Whoa Baby
Chapter 53- The Devoncourts
"Keeping secrets will always lead to unhappiness, and communication is the key to love." – Laura Esquivel
*Two Weeks Pass*
As I sat alone at the kitchen table, reading through, yet, another Motherhood magazine, my mother walks through the kitchen. Almost not realizing I was there, watching her move from one end to the other making herself a cup of coffee before leaving- or so it seemed as if she were leaving the house. She turned around, startled that I was suddenly there.
"Didn't know you were there." She chuckles, grabbing a mug from the cabinet. "Colton down for a nap already?" She wonders.
"Yeah, I just put him down a few minutes ago." I tell her, my eyes flickering down to my magazine. "Where are you off to next?"
"Nowhere yet. I was with grandma earlier doing some shopping." She tells me with a sigh, pushing her hair away from her face. "I almost bought Colton this cute little hat I saw. He would have looked for adorable in it. Ugh, I'm going to regret it now that I didn't get it." She says, shaking her head. "I saw Carrie there too. Isn't that something?" She brings up.
I raise my eye brows, a little surprised as well. I never thought I'd ever see Carrie at the mall. Grandma must have had a conniption seeing her there as well when my mother, of course, had to say hello. Knowing her I'm sure she stopped Carrie to say hello and ask her how she was.
"So mom, remember when you told me that one day after Colton is born you'd tell me what the feud was between you and Carrie? Or at least the hostility between the Devoncourts and the Aces." I question her, she presses her lips together while wiping down the counter, "Can I know the story now?"
She sighs, pushing her hair back, "I don't know if today is the day to tell that story." She whispers.
"It'll never be a good day." I argue with her, shrugging my shoulders.
She grabs her mug and walked over to the table. I follow, sitting across from her, setting the baby monitor on the table. "Paisley what I'm telling you is not for you to share with JC. If he wants to know then he should hear it from Carrie, but who knows, he might know some of it already." She shrugged her shoulders, taking a sip of her tea.
"I don't think he knows anything." I tell her shaking my head. "So what happened?" I ask, getting myself comfortable on an uncomfortable wooden chair..
She stares off in space for a while, moments passing through her mind. Flash backs and memories, some dark, some surprising, some delightful. "Jim wasn't always an alcoholic believe it or not. He actually could have made something of himself, he had potential."
"Your right that does sound unbelievable." I scoff at the so-called facts of Jim Ace. Like he was really not a terrible person to begin with.
"It's true. He was really good in baseball. Could have been eligible for a scholarship if he kept his grades up." My mom mentions, nodding her head. "Senior year I dated James for five months. My mother never knew." I gawk at the newly told information. Did I just hear that right?
"James? Jim Ace? As in the alcoholic psycho in jail for child abuse, Jim Ace?" I clarify, earning a head nod.
"In order to think clearly, Paisley, you have to understand this was almost over twenty years ago. James wasn't the person he is today. This was back when we were teenagers." She explains to me shaking her head. "I haven't even told you the rest of the story yet."
"Oh gosh there's more?" I gasp looking shocked.
"Shh. So we dated. My mother never knew because she didn't want me to date in High School, never mind a non-Christian boy, and believe it or not I wasn't always a good girl. Just because I'm a pastor doesn't mean I don't have a past." She reminds me, shaking her head. Come to think of it I never really heard a lot of stories about my mom in High School.
"I was a cheerleader. I went to parties with my friends instead of going over to their house to study. I drank, but never to the point where I was hung over every weekend. I smoked once or twice, but I never did drugs. In the eyes of today you could say I was a typical high school teenager. My grades were always good though, I never got into trouble with the school, and my mother never caught me.
"And what I'm going to tell you next is something I haven't told to many people at all. You are just one of the handful. I tell this part of the story to you because you did something I never did. Your father wasn't the first guy I ever had sex with. Now I didn't go around doing it with anyone. I was in a committed relationship, I had deep feelings for the guy, and it was months into the relationship when I decided to take the next step." Oh God, please don't tell me where this is going.
