Hi people!
Song on the side "With ears to see and eyes to hear" (acoustic version) by Sleeping with Siiiiirens :D <3
Picture made by tanyaneochoriti! thanks <3
NOT EDITED!
~ENJOY~
PART 24: Withering lies
“Unfortunately, the clock is ticking, the hours are going by. The past increases, the future recedes. Possibilities decreasing, regrets mounting.”
― Haruki Murakami
Avery's P.O.V.
Have you ever felt like the time was broken?
Have you ever seen old memories coming back alive?
Have you ever been sure that the time and maybe your life were going back?
Have you ever?
But then again, time can't go back. Moments only happen once. Life is irreversible and only continues.
Memories only exist to remind you of moments, dreams, people and feelings that you had once but can't take back now.
So what if all your beautiful moments, dreams and feelings were standing right in front of you, all gathered in the same person who is not in your life anymore?
Are you supposed to be insane?
Mentally ill?
Disturbed?
Daydreamer?
Wasted?
Too sad?
And then, if they really were true and you were just a normal person watching his old life coming back, were you really ready to come out of your shell and face your past again after days and months and years of fighting to forget about it?
As I stared into his ocean blue eyes, I felt like I as dying.
They say that you see your whole life in front of you before you die, right?
So, yep, I was dying.
"Say something... Please..." he said lowly.
I opened my mouth to say something but no sound came out.
"Skittle-babe?"
My eyes watered and I was almost suffocating but I still couldn't talk.
He remained silent just staring into my eyes.
After two minutes, I finally composed myself and managed to talk.
"What are you doing here?" I whispered.
"I guess I'm back, Avery," he said and reached for me but I took some steps backwards.
"Don't touch me," I growled.
I didn't want to have goosebumps running down my whole body now.
"I-I missed you..." he trailed off.
I suddenly felt anger growing inside me.
"Where have you been?" I hissed.
"South California," he simply replied.
"Do you know how many years passed after the last time we talked?"
"Three?"
"Three!" I yelled.
"Avery, I'm sorry-"
"You promised to call me every single day, you said you loved me!" I screamed.
"I was fourteen!" he yelled back.
"And that means you didn't love me?!"
"Wh-what?! NO! That means that just like they made sure I was taken three thousand states away, they also made sure that I had no cellphone, no internet and no fucking friends! I was even homeschooled so that I couldn't get out of the house. There was nothing I could do! But of course I loved you!" he shouted.
Of course I loved you.
These words pierced my soul and body. Three years later they still had the same effect on me.
"You could find a way out," I said.
"No, I couldn't! Avery, trust me, I was dying every day away from you and Ali but there was nothing I could do!"
Seeing him so hurt made my stomach stir unhappily.
"I..." I muttered.
"You?" he asked.
"I missed you so much..."
"You have no idea," he mumbled through clenched teeth and pulled me into a tight hug.
A wave of heat was jolted down my body and I shuddered under his touch.
Yes, three years later he still had that effect on me.
"Let go," I sighed.
"I don't want to," he replied.
"You have to, Tristan."
"I always loved the way you made my name sound."
"No, you don't understand-"
"Why don't we just get some sleep?"
"Together?!" I exclaimed.
"Yeah," he replied.
I hesitated.
"Like we did when we were younger," he said, pressing the wrong button of my tar black soul, as I felt my mind ache at the memories.
I slipped into my Bambi pyjamas (childish, I know) and got under the covers. Tristan and Ali had left after a very long day and I was exhausted. I was almost asleep when I heard a knock on the window. At first I freaked out but then I heard his voice.
"Avery! Avery!" he whispered-yelled.
I stood up sighing in relief and opened the window quietly.
His black-haired head popped in, giving me a huge, playful grin which not only reached his eyes but crawled past his ocean blue eyes.
"Dammit Tristan! I was getting ready to die or get raped or kidnapped here!" I complained.
He chuckled. "I apologize lady Skittle-babe," he said bowing.
I slapped his shoulder playfully.
"What are you doing here anyway?" I asked rolling my eyes.
"I wanted to sleep next to you," he replied and his lips twiched up, forming a small smirk.
"Next to me or with me?" I provoked folding my arms across my chest.
He walked behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.
"Avery Danielle McKinnon, apart from the fact that we have to get a bit older, I wouldn't take your virginity here, knowing your father could come in and chope our heads off anytime," he said.
