Funny.
I slept on the bed of my ex while he himself took the floor of his room. Instead of him, I should've been down there given the situation of our relationship – and this was his damn room, at that. We were now simple to each other. Simple and good and friends before the daring kiss. Still trying to get past how the road of our relationship curved so suddenly.
Thinking about it now, actually, made me wish it turn run itself off the road. But what was I to do about it? Maybe we could work it out, but not as boyfriends. Working things out while being together would've been quite damaging to chance understanding and helping himself out. He had priorities of his own to set straight and I being tied to his problems would break the construction he worked so hard on – for all these years that very construction had been delayed and broken and reworked and now it seemed like he got back on track.
It was better this way anyhow. We could explore the depths of our friendship like Chris and Tori had done since they were kids. We could laugh and hug and feel comfortable around each other without being dragged down the attraction we've had for each other. We could be close without anything being the way of it. Then maybe... if we were still single in the near future, because I knew without a doubt that man did things to my heart and mind and dick for that matter that I couldn't deny, we could be something more.
Something better. Like a whole new start. A reboot, for a better word. But, I mean... if we weren't, then that be fine. Who knows what kind of man I'd get during or after College? And who'd I'd become and who's Chance become then.
He wore different eyes than the ones encasing me in the mysterious appeal at first. His body spoke a different language, becoming foreign to my own and everyone else'/ His entire character went all Hollywood instead of being a part of the real world. And now all that was breaking down on him and he began understanding how much he affected others by doing weed. Hoped he knew I knew. It wasn't much hard figuring out considering the faint smell wrinkled my nose. Did he really think the winter breeze could wash it all away? It clearly did him no good in the mind either but just slowing it down and calming the broken nerves these years cut.
For why I never bothered asking him about it either was because I figured, and believed, things would turn out different. That he'd stop and confess and realize how things around him changed when he went on it. Besides, how foolish would it be if I got mad at him for it like I did with Leone? It was a legal substance here and while I hated it, I couldn't pressure others into the same views of mine. And I couldn't afford following in the footsteps of my past relationship with Leone – with how much he pissed me off smoking weed.
Rolling over to the edge, my eyes trained on the might husky. He laid in peace, for once in his life again, one makeshift bed crafted – just a pillow and a few thick blankets laying around the house. Another funny thing hit my mind was how in the world this man could sleep in just shorts. Nothing covered his torso. He slept naked, in a sense, on the floor and it was winter! Like, why was that a thing? How was that a thing? I was up here freezing under his blanket and he was down there sleeping as if it was summer outside.
Like, honestly, what in the world?
Somewhat like his son, Arthur did the same as far as I knew. Sometimes people get hungry, Tori and I, and we must crave snacks late at night. But instead of baring his meatier torso, he opted for a tank top. And like Chance, Shane followed suit. So... here came my hypothesis... are these McClain men even human? I was glad and am glad Tori strayed far from the men in the family, even if she strayed far from normal.
However, as the mighty husky shifted in his sleep, this whole thing left me thinking. Leone carried the same character and personality he presented since a kid – a bit more grown and mature, as he could get as and teenager. The one defining thing about him was Kayla behind the helm of his slightly altered attitude and behavior. So how in the world did weed become the driving force of his entire character? From a calm, collected man who stressed over many things to a man whose assertiveness and douchebaggery brought a whole new atmosphere to the group. Why couldn't psychology give me these answer?!
A day and a half of sobriety and a trip down to Andrew's done it in him, reflecting how clear the effects of his behavior were. What did happen, though? I'd ask but, what would be the point? My anxious questions would break through his solitary space of recovery and instead of the truth, his patience would constrict in self-defence. All I could do was lay out hope for when the day came and when he was ready. He first needed time alone for himself, to come to terms with whatever pained him – and boy, did there seem to be a lot. All I could do, all we could do was wait and climb the days to a brighter future.
