This chapter is dedicated to @BeachedWhale Thank you for following me!!! <3
Jason
Razel was hugging me.
Again.
After waking up disoriented from my nightmare, it was hard to process that she was clinging to me and cradles in my arms. But now that I was wide awake and finished with telling her my story, I was well aware of how she wrapped her arms around my waist and cried silently.
I didn't like seeing her crying. It did things to me I couldn't understand. It made this ache in my chest start, much worse than the feeling of getting hit with a crowbar by Joker across my ribs. When she had calmed down enough, I gently unwrapped her arms from around my waist and put a bit of space between us.
I had to constantly remind myself that she didn't belong with me. She was already with someone else. And I wasn't good for her anyway. But the fact that she didn't run away from me after I told her my past was a relief. I didn't know what I would do if she ever decided she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I didn't want her afraid of me. I wanted the little time we had together to be like it was yesterday, when we were having a good time at Burger King. I knew that when all of this was over, I probably wouldn't see her again.
"You should probably get down to breakfast," I told her as she wiped the tear stains from her face. "Asteria is probably waiting there."
"What about you?" she asked, her brown eyes shining with concern as she frowned at me.
I couldn't help it. A small smile found its way to my lips, because she was just so... adorable. "I'll follow after you. I want to take a shower."
She looked dubious as she chewed on her lip, but she finally nodded. "Okay. I'll see you later."
I watched her as she carefully slid off the bed and quietly made her way towards the door. With one last glance at me, she opened it and disappeared outside the room. When the door finally clicked shut behind her, I plopped back onto the bed. The exhaustion was overwhelming.
I hadn't had a nightmare in so long, I forgot how real it felt every time I was forced to relive my dark past. Annoyingly, I knew it was Damian's fault for bringing it up last night during the movie that brought the nightmare on. My hands clenched into fists as I thought about pounding him. But I tried to relax when I realized I was only projecting my anger out on him.
It wasn't his fault I had crappy parents, almost no childhood and that the Joker decided it would be 'fun' to kill me. Hell, Damian was probably in diapers then. The kid just happened to be an idiot for bringing it up. And the movie didn't help either.
But somehow, I felt different. Almost like... the weight it usually had on me had lessened. Was it because I told Razel? I honestly hadn't planned on it. In fact, when she asked me if I wanted to talk about it, all I could think of was running away and hiding in my room 'til she gave up on asking so many questions. The only thing that stopped me was Asteria's advice ringing in my head.
Asteria told me to trust people more, to pen up to them like I did with her. Though if I was being completely truthful, I also told Razel because I wanted her to see me. The real me. I remember her asking if I had a multiple personality disorder, but if she only knew that the real reason for my ever changing personality was so people wouldn't be able to know the real me. With Razel, I wanted things to be different.
People hide all the time. I knew it wasn't just me. Everyone knows what it's like to wear a mask. That's why the hard part of truly caring about someone is trusting them enough to remove that mask. It's like the superhero equivalent of revealing your secret identity. And Razel knew my secret identity. Not just that I was Red Hood. No. She knew what made me Jason Todd. And I was still trying to decide if that was a good thing now.
Sighing, I decided it was time to stop contemplating and do what I told Razel. A shower would definitely help me. Standing from the bed- Razel's bed- I finally made my way out of her room. Crossing the hall, I went into my own private area and began stripping out of my sweaty clothes. The en suite bathroom was a welcoming sight, and the spray of the cold water once I turned the shower on was like rain after the drought. It felt like it was washing away the last remnants of the nightmare from my body. I leaned a hand against the cubicle walls and let the water fall against my skin.
Oddly enough, for the first time since I came back to life, I felt like I was really alive.
Razel
I decided to wash my face in one of the guest bathroom's I passed by before heading to the dining room where we had dinner the previous night.
I didn't want the rest of our housemates to see me looking like a total wreck. Now that I had some distance from Jason, I realized how silly I must've looked like to him crying and hugging him like a little girl. I felt somewhat ashamed for letting him see that. After all he went through, he didn't need a cry baby like me to act that way around him. But I couldn't help it.
