"Kayla I need your help" the voice on the other end of the phone was frantic.
"Calm down what's wrong?" I felt my heart rate start to pick up.
"I've never been to a funeral. I don't know what I'm supposed to wear"
"Tyler Barrett you don't start a conversation about your wardrobe problems with 'Kayla I need your help'. You had me terrified" I scolded him as I dug through my closet looking for a black dress. Two dresses in one month was two too many.
"I'm sorry, but my best friend's dad just died, and I don't know what the heck I'm supposed to do. Don't people normally bake a casserole or something during these situations? I can't cook. Kayla I can't even find matching black dress socks. I don't know what to do" it was clear Tyler was running around his house because he was struggling to breath normally.
"Tyler calm down. You don't need to make a casserole. No one is going to see your socks under your pants so just find any two black ones" I waited until I could hear him stop running before I went back to looking for my dress.
"Okay I found two black socks. Wait they're football socks. I can't wear football socks to a funeral. Kayla-"
"Tyler just put the stupid socks on. No one is going to notice. Besides Mr. Mitchells loved football" I finally found the dress and yanked it out of my closet.
"Okay thanks Kayla. I'll pick Paige up first, and then pick you up in about thirty minutes so we can all go together" Tyler sighed.
"Thanks Tyler. I'll see you soon. And no more running around. You'll sweat through your suit" I teased before saying good bye.
I put the simple black dress on, straightened my hair, and found a pair of suitable sandals before going in search of Charlotte.
"Char where are you?" I shouted through the house when I didn't find her in her room.
"In the kitchen" she called back. I made my way downstairs to find my little sister in her black dress and tights coloring at the kitchen table.
"What are you making?" I asked her as I peered over her shoulder.
"It's a card for Jake. See this is him and this is his dad" she pointed to the respective stick figures. There was a little note too.
"That's really sweet Char. I'm sure Jake will love it. Can you find your shoes? Tyler and Paige will be here soon" I helped her put her colored pencils away before she ran out of the room.
Normally I wouldn't take an eleven year old to a funeral unless it was a relative, but Jake was important to her, and she wanted to be there to support him.
Charlotte and I climbed into the back seat of Tyler's car and the four of us sat in comfortable silence on our way to the funeral home.
When we got there the line to pay respects to the family was already out the door. Mr. Mitchells coached younger levels of football for years, and half of the line consisted of his old players.
As we inched up closer to the casket I finally caught sight of Jake and his mom. Jake always wished he had siblings to play with and help absorb some of his dad's "attention" so it wasn't all focused on him and his football career. Now he probably wished he had someone there to help him through this besides his mother who could barely handle her own grief let alone her son's. That's when friends became the equivalent of family.
We made small talk as we stood there surrounded by people in black.
Finally when we got to the front I held Charlotte back to let Tyler and Paige go first. They each hugged Mrs. Mitchells first and offered their condolences before moving on to Jake.
I would never know what they each said to him, but I knew he felt comfort from their presence.
Charlotte hugged Mrs. Mitchells and waited while I did the same.
"I'm so sorry about your husband. I wish we could have done more for him at the hospital" I hugged her tightly and watched as silent tears continuously trailed down her face.
"Thank you sweetie. I know you all did everything you could. He's in a better place now. Thank you for coming" she squeezed my hand before she had to move on to the next person.
"Jake I made this for you" Charlotte was suddenly shy when she handed her card over to Jake. He squatted down to her level before opening it.
"Char I love it and I think my dad would have liked it too. Thanks for coming" he scooped her up in a big hug. That was the first time I saw him smile since his dad landed in the hospital.
"I'm sorry about your daddy" she kept clasping and unclasping her hands before giving Jake one last hug and walking over to Paige.
"She's getting so big" Jake turned to me.
"I can't believe it either. Makes me feel old. How are you holding up? Honestly" I searched his eyes to try and tell if he had gotten any sleep in the past few days. The dark circles under his eyes were distinct and gave me my answer.
"It hasn't been easy having to contact all the relatives, but honestly having people around helps. It's when my mom and I are home alone that the finality of it really hits us" Jake glanced at his mother as if to be sure she was still standing and hadn't melted into a pool of tears.
"If there's anything either of you need please let me know. Anything at all" I insisted.
"Thanks Kayla. For everything. And thanks for bringing Charlotte. It was great seeing her again" Jake glanced at her again. He always did have a major soft spot for my baby sister.
"She's missed you. Call me if you need me. I'm always here for you" I pulled him into a hug. I completely forgot how perfectly we fit together. Like puzzle pieces. His chin rested on my head momentarily and I swear I felt him sigh and relax for a second.
I didn't want to let go. I just wanted to stand there holding him, but this was a funeral and there were people waiting so I stepped back, squeezed his hand, and left, reluctantly.
The drive home was silent.
When they dropped Charlotte and I off she went into her room to play, and I sat on the floor staring up at my ceiling.
I couldn't get the way that hug felt out of my head. It was so natural. When was the last time a hug gave me butterflies? Could hugs even give butterflies? Apparently Jake's hugs could.
My phone vibrated. I looked down to see a text from Scott asking how the funeral went. Scott. What was I doing sitting here thinking about Jake? Thinking about a hug from Jake at a funeral no less. What was wrong with me?
Just think about this rationally Kayla. So what Jake gives you butterflies? Well if I thought about it there were several times recently that I got butterflies around Jake, but that didn't mean anything right?
Well there was the fact that I got jealous whenever I saw him with Mary. Actually the thought of Jake with anyone made me jealous?
I had opened the door to thinking about Jake a crack and now I couldn't stop it from swinging open with a bang.
Did I still have feelings for Jake? After everything that happened? No, it wasn't possible. I had a boyfriend. A very sweet, compatible boyfriend... that didn't give me butterflies. That's beside the point. I wished I could shut off that stream of thoughts.
I was so desperate to distract myself that I started organizing my closet and room. Desperate, I know. I made dinner, did some laundry, watched some random Disney movie with Charlotte, but later that night I still couldn't stop my thoughts from drifting back to Jake.
Maybe I should just tell him? Be direct. Tell him I didn't know what I was feeling, but that there was something still there. It couldn't hurt. We could talk it out and figure out what it meant if it meant anything at all.
I was walking through how I would phrase it when my phone rang.
It was Jake.
The timing was eerily perfect.
I took a deep breath and promised myself I would tell him before accepting the call.
"Jake?" I asked hesitantly.
"Yeah. It's me. I was calling to thank people for coming to the wake today, but then I realized I shouldn't be thanking you of all people" Jake's words were slurred.
"Have you been drinking?" I instantly felt my stomach sink. Jake only got this drunk when he was really upset, which given the earlier events of the day I was surprised I didn't see this coming.
"Why do you care? It's not like you ever gave a crap about me. You ruined my life. Ruined it from the day we met. In fact I wish we never met. Then I could actually be happy. Instead I'm miserable and it's all your fault" I heard something crash in the background.
"Jake what happened? We were getting along so well the past few days?" I couldn't wrap my head around this. I thought we were good. Damn it I thought we were better than good. I had fears that I would tell him how I felt and he would tell me he didn't feel the same way, but I never expected this.
"What happened? Are you really that stupid? You happened. You ruined everything. You wreck everything. Just leave me alone okay? I hate you Kayla Ryans, more than I've ever hated anyone" the line went dead.
Jake why did you have to go and mess everything up? Comment what you think and don't forget to vote!
Oh and how adorable is Charlotte?!