LONG-ASS CHAPTER. ENJOY. (p.s. it gets a little bit graphic)
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Tour had been amazing. I had watched almost every show from the hidden side of the stage and never got tired of it.
In the middle of the tour, Tyler got sick of hiding me as his girlfriend and announced it at a show in California, when I was very visibly pregnant. He made me walk out on stage in front of thousands of people. I watched all of their faces turned horrified when they saw my stomach and the crowd went wild. Tyler quickly made up that I was a surrogate mom. They instantly calmed down. It wasn't the best excuse, but it was better than saying I had gotten raped.
I was now nine months pregnant and I felt like I was about to freaking explode. This baby was definitely a big one. My back had been hurting so bad, it became difficult to walk around.
The tour was over and we were finally on our way back home. I listened to the tour bus hum as I sat on the couch with the rest of the boys, when suddenly, I felt it and gasped, gaining everyone's attention.
"Oh my god."
"Wait, what? Is it happening?" Josh asked, coming towards me. Tyler was in the other room.
"I think my water just- just broke." I didn't just think. I knew it. I was now sitting in a small puddle.
"Shit. Okay. Hold on," he said before running to get Tyler. I wasn't sure if I should get up or not.
Josh must have already told Tyler because he came out frantic. "Woah woah woah. Are you okay, are you hurt?" he said, grabbing onto my shoulder.
"The contractions haven't started yet, but I'm sitting in a puddle right now..."
Tyler looked around frantically while Josh ran to the front of the bus yelling at everyone. Pretty soon I was surrounded.
"What do we do?! How much longer until we get home?" Josh asked.
"A little less than an hour," Michael responded.
"Okay we have to pull over then!"
"No," I interrupted. "I can wait."
"No, Jessica, you have to get into a hospital." Josh insisted.
"Contractions haven't even started yet. I'll be able to make it. I don't want to pull over to some random place." Everyone looked at eachother, unsure.
"I can make it," I repeated.
"Well... I guess we'll go with your judgement, but I do not want to see you giving birth in here." Mark said.
"Trust me, me neither."
Tyler came running back with towels, which I shoved under myself. For the next couple minutes, everyone was just low-key staring at me, waiting for something to happen and when it did, oh it was bad.
"Oh god," I gasped. Pain waved over me for a good ten seconds. Here came the contractions.
"What do you want me to do?!" Tyler asked, still frantic.
"Just get me to the... hospital," I breathed. He sat down next to me and held my hand. "They aren't too bad yet, but they're going to get a lot worse."
"Okay. I'll sit right here the whole time," he said, pecking my cheek.
We played the license plate game for about fifteen minutes before it came again. I squeezed his hand hard. This went on over and over again for the next hour, except the pain just got worse and worse and Tyler's hand had to suffer through it, too.
The tour bus had to park in the back of the parking lot because it was too big to fit anywhere else. Tyler helped me off the bus and everyone yelled a "good luck" to me in unison. Adrenaline surged down my spine when we got down the stairs, I had to stop and wait- I wasn't hardly able to walk and I had gained so much weight, I knew he wouldn't be able to pick me up. He looked around in a rush, trying to find someway to try to skip the long, retched walk to the entrance. He ran to a car that was on its way out and stopped it.
"My girlfriend is going into labor and we can't make it to the entrance. Can you give us a ride?!"
The poor guy looked scared and confused, but continued to nod his head. I slowly made my way to the small car and lowered myself in. The guy made a quick U-turn and within a minute we were there.
"Thank you so much," Tyler spoke for me. He helped me out of the car and by now it was so hard to catch my breath.
When the cold rush of air hit me, the nurses immediately knew what was going on and before I knew it, I was going on a fast wheelchair ride with Tyler running right beside me. When we got in the overly white room, the nurses tried to help me into the bed, but I was starting to hurt so bad it was hard to handle. Everyone in the room had to listen to me doing something in between screaming and gasping. I couldn't help it. It was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. I started crying as I laid down and Tyler rubbed my hand. I wanted her out of me and out right then. I couldn't take it anymore.
When the doctor came in I reminded him through gasps, "I don't want to see her. Just don't let me see her at all."
"Right. We'll just clean her up and take her away. Did you want to name her or not?"
"No." It was kind of like not naming animals that were just going to end up going to the slaughter. You can't name them- you'll get attached... and I couldn't let that happen.
"Okay. Do you want an epidural?"
"God, yes please," I begged. Looking at the huge needle that was about to go into my back, I started wondering how I got here. This wasn't the usual 25 year old's experience.
The needle wasn't much but a pinch and I started to feel better very soon after. I tried to get comfortable while Tyler sat next to me. It would be a few hours until she was actually born and I couldn't wait.
Tyler helped get me through the next few hours by playing games and just talking. I don't think I could have made it that whole time alone.
"You're doing the right thing," he said, smiling.
"I just feel like I might regret giving her away. What if I do?"
"I mean... I don't know. I don't think that will happen as long as you don't see her."
I felt sweat running down my forehead. I made Tyler sit more near my head so he didn't have to see a horrifying process that might scar him forever.
Hours passed by quickly and it was time to push and I was so scared. I couldn't believe I was about to give birth to my child, but never actually get to see them. What was I doing here? One mistake put me in this situation and made me just want to curl up in the corner, but no. I had to give birth.
I screamed and screamed and almost squeezed poor Tyler's hand off. I felt like all of my guts were coming out and it was all just god-awful, but then, I heard something. I heard crying, her crying. She was here and she was alive.
I felt the doctors rush away and I started to sit up. Suddenly, Tyler's hands pushed me back down.
"No, Jessica. Don't look."
When my head hit the pillow, I looked up at the ceiling. I heard her crying from the other side of the room and my whole world start to spin. I wanted her and I wanted her right in my arms. She was mine.
"Tyler, I... I want to see her," I mumbled. By now tears were running down my sweaty cheeks.
"No. You said no matter how much you begged to not let you see her."
I covered my face with my hands and heard the poor baby cry and cry. I thought about how she would never be able to know who her mother was. This was a nightmare and I thought things couldn't get worse, but once again, life proved my wrong.
I heard the door ram open. "Hey! you can't be in here!" a nurse said, but I still wasn't looking. I was frozen and still dazed looking at the ceiling. I heard a gun cock back and in that moment, I knew exactly who was there. How could he miss the birth of his daughter?
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Two more chapters.
-katie