Seeing Jason in pain and hearing about his sad past just made me feel horrible. And the fact that Jason died was still something I couldn't accept. No wonder Damian joked about resurrection last night. This was all so messed up. The fact that I was now living this whole crazy, unbelievable life was taking its toll on my mental facilities. I mean, resurrection? Jesus Christ.
Splashing cold water onto my face helped me calm down further, but on the inside, everything was still in turmoil. I meant what I said to Jason last night. He lived an extraordinary life. It was thrilling, exciting and dangerous. It was hard weighing the pros and cons of his life. Of the life they all lived. How did a normal girl like me find her way here? Sure, everyone wanted to be a superhero when they were kids. But knowing superheroes as a grown up is an entirely different story. I didn't forget Oliver mentioning how much danger I could be in with the information I now knew.
My thoughts kept rolling back and forth, trying to make sense of what had changed in my life ever since I found Jason lying unconscious in that Burger King back in October. I was also trying to decide if I was happy about the change, but everything seemed to be a mix of emotions. I was so caught up in my contemplations, I didn't even notice I had reached my destination and Asteria greeted me.
"Razel," she said coolly, her grey eyes flashing. The sound of her voice made me jump. "Where's Jason?"
Her question made me realize that she was concerned about Jason, too. She cared about him, too. And she was protective of him. I could see it now in the way she watched me with hawk- like eyes. Concern and protectiveness warred with her. "He's just taking a shower," I answered quietly, thankful my voice no longer broke.
Asteria let out a sigh of relief and sat at the head of the table after placing a plate of eggs down. It was just the two of us in the large room, and I was wondering if she wanted me there. Did she blame me for Jason's nightmare? Was she mad at me? What would she do to me? If Dick was the first Robin, who was Asteria?
"Did he tell you?" I flinched at the question, being abruptly pulled out of my thoughts.
"Tell me what?" I asked, a frown of confusion making its way onto my face.
Asteria cocked her head in curiosity, still watching my every move with those unnerving steely eyes. "About his nightmare,"" she clarified.
I froze. So she did know. Did she also know how Jason was brought back to life? "I can tell from the look on your face that he did," she mused. "Interesting."
"Why?" The question left my mouth before I could really think about it. But Asteria's tone of puzzlement also made me curious. I got my feet to finally move forward again. I took the chair beside hers and looked at her expectantly, hoping she'd tell me more about Jason.
"I care about Jason a lot," she began, looking me in the eyes and sounding absolutely serious. "And I make sure that I never break his trust. You see, Jason doesn't trust a lot of people. In fact, he doesn't tell anyone about his past. He doesn't talk about it. The only person he ever actually talked about it was with me. And that was because we understood each other."
Asteria's revelation surprised me. Did she mean that her past was similar to Jason's? In what way? Was she deprived of her childhood as well? But with that shock came the feeling of jealousy. Which was irrational, especially since Asteria was marrying Jason's older brother. But Jason trusted her. Whereas his guard was constantly up around me and everyone else. "Until you," Asteria added. Now she looked really puzzled as she watched me. "Somehow, you got him to tell you. I mean, I've been telling him to open up about it to other people. But you actually got him to forget about hiding behind his walls. And let's be honest. He's known you for three days Razel."
I was about to argue and tell her I met Jason way back in October. But we both knew all I did was treat his injuries then. I didn't really know him. Asteria's words shifted my perspective completely. She was right. Jason kept his guard around me because he barely knew me. But somehow, he decided on telling me about his nightmare. About the things that haunted him. "I care about him," I admitted in a whisper, looking down at my lap. "I promise I won't make him regret that he told me."
"I know," Asteria said, surprising me again. When I looked up at her, she was smiling gently at me. "That's why I left him with you after he woke up from his nightmare. If I didn't think you cared about him, I would've kicked you out of your own room."
"Oh," I replied dumbly, wondering if she was serious.
Asteria laughed at my feeble reply. "Don't look so scared of me Razel. I'm not going to hurt you... unless you break his heart."
I gaped at Asteria's amused smirk, trying to process the fact that she just threatened me. I wanted to ask her if she her threat was real, but the sound of a different voice joining our conversation confirmed it.