"James and I were always very, very careful. I don't know what went wrong but I got pregnant-"
"Please for heaven's sake tell me I'm not related to JC in any form of way!" I shout, desperately to her, with wide eyes and a sick feeling. I mean it makes sense! The reason why they always wanted me away from JC! So we didn't grow feelings for each other and- BAM incest! Oh gross I think I'm going to puke, my poor baby-
"Relax Paisley! Don't be ridiculous of course not!" My mother chastises, looking slightly angry at me. Hearing the confirmation, my body relaxed and the panic disappeared. Thank God. "Dear God," she mumbles shaking her head, "What I was going to say is that I got pregnant, and before you think about it next, no, Jim is not your father either." She already resolves. She takes a deep breath, pushing the loose strands of hair away from her face and looking down in her coffee mug. It didn't make sense, if JC isn't there kid, and I'm not Jim's kid, then where's the child that belonged to my mother and Jim? The story was so shocking, so unlike my mother who I pictured her as. "I was scared, scared of what my mother would say, what James would say or do, scared of what other people would think of me or what they'd say about me. So I told no one, and when I found out I went to the clinic."
My mother didn't look at me when she spoke the rest of the story. She looked down at the table, one hand holding her hot mug, steam still rising up, her other hand, trace over nothing on the table. She didn't have to tell me what she was doing at the clinic, I knew what she did. Something I thought she'd never consider, what I didn't even want to consider, she did. Shock couldn't even begin to describe what I was feeling. I was lost of words. All this time, I thought, not only was it the best choice to keep the baby, because a life is a life whether it's out in the world or not. I thought if it were my mom she'd make the same decision, because that's what she always taught me.
Like mom had told me, it was my choice to make- keeping the baby and having sex. I guess, having that abortion was hers. For her reasons only, whether she would ever tell me that was for her to make and no one else could tell her what to do or make it for her. Sure she could have been influenced, but I guess that's what she was trying to avoid, not telling anyone so she didn't have to hear that she should keep the baby, (that's what grandma would say) or whatever Jim would tell her. Because when my mom took that test or whatever she did, she had already made up her mind, and she didn't want anyone to change that.
Abortion isn't an easy decision to make. It's something that you can regret your whole life either way if you go through with it or not. There shouldn't be judgment, because you have your reasons to do it, but my position on it still stands. It every women's decision to make, and it should be respected either way, but no matter what choice you make it isn't an easy one, and there's no easy way out.
"I never told my mother. Never told Jim. Never told Carrie. Never told your father, my father, my best friends; no one. I've only told the story to people I trust that will keep it untold, and to those who went through what you did. Like Erica." Erica, the sixteen year old girl that got pregnant, the same girl grandma and I argued over on Easter lunch. For the choice she made the night I made the same choices Erica made. "I guess it makes me proud that girls like you and Erica, and even Carrie, all held their heads up high and went through it all and I didn't."
"Why didn't you tell Carrie if she went through the same things?" I wonder, speaking up for the first time after all the secrets were spilt.
She took a deep breath, her hand slightly shaking as she took a sip of her coffee. "It's complicated." She snickers softly, looking at the wall behind me, "I told you Carrie and I were two different people, but our dad's got along. Well, Carrie was that girl in school that looked for all the wrong attention from all the wrong people. One month she was dating the quarter back, the next month you found out she was cheating behind his back with his best friend. Another month you'd find out she was dating the boy selling everyone pot.
"About a month after I went to the clinic, I had already broken up with James. I was really shaken up about what had happened, and I swore to myself that after that day I would save myself for marriage and get closer to God. One day, though, going into cheerleading practice the girls were all talking about something, and rumor had it that Carrie was pregnant, and she was seen talking to James that whole week, so people assumed. Assumptions were correct.
"She was already two months pregnant and it took me a while to realize that the only possible way for that to have happened was if James cheated on me while we were still dating, and when I confronted him about it he told me straight up that it was all true. That he cheated on me with Carrie and that the baby was most likely his." My mother paused, biting her bottom lip and squinting her eyes like she always did when she was deep in thought. She shook her head, rubbed her cheek and looked at me, "Carrie's bad habits caught up to her. I did what I did thinking James wouldn't want to be involved or want the baby, but he shocked everyone and stuck with Carrie. It shocked me the most because not only did I selfishly do what I did for myself, I did it for James thinking it'd be best for him and his future, and my future."