We weren't backtracking to high school. We weren't regressing back to the undeveloped maturity we had as kids. We were grown adults, still young for all the kiddie stuff – don't tell me otherwise! We'd reflect and improve on what we've done wrong before. Or could've done better. And we all could do better here if given the time for ourselves rather than always being dependant on someone else. So while I wanted to be dependent on Chance for answers of why he became the man he was, I couldn't because he wasn't entirely the man he needed to be. Tori couldn't be dependent on Chris to feel valued and worth more than what Kayla or the other girls had told her because she had always pushed herself harder than anyone else.
Just when the time hits right, everything would fall into place. Maybe not all at once, but once at a time because not everything could go as fast as we'd like. The road we were all one was like Math. And everyone knew my dislike for Math. Oh, math. How you give me problems for life.
Rolling over to the other side, I stood tall on my feet, arching my back in a concave fashion as my hands reached for the ceiling. Oh, there we go. The cracks in my backs. The stiff joints in my arms. Getting a good night's rest after everything, especially school did good for my body. Without even thinking much, I carried myself out of the room, down the stairs and stopped short in the kitchen. My eyes wandered around the space and it soon hit me what I came in here for. Though I hadn't brushed my teeth. But nobody had time for that when my stomach made a ruckus.
An unnatural ruckus, at that.
It had been last night since I ate anything – like eight hours or so. A growing young adult needed nutrients! Hydration! White bread! Stuff like hot chocolate, and without a doubt I began prepping a mug of it and a plate of two slices of white bread. If I stood questioning myself on what to eat, with Tori beside me, she'd kick my butt off to Uranus. Or worse, kill me.
Or my stomach will. Like why did it decide to bombard me with its thirst? Couldn't my body parts stop being thirsty for once in its lives? Seriously... I shuddered at the first time I saw Chance in almost his naked form. Oh, God... never again, dick. Never again.
As the mug of milk, sugar and the chocolate powder heated in the microwave, the creak of floorboards ticked from behind. When my eyes followed the start of the noise, Shane revealed himself from the side, stopping short of the entrance. His eyes on mine, tiredness wearing him. Surprised, to say the least, thought. And of course, he wore nothing but shorts.
I think it was time to get some answers here. "What's with it with you McClain men?" There had to be a reason. Why was I so curious anyway? Oh, yeah. Never mind. "You sleep in less clothes when it's minus whatever outside. And you're all half-baked bodybuilders." If I might admit, thought, Chance was a bit fluffier with his physique. Defined, yes. Strong, no doubt. Mighty attractive, hell yeah. It was just if you took Chance and stood him next to Shane you'd see the obvious difference in their muscles. Shane was more defined with his than Chance.
The more I took in his physique, the stranger I saw it. Stretch marks hadn't scarred his shoulders. Faint bruises didn't run along his sides and his chest wasn't as nice and fluffy. Interesting.
But anyways, was I right or was I wrong on my earlier statement?
"I don't know... were superhuman, maybe?" I wouldn't totally write off the theory. What the journal depicted... it could very well be true we were not what we seem. And I wasn't going crazy thinking it true as I read on... "But you could say its athleticism. Dad was a wrestler back in his days," he added as he crossed over next to me and prepped a bowl of milk. As he poured the milk, his eyes met mine briefly with a smile as charming as Chance's, if I was honest. "Just imagine a big burly-ish wrestler."
I hadn't ever been this close to Shane, nor had I been this close to take in what a fine specimen he was with a smile complimenting his eyes so well like it did with Chance and all other guys I had like – an adorable laugh to match, too.
There was a certain aesthetic appeal I hadn't admitted to myself a while back where each and every guy I had fallen for were a bit on the rugged side. No pretty boys, no model faces, per say. Just sporting a rough beard, or a small breakout on the face. Something where I could see the flaws, the ugliness, but understand how well it complements the person. Something I took a very long while understanding for myself, even with the love my parents, Tori, Leone and all my friends had given me back in the beginning of high school. I mean, I will admit, part of that could be thanks to Leone.
This sort of appeal worked for me. That was my kind of type, to be fair. And the McClain men wore it best with Chance taking the cake, and the frosting, and the filling for that matter... just saying, here. Okay.
