When I wake up, my body is heavy like I've been asleep for ages. My limbs don't want to move. My blood is filled with lead. My eyelids are glued shut. My breaths are long and steady.
Everything is confusing. I can't figure out what I'm doing or where I've been or whether or not I'm dead. Why would I be dead? I don't understand my own thoughts.
And then all at once the misty confusion disappears and my heart lurches. I was thrown out a window. That's why I could be dead.
And everything rushes to me just like it did while I was falling. I can see myself, young and innocent, running and playing and skipping in the back of my mind. I can remember myself with Clarin, myself with Owen. I can remember the day the accident happened perfectly. It's clear as day and feels like it never left.
I don't understand.
How is it possible that I can remember everything?
I try once again to open my eyes, but they're cemented down. My limbs refuse to work. My fingers won't move. Nothing will budge.
Where am I? is the real question running through my mind.
I start with what I do know. I do know that I was in danger, that Ian tried to kill me... That he might have killed me, for all I know. I know that I never told Owen goodbye before it all happened so suddenly. I know that I remember everything. It might be because I've past on and that barrier is no longer there because I'm in another life far from my old one.
There's a sound. It's beeping. Steadily. I don't know how I didn't recognize it before. I've been here before. Many times. I'm in a hospital. I know this much.
Slowly but surely, I tear my eyes open. It's so bright, too bright. But I'm not supposed to see anything! Has my vision returned to me? I hope I'm not dreaming. Please, please let this not be a dream.
The blurs turn into figures and objects. There's a closed door and window across from me, all the walls around me are blank and white as always. There is a desk covered in supplies and tools and machines to my right. There is something connected to my side-I'm being supplies something. This is a tube running through me. I try to lift a hand to my head, but my muscle groans with the attempt. Everything is so stiff.
And then I notice something else, something that I should've noticed when I first came in. Owen's head is resting on my legs, the rest of him in a chair beside my bed. His eyes have bags under them even though they're closed in what must be exhaustion. His lips are slightly parted and his dark hair is falling into his face.
I want to cry. I haven't seen him in so long. This blindness has made the only time I can see him in my restricted memories. And none of those can do him justice.
My hand slowly reaches out to move his hair away from his forehead. It's so soft, just as always. This time, a tear does roll down my cheek. I'm so glad I'm not dead. I am so glad I'm here right now, and that Owen is here, and that we are both okay.
My hand rests on his cheek, and his eyes open. He blinks a few times in confusion. Then his focus lands on me, his beautiful green eyes widening in shock. I want to stop the world right now. Seeing that look in his eye as his lips turn up in the most breathtaking smile I have ever seen.
"Brinley?" He asks quietly, voice cracking.
My thumb moves along his cheek, and I know tears have fallen over his eyes because I feel them on my fingers. Owen wraps his arms around me carefully, one arm around my middle and another gently pressed to my head. His head rests on my shoulder and his uneven breaths against my collarbone melt my heart away.
"Brinley," he says again, and I let my head rest against his, my hands brushing through his hair. "I love you."
And at those words, every barrier of emotions and control over these tears ducts crack and I'm bawling. I can't believe how fortunate we are, that we're alive. That we're here, together. That this is real. That I'm not blind. That my mind isn't blocked away from my reach. I don't understand, but I don't question it either.
We don't move from our position for a long time. We're pressed together, dampening each other's clothing with our relieved tears. My fingers cling to his shirt at the collar and I don't ever want to let him go. Ever.
But then he pulls away, just slightly, and looks into my eyes. "Can you... Are you seeing me right now?" He looks shocked, surprised, hopeful all at once.
I nod my head a few times, smiling widely at him. "Yes." It's the first word I've spoken and it mostly comes out as a croak.
He rests his forehead against mine, letting out a long breath. "I thought I'd lost you, Brinley," he says in such a sad voice that it kills me inside. "The Doctors told me that this might have been the last straw."
"I'm here now," I say in confusion. What happened while I was out.
"Yes. You are," he smiles. "And I have never been happier in my entire life."
He presses his lips to mine very gently, and my heart pumps five times harder than usual. Warmth spreads to every inch of my being and his hands find mine and our fingers intertwine.
The door opens and I part from Owen only slightly. Clarin walks into the room, eyes wide in shock. She runs over to me and throws herself into my arms.
"You're okay," she says. "You're okay."
I know Owen stands up because the bed shifts again. "I'll let you two have some time." Then he's gone, closing the door once again.
"Brinley," Clarin says, sternly this time, staring directly into my eyes. "Don't you ever scare me like that again." I frown, staring back at her. "Wait, can you see my right now?" I nod and she blinks a few times in awe. "Oh. Wow."
"What... What happened?" I ask her, lifting a hand to my head where I know I hit it. Hard.
"Well, for starters, Owen saved your life," Clarin says, sitting up straighter on the bed.
"What?" I gasp. "How?"
"I have never seen anyone run that fast in my life. When he heard you scream, he was under your window in seconds. You fell and he was just beneath you. He caught you, but you both collapsed under the weight. But he broke a lot of your fall. If you had even hit the slightest but harder, you wouldn't be here right now."
I stare at her in awe. Owen saved me. He caught me. He never ceases to save me from every situation. I'll never live up to him. I'll always owe him my life, ten times over. He's too good for me.
"And then," she continues, "Owen's dad went upstairs and found Ian and called the cops. He was taken to jail and has recently had his trial and found guilty. He'll be there for a long time."
"How long have I been out?" I ask, eyes widening.
