"Please just try to be nice to her."
"No way. I'm not even going on this stupid mission."
"You have to. It won't be that bad. I'll be there."
"Oh yeah, because that'll make all the difference."
Rachel sighed, rolling her eyes and running her fingers through her hair. "Carter, please just try to be nice to her. You don't really know her, maybe you'll change your mind about her if you did."
"Are you asking me to befriend the girl who faked a pregnancy to keep a guy?"
"I know how it sounds-"
"I don't think you do."
Rachel clenched her jaw, making fists before slowly reopening her hands. "We have to spend some time with her because of this mission, okay? Just give her a chance. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you."
Rachel's words ran through my mind as Quinn handed Rachel and I trash bags, telling us to search rooms for toilet paper. Rachel and I roamed the house, awestruck by the size of it. For being in the apocalypse, the house was in fairly good shape. A layer of dust had settled over most of the house, spiders and other small creatures finding their way into the house to find their own home. Besides the small imperfections caused by the house being abandoned, it was still in pristine condition.
"Look at this room." Rachel practically cooed. The family room had three large couches, a glass coffee table, and the largest flat screen TV I had ever seen. My eyes widened as I took it all in.
"Imagine growing up here," I murmured.
Rachel shook her head. "I can't."
We went into the kitchen, opening the pantry doors. One of the shelves has paper covering it, most of them medical bills. I picked up the thick dark green folder at the end of the shelf, opening it and taking it to the kitchen table.
"What are you doing?"
"She said she had cancer, but she didn't say what kind."
"Carter!" Rachel chastised, approaching the table. "It's not polite to snoop." I ignored my sister, reading the paperwork in front of me. Rachel grew bored of watching me, walking into the living room and returning with a photo album. She flipped threw it lazily, looking at the pictures of Quinn and her parents from Before.
"Now who's snooping?" I mumbled, but Rachel didn't respond. We sat in silence, doing our own research on Quinn's life Before. I skimmed through multiple pages before I found what Quinn had suffered from.
Papillary thyroid cancer.
"Your sister is sick," a seemingly nice enough lady in a black suit and a tight bun told a young Rachel and me. "Her butterfly is very sick. We think it would be wise to remove her from this foster home and take her somewhere where she'll be with kids like her, and people who can help her."
"Rachel," I whispered, suddenly wary of the fact that Quinn could hear us. "Her butterfly was sick."
"Just like-"
"Zoey."
Rachel stared at me for a moment before shaking her head slowly, looking back at the photo album. I put the papers back in the cabinet, feeling slightly guilty for looking through Quinn's things.
"Come look at this," Rachel said, her smile evident in her voice. "Quinn was such a cute baby."
Although Quinn's house was ridiculously big, being there made her more of a person to me. She was no longer just a snobby privileged girl- although she was a snobby privileged girl- but a girl, who, just like Rachel and I, had had enough heartbreak to last a life time. I shut the cabinet quietly, walking back to the table to peer over Rachel's shoulder at the pictures of Quinn on her fourth birthday. The way Quinn's brown hair curled, her small, dimpled smile- it was all painfully familiar. Before I could place it, a scream sounded from upstairs, and Rachel and I were gone, running up the stairs before we could process whether or not was a good idea.
We found Quinn standing over a broken globe, a piece of paper in her hands. She didn't even turn when we entered, and Rachel had to shake her to gain her attention. "What?"
"I'm adopted," Quinn gasped, her eyes wide as she looked back and forth between us and the paper. "My real name is Zoey Elizabeth Knox. What kind of a name is that?"
Rachel took two steps back, her hands flying up to her mouth as tears began to brim her eyes. My body was frozen as I stared at Zoey. Her eyes settled on the papers, our reactions unnoticed.
My sob broke the silence, grabbing Zoey's attention. "What?" she almost snapped.
"Zoey," I breathed, my cheeks stained with tears. Rachel and I moved in sync towards her, wrapping our arms around her and each other. For a moment, I forgot about the camp, the apocalypse, the fake pregnancy- everything faded away. In that moment, only Rachel, Zoey, and I existed. Rachel and I cried, grasping each other's hands, which were behind Zoey. For a moment, everything was perfect.
And then she spoke.
