasn't even an apple tree to sit in, with branches to rest against. The wind shook again as cold tears pricked at the back of my eyes. It wasn't so much the food that I missed, rather it was the person associated with it. Liam.
For the past several days, I'd so selfishly pushed Liam to the back of my mind. I should have been mourning him in the proper way he deserved. I should still be grieving over him. Yet here I was, not even doing so much as to acknowledge that he was actually gone.
It was as if a part of me wanted to deny his death as much as possible. I couldn't accept a life without him, because I didn't know a life without him. He'd been by my side since our my first day in primary school.
"He's not gone," I said aloud to myself, "he's not gone. Death is the fate that awaits the ill and the unstable, not the cleansed."
Was I really using the promulgation to comfort myself? If that was the case, maybe I'd gone insane. A passage from the promulgation was the last damn thing I wanted to think about. Yet, over the years, it had been so heavily engraved into my brain that the promulgation was the best reference in a time of need. I had never believed it even for a second then- now, well, I was having doubts about myself.
But, even though I sort-of believed the promulgation to hold a sliver of truth, I knew not to get my hopes up about Liam. He wasn't here to rescue me now- I needed to rescue myself. Every child's fairy tale would tell the hopelessly ordinary story of a girl getting caught in some predicament, just to be saved by a mother or a lover. Those stories never interested me as a child, even from a young age. I would tell Liam that I wanted to rewrite these stories with my life. Of course, he would tell me that my idea was cute, but absurd and illogical, for you couldn't rewrite published literature. Only now truly understand that it was not him speaking in that instant. No, if was the Cleanse speaking for him.
I got up and dusted the dirt from my dress. I began to walk further into the grasslands, and farther from the house. I honestly had no idea where I was even going at this point. My mind kept dragging me back to the word away. Away from here, away from the war, away from the insanity that fought to take over. My walking turned into a jog, but never once did I turn to look back at the house. I just kept going, like the waves that crashed into the shore; an unbreakable cycle.
"If you were just going to run away, you should have told us!" I heard someone call out to me. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around to face them. Immediately, I wished I hadn't.
"What the hell do you want, Cale?"
He sprinted towards me, presumably so he didn't have to yell. "I came to see what you were doing, Berry."
"Perri." I corrected.
"I know, I know. So, whatcha' doing?" He asked. His hands were clasped behind his back and he began to rock back and forth on his heels.
"Giving myself a break from you." I muttered.
His face fell slightly. "Oh, come on, darlin', I'm not that bad."
"No, you're not. However, your attitude is ridiculously irritating." I argued.
"Ah, so that's what this is about." He mused. I rolled my eyes. I thought it was completely evident that his comment set me off. But, apparently not.
"Really? Like you didn't know."
"Well, I don't take back what I said earlier, because I do mean it." Now, any hope that his reappearance brought about was gone. I wanted so badly to reach my fist out and collide it with his face. I held myself back, for he continued. "But, I will say that I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to upset you that much." His voice sounded sincere, enough so that I would consider forgiving him. His hand jerked towards mine slightly before he caught himself and retracted it back. Wether he meant to hold my hand or hit me was anyone's guess. He moved his hand to the back of his head. "Uh, yeah, sorry bout that. I, um...."
"Save it." I said. "Let just go back, okay?"
His face perked up. "So you forgive me?"
"Maybe." I said. He looked nine rather than nineteen as his eyes widened with a spark of excitement. "Okay, get that look off your face. You look ridiculous. And I never said I forgive you, I just said I maybe do."
"But everyone knows that maybe really means yes."
"Well, you should know by now that I don't want to be like everyone. And, in that case, maybe means maybe. You're utterly ridiculous if you think otherwise."
"Oh, I'll show you ridiculous." He said as he began to dance around the field. He grabbed my arm and tried to get me to join in with the festivities. "Come on, Perri, loosen up a bit! Don't you dance?"
"No, not at all." I admitted. That didn't stop him. He moved to grasp to my hands as he spun me in circles back towards the house.
"Well, neither do I! But, that's the beauty of it. You don't have to be good at it, you just do it!" He exclaimed. My dress flowed out in all directions as we twirled and jumped and moved our arms to nothing but the sound of the wind. I'll admit, it did feel nice to let go of my troubles, even if only for a moment. Finally, we both stopped once we were fatigued and out of breath.
"That was fun." I managed it say in between breaths.
"Yeah, it was." Cale was bent over with his hands on his knees, gasping for breath as well. "And, I have no idea what you were talking about back there. You do dance! Liar." He teased. "What else have you lied to me about?"
More than I'd like to admit, I thought. I didn't have the nerve to say it aloud, so I just let out a light laugh as we continued the walk back. He chatted to me about small things- how the grasses bloomed lavender flowers in the spring, and how the beautiful the stars were in the winter night. He promised me that, if I stayed here for long enough, he would show them to me one day.
If I stayed. I had thought about home often since I'd been here, but I hadn't actually pondered going back home. It was a thought that honestly didn't cross my mind. I liked it here quite a bit. But, I knew it would be selfish of me to stay here, with Lilliana left to pick up the pieces of Liam's death and to defend my absence herself. She was only one person, after all, and one person could only do so much. I knew that I would have have to go back to the community some day to help her take care of things. I just hoped that some day wasn't anytime soon.
I felt like I belonged here. Well, maybe not with Lu and Benton, but I figured time would allow us to grow more accustomed to one another. After all, they were the youngest in the house, and had only been around three other people, besides each other, for the majority of their lives. Both Delta and Bridgette seemed welcoming enough, and I was happy to be accepted into the household by them. That only left Cale, whom my feelings were so mixed about, I was afraid they would run me up the wall.
"You okay there, Berry?" He turned to ask me.
"Are you always going to call me that?" I said, exasperated.
"Yup. Get used to it, darlin'. I like it, so I'm sticking with it. But you didn't answer my question. Are you okay?"
"I'm actually borderline decent." I said after a moment.
"Borderline decent? Hallelujah, it's a miracle!" He cried out, throwing his arms in the air. I rolled my eyes at him.
"What?" He asked, his voice tinged with humor.
"You're an idiot." I claimed
"Ah, but- oh shit. Shit." He mumbled. He stopped dead in his tracks, his body frozen. Before I could ask what was going on, he grabbed my head and turned it in the direction he was looking. I gasped- bile rose to the back of my throat when I saw what was happening.
A group of Peace Guards surrounded the house from all sides.
A crack.
A shout.
Several bangs.
Then, a bloodcurdling scream, so sickening that it made my stomach churn, consumed the air around us.