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Hey guys!
I hope you're all doing well. Thank you so much for all of the comment and feedback for chapter 40, it was great and I appreciate you all so much for reading, voting and commenting!
So here's chapter 41, the chapter you have all been waiting for and I'm really looking forward to hearing your responses! Please do vote and comment and also if there are any mistakes, please kindly notify me and I'll fix them!
But most of all, I hope that you enjoy!
I'd also like to dedicate this chapter to @asghdft for her lovely message and support + because of her kind request for this chapter to be dedicated to her x
Lot's of love to you all,
Chelcia xx
***DISCLAIMER***: I have never given birth so everything in this chapter is based on research and personal accounts, so I hope that it is as true to reality as possible. Mothers, feel free to comment!
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"Push?" I repeat and my head collapses back onto the pillow at the thought, the soon to be reality. Despite feeling crippled with pain and contractions, I don't feel that natural strong urge to push that most mothers talk about. "But I don't think I'm ready," I pant, turning to look at Dr. Roland who is busy rolling up his sleeves as if preparing to operate on me which is unsettling. My chest tightens and I turn the opposite way to look at Damion who's standing by my side and he locks eyes with mine, panicked worried blue to panicked scared grey.
As if suddenly awakened from his trance, he sharply inhales before clasping my hand in both of his hands. "Kay, don't be scared, I'm here and everything's going to be okay," he says, but he then pauses as fear and excitement washes over his face. "He'll be here soon," and I look up at him with a weak smile, he's right, our sweet boy will be here very shortly, well I hope so.
Everything begins to happen very fast as Elizabeth and Dr. Roland helps me to adjust my position for delivery, and the pressure that I have been feeling down there intensifies immediately and I feel like... I feel like I need to take the biggest poop of my life!
"I have to poop!" I suddenly yell, the pressure unbearable. I need to push right now.
And with that, it's as if my body takes control and I push for the first time, growling aloud as my fingers dig deep into Damion's skin and grip the chilly rails of the bed. I can hear Dr. Roland and Elizabeth and my mother in the background, but their words sound a foreign language as the only audible thing I can hear is my body telling me to push. I'm not sure how long I push for but I finally stop, panting as sweat trickles down the side of my face.
"Well done, Kayla, that's a good start," Dr. Roland says. "You were holding your breath for a long time there; only hold your breath for short periods of time, if at all, okay?"
"Can you see him?" I ask, looking between my legs at Elizabeth, "Have I done it?"
"Not yet, sweetie, you're going to need a few more pushes," she replies.
Dr. Roland begins to encourage me to push, explaining that I must listen to my body and breathe and take breaks, but I feel as if it's all coming through one ear and leaving through the other, as the only thing on my mind is to push.
"You're nearly there, baby, you're doing it," Damion says, and I turn to look at him, the only voice I need to hear. "I'm right here, just breathe and squeeze my hand and let me take away your pain, I've got you," he continues, and I know he's trying to be strong, for me.
"I love you," I blow.
"Try to focus solely on pushing and don't worry about empting your bowels or passing urine while you're at it, that's perfectly normal," Dr. Roland continues, but this time I'm listening to him.
"Work with your contractions and just go with the flow, trust what your body is telling you, Kayla, you can do it," I hear Elizabeth say, and feels as if I'm being told a million things, but I'm not sure how much I'll be able to remember.
The pressure is overwhelming, powerful, and almost scary, you can't resist it, and you just need to push. I put my chin to my chest as I feel another urge rush through my body, and I push with every ounce of my being, screaming as my fingers claw further into Damion's hand.
"That's it, Kayla, try and keep your bottom on the bed," Dr. Roland says and I grunt, pushing once more. "You're doing brilliant."
Twenty minutes of pushing pass and I'm exhausted. Why isn't he here yet? My eyes are burning with tears and my face is damp with sweat, I can't do it anymore.
"There's something wrong, isn't there?" I cry as my head drops down onto the pillow. "I can't do it."
"You are," everybody in the room says in a chorus.
"Kayla," my mother says and she brings her hand up to my cheek to caress it, wiping away at my tears. "I know you're overwhelmed and scared, but you are safe and so is the baby. You are doing perfectly fine. I know it's hard, but it's all down to you, sweetie, it's up to you to get your baby out and I know you can do it."
"Exactly," Damion says, "You're so strong and you're so close, don't give up now."
"Maybe we should change positions," Elizabeth says, but I close my eyes and push. "That's it, Kayla, you're doing brilliant."