But a big burly-ish wrestler? Oh, God. Bentley's dream. "A certain someone would love a man like that." He'd fall in love with a man like that. Tori probably would've barfed in the bathroom instead of hearing him out on his wild fantasies and I would be all ears in. That boy told some good stories and his fantasies were always the best. He'd have everyone on the floor stitching their stomachs if he could just experience another Christmas with family. "But what about you? What sport do you do?"
Alerting me, the microwave dinged and I took out my mug letting him use it next. He pressed two and then carried his eyes over on mine again with a toothy smile. "Eh, I dabbled in everything. Don't really have a favourite sport." He shrugged, but his face fell in thought – eyes in the air briefly. "I did better in boxing than anything else, really."
As I gave my mug a stir, I crossed over to the dinner table with my plate of bread. There was time left on the microwave for his bowl and he turned his body, letting his back rest against the counter edge. "So you're a boxer?" I asked and he nodded with a closed smile. "I guess that explained why Chance knows how to fight. Kind of." Like an above amateur fighter but quite not there with the accuracy.
"Yeah. All three of us – dad, him and I – used to have practices at an old gym dad used to frequent. It was fun for a while till Chance gave up, then Dad. And I was the only one going because I was good at it. I loved it," he explained just as the ding alerted him. He took out his bowl, placed a spoon inside and after grabbing a cereal box from atop the fridge, he took a seat across from me. "I taught Chance a few basic skills."
Frankly, I couldn't quite pinpoint Chance's distain, or more accurately, hatred for Shane. His smile, the small tidbits he laid out as we ate, the adorable laugh Chance had, what was the so inconceivable act he had done? What broke their relationship so suddenly? It wasn't there. I couldn't see it. Unless I had Chance's eyes, this hid behind another one of Chance's walls. He's turn into such a damn mystery and not even the luring kind.
"Does that taste any good?" he asked. Like usual, I'd answer with a what? I was so lost on what he was talking about, I was like, what taste good? I know I do, but come on here, you can have me.
Okay, maybe I should've taken my meds because Tori's genes were seeping into mine right there. But upon steady eyes, I saw his pointed finger when I studied his curiosity for a brief second.
"Oh, it is, actually. I used to think everyone had hot chocolate with bread until Leone told me I was weird for doing it." Leone don't know what's good! "Make this for Angeline and she'll call you the greatest dad there is. Believe me. I call my dad that."
"I'm her only father."
"Which is why you'll be greater than great. She'd love this."
There was always something Levy had always done, which I believed where Leone picked up on. With a smile on, he sort of did this quick cock of his head. "She loves trying new things. Can't hurt to be parent of the year, I guess," he said. "I at least get to beat out my wife for that spot."
"Exactly!" Why don't people trust me more often? "I'm surprised Christian hasn't grown sick of it. He eats it almost every day for breakfast."
"You know... I wouldn't be completely against the idea of them getting together when they're older – Angeline and Christian."
"Hm. We'll see about that." Christian hadn't really geared towards a particular gender. I mean, he hadn't told us of any crushes he had or a slight attraction to girls or boys because he generally found everyone cute. I guessed the way he shied up and smiled ferociously in Chance\s arm or how he stuttered and giggled near Tori could've been signs, but aside from that, nothing. He just loved people and lived his childhood. So, yeah, I kind of doubted it.
Neither would I force pressure for something as insignificant in his life because for all I knew, he could've not been attracted to anyone in the least when he grows old. And that would be fine with me and the rest of his family. We'd continue to grow his happiness for whatever positive change he made in the world and for now, that was just being an adorable five year old who played smiles on everyone. Besides, people were assholes and with the way his mentality developed, they could bully and I wouldn't allow that in the least.
Time shortened as we ate in the peace of silence, and on occasion I felt his eyes wander up and study me. That and I could see it without actually bringing up my head. With his curiosity about something, there was mine nipping at the history of him and Chance yet again. Still, where was it? Of course the questions burned inside my mind but would his honesty let out? There was a high chance he could've just given a brief description of their relationship like Chance had done or not say anything at all.
The slight part of my lips paved way for a voice of one of my questions but the shudder against the table, his phone sliding across the wooden skin, shut my mouth. His opened as he tapped the screen and brought it near his ear.