"What the hell are you guys doing?" she ducked, moving out from under our arms and glaring at us. "Can't you see I'm going through something here?"
"Zoey," Rachel choked, "Oh my God, Zoey. I promised you, remember? I promised you and now, here- here we are. Oh my God, Zoey. I- We've missed you." Rachel moved towards her, trying to hug her again. Zoey stepped back.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Reality hit me much harder than I would have thought possible. If Zoey didn't know about her adoption, she didn't know about Rachel and me. While we busted our asses trying to find her, she grew up in a house much too large for a family of three, with a shit load of instruments and money and numerous bathrooms.
"You are," I said, my voice sounding almost harsh. "But of course you wouldn't know it."
"What's going on?" Zoey dropped her adoption papers, her hands flying up to her head. "What's happening?"
"We can't explain everything," Rachel put her hand out as she spoke, trying to step towards Zoey. She responded by taking two steps back, staring at Rachel's hand like it was a weapon prepared to kill her. Rachel's face fell, and I wanted to hurt Zoey for hurting Rachel again. "But we'll explain what we can."
Zoey looked back and forth between Rachel and I, tugging at her hair slightly. "Knox," she finally whispered. "Knox. You're my sisters?"
I nodded, taking a step towards her. "We're your sisters."
--
"I got sick when I was two," Zoey said, staring at the kitchen table. "My parents took care of me. They put me through surgery and treatment-"
Rachel shook her head. "No. You got sick and were stuck with us at the foster home for a few months. Things were getting really bad when they walked into the picture. I didn't want to be separated from you, but I couldn't help you, and they had money, and could pay for your treatment..."
"We busted our asses," I spoke up. "When we finally were adopted we worked every job we could find. We didn't know if you were alive because they changed your name, we thought maybe you were in another country..."
"What would you have done if you had found me?" she half-snorted. "Taken me from the only people I had known to be my family?"
"We're your family!" Rachel's voice was much louder than Zoey and I had anticipated, and we jumped slightly. "We're your family," she repeated, at a normal volume. "Not them."
"That's not true," Zoey shook her head. "They're my family. They raised me-"
"But we're blood."
"Have you learned nothing from the camp?" Zoey snapped. "Family doesn't end with blood. Doesn't necessarily begin there, either."
"Unbelievable," I threw my hands up. "You know-"
"Stop, Carter," Rachel sighed. "She's right. She wouldn't know us as family, to her we're just..."
Rachel trailed off, and Zoey spoke up. "The bitch that slept with my boyfriend and the girl who's overly maternal." I glared at Zoey, ready to snap at her, but she rose her hands in defense before I could. "It's harsh, but it's true. I never knew you as family... But you are my family, to a certain degree I guess. Maybe we can-" she gave me a quick look of disgust. "Maybe we can start over. I've always wanted sisters."
I stared at her incredulously, and Rachel sighed happily. "Here's the deal. Whatever tension you two have going stays here. You're going to sit at this table and talk things out, and when we leave, even if you're not friends, you'll be acquaintances."
Zoey looked back and forth between Rachel and I before stopping on me and stage whispering, "Is she always like this?"
"You get used to it," I answered, sitting across from her. "It's kind of nice having a mother figure around."
Zoey laughed, and from the corner of my eye, I saw Rachel smiling at us approvingly.
"Alright. Zoey, we're in your house, so you go first."
She looked uncomfortable with her real name, but didn't say anything. "No. You both know my story, but I don't know Carter's."
It was my turn to be uncomfortable as Rachel joined us, my sisters looking at me expectantly. "I didn't know. He didn't tell me you two were... involved. If he had, I wouldn't have done anything with him, and I'm sorry about the misunderstanding, but it's not my fault." Rachel gave me a hard look and I took a deep breath before continuing, "And I'm sorry I yelled at you and said all those things."
Zoey nodded. "I would've done the same thing. I'm sorry I didn't ask you about it sooner."
We looked at each other awkwardly, and eventually Rachel spoke up. "I still can't get over how big this house is."
"It's ridiculously big," Zoey nodded. "But it was so fun growing up here. I can tell you guys about it another time. We should probably get going..."
"Yeah, I don't want to be outside the camp when it gets dark." I said, pushing away from the table. They followed my lead, and the three of us headed back into the living room.
