The Sacrament of Matrimony: What’s in it For Me?
After reading all about the Sacrament of Matrimony, you may be left wondering why anyone would ever want to get married. You have to vow to another person that you are entering the marriage of your own free will. You have to vow that you give yourself totally and completely to your spouse. You have to vow that you will be faithful to them always. You have to vow that together your marriage will be fruitful. You know that of all the Sacraments, it is the one that a groom administers to his bride and a bride to her groom. You know you have committed yourself to raising your children and educating them in the Church.
It’s a lot of responsibility, no matter how old you are. I think that’s why the concept of marriage in America today is so messed up. That’s why couples go from dating to sleeping together, sometimes on the very first date. Then they move in together. Then, sometimes because they find themselves with a baby on the way, sometimes not, after a “suitable” amount of time, they “tie the knot.” Then they wonder why the marriage falls apart a few years later. Nothing was done in its proper order.
The fact is marriage is a wonderful thing. Nothing is better than knowing that another loves you unconditionally, in good times and bad. Or knowing that they still love you not only when you are young and beautiful, but also when you are both older and the hair is gray and the body doesn’t look like it did at twenty-one. It’s having someone there to support you through the job promotions and the job losses. It’s having someone there to get up and take the kids to school so you can sleep. It’s having someone you can tell anything to and they will listen.
In a sacramental marriage, where the vows that were made are kept, you know your home is a place of security. Your children know their home is a place of love and security. Every day they see in their parents’ marriage that icon spoken of by St. Paul when he wrote to the Ephesians: “As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over to her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So [also] should husbands love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” (Ephesians 5:24-28 NABRE)
In a sacramental marriage, each person is celebrated, loved and appreciated for who they are. A wife being subordinate to her husband doesn’t mean that she exists only to bake his bread and bear his babies. It means that, just as the Body of Christ, the Church is subordinate to Christ, so she is to her husband. All agree that Christ is the head of the Church. The Church follows Christ and does what He says. Each of us as Christians is subordinate to Christ. The reason we are willing to do so is because we know that he loves us. He loves us enough to lay down his life for us. He will never do anything that will harm us or lessen the dignity God has given us by creating us in his image and likeness. Because we know our God is a kind, gentle, merciful, loving God, we freely submit to him our entire lives and become subordinate to him. Husbands are to love their wives like that. When those two things exist in a sacramental marriage, we truly see in the husband and wife the icon of Christ, the Bridegroom and his Church, the Bride.
Marriage is one of the most wonderful adventures of life. It is where we learn to be just a little less self-centered. We learn to be more loving, more giving, how to communicate with other people. It’s where we learn to open ourselves to another. As our children are born and begin to grow, it’s where we begin to understand in a deeper way the love the Father has for all of his children. It’s the safe place in the storms of life. It’s knowing, whatever else happens, there is one person who always has your back. One person who will defend you to the end. One person who would lay down their life for you. It is within marriage that most of us learn, “Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a NABRE)