***Sorry it's been so long. I've posted two chapters (5 &6) to compensate. See A/N at the end of next chapter for what's coming up in this story.***
At exactly 4pm the next day, Gary was back at Robbie's room in rehab. The TV was humming in the background, the late afternoon sunshine flowing through the open window, directly on to Robbie's slouching form dozing across the bed. With his eyes shut to the world he was lost somewhere between being asleep and awake, his dreams lightly taking him away from reality: On his bed, but he's not alone. A thin, muscular arm suddenly stretches across his chest, reaching round to clamp slender long fingers on his side. Robbie looks down to find the welcome sight of a sleeping form, beautiful and peaceful. Robbie bends down to immerse his face in their hair; he inhales deeply, and smiles.
"Rob" A distant voice calls to him. He looks down at the sleeping form, they lay undisturbed and yet that voice...
"Rob?"
"Rob, mate"
Rob is finally awoken out of his reverie, but it's not unwelcome - as he opens his eyes and comes face to face with his dream. Gary's sun-soaked face is staring down at him, smiling; and Robbie can't think of anything else worth doing than just idly lying there staring up into Gary's eyes.
"ahh finally – he's alive!" Gary beams down at him. Robbie stretches out his arms tiredly, yawning with a smile.
"You came!" Robbie announced elatedly.
"Well, of course I came - I said I would; and all I can say Rob is dinner better be proper grub because I'm starving mate!" Gary winked. Robbie's stomach always did a mini backflip somewhere deep inside whenever Gary winked like that.
"I mean, I'm glad you came early" Robbie softly said. He was honestly quite worried Gary might've had second thoughts during the night and thought it best to leave it. But no, he was here and even though the dinner ended up being a rather rubbery Cheese Macaroni, they enjoyed just being comfortable in each other's company. During eating and after too, they steered away from discussing Robbie's ongoing problems once more, and instead chatted about songwriting with the band again, about music in general, and of course Gary's upcoming cosmetic surgery to fix his ear, and even the latest Netflix boxset that everyone was talking about. But no matter how many times Robbie tried to bring the conversation around to talking about 'them', Gary would find a new way to avoid it, deflecting on to something else as quickly and subtly as possible.
Robbie was growing frustrated with tiptoeing around the issue, he wanted to talk about it, get it out in the open and find out where he stood, where they both stood – once and for all...but Gary seemed so happy, Robbie didn't want to spoil it. Eventually it was time for Gary to leave, and Robbie felt the familiar pangs of loss, until Gary said he'd be back the same time tomorrow.
And he was. Gary was back, as promised. The older blond was worried Robbie would soon come to realise he was purposely trying to keep their conversations light, and it was true, Gary was; he knew it couldn't last forever but the longer he could distract Robbie from talking about 'them' the easier it was to be around him. Gary just wanted to spend time with Robbie, he wanted to make sure Robbie was ok, he wanted to help him get better; he just didn't know how to. He didn't want to upset Robbie, and he had the distinct feeling that if he let it, the conversation would lead down a path that would upset Robbie, and that would upset him.
Gary really wasn't sure if he was even doing the right thing coming to the clinic everyday but he couldn't disappoint Robbie and seeing the smile on Robbie's face every time he arrived, made his heart swell. He loved seeing that special little sparkle in Robbie's eyes, along with that adorable goofy grin, it was like having the old Robbie back again. He had spoken to the staff at the rehab clinic about Robbie's progress (after they'd quizzed him about the frequency of his visits to Robbie), and whether his visits were conducive to Robbie's recovery, and although management were obviously not impressed by Gary's frequent visits every day, the staff couldn't argue against the beneficial difference to Robbie, Gary's presence bought; Robbie had evidently been so much more 'chipper' since Gary had been visiting these last few days. It made Gary happy to know that but also concerned, since he was starting to see just how much Robbie seemed to need him there, so what would happen when he went to the UK? Those concerns stayed with Gary even after he was admitted into Robbie's now familiar room at the rehab clinic. The evening was a lot cooler tonight and for some reason that affected their conversation, their minds consumed by different worries, or perhaps the same worry – 'what next'.
Robbie for his part also somewhat enjoyed uncomfortable silences though, especially when they involved Gary Barlow. Robbie loved to just sit and watch him inwardly squirm as the air became thick with the obvious sexual tension pulling between them. He'd exacerbate it further (for his own enjoyment) by staring at Gary in silence, and watch what his companion would do. He could almost see Gary's mind go from confusion to panic, before it switched to its automatic default of distractively talking about something equally mundanely nerdish and completely cute, like Star Wars memorabilia, or god forbid, Pedals. But even though it amused him for a while, Robbie was growing restless, he loved having Gary there but after spending the whole day waiting for him to arrive, he needed more satisfaction from the shortness of Gary's allotted visits; his thoughts always returned to that night alone with Gary in his basement studio, both to the way he stupidly acted and endangered himself, his wife, and of course Gary, but also to THAT kiss. He craved it, he craved any contact. He wanted so much from him but he didn't want to scare Gary off, and he knew if he pushed too hard he could do that, maybe forever.