Backing up for a bit, I let it all process myself. One way or another Jim Ace was going to be a teen father, whether it was with my mom or Carrie. I just wonder now if mom would have told him if he would wanted her to keep the baby. If mom would have kept the baby and told Jim, then I wonder if Jim would have still cheated on mom with Carrie. The most darkest thought: would mom have been Carrie? Would Jim still turned out to be a raging alcoholic abusing their child? So many possibilities.
"Everything was different, everything changed as cliché as it might sound. James didn't go to college or continued his baseball career, Carrie's bad habits diminished. They both graduated high school but never went any further. JC was born. Carrie seemed to have grown up. Her father kept them all on their feet. It wasn't until he died when JC was seven that everything went down hill. Maybe Carrie's father covered it up well or protected them from Jim. Or maybe that's what could have triggered Jim's alcoholism and anger toward his family. But it was horrible never the less, especially for Carrie. Having your father die, the only parent you have present in your life suddenly die is traumatizing enough, but to have your husband fall into a dark hole like that." She paused, shaking her head, "No one should have to suffer that way. And poor, innocent JC effected by it all. Your mother depressed, your grandfather, someone you considered a role model dead, an alcoholic abusive father; it's all unstable."
We all sympathized for JC at one point or another because that's all anyone could do for him really. JC is the kid who grew up too fast, he had to grow up and learn dark things at a young age, he grew up all too soon, and not in the right ways, "So JC is Carrie and Jim's son." I state, clearing that up. My mom nods her head, taking a sip from her mug, "The only thing that doesn't make sense now is why grandma hates her. I mean, grandpa was still friends with them, even when JC was around."
"Your grandfather was a great man." Mom whispers, nodding her head, "I don't know if you already knew this, but when Carrie was about six when her mom left, leaving her with her father. So at times it was hard for Carrie and the baby. Her father, -uh let me see, his name was Pat... Patrick, I believe-, always supported her, watching the baby as she went to classes or work. When JC was about seven or maybe eight his grandfather died. Your grandfather understood how much Pat supported Carrie and he continued to do so. Helping her out when times were tough and offering to help watch JC.
"Your grandmother didn't really like that. She was very annoyed, from time to time, that your grandfather would give them money or he'd stay at the house until late in the night watching JC. I don't think my mother like the family very much. Never went to church, never could hold down a job, Carrie's mom left her at a young age, Pat let her run around doing her own thing which resulted in the pregnancy, Jim just off doing his own thing. Grandma never looked down upon them, but she didn't like how time after time they were always doing the wrong thing, even when people we're telling them to do the right thing. She didn't want my father helping to encourage the wrong thing.
"Then your grandfather died. Your grandmother didn't continue to help Carrie at all, even when she knew that he'd like her to. Then I think that's when Jim had to really start helping out, you know? It didn't turn out so great." She looks at me with a shrug, then continues with the story, "All family history that you couldn't understand at your young age."
"It all makes more sense now, but what doesn't make sense is to why grandma didn't want me even looking and JC or be around him. Like it's not his fault Carrie had him as a teenager and made the decisions that she did." I explain, watching my mom nod her head carefully as she took a sip of her coffee.
"In her view of things, she didn't want you to be influenced by them." She responded, shrugging her shoulders, "Carrie has come a long way though. Looking back, I and thinking about where she would end up or how her life would have been, I wouldn't have pictured this. She's done well for herself considering all that has been done. She raised JC as best as she could, and though she might not be proud of some things, she has a fond personality. Always sweet, always considerate, and very talented."
"She is a nice person." I agree, nodding my head, "You know, when she first heard I was pregnant she came and visited me at the beach house. She came all the way there just to assure me everything was going to be alright, and she knew it would be because I was in the same position as she was." I confess to my mother, pulling my legs up onto the chair and hugging my knees to my chest, "It was comforting. Everything she said or describe was how I felt, and for that I knew that things would be ok. I thought it was so thoughtful of her to go out of her way to visit. It was the first time I saw Carrie in a different way rather than what I made her out to be as."
