Chapter 43
“Do I have to go to school?” I asked Matt on Thursday morning, staring unseeingly at my slice of cold toast in front of me. I hadn’t touched my breakfast, but for some reason I wasn’t at all hungry.
“Yep; next question?” Matt dropped his bag on the table next to me and stole a slice of my toast.
“Why?”
“Because Mom would kill me.” He opened the fridge and began rummaging around. “And you have exams after Christmas.”
“Exactly – I need rest.” Even though resting today really wasn’t what I had in mind.
“It’s holidays in two weeks.” Matt turned to look at me with narrowed eyes, holding the nearly empty carton of orange juice. “What’s up?”
“Nothing. I’m fine.” I pushed my toast away from me. “If I promise to use this day for good, can I please stay home? Mom doesn’t have to know.”
“Seriously, Lex, what’s wrong?” When I turned to look at him, Matt cocked an eyebrow at me expectantly and swigged some orange juice from the carton.
“Don’t do that,” I said automatically. He rolled his eyes. “Can I practice stabbing some demons?”
Matt almost joked on his juice. He put down the carton, wiping his mouth. “Why?”
“Just because.” My finger traced the swirling pattern of the wooden table.
“Hmm.” Matt put the juice carton back in the fridge, a slight frown on his face. “Oh. Is it Daniel’s Initiation soon?”
I stood up from the table. “Don’t put the carton back in the fridge, Matt, that’s gross.” As I picked it up and shook it, it didn’t make a sound. “And it’s empty, dumbass.”
Matt ignored my commentary. “Seriously, Alexis. Is it soon?”
“Sunday.” I chucked the carton in the bin. “It’s on Sunday.”
“Oh.” Despite the fact he’d made it clear he didn’t approve of Daniel, Matt sounded pitying. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t say that,” I snapped, more sharply than I’d intended. “Why is everyone so down? He’s not going to Change.”
Most people accepted my denial – not Matt. “If he’s not going to Change, why do you want to practise stabbing Demons?”
I slammed the fridge shut, hard enough to make the shelves inside rattle. “I’ll be at Daniel’s after school. Don’t wait up for me.”
I heard Matt sigh as I marched out the door, snatching up my bag on the way, but he knew better than to try and talk to me. And, knowing me, I’d probably forget to be mad at him by the time I got back.
A free was a good way to start the day. I sat in the sixth form common room and dug out the diary, flicking to my place. I was getting near the end of it – and then I’d only have one more.
November 12th
The Unchanged Demon I saved his taken to following me whenever I go out. I am starting to become afraid. Every time I am alone (I try to make sure I am not, these days) he attacks me, and I am pretty sure he means to kill me. However, each time I am reluctant to kill him, because despite it all, he is Unchanged.
Leopold and I continue to meet in secret. I’ve grown to treasure the times we have together, more than I do with my own family, some days.
And the strange thing was, I knew just how she felt. With a small wry smile, I turned the page.
November 14th
Today was awful. As I was going to meet Leopold, the Unchanged Demon attacked me. I fought, as usual, but this time I felt I would not be able to get away from him unless I killed him. He seemed wilder and more furious than before. It terrified me.
It was my father who saved me. I suppose I should be grateful, but I cannot, after what happened next.
Father had seen me heading to the river, and once he’d caught sight of the Demon attacking me, he did not hesitate. He came to my aid and killed the Demon easily.
“Father!” I cried out. “He was Unchanged!”
My father gave me a strange look. He began to lecture me about the necessity of Nighthunters, the evil of any Demon, Changed or not (“This proves it,” he said, nudging the dead Demon with his foot. “See, he is Unchanged, but he was still attacking you, wasn’t he?”) and that I should never feel scared or ungrateful for my heritage, because saving the human race is a noble and honourable thing to do.
And then, when I tried to tell him I had some place to be, he refused to let me walk on. He insisted I came home, and no matter how hard I tried to persuade him to let me be, he would not back down. I was forced to return with him, hoping Leopold would understand, as I had not understood him.