"So you guys are good, right? Friends?" Rachel gave Zoey and I a hopeful look, and we shared another awkward glance.
"We'll get there."
--
We returned to camp just before nightfall, Castiel greeting Zoey with a smile and open arms. Rachel went to tell Dean what had happened during our mission, and I was left alone. I wandered back towards my room, thinking of going into the infirmary to talk to Jo. I decided against it, my mind reeling with all of the new information. Chuck found me just before I could retreat to my room, and I forced myself to put on a smile as we spoke.
"How'd it go?"
"Progress was made. We're not friends, but we'll get there." I repeated Zoey's words from earlier. I didn't tell him her real identity; It felt to personal to tell right away. Chuck just nodded, a smile on his face as he told me he was proud of us for putting aside our differences.
"Have you talked to Sam?"
"No."
"Are you going to?"
"No."
"Come on, Carter. He's-"
"I don't care. My top priority is survival, Sam's just a guy I had a fling with."
Chuck sighed, but didn't push it. He wished me a goodnight and carried on, continuing his walk and waving at everyone he saw.
--
In the next week, I found myself feeling angry. In finding out the truth about what Zoey- Quinn- had done, everything had fallen into place for everyone but me. She was happy with Castiel, Rachel was still spending all of her time with Jo, sometimes finding discreet reasons to talk to Dean. He seemed oblivious, but that didn't stop me from teasing her about it.
I found myself working with Dean, the atmosphere almost always awkward between us. We spoke when we needed to, but besides that, an uncomfortable silence filled the air. One day we finished early, and as I prepared to go back to my room, he offered me a beer.
"It's not cold, but it's alcohol."
"I, uh, I think I'll pass."
"Oh come on, I insist. Plus, I haven't heard your side of the story yet."
"My side of the story?"
Dean rolled his eyes, leaning back in his seat and resting his feet on his make-do desk in front of him. "Just because you guys aren't making the information public doesn't mean I don't know. How are you feeling?"
"Fine."
"Come on, Carter. I'm trying to help."
"No you're not, you're being nosy."
He sighed, looking at the open beer bottle in his hands. "Yeah, I guess you're right. But that doesn't mean I'm not concerned. I know Rachel's feeling a bit conflicted, and I know Quinn is confused. How are you?"
"I'm... upset. I thought we'd have this grand family reunion when we finally found Zoey, but her parents didn't even tell her about us. I spent my entire life trying to find my sister, and all this time, she didn't even know I existed. I can't even be mad at her for it because it's not her fault that she didn't know."
"I think that's reasonable," Dean said, drinking from the bottle. "You have a right to feel the way you feel. Don't bottle it up for the benefit of others."
"I'm not bottling it up for anyone's benefit but my own. This is the apocalypse, I don't need any distractions."
"Right," he dragged out the word, standing up when someone else entered the room. "What do you think of the camp so far?"
"I love it." the girl smiled in return. She looked a few years older than me, her long red hair tied up in a ponytail, her jeans dark and her shirt purple.
"Carter, this is the newest addition to the camp, Charlie."
"Nice to meet you," I said, keeping my eyes on her as she approached.
"You too. How long have you been here?"
"Not too long. I don't remember how long exactly."
Charlie nodded, not-so-discreetly running her eyes down my body. We heard someone call her name, and she excused herself, jogging back outside. It was my turn to check her out, tilting my head as I watched her exit the room.
"Are you-" Dean started, and I cut him off.
"I'm not picky."
He nodded, resuming his seat behind his desk. "Anyway, don't bottle things up for too long, okay? If you need to talk about anything, you can come to me, or Sam-"
"No. I know what you're trying to do and it's not going to work."
"Oh come on, Carter. The kid's a mess."
"I don't care. He made his bed, now he can lay in it."
"Carter," Dean sighed, but I shook my head.
"I have to go. Thanks for, uh, this." I turned to leave, running into Charlie on my way out.
"Oh, sorry!" she blushed, her eyes falling so she was looking at the floor. "Um, do you know where my room is?"
"Where did he tell you?"
"He said the old cabins, the room at the end of the row."
"Yeah, I know the place. Come on, I'll take you."
She nodded, following me as I walked in the direction of the old cabins. "So... You and Sam?"