"Gaz, you wanna stay and watch something on the telly?" Robbie casually asked.
"Sounds good mate, owt on?
Robbie smiled and gently patted the space the bed beside him, "there's a reality show I really want you to watch", he sweetly offered. There was a distinct twinkle in his eye sparkling with (unless Gary was very much mistaken) mischief.
Gary surveyed the space on the bed beside his friend. He couldn't shake off the idea that Robbie had an agenda but maybe he was over thinking it, and what was the harm. "It better not one of those bleedin' Housewives of some god-forsaken place, shows! I'll never understand how you can watch those all the time!" he jokingly rebuked. Rob smiled and shrugged his shoulders, "Maybe it is, but you know you love them!" he winked.
Gary shook his head and barked a sarcastic laugh but smiled and took up the space beside Rob anyway. Rob slouched down against the pillows, flicking the channels on the remote; Gary sat up rigid with his back straight up against the board, and his arms folded. Robbie could've made fun of Gary for being so obviously uncomfortable sharing Rob's bed but he didn't want to spoil it and cause the blond any reason to get up, so instead he stayed there and enjoyed the closeness (and especially the rare collisions that caused their warm bodies to lightly touch for mere seconds). Every 'accidental' touch, every time their bodies skimmed against the other, made every single one of Robbie's nerves tingle. Gary's uncomfortable body language remained the entire evening, he didn't move an inch, just sat with his arms folded. Yet his body still radiated a deep welcoming warmth that drew Robbie like a moth to a flame, he wanted to touch him more, to snuggle right into Gary but he didn't, and so instead compensated himself by snuggling into the warm patch Gary simply left on the bed behind him, after he had left for the night.
The next day, Robbie waited for Gary's familiar arrival, trying with difficulty to keep the questionable meatloaf dinner warm. Gary was late. Robbie was feeling a mix of emotions including hurt and disappointment but mostly confusion, Gary was never late; his mind turned to worry, his tried Gary's phone but it went straight to voicemail.
He was now 40 minutes late, the dinner was left cold and uneaten, Robbie was just angry now. Gary must know he'd worry, Robbie thought to himself, it was just selfish to not contact him and explain why he wasn't coming, since, Robbie decided, it was obvious he wasn't. Then suddenly there was a quiet knock on his door, Robbie may've even missed if he hadn't been sat, scrunched up against the bottom of the door. He stood up and opened it a little and through the open slit he found a frantic and flustered Gary Barlow. Robbie was getting ready to spew his anger at the older man right there and then but Gary suddenly pushed his way through the door into the room, knocking a surprised Robbie out of the way, before closing the door quietly behind him.
"SO YOU FINALLY DECIDED TO SHOW UP THEN!" Robbie yelled, but his anger quickly turned to shock when Gary suddenly came close to him, his eyes wild, and put his hand roughly over Robbie's mouth. He wasn't prepared for that, for Gary's every touch set Robbie's senses alight, his face was on fire - which was quite incredible considering how cool Gary's hand actually felt. His anger quickly melted away to be replaced with bewilderment. Gary sensing this, slowly pulled his hand away before drawing a vertical finger over his own mouth, requesting silence from Robbie.
Robbie, intrigued, nodded his compliance. Gary sighed, "Sorry Rob, I didn't mean to startle you mate", he spoke quietly, "but they don't know I'm here – I had to creep in! Been standing outside in the bushes for the last 30 minutes waiting for a moment to slip in!"
Robbie was more confused than ever "why?" he asked.
"Management caught up with me when I went to sign in, they're still not happy about me visiting you so much, we discussed it and I had to agree not to come see you for the next couple of days".
Robbie's jaw dropped at hearing this, "NO! You can't Gaz, I need you here!" he protested.
Gary's eyes flashed concern and then he raised a finger to his mouth again, "Shhhh Rob, they'll hear you. Obviously I actually disagreed, or I wouldn't have just been knelt down hunched over in dirt under a bush for 'half hour! My back is killing me by the way, thanks for asking." He moaned, yet visibly couldn't keep a small crooked smile hidden for long – he'd obviously enjoyed being a bit of a rebel for once. Robbie was quickly becoming overcome with emotion, to think Gary Barlow had been hiding in a bush outside the clinic for him, how he wished he could've seen that! He smiled, "sorry, do you want to lie down?" Robbie asked. Gary furrowed his eye brows at the suggestion, "not sure I'll be able to get back up if I do –" he began.