November 16th
I went to visit Maria today. She was terribly nice to me, as always, serving me tea and asking what I needed.
I told her. I told her about Leopold and I, that our relationship is more than friendship. She was not judging, but I could tell from the look in her eyes that she was unhappy – disappointed, maybe? Sad? Angry? It was hard to decide.
Even now, I am wondering if I have made a huge mistake. I trust Maria, trust her with my life, but I know she is not fond of Demons, and I am worried she may tell my parents, thinking to protect me. I begged her not to, and she agreed, but I still wonder.
The next entry was short, just over a line long.
November 17th
Saw Leopold at the river. Asked if he could tell Deborah to meet me there tomorrow, as well, as I feel I have not seen her in a long time.
November 18th
My parents have found out about Leopold and I.
“Alexis?” Rose waved a hand in front of my eyes. “The bell just went, honey.”
My eyes remained glued to the diary, on that last line. My parents have found out about Leopold and I. “Right.”
Rose tutted. “Still not finished that yet?”
“I’m a slow reader. Don’t diss.” I pretended to hit her with it. “D’you know what class I have next?”
Rose shrugged, flopping on the cough opposite me. “I dunno. Biology?”
I racked my brain. “Yeah, that’s the one. Urgh.” I hit myself with the diary. “Great. A whole half hour of sitting on a desk by myself while Travis completely ignores me.”
Rose’s face crumpled to a frown. “I hate you guys not talking.”
It struck me again that, despite all her popular friends, Rose was actually really lonely. I wondered how many or her friends were real friends – apart from Travis and I. “Trust me, I do too.”
“I tried talking to him, but I think he still needs space.”
“Urgh.” I looked down at the diary. “You know what? Screw this.” I shoved it in my bag, pulled on my jacket and picked up my bag. “I’m skipping.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It’s pointless. Would it be okay if I dropped round your house after school?”
“Yeah, sure.” Rose was still staring at me in surprise. “You okay?”
Hmm. Second time I’d been asked that in less than two hours. I wondered if I was looking crazier than usual. “I’m fine. Oh, by the way,” I added. “Daniel’s birthday. D’you think I should get him a present? Or not?”
Rose scrutinized my face, half concealed pity and understanding in her eyes. Eventually she smiled. “Why not? He’d probably like some normal.”
“I guess.” I nodded thoughtfully. “Thanks. Oh, and also,” I added, “you might want to use a dehumidifier in his garage. He likes to make it rain in there.” I grinned at her bamboozled expression. “See ya.”
~***~
I headed into town – it was surprisingly easy to walk out the back way, since there was barely anyone around, a lot easier than it ever was in Canada – and wandered lazily around the shops, looking for something for Daniel. There wasn’t really a lot of choice in Bridgewood, annoyingly, but that meant there weren’t many people around, which was a relief – from what I’d heard, getting out of school in Bridgewood wasn’t the hard part – it was not getting spotted once out that was the trouble. Teachers roamed the town like it was part of the school grounds.
Wandering around the boring shops was lonely, and made me strongly nostalgic for the times Travis and I would come in together after school, buying hot chocolate and talking about the day. It had seemed like such a normal, friendly thing to do – did he really never want to be my friend again because I didn’t like him the way he liked me? Was not returning his feelings really that bad?
Swallowing away the hot pangs of sadness and loneliness, I found one or two things Daniel might like and headed out of the high street, walking slowly as I pondered in my thoughts.
Half way to Daniel’s I was jerked out of my thoughts when a voice said, “You look distracted.”
I nearly jumped a mile and turned to face the wall of towering black roses. Old Maria stood behind them, smiling slightly.
“What you be doing out of school, Alexis?”
I smiled wryly. “Can’t you tell?”
Old Maria laughed. “I might be able to tell when and how certain events happen, but your motives have never been particularly clear.”
I grinned and stepped over to the gate. “Can I come in?”