"How could you possibly know about that? You just got here."
"Sam and Dean are family. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."
"It's fine," I grumbled. "It's nothing."
"Look I know this isn't my place, but Sam's a good guy. You should consider giving him a chance."
"I did."
"Then a second chance."
"You don't know what happened."
"Like I said, they're family. I do know what happened. And I also know that Quinn's real name is Zoey, but I don't know the whole back story with your family."
"Join the club."
"Look," she said again, standing in front of me and forcing me to stop. "We're in the apocalypse. The people in this camp are all you've got. Even if you don't want him romantically, you might want to try to form some sort of friendship, or even acquaintanceship. Anything is better than nothing."
"Okay," I said, though I knew I wouldn't be speaking to him. "Your rooms just up ahead. Last door of the row."
"Thank you," Charlie smiled, turning away momentarily and then turning back. "I hope I didn't overstep any boundaries. Like I said, this camp's all we've got. Hopefully we can be friends."
"Yeah," I gave her a half-smile. "Yeah, I'd like that."
She nodded, turning and walking to the end of the row, waving at me before she stepped into her room.
The feeling I felt as I made my way back to the center of the camp was loneliness. I hated it; I was surrounded by people, yet I felt completely alone. I decided to talk to Rachel, hoping to ease some of what I was feeling. I saw Castiel walking in my direction, and I looked down, hoping if I didn't make eye contact, he wouldn't say anything. I was wrong.
"Carter, just the person I wanted to see."
"Hey, Cas, what's up?"
"I've noticed you've been a bit off lately, and as you can imagine, Quinn has told me about what you discovered on your most recent outing. If you ever need something to, how do I say it, take the edge off, I think I can be of great assistance."
"I don't really think an orgy would help, but thanks."
"No," Castiel laughed. "I'm sure you saw the recreational goods Quinn brought back for me. I would be happy to give you some."
"Oh?" I cocked my head to the side, confused until I remembered the large amount of cannabis Zoey had brought back. "Oh. I don't really- I've never-"
"It's just an offer. You never have to say yes." Castiel smiled. "Or if you just want to talk, I'd be happy to listen."
"Thanks," I said awkwardly, kicking my boot into the dirt. "I have to go, I need to talk to Rachel about-"
"My apologies, I didn't mean to keep you."
I nodded, smiling at him before continuing my walk. Instead of Rachel, I saw Sam, whose eyes went wide when he saw me.
"Carter!"
I ignored his call, continuing on as if I hadn't heard him. I heard his footsteps as he jogged to catch up with me, yet I continued to ignore him until he gently grabbed my wrist.
"What?" I snapped, yanking my arm out of his hand.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." he trailed off, and I raised my eyebrows expectantly.
"What do you want?"
"I just... I wanted to ask how you're doing. Dean told me-"
"Yeah, I'm sure he did. Keep it on the down low, alright?"
"Of course."
I turned my eyes down, worried the genuine look on his face would make me say something I didn't want to. "Thanks for checking in." I mumbled awkwardly, turning away. Again, he grabbed my arm, but he pulled away as soon as I stopped moving.
"Can we talk? In private?"
I heard the voice in my head tell me not to, but I nodded and followed him into his room.
I sat on Quinn's old bed, watching as Sam awkwardly sat on his own. We stared at each other in silence for a few moments, the silence becoming deafening before he began speaking.
"How are you, really? It must be hard finding out she's-"
"She's my sister, I'm just happy to have her back."
"I bet you planned out the reunion differently."
"You could say that."
Once again, we fell silent. I felt myself getting annoyed; He asked if we could talk, but then he had nothing to say.
"I'm sorry." he blurted out, and my eyes finally settled on him.
"What?"
"I'm sorry. About everything. I shouldn't have lied to you, and me thinking Quinn was dead was no excuse for me to do anything with you. I'm sorry I didn't defend you when she tried to make it look like it was your fault. I'm sorry I took her side after I found out she had faked her pregnancy. I'm sorry about the mess I made."
"You don't expect forgiveness, do you? An apology and boom, it's all suddenly forgotten?"
"No," Sam stuttered. "No, I-"
"What you did was wrong. Even if I wanted to forgive you, you'd have to earn it."
"I know. Carter, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to turn out this way."