"That family has been through more than enough, don't you agree?" She poses rhetorically, though, I nod in agreement. "Is that all you wanted to know?" She asks me softly.
"Yeah. I just wanted to understand." I tell her, sitting properly in my chair. "By the way, I am curious though. When I came home yesterday after Colton's doctor appointment, you and JC seemed to be having a lengthy conversation. What was that all about?" I ask, remembering it all of a sudden.
"When was that?" She tries to remember, getting up with her coffee mug.
"We went to Colton's appointment. Came back, I fed him and put him down for his nap, and when I came back down you two were having a conversation." I summarized, watching her walk to the kitchen sink and dump the end of her coffee down the drain.
"Nothing, just small talk." She says simply with a shrug of her shoulders, "Just ask him how he was doing, how you two are doing, how work is, and how his mom is doing." I thought it was something far more interesting than that. I was convinced they were up to something with all their whisper talking. "How do you think he's doing? I know it's been more than a couple of weeks with his father's trial, but how is he handling it? Does he tell you?" She questions me.
"He's been open about it more now if I ask him about it. He's been sleeping better though so that means something. He's been very calm after the whole... grabbing mishap." I tell her, playing with the baby monitor.
"I think he's been getting help. A psychiatrist must have given him some kind of medication." Mom predicts, nodding her head over to me.
I scoff, "JC? Seeing a shrink? I don't think so." I chuckle, shaking my head. Though I'm sure people have told him numerous times- me included- JC will always be JC. As stubborn as he is he will always believe he can handle it on his own.
"Where is he anyways?" She asks, drying off the mug and putting it away in the cabinet.
"Probably at work. It's Wednesday after all." I sigh, grabbing my phone and scrolling through it.
"Well I'll be back. I'm going to pick up SJ from his friend's house and then pick up a few things at the grocery store. Maybe not in that order." She tells me, "Need anything?"
"Yeah, carrots and something else to make baby food. I've fed him sweet potato, pear, and banana so far. What else should I try?"
"You give him the cereal thing I told you about?" She reminds me. Unfortunately yes, that super liquidy oatmeal stuff that smells like barf. Ugh, how can a baby eat that stuff?
"Yes." I tell her with my nose scrunched up.
"Apples and peas. Want me to pick that up?" She suggests.
"Sure." I agree, looking up from my phone, "I can make dinner while you're gone if you'd like."
"Maybe, we'll see. I don't know what we should have tonight. I'm sick of that lasagna in the fridge. Ugh." My mother complain with her nose scrunched up. True, we've been eating lasagna for the past three days. "Call me if you need anything else." She says to me before walking out the kitchen. I nod my head, off to do my own chores like laundry and bathroom cleaning.
===
JC showed up later today. Around dinner time like he normal would if he was working late. After dinner though, when I helped my mom clean the kitchen he helped out by taking Colton upstairs for a bath. When I was finished with the kitchen I went upstairs to the bathroom only to find that neither of the boys were there. Instead I found them both laying on my bedroom floor.
"What are you doing?" I ask, sitting on the floor next to them.
"Just playing with some toys before bed." JC says with a short yawn, shaking a plush monkey in Colton's face to get him to giggle. "So what did you do today?" He asks after some moments later of silence.
"Nothing really. Just cleaned up and talked with my mom." I said, sweeping Colton's dark hair to the side nice and neatly.
"What did you talk to your mom about?" He asks, letting Colton grab the monkey from him and, of course, putting it directly to his mouth.
"Just stuff. About family." I tell him plainly, taking the monkey out of Colton's mouth. He nods his head, sitting up right. "I feel like I haven't been totally honest, and even with you." I mutter, sitting cross legged on the floor and sliding over to my bed so my back could rest against it. "You've been very open with me, recently, for the past couple of weeks, and I've gotten to know who you really are rather than the image people have painted for me. I think that being open only benefits us."
JC nods his head, moving over to lead his back against the bed, bring Colton slightly closer to us. He lays his head back too, looking at me from the corner of his eyes, "So what has the princess been hiding?" He smirks, getting comfortable.