"I really think you should" Robbie retorted with a slight grin. Gary simply nodded and walked over to the bed, groaning as he slowly lowered his aching body on to the bed. "Thanks mate, maybe I just need to stretch it out for a bit".
"No problem", Robbie said with a smile, as he sat on the bed at Gary's feet, "So I guess that's why your phone was off then" it was a rhetorical question. "Yeah", Gary replied with a slight groan as he stretched and arched his back, "I had to turn it off".
They sat in silence for a minute or so before Gary looked over at the cold dinner, "Sorry about dinner Rob, you should've just eaten without me, mate" his eyes full of apology. Robbie shook away his apology, "don't worry about it Gaz, I'm not even hungry anyway – just glad you made it." It was obvious to Gary, Robbie was really glad, he was beaming ear to ear, but Gary was concerned and confused; concerned because it was again, obvious Robbie needed him there and he still wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not, and confused because he still didn't know what to make of his own erratic actions that evening; and as he watched Robbie smiling daftly at him, he considered the reasons behind his actions; he wanted to help Robbie, that's all – or so he told himself.
They soon settled down, Gary sat up again as Rob slouched down beside him on the bed much like the day before, they ate cold meat loaf and watched another trashy American reality show. At the commercial break, Robbie turned to look up at Gary, his face resting on his hands, a question had been spinning around in his head for some time, "Why do you come every night, Gaz?" he gently asked. Gary's looked down at Robbie, his eyebrows furrowed, obviously a little taken back by the question, "I thought you wanted me to?!" Gary asked worriedly.
Robbie's eyes widen in immediate alarm, "No, no! Of course I do, more than anything! ...it's just, I mean, that doesn't mean you have to, I was just wondering why you're doing what I want" Robbie inquires carefully.
Gary ponders the question a short moment before answering "well - I just thought it'd make you happy, I just want you to be happy Rob, I want to help you".
The tattooed brunette wasn't sure if that answer satisfied him, or even knew what answer would but he didn't press the matter further and instead turned back to the TV, only this time he tilted his head more towards Gary so that the top of his side lightly touched Gary's side.
"Tell me, if you need space though, Rob" Gary gently says.
"I won't – I want you here Gaz, I want you to come as much as you can" is Robbie's defiant reply. His words cause Gary to worry but then the tv show comes back on and they stop talking once again.
The trash TV continued as the hours passed with Robbie eventually drifting off; his eyes shut to the world, and turns more on to his side and consequently leans further up against Gary. He thinks about moving away but it's so cosy and comforting that he snuggles further into Gary's side, his head practically on Gary's chest. But Gary soon moves his arm and Robbie's sure he's gone too far, so he's pleasantly surprised when he feels Gary's arm suddenly but carefully drape across his shoulder, shortly followed by a warm hand which softly caresses Robbie's cheek; gently stroking the younger man's face. It feels incredible, and the sensation causes him to involuntarily softly murmur in his pretend sleep, and snuggle in deeper. In no time at all he fell into actual sleep; nestled into Gary's side, with his arm wrapped around him, they stay that way, and for a lot longer than they both intended, as Gary falls asleep soon after.
Just after 4am Gary awoke and it takes a moment to realise where he is, when he does he begins to panic, he can't now leave without security seeing him; he gently shakes Rob awake, who barely stirs out of his slumber at first and when Gary finally awakes him, Rob isn't that helpful or sympathetic to Gary's plight, "Just stay Gaz, make your escape in the morning before I go down for my session ey?", he sleepily suggests before a yawn escapes, "Please Gaz, just stay here with me" and with that Robbie falls back asleep.
Gary knows he shouldn't, he didn't want to lead Robbie on any further by sleeping in the same bed with him, but then again, he recalled they were still in their clothes, and had effectively been together on the bed all evening anyway.
Gary was still unsure but couldn't think of a good enough reason to otherwise risk being seen by the clinic's night security which would raise even more questions from Management and potentially the Press; and so he turned the tv and light off, and instead lowered himself down the bed, pulling a loose blanket over both of them.
When Gary finally closed his eyes and quickly succumbed to sleep, Robbie turned back over and his eyes slowly opened, he surveyed the man beside him for a little while, and only when he was sure Gary was sound asleep, he leaned over and gently kissed him Goodnight, on the forehead, before snuggling back down and falling asleep again.