I PUSHED MY PLATE to the centre of the table in desperation.
"Anyone?" I aimed my question for the umpteenth time at the unresponsive table. "Please, I can't possibly finish this on my own."
Jaxon just raised an eyebrow. "I told you."
"Told me what?" I scoffed. "Sorry, I don't take advice from strangers - oh shit," I snapped my jaws shut. "Never mind. Forget I said anything. Sorry for the rudeness."
Jaxon's chocolate eyes seemed to narrow at my odd outburst. I dismissed this and pulled the plate back before me. As a general rule, I tend not to consume food deemed dissatisfactory. The way I see it is, if I had to put rubbish into my system, I might as well not eat. Because it's not even going to be worthy calories.
There were five of us at the table today. They'd introduced themselves, but their names eluded me. Albeit compared to the other day, this crowd was decidedly easier, not so tough of an audience. I couldn't tell if it had to do with Jaxon's presence.
In the short span of fifteen minutes, I came to the conclusion that Jaxon could be a people pleaser, or an analytical thinker when he wanted to. It showed in his carefree confidence that seemed to draw people to him, along with this unreadable expression that he had never taken off.
"So, Andrea right?" Jaxon asked as he leaned forward, clasping his hands together.
I nodded in response. My problem wasn't the fact that I was untalkative - trust me, I can be given the right circumstances - my problem was the plate of quesadillas before me.
"You probably get this a lot. But how are you doing here, at Richmond Park Academy?"
"Cesspool," I echoed to myself.
"Sorry, what was that?"
"Nothing. Richmond Park's alright, I guess. Good teachers, very complete facilities, clean toilets..."
Jaxon cocked his head. "But I was asking about your own feelings about this place, not asking for observations about it's staff, facilities or it's restrooms."
The entire table had their attention on me now, even the ones who previously had their noses stuck on thick textbooks. It put a lot of pressure on me to answer with something unoffensive. I tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ears.
"In academic terms, better than before," I answered cautiously, reading their expressions as I made my way through the unscripted moment. "In spiritual terms... there is definitely room for improvement. Which is why I will be attending the Christian thing tonight."
Jaxon's expression remained unchanged, but there was a visible shift in everyone else's expressions.
"You do know God isn't real," one of the guys chimed in, eyes narrowing in scrutiny.
I shrugged in reply. Speaking of 'Christian thing', I whipped out my phone. I learnt Elias wasn't a slow texter after all. Because he'd responded to my text. All of a sudden, the lunch table faded away. All I could see were the two successive texts that he had sent me.
It's off campus. I can take you there if you want
I can meet you downstairs the female hostels?
My heart fluttered wildly as my thumb hovered over the keyboard, not even sure if I should be attending this thing. It had to do with a scarcity of nice clothes. Just then, my eyes flitted over the members of the table, stopping on one of the girls.
"Uh," I began. "Um, do any of you happen to have any clothes I could borrow?" I asked with my eyes fixated on the female.
The entire table frowned collectively, as one entity.
"This sounds weird but I don't really have nice clothes for tonight's thing." I explained.
"You're asking a table of atheists to lend you clothes for a Christian event," a different guy said slowly. "We're not against Christian events specifically, it's more of an indifference towards all things of theistic nature."
"By indifference, he means REAL indifference." The only female chimed in.
My eyes met hers, and I pled silently.
"What kind of clothes are you looking for?"
Her resolve has crumbled. I began doing internal cartwheels.
"I don't really know," I said, knowing fully well what I wanted. "Something nice, and suitable for the outdoors? It might be warm, so I'm looking for something thin and sleeveless. Cropped tops are fine. Low cut is fine too. More than fine."
I snapped my jaws shut and widened my eyes when I realized what I had just said. It occurred to me that I may be deviating from this puritanical image I was trying to build. What was it mother mentioned about 'self respect'?
It pained me, it probably showed in a pained expression that I was wearing right now. I squeezed my eyes shut and breathed. When I reopened my eyes, I put on a wide smile.
"Kidding," I forced myself to laugh. "Guys, I was being sarcastic, come on. What am I? A slut? I mean - it's a Christian event."
The people at the table, thankfully didn't know me well enough to observe I hadn't been joking at all. If their expressions were anything to go by, they were just confused, and they probably thought I had an unorthodox approach to humor. Which wasn't a bad thing.
"Really, a dress or something is fine."
The girl, finally convinced that I wasn't an evil entity agreed to let me into her room to chose a dress. I thanked my stars for the good luck, before I replied Elias with :) okay.
✖️✖️✖️
I may have been a bit naive to think that Elias would come specially to the female hostels for me.
I mean, I wasn't born yesterday. I knew guys like Elias, they operated on attention. Call me what you want, a game to win, a conquest to conquer, a virgin to unravel. I figured nothing could go wrong, as long as I was willing to be played.