I only nodded as I couldn't find the right words to reply. His intoxicating smell was making me drown in a sweet dizziness.
He let go of me and we grabbed my duvet, some bedsheets and my pillow. Then, he took my hand and led me to the basement knowing it was the only place where we were safe from my father and his 'beating-the-living-hell-out-of-my-daughter' cravings.
We lay down on the cold floor (yeah, one sheet was not enough to make the floor warm in the middle of March) and hugged each other. I didn't know about him but my stomach was taken by butterflies.
"I love you, Avery," he whispered kissing my forehead.
"I love you too, Tristan," I replied.
Maybe we were too young for love but after all when it comes to innocent and true feelings in the middle of two damaged lives, age is not important.
We didn't sleep at all that night. We stayed there staring at each other and I desperately loved the way I could see the real me in his beautiful ocean eyes.
"So?" he asked snapping me out of my thoughts.
NO!
NO!
You can't just do this!
NO!
"Yes," I breathed.
He pulled me down on the bed with him.
It looked like Luke wasn't the only one who could touch me without giving me a heart attack.
Great.
"Goodnight, Ave," he whispered next to my ear.
"Night," I replied.
I was scared, to be honest. Scared of my very own mind. What if I was dreaming? Or what if my soul needed the recovery so bad that it made me imagine things that would take the pain away or at least allay my fears a bit? Either way, Tristan was going to disappear the next morning, making the hole in my chest bigger.
"I'm not going anywhere, skittle-babe. Even though I'd love to be one of the things you dream of or wish for, I am real," he said making me galp loudly.
"You always think out loud when you're with me, remember?" he asked.
I didn't reply. He already knew my answer was positive and he also knew the reason behind it; When we were all alone, just the two of us, I had nothing to hide or be ashamed of.
When I opened my eyes the next morning, I unconsciously pushed my body closed to his. The alarm was really annoying but I didn't want to let go of him. He opened his eyes and looked straight into mine.
"Morning," he said and yawned.
He always looked like a damn puppy when he woke up.
"Tristan?" I asked.
"Yeap?" he mumbled sleepily.
"Why are your eyes so cold?"
Yeah, I mean, Tristan was always difficult to read, especially when his face was composed and all but his eyes always made me feel like home by the way they looked at me. Their sparkle made you think that somebody had stollen millions of stars from the sky and let them travel across the ocean of his piercing dark blue orbs.
However, now it was like every grain of life, soul or hope was violently taken out of them. Their ocean was now quiet and immovable. Almost drained.
Only the thought of him being as soulless as I was made me "feel" emptier. Another problem of being depressed; You don't feel sad. Ever. You only feel emptier.
"I've been through a lot during the last couple of years," he muttered and I could sense the anger in his voice.
"What kind of 'a lot'?" I insisted.
"I don't wanna talk about it," he said looking away.
"Tristan-" I tried to protest.
"Just drop it, okay?!" he shouted.
"Fine," I replied frowning.
"Why don't we go see my Ali-rose?" he asked after some minutes of tensed silence, making me jump off the bed.
He sat up and tilted his head to the side.
"What's wrong?" he asked pulling on a clueless expression.
"D-Did you come s-straight here?!" I stuttered feeling millions of shivers travel down my spine.
"Y-Yes," he replied.
Oh, shit! How was I supposed to tell him?!
The only way out is through, Avery.
Right.
"Tristan..."
"Yeah?"
"Ali... is..." I muttered.
"Ali is what?" he asked.
I couldn't get my tongue to function.
"Ali is what?!" he yelled standing up.
Tears built up into my eyes.
"Ali is not here anymore..." I whispered under my breath.
"What do you mean?!" he shouted again.
"She commited suicide five months ago," I muttered and gritted my teeth trying to avoid another mental breakdown.
He stared at me blankly, like there was no blood left in his body, for about four minutes.
"You're kidding me," he muttered.
"I wish..."
"B-But why?!"
"S-she couldn't take it anymore," I sobbed.
"It's all my fault," he said desperately and hid his face in his palm.
"It's not! You couldn't do anything!"
"I shouldn't have left them take me away. I could have protected her from him," he mumbled.
"No, Tristan, don't blame yourself..."
"I'm so sorry, Avery!"
"Don't be! You could do nothing."
"I can't believe it. Really... I can't believe I won't see her eyes again."
"Me neither, T, me neither..."
We were soon interrupted by my cellphone which went off.