"Hello?" he first answered, followed by a brief pause. "Uh... yeah, yeah, I can work tonight. But, uh, is it possible I can get the ninth through eleventh off if I work the next five days? I'll switch with a few people." Ninth through Eleventh... oh, the Winter Festival. Right, right. "Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll give Hector and Jaiden a call. They've been working their asses off lately."
The curl of my ears bothered me a little, because the short-lived laugh reminded me all too much of Chance's. They may had not looked alike like, but his eyes, his smile, the way he carried himself sometimes. How in world was I going to get over this boy if his damn brother reminded me of him? Jeez...
"I'm sure they'd love to have a few more days off," he continued. "Just try not to kill me like you do with them, alright? Ha, yeah, okay. I'll try. Alright, later." He laid the phone down and breathed a sigh of relief, as what it sounded like just as I finished up my meal and washed out my dishes.
But who would've known just the slightest curiosity froze me inches before my leave from the kitchen. "Are you still with my brother?" He knew? "I was the second in high school to know and it was quite obvious with how defensive he is with your name brought up. And how he looks at you and lately, it doesn't look like you two are a thing anymore and I'm just curious."
"Well..." find the right words, "you're right. We're not together." But even the right words left a faint sour taste. He might be another Leone, if I should be honest with myself... huh.
I hadn't even taken myself out of the room yet, waiting too long as he spoke again. By how his breath flustered in the air, he was well in thought. "Maybe down the road... you can give the man a chance. He's honestly been through a lot of shit and he really needs someone like you to help him stay grounded." Someone once said that to me... can't remember who. "I'm just saying."
For someone with a bad relationship with Chance – a seemingly one-sided thing – it irked me strange how he desired a future for his brother with someone like me. And you know, I didn't write it off. Like I said, maybe down the road, if we were both single still. Or old out of relationships by then. Who knows? Till then, this was what we needed. A break from each other. For him to understand himself and to let us all breathe and catch up on what we lost during the few weeks before the break. Because with school on our backs, we were dead by the time the drama play happened and yet managed to kill it.
I surprise myself way too often. I think that's a good thing.
After nothing left out lips, I urged my feet and took my leave back upstairs. Upon entering the room, as if a sort of magic trick, the ends of lips reached my eyes as they were on the sleeping husky. I crossed around and climbed on his bed, taking out the journal book from my bag and opened up the middle section of the book. It only took, like, fifteen hundred years or so to finally read this part, no biggie. But as the pages before closed, they detailed how the middle section delved deeper into the world it created, or rather, documented as it said.
A whole sort of multiverse. How a universe was based on the decisions not made by the people before. But this first page talked about beginning of the Multiverse. A sort of Wonderland world.
Winheim is a wonderland, Anaheim is an Art. Challa becomes a fantasy while Alburne steals your heart. With Amestria showing its colours and Sona giving you a fight, Venis is the sky that gives you a fight. These are the seven capitals of Pangaea, the sole continent on the Earth. The Earth that birthed a thousand more and sired the prime inhabitants of its soil. It's funny really, how the King loves a wonderland and Queen does her art, where the Emperor creates a fantasy and the Prince steals your heart. How the Lord shows his true colours and the Lady gives you a fight, but it's the Duchess that reaches the skies and gives you a flight. These are the legacies left behind in each city by these seven nobles.
Pangaea. Geography back in high school taught me of the alleged super continent way before it broke off into the seven continents we know of today. But to think it could exist on an Earth, the first Earth of a beginning universe. Spawning a thousand more. Kind of the like saying, with every action, there's a reaction – to put it more accurately. This whole book got me thinking, but especially this first page. Like, what if, as this journal had said, this world was just another loop of a previous one? Where the choices never made on those were the ones we made today? I mean, just imagine. A different me before, making different choices than I had, doing different things than I was right now. Being a completely different person but keeping a good amount of familiarity.
Just imagine. As a kid, I'd always believe in aliens and a sort of God and another universe. Mom used to always tell me nothing was ever truly impossible because compare BC to now. They would deny the things we had today because they'd believe it was impossible and it wasn't.