But I was wrong.
He wasn't even committed to the game. I heard the giggling before I entered the room. Elias was surrounded bye two females and one male. And they looked close. I approach with a maximum level of caution. Elias was the first to spot me.
His entire face lit up. "There she is!"
I caught the attention of all his friends.
"What is she, the fifth one this month?" The guy scoffed. "You're going to run out of girls at this rate."
"No," Elias bit back a smile. "This one is special. Show them how easily you crack innuendos."
"What?" I took a step back.
The girl laughed lightly. "You're scaring her away. What is she, anyway?"
Elias frowned. "Not sure," and then he directed his attention at me. "What are you?"
All of their eyes were on me. These were 'popular' people, somehow, they were easier to speak to than the fivers. "My faction? Oh I'm a five."
The guy beside Elias, his expression became appreciative as he let out a low whistle. "This changes things," he smirks. "I see the appeal now."
I wasn't fazed. When lunch was over, I went over to the girl, Elena's room. And from there, I'd selected a simplistic, t-shirt dress that reached mid thigh. It was loose fitting, I tied a denim jacket around my waist in the event of sudden low temperatures. Needless to say, I was finally 'pretty' in that I was finally wearing something feminine as opposed to the nun garbs Grandmother packed.
To be fair, I've never been 'ugly'. According to my mother, even at my worst, I've always had that natural beauty thing going on. But mind you, she is my mother - calling me ugly would entail the fact that I'd inherited ugly genes from somewhere. So take my mother's words with a huge grain of salt.
I was brought out of my reverie by the snapping of Elias's fingers.
"I thought inter-faction relations are frowned upon..." I started.
Elias, at which point, winked. "There are no boundaries in Christianity. Anyone gives you trouble for interacting with people beyond your faction, tell them to speak to me."
"O-okay," I stuttered out. Because religion seemed like a big thing at this school. But it was too early to determine if these people were merely using religion for social or political advancement.
Elias's friends gave quick introductions, and me being marvelous with names quickly forgot their names.
When Elias said the event would be held off campus, I didn't think it entailed bonfire-party-in-jungle. Thankfully, I wore sensible flats. Because the path to the meet-up was a treacherous one that rendered me worried that these people were going to kill me and harvest my organs.
Conversation was idle during the journey - not something that affected me greatly because I have reason to believe we were all just, shining out phone's flash on the ground trying not to succumb to the calling of the forest ground which was full of dangers (sharp twigs, insects, who knew).
Finally, we emerged at a clearing. A famous hangout spot, according to Elias. It was like a portal between two worlds. Outside, shadows and dark patches sifting through still trees. But through the entrance to the clearing, an enchanted space with fairy lights that twinkled in welcome, interspersed with voices lifting and falling, in excitement, anticipation and companionship.
An elbow bumped into me. "So?"
It was Elias's friend. When I searched for Elias, I arrived to the knowledge that he had already been absorbed into a group of loud males. I sighed to myself - I only got along with a specific bunch of people. I forgot why I spent high school avoiding the 'popular' people. It wasn't the fact that they were too good for me. We were just different; worlds apart; with jarring perspectives on life.
"Is there alcohol here?"
Elias's friend (whose name was unknown currently but I would find out soon) frowned at me, disapprovingly, in a joking way. "Alcohol? So fast? What does this look like to you, a party?"
My face remained stoic. "I don't like alcohol. If there's alcohol here, I want to leave."
His face morphed into something more neutral, more unreadable.
"Oh," he moved his head to survey the place. "Uh, well, can't tell honestly. Even if there was, it won't get rowdy. Our Christian Fellowship, we have some kind of image to uphold," he explained as he rubbed the back of his neck.
It was then did I realize that religion was thankfully, solely for political gain in this sickening school. My eyes searched for Elias's once more, to note that he currently had his arms around someone's waist. I was in no position to feel jealous, I averted my eyes and decided right there that he wasn't worth my time.
There was this thing about popular people. They're affiliation motivated - they're driven by forging relations with people and they thrive well on attention. Not too sure how to put it but many of these people forego other things (read: academia, deep thoughts, genuine care for others) to make leeway for social pursuits - meaning if you find an empathetic, intelligent person who is popular you should probably keep them because they are rare.
"You alright, Andrea?" Elias's guy friend asked.
Not really. Not really at all. No.
"Wanna get out of here?"
"Huh?" I raised a quizzical eyebrow. It was such an outlandish question, not something I could have predicted in a million years. Was he hitting on me already?
He laughed, lightly and casually. "Between you and me, I don't want to be here either."
I didn't hesitate. I grabbed his forearm and tugged him in the direction we came from.
"Let's go."