I shake my head, pulling my knees up to my chest and lay my head back against the mattress as well, "My story doesn't even begin to compare to yours, but my life- my family- isn't as wonderful as everyone pegs out to make. Take my grandmother for instance, you've met her."
"Think I met the devil's mother." He snickers.
My lips turn at the slightest at the comment, "Everything and everyone is different behind closed doors." I mutter to him, "Remember on my birthday, I told you that something had happened to me that made me not want to celebrate my birthday?" I tell JC, talking about a time months, and months ago. It would be remarkable if he remembered.
"Yeah, I remember. It's the only thing you drew the line on and didn't want to talk about." He nods, after a moment. Wow, remarkable indeed.
"On my sixteenth birthday my mom surprised me by taking my friends and I to a hotel for the night. She let us stay in the room while she stayed over my aunt's house." I say, starting off the story, "She told us to stay in the room and not to go out, but we did anyways. We just walked around, looking at the shops, the stores, the other big hotels." The city is a treat for kids in Avon. A two hour drive was a lot back and forth.
"It was late at night, and we were walking by all the fancy hotels on the way back to our hotel. Looking through the windows and admiring. I'll never forgot the name of the hotel, because it was so beautiful until I saw my dad there. With a women." I bite my bottom lip, not necessary holding back tears, there was none, just shock. Still, after two years.
"I didn't tell my mom. I didn't even confront my dad about it. I guess I was hoping that if I didn't say anything it would just go away on its own, or maybe what I saw wasn't what it looked like. I just didn't want to accept it. I didn't want to accept that my dad was cheating on my mom. I was scared that if she found out that they would get a divorce and I didn't want that. I didn't want that at all. I didn't want to have to be with my mom Monday through Friday and my dad on the weekends or something like that. I didn't want to be separated from them. I didn't want to be part of another sad ratio, or part of a divorced family. It was selfish and wrong, but I don't think I could have even tried saying it to my mother."
Still there were no tears. Just me, staring at other side of the room, like I was just talking to myself and no one was listening. "But my mom found out a few months later. She didn't tell us though. She told us the following year, after my seventeenth birthday. It was the second time she caught him. She made him tell me. SJ wouldn't understand. I told them I knew. I told them I didn't want them to separate and that if they did they wouldn't see if again after my eighteenth birthday.
"My threat was weak, because I found out later when I was out with my grandmother that she didn't approve of the divorce either. My grandmother is like a rep for our family just like every celebrity family does. She told my mom the bad and the ugly of what would happen if she went through with it. So my mom stayed quiet. So did my dad. So did my grandmother and I. We pretended as if the situation never happened. My dad of course didn't want to leave us, he begged my mom for another chance, but if he was ever caught again my mother wouldn't forgive him."
That was the dark story. That's why I resent my family at times. To pretend to be that perfect family when really everything and everyone was broken. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad my parents stayed together-or more forced to-, but sometimes I thinking they try too hard, push too hard to act as everything were normal. That's what bothers me the most, because as the saying goes 'forgive and forget', one is only true. You can forgive, yes, but to forget it happened is a lie. In the back of your mind, that faint reminder that you try burring and hiding deep down still shines.
It's hard though, because you can tell my parents never really worked on their marriage more. They just let it go and let it fall apart, and even when they knew it was broken they never tried to fix it back up. Its like they gave up. Yeah, gave up.
"My dad cheated on my mom for five years. Five years. At what point do you tell yourself what you're doing isn't going to hurt anybody? That nobody is going to find out. Everything comes up to the surface eventually. Everything." I say finally.
"Well at least they stayed together. It's what you wanted. Right?" JC says, very intrigued in the story.
"Yeah. It's what I wanted." I mumbled.
"But that's not the rest of the story, isn't it?" He guesses, hitting the nail on the mark.
"She works with my dad; every damn day. I found out through arguments that she was still trying to talk to him, thinking maybe he'd ditch us and go back to her." I continued, pressing my lips together as I felt a slight flick from the corner of my lips turn up. "So when I heard the arguments I tracked her down by snooping on my dad's phone. I went to her house and punched her in the mouth and threatened her. I told her if she ever contacted my dad again I'd tell her whole family about her affair. I was so mad. I hated her so much. Hated her for trying to break up a family. Ruin her own family. The horrible example she was leaving her kids. No wonder why her husband left her."