Of course, everyone would think I needed psychiatric help like Tori if I told them what I believed. And all because of this book, and how right it was...
If I wrote down in a book, then they'd think it was cool. But if it was truly real, then that be really cool. The first Earth, the first galaxy, the first universe. And mine was just another version of it where its history took a detour.
Just as I flipped the next page, the door bust open. Out of a sort instinct, I turned over and saw Chance sleeping away but when my eyes returned the cause of wide heaved door, Tori stood. Her hips popped out, the classic hand laying on it and the signature seductive grin playing her features well. As usual, she was sported for a day of fun. "You ready to go, hot stuff?"
And as usual with me, I couldn't tell what kind of nonsense she was on about. "Wait... what do you mean I am ready to go? Where?" She couldn't be any clearer, could she?
At first her face featured a dumfounded look, but she corrected it. "Bitch, its Black Friday... I mean, it's Boxing Day, bitch. What the hell do you mean what do you mean? Like, what kind of question?"
I'll forever wonder what is wrong with this girl. And how am I friends with her? "Ha, I didn't think we'd go anywhere." No one else seemed to have made plans. We sure hadn't planned how this break would've gone like either.
So now she appeared lost. Waving her free hand around. "This boy didn't think we were going anywhere... It's like he doesn't even know me." She then sighed quite heavily and her eyes met mine again. "Just throw on some pants over those and grab a winter jacket and let's go! Do you not imagine the kind of things we could get? The sales are huge this year." They better be huge to justify me leaving the house, let alone this room and this bed.
Complying with her demands with an audible sigh she picked up on, I sprung on a pair of pants, swung on my winter jacket and was then pulled from the room to the front door. We began slipping on our shoes as one thing made me wonder. Was this girl going to eat anything? It seemed like she threw on clothes when she woke. We weren't going back to this. "Aren't you going to eat?"
"I can eat later at the mall. Trust me, I'll eat when we get there. I'm just not that hungry – and I did treat myself big last night, so... yeah," she said, shaking her head with a toothy smile. "And we can't afford to miss out on all the good stuff." This now explained the bags I saw up close and how reddened her eyes were. Jeez, could she not get hungry so late?
By now we were in my car and off on the road with her being a backseat driver. Or should I say, shotgun driver like she could drive on literal ice. Breaking free from her nitpicks, I asked a question. "So, anyway, what are you buying?"
"Well, we are buying formality for the Winter Festival," she said. "And God," I liked how she 'fainted' in my car. We weren't even at the mall yet... actually, that was better than being there anyway with her acting like this. With her getting so hot and bothered, who was the guy this time? She had Chris and talked about his dick way too many times so this had to be someone else. "I hope Charlie's there..." Oh, and there went my answer.
But, "who's Charlie?"
"Chris' super-hot cousin." And now she fanned herself. "He burns everything and everyone in sight, dear God... my ovaries, man, just thinking of that boy..."
"I will not understand how you talk about other guys like that when you're with Chris."
"I don't know how you don't. I bet you still want Leone's dick, you nightrider." Oh my GOD, Tori... stop this.
"I'mma kill you..."
"HA, because you know it's true. Just like Chance, I swear. You nightriders. Can't get enough black, can you?"
"Well, you're one to talk. Half of your sex list were filled with black guys. Kay, so... stop talking. Shut your mouth."
"I don't think it's good to be in denial, Thomas. Come on now."
"Oh, wow, you used my first name for once in your life."
"Because I'm being honest and serious."
"You... serious? And honest? In what world?"
"Well, if you guys stop being crazy then you'll see." I can't deal with this... done. "But I see you're trying to avoid talking about the black horse. But it is okay, Thomas. I can understand. I know Chance's vanilla cone can't compare to Leone's Black Panther."
Like I said... done. "I think we need to renegotiate the terms of our relationship here."
"Thomas, I'm white. We don't negotiate. We take. You're mine for life. I'm sorry."
