CHAPTER TWELVE
That's all I could offer . . .
PINANOOD ko lang siya habang mahimbing siyang natutulog.
There's a tube inserted through a cut in his neck below his vocal cords. According to the nurse who has been here few minutes ago, it allows air to enter his lungs. Through the tube, there he breathes, bypassing the mouth, nose, and throat.
Minutes later, he slowly opened his eyes. Stunned by my presence, he just looked away.
Napabuntonghininga tuloy ako.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"I really am," I added. Still, there's no response from him.
Few seconds later, he pointed his finger to the side table and there I saw a whiteboard and a marker.
Oh.
"Should I get it for you?" I asked.
He nodded, so I immediately picked it up from the side table and handed it to him.
Nagsimula siyang magsulat doon sa whiteboard at hinintay ko lang siyang matapos.
Maya-maya ay iniharap niya na sa 'kin 'yong white board at napangiwi ako nang basahin ko kung ano 'yong nakasulat.
Why are you here?
Again, I let out a small sigh. "I heard you underwent tracheostomy."
He erased the message on the board and wrote again.
So?
I scoffed in disbelief. "Aren't you being too much? Can't you at least try to understand why I got mad at you and why I haven't showed up on our date?"
Akala ko ay maiintindihan niya, pero nainis lang ako lalo no'ng makita ko 'yong sinulat niya sa whiteboard.
Just go away.
"Damn right I should," inis kong sabi saka ako padabog na lumabas ng kuwarto.
Nagpabalik-balik lang ako ng paglalakad sa hallway at pilit na kinakalma ang sarili ko. Naiinis ako. Bakit siya pa 'tong galit? Ako nga ang dapat magalit, eh.
Pero . . . bakit nga ba ako nagagalit? Hindi naman ako dapat magalit sa kanya dahil unang una sa lahat, hindi niya naman ginustong magkasakit.
With a long groan, I went back inside.
Napatingin siya sa 'kin kaya napasimangot ako.
"I'm sorry, okay? I know I was a coward. I know I was unfair to you. And I apologize, Hel. I was just—scared. Scared of what might happen next. Scared of falling for you more and more, knowing that your heart belongs to someone else."
He stared at me for a few seconds, and then he wrote again.
I wanted to date you, but not because I have cancer. That's also one of the reasons, though.
"Why me?" I asked in curiosity. For a short time we've known each other, I've never expected him to choose me, of all people. He's a Guatamyel, and I'm just . . . me.
He let out a small sigh saka siya nagsimulang magsulat ulit sa white board. Inabot siya ng ilang minuto bago niya ipinakita sa 'kin 'yong sinulat niya.
After hanging out with you, even just for a short time, I thought you'd understand me. But maybe I thought wrong. Because the moment I told you I have cancer, you just shut me out.
Natahimik ako nang basahin ko 'yong sinulat niya.
I was guilty.
Definitely guilty.
"That's why I'm sorry. And that's why I'm here. I've already made up my mind."
He raised a brow at me.
You'll date me? Just like that?
I rolled my eyes. "No, of course not," madiin kong sabi.
His forehead creased, annoyance written all over his face. Crossing my arms tightly over my chest, I stared at him down. God, he's gorgeous. But I didn't want to date him, given the situation we're in. I didn't want to be stuck in the middle of a love triangle knowing that he would never choose me.
"I want to be your friend, Hel. That's all I could offer. Friendship."
Having feelings for him didn't mean I should go out on a date with him. With the situation he's in right now, a friend was what he needed.
You sure about that?
I nodded. "Yes. So, will you still accept me? As a friend?" I gave him a pleading look.
It's nice to still hang out with him after all this, right?
Okay.
"Okay? Just like that?"
He rolled his eyes. Ilang minuto bago ko napagtanto 'yong sagot niya at halos yakapin ko siya sa sobrang tuwa ko.
He shrugged nonchalantly and flashed me a smile.
"Why do you even use a board and a marker to talk?" I asked. I was dying to ask him that pero ngayon ko lang nagawang itanong 'yon sa kanya dahil hindi pa naman kami okay kanina.
He glared at me and pointed out his trach tube.
Oh. Of course, he couldn't talk. He just underwent surgery. Stupid me.
***
"CAN'T you walk a little faster? Jesus, Kath," I complained.
This was the last night the county fair was open and I really wanted to ride the roller coaster before it's closed. But Kath, being a turtle, slowed me down to get in line!
Ayaw ko pa namang nahuhuli sa pila lalo na pagdating sa rides! Nakaiinip kaya maghintay tapos ang init-init pa dahil sa dami ng tao.
"Aren't you tired? We've been riding all the rides for three hours straight now. Let's just sit for a moment. I think I'd throw up any minute." She grabbed my arm to the side to sit on the bench.
"I offered Helix friendship," I said out of the blue. Her eyes shifted on me.
"You serious? It's Hel we're talking about here. I doubt you'd last a few hours without lusting over him."
Agad ko siyang inirapan. "Jesus, Kath. Gross."
"Gross? Are you nuts? It's Helix! Guatamyel! Everyone would die just to kiss him on the mouth! And that, my friend, you've already experienced. Paano ba maging ikaw? Paturo naman."
"Shut up, Kath. I don't want to hear any of it anymore," I said, rolling my eyes.
"Tell me, was he a good kisser?" Her hazel eyes nearly popped out of her head in astonishment.
"Kath," I said in a warning tone.
She lifted both of her hands. "Fine. I'll shut up."
~
T I A N A V I A N N E