"Oh Carmella, you look so beautiful! Those earings really make your eyes sparkle, and your hair just looks perfect. I can't believe this day has finally come, my little girl, all grown..." My mother blabbered on relentlessly, amidst tears and running makeup, yet not a single word registered. I stared out the window, my eyes travelling over the lush landscape of the vintage farmhouse that we had all congregated in. Today was the day, and in less than four hours, the little gazebo and garden on the south end of the greens would fill to capacity with my closest and dearest family, and then my life will utterly and completely change forever.
Last night I had been in denial, thinking that I could just go to sleep and never wake up, that this day would perpetually be just a few more days away, but I was wrong. From the moment my eyelids sleepily fluttered open, wincing as the joyous spring sun rays filtered through my window panes, the single thought fluttering through my mind was "run".
"Ugh Carmella, is that really how your going to leave your hair and makeup? Its so plain, your the bride not an usher." Of course, leave it to my sister to be the one person to snap me out of my reverie. I sneered at her snide comment before replying.
"Hey, didn't I say to sit in the corner and shut it? I don't remember inviting you to open up your big mouth, now get back in your corner before I tell your husband how much of a freak you really are, and not in the good way!" Aftrer last night, I had been hell bent on just pretending as if Cara never existed. Of course that is extremely hard to do when she is so good at being annoying, and after four hours of listening to her whining, I would have gouged my ear drums out just for some peace and quiet. So we came to an agreement, Cara would remain unharmed while in my presence so long as she stayed out of my way and did everything I asked the day of my wedding. So far, I wish I had just sucked it up and torn out my ears.
"Oh come on Carmella, mom..."
"Enough Cara! Would you stop making everything about you? This is the most important day of your sister's life, can we please just focus on her?" My mother all but yelled. Cara was about to retort, but the look my mother was giving her left little room for argument. Huffing, Cara plopped in the chair I had placed in the corner of the room for her.... facing the wall, which I did purposely so I wouldn't have to see her face with her judgemental looks of dissaproval.
Refocusing, I inhaled deeply and desperatly tried to calm myself down, this was all just too stressfull to deal with. Unfortunately, as each minute built and brought me closer to the moment of truth, so did my nerves and, despite my guilt, I still couldn't manage to keep my inner voice from screaming for me to run.
I felt like I was losing myself and knew it wouldn't be long before I broke down in front of everyone, and that was embarresment I just couldn't take. "I need air" I practically shouted, startling my great aunt Milly, who had been peacefully dosing on the chase lounge by the mini bar. I scrambled to my feet and burst out of thre bridal suite, ignoring the protests and concerned voices fading behind me. As soon as I had made it outside, I made a beeline to the back of the building, away from prying eyes, and plopped myself on a stone bench behind some overgrown shrubs.
I dukced my head between my legs and let myself release a strangled whimper. What the hell is wrong with me? Any girl would be thrilled to be marrying Ezra today, and here I am, barefoot and sobbing over it in some bushes behind a stinky dumpster. Ezra is the kindest, most genuine guy I have ever met, and I am a freak of nature who deffinetly doesn't deserve him, yet somehow still ended up with my prince charming. I should feel lucky. Besides, whats the worst that could happen? We get married and have kids, which puts a strain on our sex life, which causes him to cheat and me to drink because I'm depressed and become violent, which really won't do much since I'm a weakling, but still its embarrassing. We'll end up getting divorced, which will confuse our kids and the next thing you know my son is serving pink, glittery cocktails to she-men in thongs at clubs like Feathers...
"Aagh" I shriek, before rising from my stone bench and pacing my confined area. I have officially lost it! I just need to calm down, everything will be fine. Ezra and I will be fine, I hope.
Suddenly I heard the crunching of gravel beneath boots, and my head snapped in the direction of the noise, horrified to think that someone may see my like this and then I will be forced to explain. From behind the bushes, however, came the last person I ever expected to see on my wedding day. With her arm outstretched and a small green gift bag dangling from her fingers, the googlie eyed lady from the hospital stood in a crisp, white hospital gown with a clear IV tube tied around her waist and in a bow on her hip. Hospital ID bands wrapped around her wrists, fingers and neck as makeshift jewelry, and a giant smile lit up her face, and for the first time that day I actually felt relief. Seeing someone crazier than I was always made me feel a little bit more normal.
"I didn't think you would be able to come. When I spoke to your program director he had been adament about psych patients not being allowed to leave the ward unless for approved family events."
