"Hey, Jess!" I called as soon as I spotted him at school the next day. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"
"Meg, hey! How are you?" Jess smiled as he shifted his books to his other hand.
"I'm good. I'm really sorry about last night."
"No, no, it's fine. I understand."
"So," I started as I fidgeted with the pages of my Chem book. "I was wondering if you're free after school? I just have something to tell you."
"I'm free this afternoon. But I have to sort out some papers at the tutoring center. Do you mind if we just talk there?"
I grinned. "Yes, absolutely. I'll see you then." I waved him goodbye as he went to his class.
"So, you're really gonna tell him?" Abby appeared beside me.
I nodded. "I don't want to be unfair to me, so yeah."
"Well, you're my best friend in the whole world so I'm gonna support you all the way, girlie."
I laughed and took Abby's arm. "And you, mine."
~~~~~
I arrived in from of the tutoring center fifteen minutes after the last bell rang. Well, I just hope that Jess and I would be alone. It would be awkward to tell him what I want to say when we have an audience. I knocked twice before opening the door. I then sighed a breath of relief when I saw that Jess was alone.
"Hey."
Jess looked up from sorting papers and smiled at me. "Hey, you!"
"Are you busy?"
He shook his head. "It's okay. So, what's up?"
"Well first I want to apologize again for leaving you last night." I sat down and smiled sheepishly at him. "I was having a moment, you could say. What I wanted to tell you today is that, uhm, the thing is, actually, uh...."
"I'm a great friend and you appreciate it." Jess finished for me. I stared at him for a moment until he smiled. "I know, Meg, and I guess I've always known. I was just trying to push my luck. I'm a great friend, but just a friend. Right?"
Now, how do you exactly respond to that. "Oh, Jess, I..."
"It's okay." He cut me off gently. "I understand. You don't have to feel bad if you don't like me that way I like you."
"I'm really sorry, Jess. But just know that you're a really wonderful person. And I thank you for all those letters and gifts-"
"Uhh, about that," He frowned a me. "I've been meaning to tell you, I actually wanted to tell you last night too, but what do you mean letters? Remember that time you found me on the hallway? Near your locker? I think you mistook me for someone else." He blushed and stared at his feet. "It's embarassing but I'm just actually sort of practicing in front of your locker. On you know, how to ask you out."
My shoulders dropped and I frowned at him. "W-What are you saying? A-Aren't you J?"
"Who's J?"
"Haven't you been sending me letters?" I asked. "Haven't you been putting stuff in my locker?"
"I wish I could have thought of that but I'm sorry, Meg. But I don't think I'm the person you're talking about."
~~~~~
"He's not J!" I collapsed in Abby's bed. "We misunderstood. He was just merely passing in the hallway and coincidentally, he was standing in front of my locker." I took Abby's shoulders in my hand and shook her hard. "We jumped into conclusion that he was J!"
"What??!!" Abby's eyes widened in surprise. "You're telling me he's not J? Then who's J?"
"I don't know!" I collapsed on her bed. "And here I thought we've finally uncovered the mysterious J."
"My thoughts exactly. But wait up!" Abby suddenly seemed to be lost in thought. "That may be a good thing. I mean, not because Jess is not J but because we now know that he's out of the list."
I raised an arched eyebrow. "What exactly do you mean?"
"What I mean is that, now, our choices have been narrowed down. We now crash out Jess. So our choices to who J is goes down to James and Josh. It's got to be one of them."
"You think?" At this point of time, I'm getting doubtful of my best friend's ideas.
"Duh? When did you ever go wrong ever since you started listening to me?" She rolled her eyes at me and blew her newly painted nails.
I scoffed and stuck my tongue out at her. "Uh, ever since you concluded Jess is J and boom! He's not!"
"Uh, it was us who concluded that he was J." She defended herself. "Well, somehow I got a feeling it's my brother. But then, at the back of my mind, I think it could also be James. Unless it's...." She stopped mid-sentence for too long I frowned.
"Unless what?"
"Unless..." She dragged. "J is actually Jenna."
I choked. "What?!!"
"But that would mean she's a lesbian because those letters are obviously love letters. But then, she has a boyfriend. But still, that doesn't mean she couldn't be a lesbian." She continued contemplating about that idea.
I stared at her in horror. "You're kidding, right?"
She shrugged at me then laughed. "I was kidding!" She laughed harder and I scowled at her. "You looked like you wanted to hide under my bed."
"You're crazy, you know that, right?"
"Thank you! But you love me anyway." But seriously, it's me who's about to get crazy from figuring out who J is.
~~~~~
It's study period and I'm staring intently at Josh from the other side of the library. Ever since last night, I kept entertaining the idea that he might be J. Which just makes my head ache even more since I'm not yet done figuring out my feelings towards him. Which is crazy since one moment I like him, and the next I'm don't. Which is probably because I kept ordering myself to not like him. But I've never been the most obedient person in the world so that gives me the problem.
"You can't be J, right?" I murmured as I continued to stare at him.
"What you looking at, babe?" I jumped in my seat as James suddenly appeared beside me.