"I think it's a bit early to be threatening our guest, Asteria," Jade's cool and accented voice chimed in, and I turned in my seat to find the black- haired exotic beauty striding into the room with an amused expression on her face, as if hearing Asteria threaten people was all in a day's work. Holy shit, that means Asteria can and will hurt me if I do something wrong.
The thought made my stomach churn. As much as I'd grown fond of the pregnant woman next to me, it didn't change the fact that I now felt scared of her. Asteria and I may have grown close. But the security I felt around Jason was something I'd never feel around her. And after hearing her threat, I felt even less secure than I originally did.
Damian and Bart appeared next, with Gar in tow, who still looked half asleep. Damian took a seat next to Asteria, while Bart and Gar sat on my side of the table and left the seat next to me empty. It was as if it was already a given that Jason occupied the seat next to me. Artemis and Lian appeared next, looking more awake than the rest of us. They must've been up before we were, and they probably went exploring the Manor. Artemis placed Lian next to Jade and took the seat next to her niece. When she saw me, she gave me a beaming smile. Yup. So far, Artemis was my favorite preggy.
"Morning Razel," she greeted as she grabbed some bread. "How'd you sleep?"
Her normal question threw me after having such a crazy morning, that I couldn't answer immediately. Artemis seemed to notice my hesitation and glanced up from her bed to look at me. "It was fine," I finally replied, forcing a smile and also reaching for some eggs to avoid her curious look. I wondered when in the past three days such a normal question became so far- fetched to me.
As Bart began talking about the movie last night, telling me the ending I missed, I couldn't help but wonder what was taking Jason so long. He told me he would follow shortly. I was about to excuse myself to check on him when the door swung open, halting Bart's retelling of Tom Cruise defeating the aliens. Looking up, I immediately met my favorite color in the world. Jason's green eyes. He looked a lot better than he did this morning. His dark hair was still damp, hanging around his face artfully. And he was dressed in a fresh change of clothes.
"Look who decided to wake up," Jade commented before taking another bite of her muffin.
"I didn't know you missed me that much, Jade," Jason retorted and flashed his usual smirk. It surprised me to see how well he seemed to be doing after what happened not even an hour ago. But the operative word here was seemed. After seeing Jason so vulnerable this morning, I knew now more than ever how good of an actor he really was. He hid everything so well underneath this arrogant façade he was now putting on.
The chair next to me moved, bringing me back to the present to find Jason taking his seat beside me. "Sorry I took so long," he murmured as he also reached out to get his food. He sounded oddly detached, though, and I frowned. His walls seemed to be up again. Cue dramatic sigh.
"It's okay," I replied, trying to smile to hide my nerves. I knew I had to tread carefully so Jason didn't retreat back behind his walls.
He bit into his bread after spreading a generous amount of strawberry jam on it, not glancing at me to acknowledge that he heard me. After swallowing, he handed me my phone, surprising me. When I looked up at him in confusion, he shrugged. "You left it in your room, and I heard it ringing. I think your boyfriend is looking for you." He sneered the word boyfriend like it was some sort of horrible disease, before going back to ignoring me.
So much for treading carefully. Looking down at the small device in my hands, I slid my thumb across the screen and typed in my password to unlock it. My eyes widened at the notification flashing there. Jared: 15 missed calls. No wonder Jason was mad. I knew he didn't like Jared.
I looked up at Asteria to see she was watching Jason and I with those laser eyes of hers. Just great. I was so dead.
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I know its short. Sadly.
But don't worry! Tomorrow's chapter will make up for it because it will be action- packed. And we'll have another superhero visiting, so stay tuned!!!
Also, after Jason's book, Damian will be getting his turn. Tell me whose excited for that?! I am!!! hahaha
Up Next: After having another heart- to- heart with Asteria, Razel finally calls Jared... only to find out something horrible has happened. As if that isn't stressful enough, Razel meets our favorite Tamaran for the first time and finds that the gorgeous red head is also close to Jason.
Tell me your thoughts <3
Love always,
Angel