The googlie eyed lady didn't reply, just tilted her head to the side, looking much like a confused puppy, before flinging the gift bag in my face. Did I say confused puppy? I meant rabbid dog.
"Wow, you didn't have to get me a gift." I replied as I cautiously peaked inside the bag. Who knew what freaky thing she could have gotten me? My finger glided over cold glass as I reached in and pulled out a round sphere.
"A snow globe?" I asked perplexed, as I peered closer to the little figurines imobilized inside the crystal ball. Two smiling adult figurines stood infront of a red house, enclosed in a white picket fence, with a small child between the two holding both their hands.The words "Happy Family" were written in script across the base.
I looked up to express my thanks and felt unexpected tears pool in my eyes. I don't think it was the sentiment of the gift itself or the kindness behind the gesture, but for some reason looking at the snow globe and the politically correct family happily living inside of it, and then at the person who gifted it to me, made me feel like everything would be ok. That somehow everything would work out.
The googlie eyed lady returned my shy smile and once again I peered down at the gift she had given me, rotating it around in my palms. I could see some chicken scratch letters underneath the base of the globe and upon further inspection found the name "Bertha" etched into the plastic.
"Hey, is your name Bertha?" I questioned, lifting my gaze, but was surprised to see that my googlie eyed friend was gone. With a shrug, I gripped the snow globe tighter in my hand and marched my way back into the farmhouse. As I pushed the oak doors of my bridal suite open, and faced the onslaught of my time-crunched bridal attendants, the one thing running through my mind was, "I can do this."
~~~~~~
"It was such a beautiful ceremony, congratulations!"
"I'm so happy for the both of you!"
"Best of luck you two!"
"Thank you for coming!" I cheered for the hundredth time that night, with as much false luster I could muster at this point in the night. The ceremony itself had gone off without a hitch, minus my near death experience after catching my heal in my dress and almost knocking over a tray of tealight candles. The rest of the night was a really a blur, I had hugged and kissed so many people, most of whom I did not recognize at all.
Three hours into the actual party, I felt like an STD in a sorority house after being passed around from one partner to another on the dance floor. I managed through it all, however, because Ezra was by myside the entire time, gently intertwining our fingers and whispering in my ear naughty things that made me blush and giggle at the most awkward times of the night.
The last of our sober guests were just now departing as Cara attempted to corrall our more annebriated ones, much to my satisfaction. Right now she was having a particularly difficult time trying to contain ex-uncle Herman on the dance floor, who kept trying to lift up her skirt and would accuse her of being a communist every time she would slap his hand away.
A chuckle passed through my lips as my mother leaned into me and whispered in my ear. " Honey, isn't that lady over there, the one dancing with the ficus tree, the woman with the lazy eye from the hospital?" I looked at my mom's face and smiled genuinely.
"Oh no mom, that's just Bertha."
~~~~~~~
I stared at my reflection with wide eyes as I stood in front of the bathroom mirror. I had just come to the conclusion that the actual act of getting married wasn't the hard part of today, oh no. As I stood in the en-suite bathroom of our posh hotel room, wearing nothing but lacy lingerie that was currently riding up my butt crack, I realized that the actual hard part would be forcing myself to walk back out through the bathroom door.
"Carmella, are you ok in there?" Ezra called from the other side of the door. I frantically looked between my reflection and the doorway, petrified that at any minute Ezra would burst through it.
"You've been in there for almost half an hour.You know we don't have to do anything if you don't want to. There's no pressure, we have all the time in the world now."
Oh god, this is so embarrasing. I just need to suck it up and pretend I'm one of those girls on the tv show "Sixteen and Pregnant", without a care in the world... until I get pregnant. Ok, maybe that was a bad analogy. Taking a deep breath, I told myself that I was too old to still be a virgin and that I was being a baby. I love Ezra and he loves me, there's nothing to fear. Closing my eyes tightly, I gingerly reached for the doorknob, before flipping off the lock and pushing the door open.
I kept my eyes firmly shut as I slowly padded into the room, too embarressed and self conscious to let myself see Ezra's reaction.
"Carmella...wow" Ezra's deep voice drifted to my ears.
"Wow good or wow bad?" I asked tentatively.
"Wow good, deffinetely good." I smiled to myself, my eyes still tightly shut as I felt Ezra's muscular arms wrap around my waist, his bare chest pressed up against my scantily clad breasts, his lips gently brushing my jaw.