JC chuckled a bit, trying to hide it but he couldn't. I tried not to smile either, "Wow, the princess threw a punch and blacked mailed the bitch. I didn't see that coming."
"Yeah, what can I say, I'm kind of a badass." I snicker, shaking my head.
"Ah, now it makes sense." He smirks, nodding his head and tucking his arms behind his head.
"What makes sense?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at him.
"Why you were attracted to me." He says, shrugging his shoulders, "I get it, you needed a badass inspiration." He laughs when I toss my hand playfully at his shoulder, shaking my head. "In all seriousness though, it kind makes sense why you're a little distant and cold to your dad sometimes. Even your mom. You guys kind of toss him to the side."
"I try not to be, but I have my moods sometimes, you know?" I say sadly with a shrug of my shoulder.
"Oh yeah I know." He laughs, "Thanks for sharing, Pais. I know you said before it's hard for you and you don't like people knowing." He said sincerely.
"Yeah, well, I figured you opened up to me with your problems and secrets, it's only fair if I let you in too." I tell him, staring at Colton blankly.
"How is everything now?" He asks in a soft voice.
I shrug my shoulders, "Family is considered a unity of love and care. A household of two loving parents that love each other and love their kids. Here though, in this household, it's more like separation of love, not a unity. It's a household containing two adult and two children living together under one roof. Nothing is done together anymore unless it's church or outings with other people. Nothing like how it used to be." I try to explain. It was hard to explain what I felt, all I knew is before the affair happened it wasn't like this, and even when it was going on, it wasn't like this. "I just don't want that for Colton." I whisper, still looking at Colton moving around and playing with his toys.
"It won't be." JC says, hearing me clearly.
"I never wanted to raise my kids in a home like mine. Not the way we live in now." I say with a deep sigh, closing my eyes and shaking the sad thoughts away. I grin lightly, picking Colton up from off the floor and laying him in my lap, kissing his forehead. "I love you so much." I whisper to Colton, rubbing my nose over his to earn a giggle. His giggles and gurgles would always bring a smile to my face.
"Time to going to bed little monkey." I tell Colton. Kissing his cheek and picking him up off the floor. I throw the blanket he was laying on over the crib side and place him in the crib, putting a different blanket over him. He's sleeps just like that. Blanket over him, pacifier in mouth, lights off, and off to sleep he goes. That is if he's really tired. If not he'll cry until we rock him to sleep. "Ice cream?" I offer to JC when he leans over the crib waiting.
"I'm all set." He says, shaking his head. I nod my head, turning on the baby monitor inside the crib and taking the other one with me as we walked out the room.
"What are you doing for the rest of the night?" I ask, as we walk quietly down the stairs.
"Nothing. Just go home and binge watch Breaking Bad until dawn." He tell tells me with a chuckle.
"Now that's never a bad thing." I snicker, "What season and episode are you on?" I ask him.
"Season four episode twelve. It's getting intense. Walter is going to get shot or something soon, I can feel it." JC says, walking to the front door. "You've got to watch it." He recommends.
I roll my eyes thinking about it, "Yeah with all the extra time I have on my hands." I agree with him sarcastically. "Have a good night JC." I tell him as he opens the door.
"You too, Pais." He says, halting and then turning back around to me. Hesitantly, he takes a step towards me, wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me in for a hug, "Thank you for being honest and open." He says again.
I hug him back, nodding against his chest, "I'm glad I did too." I agree. He lets go, walking back out to the porch, and I watch him get in his car, back out the drive way, until he was out of site. The illuminated street back to darkness.
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HERE'S THE CHAPTER WHOA BABY PEOPLE!
Hope you've enjoyed it! Just remember now there's only 7 chapters left! If you have any questions about chapter chapter DM us! We'll answer ASAP. If you're confused on the relationships between the Devoncourt's and Ace's let us know. We tried making it as clear as possible.
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Chapter song: Always obsessed with 5SOS songs! She's Kinda Hot is our new fav!!
Yep, short author's note, but that's ok. Hope everyone is having a fab summer! Enjoy the month of August!! xo
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