I should've just pulled up on the curb and threw her out, but the trip to the mall wasn't such a trek as I thought in this weather. I was already finding a spot in the lot and keeping silent as to not let her mouth run wild now. She was tongue-tied wild with laughter instead. That I could handle. Couldn't take the nightrider talk. Not anymore. I was honestly glad the rest of the guys – Jared, Josh, Mikayla and Alison – weren't here. They made it far worse than she had.
Her laughter hadn't even died down when we entered the mall, so now I was stuck with a deranged little girl who gained us unwanted attention. As usual.
Yet again I was done with life then and there. "So where to first, woman?"
"Well, Nightrider, I'm glad you asked." She's going to die. "We'll first stop at Trans City. If not there – if we can't find anything – then probably Country Outfitters next. Maybe Classic. Who knows? But Trans City first. They always have the good stuff first." And Trans City it was.
Boxing Day was that time of year where survival was most pivotal. Talk about a jungle of a mall, closed spaces making the even the most claustrophobic scream nope out before entering the crazy old grannies whacking everyone with their purses for the good stuff.
Okay, maybe that last one was exaggerated a little. But everything about this day and other days like it were true enough. Bouncing from Trans City, brushing through hundreds of shoulders to Country Outfitters was a journey in and of itself. But when Country offered nothing in particular we went through a hardship of crossing to the first floor down to Classic and while Trans City had the good stuff, Classic attracted us with the visual. But they killed any sort of enthusiasm with the hefty price tags they slap on. Brand names, of course. But on a day like this, people couldn't resist.
"Oh, look... it's a whore," Tori said and at first I was confused. I paid more attention to the suits then whatever she blabbed out until my eyes caught her. Kayla. Under a guy's arm like usual. Nothing ever changed for her, unfortunately. When was she going to grow up? I simply didn't hate her anymore, not when she past us with just a sly kind of grin, more directed me, because it took too much energy. But Tori had lots of it. "Cleary this bitch has gone insane." Judging by the grin Kayla showed. "It was a matter of time..." She had bricks of it.
When we finally came across affordable attires for the special occasion in about a week in Classic, we waited in line behind six others or so.
"I should've brought Chance's bow and arrow." Was she... why did I even ask myself this? I knew the answer all too well.
"Yeah... no."
"After all these years we've been ridin' and dyin' you can't trust with life, basically."
"If anyone knew you, they'd feel the same way. Your own boyfriend does."
Just like Leone, inheriting his dialect like she was grown into his culture, she kissed her teeth. She played too many roles to catch up. "Bitch..."
"Whore..."
A pause tuned in and I could see on our faces our stomachs couldn't hold it any longer. "L.O.L."
"Enter..."
If there were ever any paramedics inside, we'd need them now. I bet someone would've called watching off pick ourselves up off the floor like we heard the greatest joke known to man or had gone ludicrously mad. Both were interchangeable anyway. But I'd say the bystanders would think more to the latter than anything. Their eyes right now said it all.
We settled down soon enough as we moved in closer, just two people ahead of us left. And all eyes were steering away from us like we were wild deer or something. Tori choked a bit and cleared her throat before she looked in my eyes and parted her lips. Her face in question. "Oh, man... So, anyway, how's that book going?"
"What? What book?"
"That journal book thing?" she asked. "How you gone forget it already? You were reading it this morning!"
"Okay then... It's going good, actually. Has a lot of supernatural, science-fiction elements to it. Like a multiverse and supernatural beings and stuff. Sort of like, Wriko, actually." Now that I thought about it. A Japanese animated movie my family watched a while ago. They said it was geared towards kids but we full on knew adults could enjoy the most out of it.
"Oh, really? Wriko's amazing. Chance used to drag me to watch it with him. I told you about that, right?"
I nodded. "You tell me your life story like I care."
"You better fix your attitude there, Nightrider." Yeah, she's going to die. If not me first. "After you're done reading that you should check out Undisputed Limitations. It's a sort of romance novel between an American MMA Fighter and a Serbian-Canadian coach. So good! Man, I wish Chris was an MMA Fighter... then he could teach me his ways."
"Yeah... I'm sure he would. He and I know who you'd attack first. We don't want you to drop kick her down a flight of stairs."