"Have faith in yourself, you're doing amazing, Kayla," my mother says.
"Breathe, breathe, breathe, just breathe," and the voice is Dr. Roland's.
"Ah-ah-ah-ow!" I scream and my eyes burst open as a burning and stinging sensation takes over, causing me to wince as if I have stretched my muscles past their limit. Holy hell, what is that? This is the worst pain of it all! It hurts like a bit-
"The baby's head is crowning," Dr. Roland explains. "And I'm going to ask you not to push for a short time as the perineum needs to stretch gradually to avoid the risk of tearing."
"Ahh!" I scream, "I'm going to die!"
"Just relax your neck, shoulders and legs and pant or blow out during the contraction," Elizabeth says, "I know this is painful."
"I can't!" I cry, tears gushing down my cheeks. This has to be the worst pain ever experienced; surely this pain can kill you. "I'm going to die," I cry again, I'm sure of it.
"Kayla," Damion says, and he takes my face, "Breathe with me," and he begins to take slow, deep breathes, "Just breathe." I look up at him with tear filled eyes and his blue eyes are locked in mine and I suddenly begin to follow his breathing pattern. I've never seen him so calm and controlled. "That's right, just keep going. . . "
"Okay, Kayla, one final push now," Elizabeth says, and there's no words to describe the intensity of my push and everything becomes a blur and I can't distinguish the voices around me.
Just a little push. . . And again. . . Just a bit more. . . You're nearly there. . . That's it, baby. . . Kayla, you're so close. . . That's it. . . Just one more big push and you're going to have your baby. . .
I open my eyes and I look between my legs and I can see him, he's there! My baby! All kinds of excitement force me to hunker down and give it one last push and I feel like I'm at the end of the race and about to receive my prize; my son, my beautiful son!
Everybody cheers and I close my eyes in relief and my head collapses against the pillow. It's over, it's over, it's finally over. He's here! I can't wait to hear his cry. My body stills as realization dawns and my eyes open. Why isn't he crying? A waft of panic rushes over me, but everybody else seems to be smiling with glee and Elizabeth hands me my sweet boy and puts him on my chest, and I look down at this adorable newborn baby, who is very much alive and looking back at me with little slits of dark blue eyes.
"Congratulations," she says, "Say hello to your little boy."
What do I do? Oh my God. He's real, he's a real little person and I've given birth to him. For the first time, I let go off Damion's hand and I hold him in my arms and it's as if my insides melt; oh my God, he's perfect. His body is pink and pale, translucent enough to show slim green veins at the temples and his body is squished and bruised like a little boxer after a fight. His scalp is covered by a mass of wispy dark hair, his nose a small button and his little fingers are ever so tiny as they curl into fists. He feels so light and precious, so delicate. A huge overwhelming and indescribable feeling of love and joy washes over me and surpasses my fear and I begin to cry.
"Would you like to cut the cord sir?" Elizabeth asks, "Or should I go ahead?"
I look up at Damion and he's staring down at him awe-struck with tears in his eyes. Both of his hands are on his head and he shakes his head and smiles, the purest and most love filled smile I have ever seen. He drops his hands and puts his arm around mine which is cradling our son.
"He's beautiful," he finally murmurs, and I smile and look down at him, but my face falls.
Something has changed. He's still not crying and he's pale, paler than before and his eyes have closed. It's as if somebody has shot a bullet in my chest and my blood runs cold and the whole world stands still as I stare down at my boy, motionless.
"He's stopped breathing," I whisper, and I suddenly look up at Dr. Roland who comes to my side and inspects him. "He's not breathing," I repeat and he begins to talk to Elizabeth in medical terms, but I can't understand what's he's saying or my brain simply can't process it. "He's not breathing!" I cry as he takes him from me and I look at Damion, "Damion, do something!"
"What's happening? What's wrong?" Damion asks, panic filled in his voice. "What the fuck is happening?"
My baby. . .
"We're going to have to perform CPR; he's having trouble breathing."
Trouble breathing?
"It's okay, Kayla, I need you to stay calm," Elizabeth says, "He's going to be okay."
Trouble breathing?
"Kayla, he'll be okay, just stay strong," my mother says and she puts her arm around me.
Trouble breath-
"But he was breathing just a minute ago! Kayla, Kayla, look at me are you okay? Kay-. . ."
The room spins, the world blurs, everything collides and I'm gone.
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