Oh shit! The ringtone was going to wake my father up!
I grabbed it and stared at the ID; 'Boyfriend'. I haven't changed it cause it kind of felt nice having it this way.
"Hello?"
"Morning, baby girl!"
"Morning, Asher..." I muttered trying to sound the least distand and cold I could.
"I'm outside, waiting for you... Where are you?"
"Oh, I won't be coming to school today."
"Why not?! Are you hurt?! Do you need me to come-"
"Asher, breathe! I'm fine. I'm just on my red days and I can't stand the pain so I'll stay home," I easily lied.
"Oh, okay then. But we need to get to work as soon as you feel better. I mean, Dean is a total wreck."
"Why don't talk to Hayden?"
"Cause he's gonna chop my balls, Ave."
"Right... Anyway... See you tomorrow, okay?"
"Sure... Get better soon, baby girl."
"Thanks. Bye."
My friend was broken even though he didn't know it because he would not admit his feelings and I, instead of trying to help him, was hiding like a coward with my... past.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" Tristan asked raising an eyebrow.
"None of your goddamn business," I snapped.
Have I ever mentioned I hate being inquired like that? I think I have.
"Whatever," hemuttered through gritted teeth.
"Let's get out of here, shall we?"
He nodded.
We climbed out of the window and started walking.
"Jesus, Avery, let's stop this, okay? If you have a boyfriend it's fine and I'm sorry for going all asshole but hell, talk to me!" he said after six minutes of complete silence.
I stopped walking and gave him a bone crashing hug, ignoring my torso which hurt like hell.
"God, I missed you," I breathed, inhaling deeply so that his smell was all over me again.
"I missed you too, Avery," he whispered next to my ear.
For the rest of the day we just kept wandering and wandering. Good thing Tristan never felt the need to eat. Well, he suffered from anemia every now and then but he still refused to eat. Everytime I saw him collapse, I almost died of fear. I loved him too much to see him unconscious and all pale.
"Remember the last time we came here?" he asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I looked where he was pointing at and gasped. The local Toy Museum? Jeez... I hadn't been there for ages.
"Yeah... You got me a stuffed elephant from the gift shop," I told him.
"How do you remember?" he questined wide-eyed.
"I just do," I lied.
The truth was, I still had it.
We spent the rest of the day walking and remembering things from our past. I tried many times to get him to tell me what had happened to him during the last three years but he would only get angry and tell me to change the topic.
Thinking of my his innocent soul being tortured in any way made my head spin but if he wasn't ready to talk yet, I wouldn't push him.
When it got too dark we went back to my room and started going through some albums. Every one contained pictures of Tristan, Ali and I. The funniest one was of Tristan chasing me with the garden hoose. Ali had taken it. And well, we were both soaking wet so there was no point it me running faster than Road Runner but whatever, I was seven.
"I loved you so much back then, Avery..." he muttered snapping me back to reality.
"Me too," I murmured.
"I... I think I-I still do..." he whispered.
I remained silent not knowing what to say... I didn't expect this...
"Do you?" he asked.
"I need some time alone," I retorted.
"Okay... Do you want me to-"
"Just leave!" I shouted.
He nodded sadly and climbed out of the window.
I hated being abrupt to him but right now I really needed some time alone to think. I mean, Tristan used to be my compass but now, I felt utterly lost around him.
And well... I couldn't put the blame on someone in particular.
Asher was my best friend and the one who helped me get better and the guy I wanted to be with but Tristan was my past -the good parts of my past- my first and last love, my best friend back then...
I looked up and my eyes met the black rose Asher had left for me when I lived in his house, along with the note "“This rose reminded me of you. It is dark and close yet beautiful.
PS. Morning baby girl. I’ll be back around 1pm. Given that I don’t go to school, working out a bit will do good.
PS2. The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all. You are beautiful, baby girl.
-Asher"
Two months had passed after that day and the rose was now withering. Just like my not-even-relationship with Asher. I mean, even if I chose him, I would never be sure about my feelings with Tristan around. Hell!
Plus, if I let go of Tristan I would let go of the last part I had from Ali. I mean, Tristan was her alter ego and he really reminded me of her. I didn't want to lose him- I didn't want to lose the last alive thing I had from her. Not now. Not ever.
I glanced at the withering rose again and as its last petal fell, making a tinny sound, I felt myself miles away from Asher.
~*~
Alex McKee as Tristan!
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