“Of course. I was tending the roses.”
I opened the gate and headed into the overgrown garden. Old Maria held her shears near the branch of a faded, withered rose and gave it a sharp snip – the dead rose tumbled to the ground like a deflated balloon.
“You won’t tell Matt I was out of school, will you?”
“Not if you don’t want me to.” Snip. “Is there any reason for you to be missing class?”
I sighed. “Daniel’s Initiation is in three days.”
“Ah.” Snip. “Let me see –you want to practise your Nighthunter skills in order to save him?”
I smiled. “I thought you said you couldn’t tell my motives.”
Snip. “Only the ones you hide.”
I wasn’t really sure what she meant by that. Sighing, I sat down at the rickety white garden table and watched her work. “I know you can’t tell what’s going to happen – but honestly, do you think it’s likely that Daniel will Change?”
Old Maria sighed and straightened, turning to face me. “I’m not sure, Alexis. That boy has always been a strange one. Before he met you, I would’ve said yes. For sure.” Her eyes were shrewd. “But something tells me you won’t let that happen.”
I smiled slightly, but it was a glum one. “What if I can’t do it?”
“Alexis,” Old Maria sighed, “sometimes, you have to let things go in order for other things to arrive. Not necessarily better things, but things that need to happen in the order or life.” She gestured to the roses. “Like the flowers. I cut the old ones so the new ones can grow. It might seem hard or cruel, but otherwise, the plant dies.”
“This isn’t about some stupid plant, this is my life!” My fingers clenched on my knee. “And I’m not cutting Daniel out of it.”
Old Maria’s eyes were sad and kind. “You said so yourself – what if you can’t?”
I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to hear any more people pitying me, or that Daniel was never going to make it. “I can. I will.”
“My dear...” Old Maria stepped closer and picked up one of my hands in both her wrinkled brown ones, gnarled like the bark of an old tree. “Sometimes it is not a matter of how long we hold on for. It is how we choose to let go.”
I felt a sharp stab in my throat, and suddenly my eyes were full of tears. “I don’t want to let him go. Ever.” It came out as a whisper.
“I know. And maybe you won’t have to. But you must be careful.” She squeezed my hand. “Don’t try to change things that can’t be.”
I nodded, blinking hastily. “Okay.” Then I drew back my hand and stood up. “Thanks, Old Maria. I should – I should go.” I rubbed a hand under my eyes just to make sure no tears had slipped out and stepped toward the gate. “Have fun cutting your roses.”
“Goodbye, Alexis.” Her eyes followed me as I walked down the road, head down, mind crowded with thoughts.
Sometimes it is not a matter of how long we hold on for. It is how we choose to let go.
~***~
“Daniel?” I knocked on the garage door. From the sound of it, the rain had stopped.
There was no reply, but the garage was open so I let myself in – and immediately, my heart flopped into my stomach.
Daniel was crouched on the floor. There was a manacle around one of his wrists, attaching him to the wall of the garage like a rabid dog, and when he glanced up at me, his eyes were solid black.
“Oh no,” I said softly.
Daniel’s black eyes flickered over me, with dull recognition, but when I took a step closer, he bared his teeth slightly, shuffling back.
“Daniel, it’s me,” I said, my voice quiet and pleading. And hopeless. I tried to inject some warmth into it. “Come on. Snap out of it.”
Daniel tilted his head to one side, studying me as I stepped closer. “You can’t tell me what to do, Nighthunter.”
I flinched. “Nighthunter? Don’t you remember my name?”
“Of course I do. I just don’t care anymore.” He tugged against the manacle, and I tried to pretend his comment didn't sting. This wasn’t really him.
I took several more wary steps closer, and then sank to a crouch only a foot away from him. “Who put the manacles on you?”
“I did.” Daniel watched me intently, his eyes cold and unrecognizable. They made him look so different. And hungry.
“You put them on yourself?” I said carefully.
“I thought it would stop me Phasing. It didn’t work.” He leaned closer to me, tilting his head further. “Your blood smells good.”