"About three weeks," Clarin says, frowning again. "And they weren't smooth. You managed to injure organs in the landing as well as crack your skull. You were bleeding everywhere and the doctors said that you were drowning in your own blood internally. You flat-lined three times." She takes a long breath, closing her eyes.
I bite my lip, looking down. All of that happened to me? No wonder Owen looks like he went to Hell and back. I imagine watching him go through all that and can't stand the thought.
"I have never seen Owen so desperate in my entire time knowing him, which is basically my entire life. He spent every minute of every day at your side. He refused to let you give up. If he wasn't here, he was praying for you to heal. He was praying for a miracle. We all were. You being here right now is a miracle," Clarin says, shaking her head.
"Wow," is all I can manage to say. It's all I can think.
"Yeah, wow," Clarin says. Then she sighs. "I've never lived through a more traumatizing experience."
And the door opens again. A doctor walks inside, looking down at a clipboard, writing things down in a hurry. He is followed by Owen, who sits back in a chair. The doctor stops at the desk and pulls out a light.
"Hello, Brinley," the man says, walking over to me. Clarin back away to one of the chairs. "My name is Dr. West. I just need to do some quick procedures to make sure you're healing properly."
He shines the light in my eyes. Then moves my hair to take a look at the injured portion of my head. He tests my heart beat. He feels my intestines and organs. Then he nods.
"Let me tell you, it is to my astonishment that you're sitting before me right now," Dr. West says, taking off his glasses and wiping them off on his coat. "I've never believed much in a God, but if there is one out there, he wants you here."
Once again, I'm stunned into silence. I don't know what to do or say, so I look at him. And then at Owen, whose eyes are looking over me with deep emotion behind them.
"Let me explain a few things to you before we do some brain scans," Dr. West says, sitting on the edge of my bed. "Somehow you can see again. I don't have an exact explanation. With the train of events, I didn't think this day would come for a long time."
"What does it mean if I remember?" I ask him quickly.
"Remember what?" He asks me in curiosity.
"Everything. I remember everything," I say.
Clarin drops her phone onto the floor and Dr. West is staring at me in disbelief. Owen is blinking at me like my skin has turned purple.
"You mean to tell me that you could tell me about events that occurred before your accident?" Dr. West asks, blinking at me again.
"Yes," I nod, trying to ignore the gasps.
"That is... That is..." Dr. West stands up and paces back and forth across the room for a few moments. Then he stops, turns to me and nods. "No, it makes sense. A near death experience would put the mind in a vulnerable state at that instant that the barrier would have to dissolve."
"Yes," Owen speaks up finally. "Remember what you told me the day you wiped out on the beach with Jake and the guys? You said you say a memory in your unconscious state. Your mind was vulnerable then, yeah?"
The doctor nods, looking thoughtful. "Interesting, so interesting," then he sets his clipboard down and clasps his hands together. "Let's begin on some tests now, I want to see exactly what's going on."
<•>•<•>
"Mom?" I ask as the woman walks into my room holding a fast food bag.
"Hi, Brinley," she smiles at me cautiously. "I'm so happy you're okay." She hurries to my bedside and greets me with a long hug. Then she sits back and looks at me.
"What are you doing here?" I ask her. "I am still in Oregon aren't I?"
"Yes, you are," my mom nods. "I would've been here sooner. But I had to do something I should've done a long time ago."
"What?" I ask her in curiosity.
"I worked off my debt to Owen's mom. All that money I stole from her in the past is repaid. I stayed back at home to take any jobs I could get," she explains.
I grin widely at her, so pleased that she's righted her wrong. I am proud of her even though I'm her daughter. "I'm so glad."
"I thought you might be," she brings me back into a hug. "Oh, here is some actually decent food."
She holds up the In-N-Out bag and I thank her before taking it and chowing down. I didn't realize how hungry I have been until now.
"Someone has been dying to see you..." She says, looking back at the door. "I'll be right back." She leaves after a swift kiss of the cheek.
And then someone new hurries into the room. Joey is grinning like an idiot as he sprints to me and hurtles himself into my arms. I take him in easily, smiling uncontrollably. We rock back and forth and back and forth for a long time.
"Gosh, I've missed you so much," Joey says, pulling away. "You just had to go and put yourself in another life threatening situation." He rolls his eyes, but I can see tears welled up in them though he attempts to hide it.
"I've missed you too, best friend," I smile at him.
"No, you don't even know," he says, shaking his head.
"Hey, I'm here now," I say, touching his shoulder. "And so are you."
"You really gave me a heart attack, you know," Joey says, frowning suddenly. "I was scared for you." I put my hand in his own. "I don't know what I'd do without you, best friend."
And when he starts crying, I start crying too, and then it's a huge mess and my face is buried in his shoulder, his tears dampening my hair. My heart is so full to the point that I think it is going to explode. We cling to each other and just feel the relief of this moment.
He backs away only a little, looking at me with those sad eyes. "Don't ever do that to me again," and then he sniffles once, twice. "Gosh, spending all my time with you has turned me into an emotional wreck. I'm supposed to be a man here, B."
"Really? Since when?"
"There's the sarcastic comment I know and love," Joey laughs a little, wiping his eyes again.
"I love you, Joey," I sigh, shaking my head.
"Whoa, how hard did you hit that head of yours, B? Don't go confessing on me. I know I'm uncontrollably attractive, but-"
"Oh, shut up," I roll my eyes. "I'm serious."
"Well, Miss Shane, I love you too," he smiles. "But you're eternally friend-zoned, you life-sized Big Mac."
"Big Mac?" I stare at him.
"I was thinking of really good things that occasionally give you a real heart attack. You're just like a Big Mac."