"I don't see how it could have turned out any other way. You're a liar. I just happened to get caught up in it."
"You're right, and I'm sorry. But don't think I didn't care about you because of my stupidity; I did. I do."
"That doesn't change anything."
"I didn't expect it to."
"I have to go." I didn't give him the chance to respond before I was out the door, the wood swinging shut behind me. I was angry and confused, and in desperate need of finding my sister. I checked the infirmary first, hoping she was about to head out and I could walk back to the room with her. I popped my head in, surprised to find Castiel digging around in a box. "Cas?"
"Carter," he cleared his throat, lifting his head to look at me. "What's the matter?"
"I changed my mind," I said without thinking. "Can we meet somewhere later? I don't want Rachel to know, I- I just need to calm down."
Castiel nodded, closing the box and setting it off to the side. "I'll meet you in the square once everyone's asleep and we'll go from there."
--
"Where are you going?" Rachel asked suspiciously as I tried to quietly slip on my boots.
"I thought you were asleep."
"I'm not. Where are you going?"
"Dean asked me to help him with the guard tonight. I'm just keeping an eye on the perimeter of the camp."
"Oh. Why didn't you tell me before?"
"I didn't see you before. It's not a big deal, just get some sleep, okay? I'll see you in the morning." I kissed my sister's forehead after I stood up. I grabbed my pack to make my lie more believable, shooting Rachel a fake smile before walking out the door. I met Cas in the quiet square, and he eyed my pack questioningly.
"Rachel woke up. I needed an excuse as to why I'm going out."
"Ah," he nodded once, gesturing for me to follow him. He led me back towards the unused cabins, the nervous feeling in my stomach growing the closer we approached. When we got there, he swung open the door, and I set my pack down, looking around the empty room. "Ready?"
"No." I sighed. "I don't think I want to."
Castiel nodded, as though he knew I would change my mind. "Do you mind if I do?" I shook my head, sitting on the bed across from him. Castiel pulled the blunt out of a small plastic bag, lighting it quickly and taking a hit. "Do you want to talk about it, then?"
"Yeah," I said, though I didn't know where to begin. "I don't- I don't know what I'm doing."
"What do you mean?"
"I feel like I'm drowning. I have since the beginning of the apocalypse, only now I'm a part of something bigger, and I'm safer. I don't have to look over my shoulder all the time, or know exactly where Rachel is to be able to breathe; But now I have more time to think. Think about Zoey, think about the endgame to all of this, think about myself. Sam was thrown into that equation, and now I can't get him out of my head. I'm so angry about all of this. I'm mad that Zoey didn't know about Rachel and me, I'm mad that someone as good and pure as Rachel has to suffer through this hell. I'm angry that Sam hurt me, I'm angry that he hurt Zoey. I'm just angry all the damn time."
"You can't do anything about that, though. It's not your fault her parents didn't tell her about you and Rachel, it's not your fault that the apocalypse happened, or that Sam did what he did. None of that is your fault."
"I know that. It's just..." And then I began to cry. Without warning, a sob tore out of me, and my hands flew up to cover my face, trying to wipe away the tears before the could fall. When they wouldn't stop falling, I grabbed my hair, tugging at it. "Why am I crying?"
"Carter, Carter," Castiel stood up, trying to soothe me, but his voice was slightly panicked. He hadn't expected me to start crying- I hadn't expected me to start crying. "You're okay, you're okay. Sh," he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest, stroking my hair as he spoke. "I've got you, you're okay."
"I'm sorry," I said, angry that I had started crying. It seemed like that was all I was lately: angry or lonely. I hated it. I hated that I had started crying, I hated that I wasn't as independent as I wanted to be. "I'm sorry," I said again, pulling away. "I don't know what came over me."
"Don't apologize, I'm glad you got at least some of it out." And then shyly, "Can I get you anything? Water?"
I nodded. "Please."
"Okay, I'll be right back."