I couldn’t stop myself swallowing. His voice sounded almost normal – colder, maybe, but he was speaking casually, like this was a normal conversation. Where was the wild, blood-crazy monster?
As if he’d heard my thoughts, Daniel lunged, faster than a cobra strike.
His sudden attacked knocked me back, but he caught my throat before my back could hit the floor, and pulled it toward his mouth. Instinct launched in, and I kicked my legs furiously. They caught him in the stomach, pushing him back and off me, and I scrambled away on my rear, fumbling for my knife. Daniel snarled and lunged forward, and I flinched back, but the manacle held fast, and his outstretched arm couldn’t reach me. He drew back with a clink of metal.
I sat up, holding my knife. Daniel looked even more like a chained up dog; head down, breathing heavily. I noticed his wrist had been rubbed raw and bloody by the manacle, and wondered how long he’d been chained up for. Even if he wasn’t thirsting for blood, he must be starving.
“Daniel,” I said gently, edging forward again, holding the knife up. “I’m gonna help you, okay? Don’t-”
“Stop interfering, bitch.” Daniel suddenly swooped out an arm and knocked the knife from my hand. It skidded across the cold floor with a loud clatter. I swallowed, my hand curling into a loose fist.
“You don’t mean that,” I said, more for my benefit than his. “Daniel, I know you’re in there somewhere, you can stop this-”
Daniel lunged forward, catching my wrist and dragging me forward. “This is me, Alexis. This is who I really am. You can’t change me, and you know what?” His fingers squeezed tighter. “I don’t want you to.”
I felt the fear on my face, thudding in my chest, causing sweat to moisten my palms, but I forced it back. I glared at Daniel – no, not Daniel. This monster who thought it could steal him from me.
“You’re wrong,” I said coldly. “You’re not Daniel – not really. He’s ten times braver than you’ll ever be.” I kicked out furiously again. Daniel reached out and pushed my legs away, but his grip loosened on my wrist, and I was able to yank it free and roll away. I scooped up my knife and stood back a careful distance.
Daniel struggled against the manacle, gritting his teeth, but eventually gave up, glaring fiercely at me. “Stop playing games, Nighthunter.”
“Oh, I’m not playing any games,” I fumed. “Come on, Daniel, get this fucking Demon thing out of your head!”
Daniel evidently didn’t know what to make of me talking to him like he was two separate people, but I lunged before he could stop to think. I punched him hard round the face and then gripped his hand, feeling for his scar –
Daniel thrashed, attempting to push me off him, but I held on grimly, slipping into his thoughts. Like last time, it was all red tint and darkness, but the punch didn’t seem to have any effect – if anything, it seemed to make him madder.
Daniel, I spoke to his thoughts. I know you’re in there – this is not you!
Alexis! I heard Daniel’s voice, my Daniel, fast and panicky, scared not for himself but for me. The redness of his thoughts lightened, the shadowy presence slipping, but then returning with vengeance. With a roar, Daniel flung me off him, and I crashed against the wall. I crumpled to the floor, wincing as pain flickered through my muscles, before grimly pushing myself to my feet. I was suddenly intensely glad he’d manacled himself; it gave me time to catch my breath.
Right. A plan. Think of one.
But my only choice was to somehow snap him out of this Phase – this Phase that had clearly lasted a while and wasn’t keen to go anywhere – stab him – could I really do that? – and hope that I wouldn’t kill him in the process.
Well, this should be fun.
How could I shock him? Punching hadn’t worked, I had a feeling kissing wouldn’t work again this time, the apologizing trick sounded like a one-off for Dom –
Pin him down. Right. I could do that.
I lunged forward, springing on him like a cat, and since he only had one arm free, it wasn’t too hard to push him to the ground and slam his arm down, holding it there. His legs bucked in an effort to kick me off, but I’d been expecting it, and sat on them to pin them down. It was like the time we’d wrestled in his car when he’d stolen my Oreos, but different –so different.
