Days passed, no improvements. Hannah felt scared, alone, isolated, no one to talk to. The servants were quiet, worried. Everyone moved as if in slow motion. The days were rainy, windy and chilly. Fall had set in.
Every night by candlelight Hannah retrieved Talbot's letter to her and read it again and again. The tears flowed. Her heart broke again and again. She could not stop herself though from reading it and touching the writing with gentle fingers.
The postman arrived. Betzy brought up a small silver tray with the mail on it for her. Hannah warmed herself by the roaring fire in her room.
"Thank you Betzy."
"Miss." And she left.
Hannah was downhearted as she leafed through the envelopes. All of a sudden she gasped and threw the other letters on the floor along with the tray.
A letter from Talbot!
She was overjoyed by it this time.
September 26th, 1854
Cuba
Oh Sweet Darling Hannah,
How I long for you.
I received your letter dated August 31, 1854. It made me laugh. I know you so well Darling Hannah. You are trying to push me away from you. Impossible my Love, impossible. The waves and the sea and the storm and the sinking ship could not keep me away from you. Not even a raging river. How could pieces of paper with words, keep me from you?
My love burns like a blazing fire for you Hannah my beloved. Nothing will ever quench my thirst for you but, you. I miss you terribly. As you can see I am stationed for the moment in Cuba. So close to our island home. You did make it a home as best you could with all the items you found in the trunks. How I admire you. How I admire your courage and your strength. I respect you. I adore you. You are a strong woman and yet beautiful and feminine. You could make any man's head turn. You turned mine, along with my heart, my thoughts, my everything.
I love you, my dear one. Send me words of courage. Send me words to strengthen me. I cannot go on without you. I must have a photo of you Hannah. I enclosed a photo of myself. Do not forget me, my love.... for one day we will be together. I can feel it.
I have joined another sea going vessel. This time a larger passenger ship. I sail for Jamaica soon, then return to Cuba again, some time in October. I want to hear from you. Please. It is all that we have. It is important to me. Please allow me that much. I want to know how you are and how you fill your days.
Do you remember eating sticky meat under the stars, with only a fire blazing? Truth be told a fire was blazing in my heart for you. Do you remember wading into the sea to wash our hands and mouths. How I wanted to kiss you then. The stars were a blanket of diamonds over our heads.
Most of all Hannah my most beloved one, I respect you. I respected you the whole time we were on the island. Did I want you? Yes, of course I did. But control the better part of valor, I controlled myself because I love you more than myself. I love your honor. I love how much you respect God, the bond that you have and the vow that you made. Yes, I understand it all and I still respect it all. But please take pity on me because I cannot live without knowing that you are doing fine. Please fill the pages with the things that you do each day. Let me know about you and your thoughts. All of it. It would bring me great joy.
My beautiful, beautiful Hannah, how I long for you. How I long to hear from you. Please make my life happy. Please fill my heart with your words, whatever they are.
Do not shun me.
Your humble servant,
Talbot
There was a photo of Talbot in the envelope. She held it to her heart. And drew it forward again and again looking at it and then holding it to her heart again. She did love him. She felt lighter for reading his letter. She thought to herself, 'What harm could there be to have a friend? To write him and let him know what is going on in my life. I need him right now.'
This time she went to her desk with a smile and a light feeling in her heart. She would write to him, giving him the news.
October 26th, 1854
Chamberlain Plantation
Baton Rogue, Louisiana
U.S.A.
Dearest Talbot,
I received your letter dated September 26th, 1854. I thank you for the letter and all your kind words. You are so sweet to write to me in such a manner. I am forever grateful for your efforts in contacting me.
I must apologize for my last letter. It was stern and strict, wasn't it? I must be that way for otherwise I shall run away with myself and my feelings.
My days are a bit lonely. My husband has taken sick and no one, not even his doctor has told me what is wrong with him. He himself has refused to discuss anything with me. I hate being treated like a fragile female. As you know-I am far from that description. So I wait patiently for an answer to my questions or some progress on his part.
Truthfully, I think of you often. It would be impossible to not think of you. You meant life or death to me on that island. Now I see that you are close by there again. Please be careful. I could not bear something dreadful happening to you again, and I am not there to care for you.
Talbot, no one shall ever understand what you and I have been through together. No one shall ever understand the bond we have. They surely shall curse us and scoff at us. They would ostracize me if they only knew. They speak of bitter hateful things already. They call me names behind my back.
All the servants, from the different households, talk to each other in the market and then return with the stories that others have told about us. How can people take such a beautiful, pure and innocent relationship and turn it into something ugly and immoral?
Actually, truth be told, they have ostracized me anyway. As my husband lays ill he can no longer protect me from those that want to believe the worst about what went on between you and I on that island in almost a year's time. They would rather think ill of me. Think the worst of you.
There are no more tea parties or luncheons. There are no more dinners or dances. All of that is finished for me. For without my husband's power and protection I am nothing beside his colleagues, contemporaries and friends. He is a powerful man but only if one remains whole can one continue to be a pillar in the community and the business world.