He left the room, and I grabbed my pack, looking for something to wipe my face off with. Inside the pack, I had two canteens full of water, and enough food to last me at least a day and a half, maybe two if I stretched it out. Plus, because of the recent mission, I had plenty of ammunition for my gun. A day and a half, two days. Even if I left and came back the next morning, it would be some time to clear my head, some time to stop feeling so weak. Without thinking too hard, I closed up the pack, swung it over my shoulder, and opened the door. Castiel was nowhere in sight. I ran to the front gate, careful to stay out of sight of the few people acting as guards. The gate was locked, so I jumped up, climbing the fence and trying to not fall as I went down the other side. One day. That was all I needed. I turned around and ran, my eyes wide as I looked out for croats. I heard all the voices in my head at once, all the voices of the people I cared about telling me it was a bad idea. Rachel's maternal voice asking me to go back, that it was dangerous. Dean telling me I was going on a suicide mission, and to get my ass back into camp if I wanted to keep it. Zoey telling me she'd always wanted sisters, and what was I doing, being so selfish? And finally, I heard Sam, apologizing for what he had done and begging me to come back into the safety of the gates. Out loud, I heard Castiel, calling my name as he discovered I was gone. I wanted to call back an apology, tell him I'd be back soon, but instead I kept running. I ran until my eyes stung from the wind, and my lungs were begging for me to stop. I slowed to a jog, my head spinning from all the running I had done. I didn't notice the small dip in the ground until I tripped, rolling down the small hill until I hit the flat ground, my body sore when I finally stopped moving. I knew I was hidden in the trees, so rather than getting up, I lay there for a moment, staring at the stars through the small break in the trees. I stayed there until I heard a twig snap, and then I was up, my gun poised to shoot, my body on high alert.
"Don't shoot." a timid voice said. I moved accordingly, my gun aimed at the tall boy who emerged through the trees. "I'm not one of them."
I lowered my gun when I saw him, saw his face. "Sorry. You can never be too careful."
"I suppose so," he said, giving me a small grin. "I'm Adam. Adam Milligan."
"Carter. Carter Knox."
I took in Adam's tall figure as he took hesitant steps towards me, his dirty blonde hair a mess. When he was a few feet from me, I could see his dull blue eyes examining my hazel ones. "Where are you from?"
"Camp Chitaugua. You?"
"Camp Detroit. What are you doing out here so late? And by yourself?"
"I can take care of myself," I snorted, ignoring the nagging feeling I got in my stomach when I thought about my breakdown earlier. "I guess I needed a break from my camp. I was stupid, I shouldn't have taken off like that. God, Dean's going to kill me."
"Dean?"
"Yeah. He's the leader of my camp."
"Dean Winchester?" Adam asked excitedly.
"Yeah... Do you know him?"
"Yeah, I know him from Before. How is he?"
"He's good," I said slowly. "He's busy, being the leader and all."
"That's Dean for you," Adam sighed. "Hey, it's not safe for you to be out here all by yourself. My camp is right there, if you want to crash there for the night."
"Okay," I nodded. "Thank you."
Adam's camp was still awake, the people still working in a tired, lifeless fashion. Yet when Adam passed by, they straightened up, looking at him with adoration, their posture showing respect. I shot him a questioning look, but he didn't notice. I watched him as we walked, and he seemed to change; He was no longer slightly hunched over, but rather completely straightened out. His wore a small smirk on his face, one that was almost chilling to look at- and his eyes. His eyes were no longer dull, but shinning with a frightening fierceness. The further we walked into the camp, the more nervous I got. I took deep breaths to slow my quick-beating heart, hoping he didn't notice how uneasy I had become.
"You can take this room," Adam said, opening the door for me. "I'll be right next door."
"Thanks," I stuttered, entering the dark room. A small flame was illuminating the room when I turned around, although I was unsure how it had been lit, as neither Adam nor I had anything to light it.
"I'll see you tomorrow," he said, the smirk on his face growing more chilling with the flickering of the candle.
"S-See you."
He closed the door, and I heard him walk into his room. The walls were thin, and I could hear him as he took off his shoes and got ready for bed. When he grew silent, I could hear the hushed voices of the people outside.
"He's brought another."
"A sacrifice?"
"No, she didn't seem to know."
"She has to know."
"No, I don't think she did."
"He wouldn't just bring in a new member. She has to know."
"What are you guys talking about?" a new voice asked.
"He's brought someone new in."
"Who?"
"Lucifer."
(written by idkbaands
I'm so sorry about how long it's taken. hopefully the rest of the chapters don't take as long to put up. hope you liked this one!)