“Snap out of it!” I yelled at him. “This isn’t you, Daniel!”
He snarled in reply. I slapped him round the face, feeling only mildly guilty as I did, but the rose bracelet caught him across the cheek, and his hissed. A livid pink burn scarred his face.
I felt for his scar on his hand, and saw the world through his eyes, but his vision of me was conflicted – one part of him, the part that was red and shadowy, saw me as prey, feisty but ultimately weak, with a pulse that beat frantically. The other saw me as the girl he loved, his feelings of helplessness and despair soaking through, but despite it all, he couldn’t stop thinking how brave I looked.
I reached for that part of him. Daniel, come back to me.
He couldn’t seem to hear me – I got the impression of him screaming at the darkness invading his mind – Stop it! Don’t hurt her! – but it was like he was shouting through impenetrable glass.
“If you don’t snap out of this right now,” I growled at Daniel, “I’m killing you regardless.”
Daniel smirked, dark eyes cruel. Despite how much I hated it, he knew me; he knew I wouldn’t kill him if there was a chance I could save him.
And then I saw my chance.
I pulled my hand back and drove the knife into his stomach with as much force as I had. Daniel let out a strangled gasp and finally succeeded on pushing me off. When I shuffled over to him, his eyes were open and back to their usual blue. They flickered to me, and I could read his pain and self-loathing like it had been written on the irises.
“Don’t you dare think of breaking up with me this time,” I said fiercely. “Or I swear to God I really will kill you.”
The joke did the trick; he smiled slightly, and his expression warmed. “I didn’t expect that.”
“I know. That’s why I did it.” I reached over and pulled the knife out his flesh. His breath caught, and my heart twanged guiltily.
“I’m sorry.”
“Hey, don’t apologize. I deserved it.” He placed his hand on the ragged hole on his shirt, and his shuddering breathing grew easier. “I’m sorry for – the stuff I said. I didn’t mean it.” He sat up painfully.
“I know. It wasn’t you.” I leaned forward and hugged him as tightly as I dared, clinging to his warmth and comfort and wonderful spicy smell. He hugged me back with one arm.
I leaned back and reached for his wrist in the manacle, but he shook his head.
“Don’t. It’s not worth it. I’ll Phase again any minute.” Even as he said it, I could see his eyes had darkened slightly. He gently pulled himself away from me. “You should go.”
“Are you sure? I could stay, and maybe this time-”
But Daniel shook his head, letting out a ragged laugh. “No – I don’t think I could handle being stabbed twice in a day. Just go.”
“But-”
“Alexis.” His voice was rough and ragged, and when he looked up at me, his eyes were the colour of midnight, like the growing night sky. “Please, babe.”
I sighed inwardly. “Okay.” I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his before he could protest. “I love you.”
“Love you more,” he said as I pulled away, and then dropped his head. His whole body seemed to be shaking, and pain wracked through me at the sight – he looked so hopeless. So broken.
I turned and hurried out the garage before I could convince myself to stay, scooping up my school bag as I did, and rushed back home. It was lunch time, so I knew Matt wouldn’t be in, but I’d forgotten to bring my spare key – it was probably still on the kitchen table. With a soft groan, I sat down on the edge of the sidewalk and put my head in my hands.
This is so unfair. Daniel didn't deserve to go through this – how was it fair that the guy who so desperately wanted to be normal ended up being some super strong, powerful Demon?
There’s no way he’s going to stay Unchanged.
A sob caught in my throat, and before I could stop myself, tears were pooling in my eyes and streaking down my face. I pressed my palms into my eyes, but the ragged, quiet sobs couldn’t stop. It felt like they were ripping my chest open.
“Alexis? Are... you okay?”
I wanted to snap back something sarcastic – No, sometimes I just feel like sobbing my heart out on the street, y’know, just for fun – but I suddenly recognised the voice and jerked my head up.
So this was what it took to get Travis to talk to me again.