"You are so beautiful Carmella, I can't tell you how lucky I feel to have you forever." Ezra ever so slightly moved his soft lips from jaw to just beneath my ear, giving a quick nibble before peppering feather light kisses down my neck, to my shoulder.
"Finaly, you are mine." With one gentle push I fell bakwards and onto the bed, not even aware of how I had crossed the bedroom in the first place. Ezra gently looped his fingers beneath the hem of my sheer panties, and without breaking eye contact, slowly slid them down my legs until they were completely off. I stared mezmerized as he carefully pushed his own boxers off his waist, revealing himself completely to me. And boy, what a sight that was.
I gulped nervously as Ezra crawled onto the bed, hovering above me as he manouvered himself between my shaking legs.
"I love you so much, Carmella." At that moment our eyes locked, neither of us able to look away. It was as if we were the only two people in the world; the walls could come crashing down around us and none of it would matter.
"I love you too, Ezra." And with that, our trance had been broken. Ezra had never looked at me so lovingly before in my life, his facing breaking out in the largest smile I had ever seen.
"Thank god" he muttered as he slowly lowered his head, our lips but a centimeter apart.
"For what?" I asked breathlessly, my breathing increasing rapidly as my brain caught up to my hormones. I was really going to do this.
"For giving me you." Before I could process his words, Ezra's lips had smashed against my own. My body acting on its own accord as I writhed and arched to meet every curve and plane of his body. My hands gripped his shoulders firmly as his tangled in my mess of hair.
Ezra pulled away suddenly, breathing heavily as he placed his forhead to my own. "Are you ready?"
His husky voice sent a tingling sesation through me. Not trusting my voice, I nodded my head "yes" instead. Ezra leaned in, a satisfied a smile on his face, before pulling away one more time.
"Are you sure Carmella, because there's no pressure-"
"I'm sure!" I shrieked, desperate to start this before I lost all of my new found courage.
"Ok, tell me if it hurts baby" Ezra cooed as he leaned in to plant a kiss on my forehead. Oh god, its going to hurt? I had forgotten about that part. Panic started to rise within me as Ezra gently shifted his hips fowrward. Oh god, what if he's too big? What if he can't fit and I split in half? Oh god, this is going to hurt so much. I pinched my eyes shut just as Ezra pushed forward again and immediatly reacted.
"Oh, oh it hurts, ahh the pain!" I screeched like a banshee as my eyes flew open and my arms flailed from my sides. Ezra quickly slapped his hand across my mouth to silence me and quirked an eyebrow.
"Uh, Carmella, I didn't do anything to you yet."
And que the coloring of the cheeks and widening of the eyes. Way to go, Carmella, not only did you completely embarrass yourself but you just made this night super awkward. Ezra removed his hand and I replied with a sheepish smile.
"Carmella, I love you, ok? I would never hurt you, now just relax." I nodded my head and huffed as Ezra leaned down and gently began to kiss me. My hands grazed his chest, memorizing each individual cut and dip, as I slowly became more relaxed. I felt his harms scoop beneath me and was soon pulled tight against his body, my own arms moving to embrace him. All the while our kiss never broke, and soon the best kiss of my life was turning into the best night of my life.
All too soon, however, the first rays of morning light flittered through the parted curtains.
"Come on baby, we have to get ready or we'll miss the flight."
"I don't want to." I whined like the immature child I am as I cuddled closer to Ezra's side under the covers.
"Carmella, do you know how many strings I had to pull to change our honeymoon last minute?" Ezra attempted to ask sternly, though the hilarity of the situation broke his demeanor. Thats right, because of my stupid bachelorette party I'm now legally prohibited from exiting the continental U.S until next September when I have a court date. This is all Cara's fault, because of her I'm now honeymooning in South Beach instead of Cabo. Oh well, as long as every night is like last night, we can honeymoon at the North Pole for all I care.
"Well, if it was so easy for you to do it yesterday, then you can just do it again today" I replied petulantly before snuggling even closer to Ezra and placing a light kiss on his hip, feeling his muscles clench at the contact of my lips.
"What, do you think I can just reach in my pocket and pull out a..." Ezra's body suddenly tensed beneath my touch as his sentance trailed off into nothing. I pulled myself up from under the covers only to come face to face witha a pale faced Ezra.
"What's wrong?" I gently placed my hand on Ezra's cheek to get him to focus. Ok, now I'm getting a little nervous. Ezra blinked twice before looking at me guiltily.