"Nothing. Leave me alone!" I snapped at him. But he was already looking at where I was staring before he interrupted me. At Josh.
He made a clicking sound with his tongue and shook his head at me. "You shouldn't be looking at other guys, babe. But if you want to look at something awesome, I can volunteer."
I laughed. "Your confidence in yourself really amazes me, James."
"So, what are you thinking about me? And don't be too shy to admit that it's me." He winked.
I rolled my eyes. "I'm not thinking of anything."
"Ah, they say liars go to hell you know."
"I'm not lying. I'm not thinking of anything." I said closing my open but unread book. "Or trying not to think of all the questions that I want to answer." I added more softly.
"You know, Meg," James tone turned into a more serious note. "My mom used to tell me, sometimes the answers you're looking for is actually nearer and more obvious than you think."
"What do you mean by that?" I asked. I rarely hear James say anything serious. And they say that people who rarely become serious are usually right.
"It means what it mean." He gave me a one sided smile and winked. "I'll see you later, babe. Don't want you to miss me too much."
I rolled my eyes again. "Goodbye, James."
~~~~~
By this time, I should be convinced that simply staring at all these letters is gonna reveal its writer. I've been staring at them for two hours now. Just staring at them. I want so badly to know who this J is. Because whoever he is, he did a really good job in moving my heart. Suddenly there were two soft knocks on my door. I turned to see Josh standing there with a smile.
"Oh, hi Josh." I quickly covered all the letters in sprawled in my study table with my books.
"Hey." He cleared his throat. "I knocked but no one answered. The door was open so I figured you might be home."
"It's okay." I smiled. "What's up?"
"Nothing really. Actually, I just passed by and thought I'd say hi." Josh scratched the back of his head and looked down, feeling embarrassed.
My smile got wider and I suppressed a giggle. Well, uhm, hello then."
Josh groaned. "I'm so lame. I'm sorry."
This time, I could not hold it anymore so I laughed. "Yeah, that was pretty lame." I stood up and walked. "Would you like a drink?"
"Actually, do you want to get ice cream with me?"
I grinned. Right now, the thought of ice cream is really, really inviting. "Absolutely."
"Coffee crumble is still your favorite?" He asked on our walk to the ice cream shop.
I nodded. "Hevan't changed since I was kid."
He chuckled. "No wonder you were so hyper active and was always easy to surprise since you were a kid. You have too much coffee in your food."
"Hey, I only drink latte and cappuccino." I defended. Although to be honest, I don't think I can live without coffee and caffeine running in my blood stream.
"Remember that time when we were five and really wanted to get a taste of coffee?" He asked and I nodded. My parents didn't allow me to drink coffee yet. But they had it every morning and my mom makes the kind of coffee that smelled so good in filled the whole house. Because of that, I always wondered what it tasted like and wanted to try. "Your parents were out. And you guys coaxed me into making you a cup of coffee."
"And you made the most disgusting coffee ever!" I laughed.
"Hey! I was only five! Five year olds didn't know you should put sugar and milk into the coffee. I thought three tablespoons of it was good for a cup since I always saw my mom put three tablespoons of powdered milk in my milk. And when I tasted it was so bitter I decided to mix it with lemon juice since I didn't know where your sugar was. Then you two arrived and demanded to taste it."
I laughed harder I had to stop walking and hold my aching stomach. "It was so horrible. Back then I knew you should never be placed inside the kitchen."
"I was seven back then!" He defended. "I could at least cook simple meals now."
"I know, I know. Abby almost sworn she'd never drink coffee again if it really tasted like that."
"You and Abby were always so curious and adventurous. You guys always dragged me to your troubles." He smiled.
I nodded and smiled back. "And you were always the willing brother."
"I liked spending time with you."
I made the mistake of looking at him and saw he was also staring at me, his face just a few inches from mine, making me step on my own feet and trip. And thank heavens for Josh's good reflezes and athletic arms and caught me.
I covered my embarrassment with a nervous laugh and moved my self a few inches apart from him. I'm feel like my whole body is suddenly blushing from being too close to him.
"T-Thanks."
"You're still a klutz, you know that? You still like to fall." He teased.
"And you've always liked to catch me." I stuck my tongue out at him. "Even when I fell from our tree house when we were kids. You suffered more broken bones than me because you caught me."
He nodded then looked more seriously at me. "And you know that I'll always catch you when you fall, right?"
Is it just me or is there really more to what he is saying. I smiled and nodded. "Of course, your Josh Davis after all."
The ice cream date, okay not really date just ice cream day out, turned uneventful. Except from a few teasing from Josh, things actually were fun. I almost forgot how fun and comfortable it was to hang out with just Josh. Yeah, there were a few times he also made my heart flutter and my cells blush, but well, I'm starting to get used to that each time I'm with Josh.
Woah! I suddenly stopped brushing my teeth when a spark clicked in my mind. Josh. Heart. Flutters. J. Heart. Flutters. I dropped my toothbrush and gawked at the bathroom mirror. No way. I think J might be Josh after all.