What we had was pure and beautiful. Those that choose to tarnish it are themselves ill-bred and destined to ill repute. They would never believe us, they would never understand. Our love is pure and higher than anything earthly. It surpasses human understanding. It is spiritual. It is Godly.
I feel so frightened by what the future holds. So many uncertainties. I feel lost as I am kept in the dark about what is really going on. My husband and I have taken afternoon walks in the garden. More so now, I sit with him by the fire in the library and read to him. The windows are large and it has a westerly exposure, so we get the warmth of the afternoon sun there. Albeit as the days pass he begs my pardon and stays in his room isolated from the world and from me. That just adds to my gloom and loneliness.
I wish you were here to comfort me. It is tragic for two people to be isolated from each other after what we experienced together. Although I respect my husband, I love you. I shall never forgive myself for feeling this way but that is the truth.
Although you were dreadfully wicked when you forced me to tell you so in the garden - those many months ago. It is not something that I can restrain my heart from feeling. My only recourse is to not act upon those feelings that I cannot self-possess. God forgive my heart. My conscience is soothed by the fact that you have always respected me and it is only my heart that has waned.
It is getting cooler now. The winter season is approaching. Although we are in the South it feels cool to us that have extreme temperatures to deal with in the summer months.
We occupy ourselves with the harvest and Betzy and Mammy are putting down peaches and preserves for the winter months when there will be less fruit. I do love my peach cobbler.
Please write to me soon my dear one. I miss you terribly.
Heartfelt love,
Hannah
November 26th, 1854
Port Antonio, Jamaica
West Indies
My Love, My Life, Hannah,
Your letter of October 26th, 1854 reached me in good order. I suppose we should not complain about the post taking one month to reach us. It could be worse.
You touch me deeply with your expressions. I understand fully your situation. I trust that my letter finds you well and that your husband is much improved by now.
As you can see I am in Jamaica. One day I promise you that I will bring you here. This time it will be by choice and not by shipwreck. It is a most splendid place. The Blue Lagoon, a lagoon which they claim has no bottom. There is a cove, much like the one that we were in, although it is very rough at times, the water is crystal clear and superlatively blue, when it is still. The waves crash into the cove, with white crests and the sand on the beach is very white. This place is called Boston Bay.
They receive quite a lot of rain in this area of Jamaica. The harbor here is beautiful as well. Many sailing ships come here with passengers wanting to see the sights. I would love to show them all to you one day.
My Darling Hannah, I implore you not to be too harsh with yourself. Imagine if we had been on that island for the rest of our lives - what would we have done? We could have been husband and wife in the eyes of God. We could have bore children. It would have been our life there.
Your words touch me as no other. To say that what we had was spiritual. I would be so bold as to say that what we "have" is spiritual. It has not passed. Nothing for me has change only that my love grows deeper, my longing for you stronger. In truthfulness to you I venture to say that I wish that the men in that hot air balloon contraption had never found us. I know I should not say that, for it is selfish that I would keep you from your husband, from your life, but I feel selfish about you. For me you are mine. There is no other. There was never as great a love as this that I feel for you. A love that burns inside me. A love that grows.
Oh the torment that I feel not being able to cast my eyes upon you. To see your radiant smile. My memory serves me correctly as I remember the sun shining on your beautiful hair. The sea breeze gently kissing your tresses.
Thank you my love for the beautiful photograph of you. I shall treasure it forever. You are superlative. Not enough words. My heart over flows. It will burst.
Please write to me as soon as you finish reading my letter.
Make haste, for I cannot breathe without you.
Your love,
Talbot
January 10th, 1855
Montego Bay, Jamaica
West Indies
My Dearest Hannah,
No letter from you. My last letter in November with no word from you. What has become of you? I miss you dearly. My heart sinks into an abyss without word from you. I can only imagine where you are and what you are doing. How is your health? Your husband? Please write to me soon.
As you can see I am still in Jamaica. Only I am on the other side of the island. Almost from one end of the island to the other.
The people here are very friendly. Everyone converses with each other. There are wonderful sights and men that make rafts out of long bamboo and allow people, two at a time, to sit on the raft and a man stands in front of them and pushes them down the river. It is lovely. Similar to Venice and the gondolas.
Everything reminds me of you. Every sight I see I want to share with you. Every sunset reminds me of those that we shared on our island. I miss you terribly and want to see you again very soon. Please tell me that you are willing to see me.
I will wait for you to write. Please relieve me of my pain.
Love always,
Talbot
February 15th, 1855
Havana
Cuba
Caribbean Sea
My Dearest Hannah,
I fret and worry over you. Two months have passed and no letter from you. What has become of you? I miss you.
If you cannot write for some reason please ask someone else to send me a note to tell me how you are fairing. Please write to me soon.
I returned to Cuba on another voyage.
I am lost for words for fear over you. I will not sleep until I hear from you. I cannot function if I think that you are in danger or in difficulties of any kind.
If I don't soon hear from you I will travel to Louisiana to see you for myself.
Please send word to me. Please.
Love always,
Talbot