KATNISS POV
May 14th
There's something relaxing about watching the person you love sleep. Knowing that they are at peace, in some far away world of their own. Although Peeta never thrashes around in his sleep, his mop of blond curls are always a mess, how they get that way will forever be a mystery to me. It's 4am and I've given up on sleeping. No matter how many times I turn my pillow over, face the other way or cuddle into Peeta, I can't find sleep. Sleep and I have never got along.
I feel myself slowly beginning to drift off to sleep, when Aster's cries wake me up again. I feel Peeta stir next to me and he mumbles "Katniss?" Before falling asleep again.
I smile at him before getting up and heading towards the nursery. I walk in to find Aster, screaming in his cot. I go over to check on Willow and Rye first and they are both sound asleep, heavy sleepers, just like their daddy. I pick up Aster and hold him close to me while he cries. No matter what I do, he doesn't seem to want to go back into his cot, so I bring him into mine and Peeta's bed. When I get back into bed Peeta moves to wrap an arm around me. The small movement makes my smile like an idiot. I place Aster in between us both and he snuggles into my side. I whisper 'I love you' before finally finding sleep.
I wake up to a loud crash coming from downstairs. When I realise Peeta isn't beside me, I begin to panic. I pick up Aster from our bed and take him back into the nursery before heading downstairs. It's when I reach the bottom of the stairs I hear it. A sound I haven't heard for over two years. "You're a mutt! A stinking mutt!"
I freeze, not knowing what to do. My first instinct is to protect the triplets, but I know if I go upstairs he will only follow.
"Peeta, it's not real. You're safe. It's Katniss, I love you." I say softly, walking towards him slowly. Peeta stands by the kitchen table, gripping onto a chair so tightly that his knuckles are white. I am almost beside him when he throws the chair at me. It was so sudden and full of force that I don't have time to move. The chair hits my side at full force, sending me flying to the floor.
I hold my side, in agony. I know I won't be able to bring Peeta out of this flashback alone, so with everything I have in me, I scream for Haymitch. I keep screaming, until I realise I have woken up the triplets and immediately regret screaming. As soon as Peeta hears the cries of the triplets, his head shoots up and he makes his way towards the stairs, his black clouded eyes could scare even the toughest of people. I am crying hysterically at this point. The pain in my side is now numb as I am so overcome by fear.
Haymitch bursts through the door, and I know as soon as he sees my hysterical state, he knows what has happened. Haymitch reaches out to his side, grabs the lamp on his left and hits Peeta at full force, across the head. Peeta's lifeless body falls to the floor.
I can't bring myself to speak. I am so overcome by fear, pain and horror that all I can manage is to sob.
When I look at us from Haymitch's point of view I realise just how broken we still are. Peeta lays unconscious on the floor, after having a flashback. While I, his wife, sit on the tiled kitchen floor, my body rattled with sobs. Our three children, crying in their nursery upstairs, completely oblivious to their parents' past.
Haymitch running towards me brings me out of my trance and suddenly all of the pain in my side floods back into feeling. "Katniss, what happened? Are you okay?"
The look in Haymitch's eyes and his use of my real name shows his concern. "I came downstairs and Peeta was screaming. I tried to bring him out of the flashback but it got worse and he threw a chair at my side. The triplets started crying and he was going up there. I couldn't stop him because of my side and-" Before I can finish I am overcome by sobs, the thoughts that creep into my mind of what Peeta could have done to the triplets if Haymitch didn't stop him, eating me alive.
"Okay, Katniss. You're safe, it's okay." He says. When he goes to hold me, I welp in pain as his arm touches my side. "We need to get you to the hospital, I'm going to get Effie."
I nod and he runs out of the house, returning seconds later with Effie. "Oh my gosh what happened!" She screams.
"I'll tell you later, Effie. Stay here with Peeta and the triplets until Peeta wakes up. I'm taking Katniss to the hospital." Haymitch instructs. He picks up Peeta and moves him onto the couch, before returning to carry me to his car.
I grit my teeth as Haymitch drives to the hospital. Soon enough, the searing pain in my side overcomes me and I slowly begin to lose consciousness.
My eyes flutter open and I immediately feel an aching pain in my side. The darkness of the room indicates that it must be the middle of the night. I notice Peeta sitting in the chair next to my hospital bed. His head in his hands, gripping his blond curls.
"We've got to stop meeting like this." I say with a smile.
Peeta's head shoots up and I am lucky enough to see his smile for a second before it is replaced by a look that is so pained and guilty that it agonizes me. "You're awake."
I nod. "How long have I been out?"
"Only a day. How are you feeling?" He says and I can even hear the suffering in his voice.
"I'm okay." I lie. The pain in my side is pounding, but I don't want to add to his suffering.
"Katniss. I'm so sorry I-" He begins, but I stop him before he can apologize for something that is completely out of his control.
"Don't even say it, Peeta. You have nothing to apologize for." I say, a sternness making an appearance in my voice.
"No, Katniss. We can't go on like this." He says, looking at his feet.
My heart drops as I begin to think about all of the possible things he could say next. "What are you saying?"
He takes a deep breath before continuing. "I'm saying that I'm not safe around you or the triplets. I'm dangerous, Katniss. I can't be a normal husband or father. I can't look after the triplets at home by myself without being terrified of what I could possibly turn into. I can't even hold you in my arms at night without having the thought of hurting you in the back of my mind. I can't go on like this, Katniss." That's when he breaks down, his whole body shaking with sobs as I take him into my arms and hold him close.
"I hate myself. I hate myself." He says, sobbing harder.
Those three words that Peeta speaks break me. Hearing the person you love so dearly say that he hates himself is one of the worst kind of suffering there is.
I shake my head as I let the tears fall. "No, you don't." I say, shakily. "Please don't say that ever again."
We hold each other for a while, until Peeta pulls away. He takes my hands in his and looks me in the eyes. "I've arranged with Dr. Aurelius to go to the Capitol to get more treatment. I'm leaving in two days for three weeks."
I feel like my whole world is crashing down around me. "You can't go, I need you. Willow, Rye and Aster need you!"
He breaks eye contact and looks down at the floor and says quietly "I don't want to go, Katniss."
"Then don't!" I beg.
He shakes his head. "I have to, Katniss. You have to understand that I need to get help. I can't go on like I am."
I stay quiet for a while. I can't imagine what this is like for him, either. He loves the triplets so much, I bet it's breaking him to leave them. So, to make it easier for Peeta, I agree.
"Okay." I say, quietly. "You have to promise me that you will call, every night."
Peeta nods. "Of course I will."
I let a few stray tears fall as I grip onto Peeta's hand tightly.
"Hey, I'm not going for another two days. It's okay." He says, brushing away a strand of hair on my forehead.
I nod and move over on the bed. "Will you come and lay with me?"
Peeta smiles slightly and nods. He holds me in his arms, careful not to hurt my side and kisses my forehead.
"I love you so much." He whispers.
"I love you too." I whisper back and fall asleep, trying to accept the fact that my husband, ultimately my lifeline, is going away for three weeks to the Capitol.
AUTHORS NOTE:
Sorry about the wait for the update! You should all check out hichloeex because I am obsessed with her Everlark stories. They are beautifully written and are a really good read! She has a completed Everlark trilogy which is a post Mockingjay fan fiction that is amazing. She also has an ongoing modern Everlark fan fiction which I am completely obsessed with! Chloe also has other Hunger Games stories that are incredible. She really doesn't get enough recognition that she deserves for her writing! Thank you all so much for commenting, voting and reading:)
- Megan x
- Twitter - @_hutcherwife