Just as we reached up the front, as her laugh sustained the very short trip, she nodded with a smile and we placed down our attires. "I'd so do that, though... I would so do that."
Once she regained normalcy, we split the money and Tori went through the quick process with the cashier. As we made our way out and towards the mall's cafeteria, being hours passed since we left, my phone buzzed. Out of curiosity, of course, I checked the screen and a saw text message from Leone. I expected one yesterday. But not today. So I read it.
"Is it alright if I stop by and drop off my gift?" He bought a gift this time around?
Actually, it made sense. The years before we weren't even talking and all he could do was wish me a merry Christmas and a happy birthday. I just didn't think this year he'd get me anything. I didn't get anything for him, so, wow... I feel bad now. "Look at you making me feel bad for not getting you a gift."
"You're a dick, Nightrider."
"Oh, shut up, woman."
"That's okay. I already got enough from my parents and grandparents and my brother. So is it alright if I come?"
"Yeah, but I'm not at my house at the moment. My family's spending the break with Tori's."
"Ah, alright. I'll stop by later tonight then."
Until then, it was time for Tori and I to quench the thirst of our stomachs.
Red and blue lights glared from around the corner of the street the McClain house stood. Obvious wonder lingered in the car. The close we got, the more our hearts jumped in anticipation and broke out the emotion on our faces, our minds frolicking in expectation. And the minute I turned the corner, our minds won the game. As I parked near the curb, a few houses down, our eyes were careful on the surroundings ahead. My dad, Monique, on the grass of Tori's lawn with the kids not in sight. Where did everyone else go? But Chance... Shane?
No... there he was. Chance. Over on the side of the road. Sitting down inside on the edge of a paramedics van talking to the police. Then Shane over by the front door resting on the stone steps as he got taken care of too. As like with Chance, a policeman talked with him. So Tori and I rushed out of the car and approached the two lost adults. We figured – and it had to be the truth – that Chance felt uncomfortable around Shane and he kept pushing it and this happened. But my dad and Monique? Everyone else? They hadn't a clue.
Tori knew more than she'd let off, too.
"What happened?" Tori asked. There was a short eye exchange between the two, thought clouding their faces before they met our eyes again.
Dad was the one to sigh first and this was the first I caught him clutch the side of his stomach. "Monique and I came back to find Chance and Shane fighting." Figured. "I tried intervening but it was no good at all. They were going at it like a real pack of wild wolves. I had to call the cops."
Honestly...
"What about my parents and the kids?" Tori asked. "Where are they?"
"They're down in Gravity Falls. The sales are crazier over there."
"Dammit!" Oh, Tori.
"Ha, but I honestly believe Shane triggered it," Dad added. And that was true.
"But why?" Monique asked. "He won't even talk to me about it. I really don't get their relationship. He used to tell me of all the fun things he and Chance used to do." It only made their relationship more complex in our eyes. Only they could shed some light and untangle the mystery we live in around them.
"Me neither..." But Tori knew. This went way deeper than I ever thought. If she kept her mouth about it, then I needed to see clear at what Shane could've done.
Hurt him? In what way?
"Why don't you go talk to him, son...?" At first I looked back with confusion, and hesitated, of course. Dad wanted me to go have a talk with him and how would I get any answers out of him? I guessed, the basic answers could work. And I bet he thought I was still with him. My parents didn't know yet.
Once the policeman was done with him, I went over. I knew he knew I was there but he hadn't met my eyes. Probably wouldn't. Nothing ever seemed to have marked him either, not like it had with Leone. "Are you going to tell me how disappointed you are in me? Or do you want answers like everyone else?"
"You already know. We're all at the point of why."
He sort scoffed, but the sound came out more of a mockery kind of laugh. All the while shaking his head and his face expressed how broken his patience was. As if can get any more broken. "I don't know why he keeps talking to me like I want him around and I clearly fucking don't and that pisses me off," he said. "So, yeah, it's clear I threw the first punch and told them that. But I'm not getting charged 'cause Shane won't do it."
"You can't just tell me, or us, that you don't like him without giving us a reason. That doesn't make sense."
"Then I don't know what more to tell you guys..." Then I guess I don't know what more to say...