“W-what are you doing here?” I rubbed my tears away hastily, but I knew my face was still red and puffy.
“Um.” Travis shuffled his feet uncomfortably. It was so familiar of Travis, and I’d missed it so much that I almost wanted to laugh. “I was skiving.”
“Oh, hey. Me too.” I didn’t mention the reason I’d decided to skive was to avoid him in biology. “But what are you doing here here?”
“I was going to see my aunt.”
“Your aunt?”
“Yeah, she lives down the next road. I’ll tell her we have a day off and she’ll believe me. She thinks modern kids get too many holidays anyway.”
I snorted a laugh, scrubbing at my eyes again. I heard Travis step forward hesitantly before sitting beside me on the sidewalk.
“Y’know, I used to think you had no tear ducts,” he said with a nervous laugh. “Stupid, huh?”
“Sometimes I wish I didn’t. This year has really sucked for someone who hasn’t cried since she was eleven.”
“Eleven, huh? I remember crying watching Marley and Me when I was twelve,” Travis said conversationally, and I laughed again, short and broken.
“Matt cried watching that two years ago. You’re cool.”
Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Travis smiling. When he spoke, his voice was hesitant. “Can I ask you what’s wrong?”
I shrugged. “I don’t think you really want to know.”
“Ah.” He hesitated. “No, I really want to know now.”
I smiled despite myself. “Really? Involves Demons and Nighthunters and all that crap.”
“Hit me.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I twisted on the side of the sidewalk to face him better. “So Daniel tried to kill me.”
Travis’ eyebrows drew together, but he didn’t say anything, despite the fact I could tell he wanted to.
“He was in a Phase.”
“Right. That thing where he goes mental and vampire-y. You could’ve mentioned that before you talked about attempted murder.”
I grinned at him, and he grinned back, and for a moment, it was like nothing had changed. Then Travis’ smile slipped away and he stared at my shoes. “So you’re upset because he tried to kill you?”
“No...” I sighed. “Everyone’s being saying how there’s no chance he can come out of his Initiation Unchanged, because he’s Phased so much. And the whole time, I’ve been thinking that he’d be okay, or that I could do something about it if he wasn’t-” I rubbed a hand under my eyes, which were burning again. I swallowed against the lump in my throat. “And now there’s no point even denying it. He’s gonna Change. And then I’ll be the one who has to kill him.” I gave an embarrassing sob, and pressed a hand to my mouth.
“Hey, hey.” Travis scooted closer, sounding surprised by my angst. “You’re Alexis Rivera. You can make frickin’ miracles happen with how Goddamn stubborn you are.”
I smiled, but shook my head as tears slipped down my cheeks. “I used to think that, too. But then I realised I’m just your average good-for-nothing nobody who can’t even get her best friend to forgive her.”
I hadn’t meant to blubber so much, but thankfully, Travis ignored the last part of my comment. “You? Average? Listen, you might not be invincible, but you have never, ever been average. If you think you can save Daniel, then you can, because you can do crazy shit like that which other people can’t manage. Whether from just being stubborn or seriously weird, I don’t know.” He rubbed my shoulder as I hiccupped a laugh. “I don’t think there’s anyone who could stop you from doing what you want.”
“You really think that?”
“Course I do. If there’s anyone in the world who could make miracles happen, it’s you.” He smiled back at me as I looked over at him. “And about that best friend of yours who can’t forgive you? He’s always had your back. No matter what.”
I smiled at him gratefully and leaned forward to hug him. “Really?”
Travis gave me a gentle squeeze. “Really.”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TRAVIS, PLEASE JUST MARRY ME NOW AND BE THE FATHER OF MY BABIES!!
^^I should make sure my shrink never reads thi
No words can describe the amount of love I have for Travis right now. Told you he’d come round! Hope the ending wasn’t too cheesy, though – I had a bit of trouble finding the perfect words :) So yeah, nice, action packed chappy – hope you liked :) please vomment if you did :D Xxxxxxxxx