"Um, last night I, I forgot to p-pull out." Ezra whispered apologetically. Huh?
"Forgot to pull out what?" I asked confused. Ezra just looked at me increduously.
"I forgot to pull out." He repeated, only slower and more steady. As if that made a difference, I still didn't understand what he was talking about. Ugh, this is too much.
"Pull out what?" I demanded, done with these vague remarks. Ezra sighed.
"Carmella, last night I forgot to pull out of you before I, you know" Ezra gestured with his hands in the general direction of my crotch before turning his head in an attempt to hide his blush. I mulled over what he had just said before it finally clicked.
"Oh" I replied solemly, wait..."Oh, no no no! I can't be pregnant!" I screached at the top of my lungs before I bolted from the bed, my arms wildly flailing around me as I started hopping up and down. This can't be happening!
Ezra looked at me for a few moments like I had just grown another head that only spoke Dutch before he got up and strode across the room. He swiftly clamped his hands on my shoulder, effectively rooting me back to the ground.
"Carmella, what are you doing?" Ezra asked warily, as if I was a naughty child about to do something bad.
"In the 7th grade, Tina Horowitz told me that if you jump up and down after having unprotected sex you won't get pregnant." I replied lamely.
"Ok... you do know thats not true, right?" I sighed.
"Yea, but I was hoping that if I stayed in denial about that fact maybe it work." I replied dejectedly before slumping into Ezra's bare chest. His arms dropped from my shoulders and slid around my waist, holding me securly to his body.
"Look, we probably have nothing to worry about. It was your first time, so your chances of getting pregnant are like slim to none." Ezra soothed as he gently rubbed circles into my lower back. I lifted my head to look at him.
"You really think so?"
"Deffinately. Now come on, we have a plane to catch and a honeymoon to get to." He cheered before pushing me towards my suitcase and slapping me on my behind.
I gave him a quick nod a weak smile before adding, "Ok, but from now on we use condoms."
9 Months Later
"Aahh" I screamed at the top of my lungs, before I lifted my shoulder to wipe the sweat building at my brow. I felt drained and exhausted, this was the hardest thing I had ever gone through in my entire life, and if it weren't for the fact that the nurse kept shouting that we were almost there I would have allowed myself to pass out right here, right now.
"Come on sweetheart, your almost there. Give us another big push!" My muscles cleanched at the next push and I took deep breath, letting out another glass shattering scream.
"God Carmella, would you stop screaming already! I'm the one that actually has to do the pushing." Cara spat then slumped back down in her hospital bed. Ok, so maybe I wasn't the one to have to actually push the baby out, but my job was pretty painful too!
After Ezra and I had returned from our honeymoon, Cara and I had come to a sort of twisted truce. She agreed to stop being such a bitch all the time and in exchange I would stop calling her out on it as often. Somewhere during that time, I had agreed to being the catcher for her baby, which she had gotten pregnant with soon after my wedding. I guess Ezra and I weren't the only ones who forgot to pull out that night. Thank heavens our night didn't result in a baby, I'm deffanitely not ready to go through this yet.
Cara screamed one more time as she gave another big push, and I couldn't help but let out a shriek of horror. Maybe I was overreacting, but with every push Cara gave it brought me even closer to having to catch the little alien thats squirming inside my sister. And that little thing will be covered in Cara's baby juices, which will of course get on me, and that is all too much for me to handle.
"One more big push, Cara. I can see the head already. One more push and she's out." The nurse shouted overenthusiastically. Oh god, one more push? I'm not ready.
"Are you ready?" The nurse asked.
"No!" I shrieked.
"Not you, Carmella. Ugh!" Cara huffed as she threw her head back in exasperation. Tufts of hair started to peak through her legs, and soon after the beginning of a head.
"Oh god, Cara, keep your legs closed and hold it in." I pleaded to no avail. That thing was deffinitaly coming out.
"No Cara, you need to push. One more push, honey." Cara took a deep breath and pushed with all her might, and as the head fully emerged into the real world, Cara and I both let out horrifed screams in unision. And just like that, my niece was born.
Starring down into the deep chocolate eyes of the little human being that took nine months to create, four hours to bring into this world, and had experienced a whole of 30 seconds of living thus far, I couldn't believe how much my life had changed. Most of all, I was happy, and despite all the ups and downs that had to be overcome to get here, the reward was deffinately worth the journey.
FIN.
**Update: Check out the one shot I did for this story, called Love in Purgatory!