And instead, I traced back to my dad with nothing and all he could do, all we could ever do like always, was wonder. By now we knew of their toxic relationship but for why? How? What happened? We'd never know until they opened up about it and it wasn't any time soon. So of course we wouldn't use players when they were made of indestructible steel or something. You couldn't always force answers out of everything. Sometimes they'd have to come naturally – like this one.
I was more steel back then, too. Told how much life grew.
My dad sighing caught the attention from my thoughts now. "I think it's best if we all head home now." Sounds like a good idea. "The Winter Festival is in about a week and I think we need the break from each other."
"Yeah, yeah, I think that's best. Maybe Shane will talk to me then," Monique said. "Maybe." Worry on her matched the ones on the three of us. Maybe she had a better chance with Shane than we were with Chance. We could hope.
Boy, what a break this was.
Quite quiet about the whole subject, his face played with wonder, his body shifted awkwardly, and he couldn't understand but he tried so hard. From when I was a boy to now. Loved him for trying. Always. He got better each time and now he laid lost. "I don't get it... what happened? You guys are done?"
Didn't know why I hesitated there. We were first on the subject of Chance and why he acted out so differently for the past weeks and here it hit how he and I weren't a thing. He called it off, I agreed. So why did I hesitate?
Actually, maybe because it just happened so suddenly. Why was I even asking that? The attraction hadn't left - what could've been played my dreams. "Yeah. It was mutual." Sometimes I didn't understand myself and my own questions. Especially when I knew the answers.
"He really seemed comfortable around you. You really liked the boy, too, I can see." Just like you, dad. The same way you blushed around in those beach photos. "I know what happened Bentley, and he was a friend, and Chance went through therapy, but... I just don't understand. You were easily like an anchor to him."
"Don't get all cliché here. He's just very uncomfortable with a lot of things and right now, he figures he needs time to understand himself. You know I went through that at one point."
"Yeah, I know," he said. "But... I don't know. Don't you remember the time you calmed him down on the field? He played better because of you. I was a damn fool until I met your mother. Chance... he's a fool on his own. Do you still like him?"
"Well, yeah." He really liked Chance with me... that seemed a first with any boy.
"Then... don't make it awkward. He has that space and he'll let you in and... I honestly just liked knowing you were happy and that he was. Arthur always tells me he's confused with him because he doesn't know what's going on and with you by his side, I honestly think Arthur will get back his son. And I really liked seeing you with him."
"You? Liked seeing me with a boy?" Was this Armageddon? "Are you okay there, dad?"
"Can't a father enjoy a nice relationship his son has with another?"
"Not you."
He shook his head smiling, patted mine and laid a quick kiss on my forehead. "I can like a guy you like, you know. It's not that hard. I liked Leone... for a little while."
"Okay, okay."
With nothing in response, he left with his smile. But just as I was about to get comfy in my bed with the journal in hand, the sound of mom's voice breaks through the crack in the door. I came out and to my surprise at the foot of the steps stood Leone. A gift in his hands. I almost forgot... no, I actually did forget. Whoops.
"I thought you guys were at Tori's," he said. "Made me waste my damn time to bring you this gift."
"Excuse you?"
He laughed. "Always loved playing with you. But anyway, here's your gift." He handed it to me and I opened it. My face lit up in surprise when I saw the teddy bear striking a fine resemblance to the one I had as a kid. I could've sworn it was the same one but this looked brand new. "I remember that bear you used to love so much. Can't believe I never thought of getting you one when we were together. I'm an idiot."
"You're always an idiot, and thank you," I said.
"Yeah, I'm always gonna be your idiot."
"Before I go, can I ask something?"
"About Chance? Why we went back home?"
"You already know. But, yeah. He answered the door when I went. He's different... again and looked like he took a beating."
"He did. He and Shane fought and my dad decided we needed a break from each other. So... yeah," I said. "And he's done with weed."
"And... are you guys done?"
I hesitated. "Yeah."
"Okay, okay... So then, I'll see you around."
Before he actually left, I dove in for a hug. "Thank you, honestly. I appreciate it."
"You're always welcome."
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