Connor
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Being cuddled up on a couch watching a movie on a huge screen isn't actually all that bad when I forget about the reason we are down here. Troye is being almost uncharacteristically cuddly but I mostly think it is to put me at ease. Maybe a little bit of that other thing that I don't really want to think about right now, not when I'm still not sure. We have been here for quite awhile now and I kind of just really want to go home. The end credits are just starting to play as Troye leans down and presses his lips to my cheek. I smile and look up at Dan and Phil who seem to be untangling their limbs from each other.
"Troye come talk to me for a minute, then I'll let you two leave." Dan says brushing his hand over Phil's side before walking towards Troye. Troye gives me a side hug and a kiss on the temple before he walks away from me. Dan and Troye walk out of the basement ahead of us and I just look at Phil and he shrugs. He walks over to me and stands beside me looking down at his feet, he looks uncomfortable and kind of sad. Phil is a very happy person most of the time, I don't really think I've ever seen him with out a smile on his face for more than a few minutes.
"We are trying to help you. We really are trying. Dan's just afraid that we are going to lose everything that we've worked so hard to get if we help you catch Jason and Garrett. If other people find out then our business could be ruined and Dan won't let that happen. He's giving Troye clues, I know that he is just like I gave you that one. You are going to be safe, we will make sure that you are safe." Phil reaches over and wraps his arms around my shoulders, I'm slightly taken aback by his gesture but I soon return it. He hugs me tightly rubbing my back and I have to admit that he is one of the better hugs I've had in my lifetime.
"Thank you so much, Phil." I say when he pulls away, he smiles at me then stands leading me out of the basement. We met up with Dan and Phil in the lobby and Dan waves goodbye to us while Phil whispers in his ear. Troye puts a hand on the small of my back and leads me out of the building and over to the car. He doesn't say anything to me, as we drive down the road I am slowly getting fed up with him not saying anything. "What did Dan want to talk to you about?"
"Firstly he told me that he would tell me when the best time was to invade there safe house, but that'd I'd have to figure out where that was on my own." Troye takes a deep breath never letting his eyes leave the road as he continues to drive us home. "He also told me that I have an assignment tomorrow evening. He doesn't want the others to think that he is giving me special treatment, so I have to do it or Dan and Phil will cut off all contact with me."
"When we first starting talking to each other I told you that I never want to know when you have an assignment. That's still true, I don't want to know anything about it." The idea of him doing that makes me so sick to my stomach. I think that this is the reason that I haven't let myself fall for him completely yet. I know what he has done and what he is capable, he has killed multiple people. At the same time it's hard to imagine him doing those things at all, because when he is doing those things he is not being the real Troye. The real Troye is the sweetest and most caring guy that I think has ever existed. I have no doubt in my mind that he would give his life to protect me. He's proven that he will do anything to stop Jason and Garrett, he will do whatever it takes to keep me safe. He may think that he is a monster for what he does but I just can't bring myself to call him that because I know the real him.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you, Connor." he takes a deep breath and runs his hand through his mess of curls. I really don't understand how someone who looks so harmless and basically not threatening at all could do the things that he does. One time he told me that he knew twenty something ways to kill me with his bare hands, I don't understand how someone of his stature could possibly do that. He looks like he would be easy to break, I can't imagine him fighting anyone. I don't really doubt his skills though because he was taught by some the best fighters that there is. He was trained by geniuses and martial arts specialists, he might as well have been born to fight.
"Please don't go get drunk afterwards." I say softly after awhile, we are pulling into the driveway and I can't look at him. I can't look at him when I know what he is going to be doing tomorrow, that another human's life will be taken by his hands. The hands that are so tender when they touch me. He stops the car in front of the garage and gets out with out even a nod or shake of his head. I follow closely behind him hoping to get him to say something. Anything would be good at this point. What has gotten into him? Why won't he talk to me? I follow him into the living room where he sits down on the couch and stares into space. He stares at a point on the wall and doesn't look away for a long time. "Troye talk to me."
"It's not that easy, Connor." I'm standing in front of him and he's staring right through me, he's not even looking up at me as he speaks. What does he mean it's not that easy? All he has to do is not get drunk. How the hell is that not that easy? His voice sounds dead as he talks to me, emotionless and it worries me because I have never heard him talk like that before.
"All you have to do is not get drunk. How is that 'not that easy'?" he gives me a short sarcastic laugh and still doesn't look me in the eyes. Why the hell is he doing this? I don't want to fight with him, I just don't want him to go get drunk and put himself at risk of getting hurt. I only care about his well being here.
"You don't understand, Connor." He says his voice still lacking any emotion, his face is wiped clean of emotion and he is still sitting on the couch staring right through me. Is he trying to piss me off? If he is he's doing a pretty good job of it.
"I'm not fucking stupid, Troye." He sighs in frustration letting his face show some emotion finally but he still refuses to look up at me. I look down at him and wait for some type of explanation, knowing that I'm probably going to have to pull one out of him.
"Don't get angry at me. I'm not trying to belittle you, you just genuinely can't understand. I use the alcohol to numb my pain, to numb my senses so I can forget what I've done. I don't think you can understand that because you don't know what it's like to kill someone. When you kill someone a little piece of you dies with them. I think you can understand that concept but you don't know how it really feels. You talking about murder is like a virgin talking about sex, you know the mechanics and you could talk about it for hours but when it comes done to it you don't really know how it works or how it feels. You don't know what it does to me." I pull him off the couch and into my arms, he doesn't resist my embrace. He wraps his arms around me and I start talking to him softly.
"I'm sorry. Please just come home so that I know your safe, I don't like not knowing where you are. I don't want you to get drunk and something to happen to you." He holds onto me tightly like I might disappear if he lets go of me. I can feel the tension in his body and all I want is for him to be relaxed and happy. He pulls away a little and grabs my face in his hands, he stares at my lips for a moment before I give him a slight nod. He leans into and gives my lips a soft gentle kiss, then he pulls away and gives me a genuine smile.
"Go get some sleep, Con Bon. I'll be up in a bit." he muses my hair then chuckles as I walk away with a joking frown on my face. It's moments like these that have me wondering why I haven't let myself completely fall for Troye yet. He's such a nice and absolutely kind person, but in the back of my mind I guess I know what he's done. I feel like there is two Troye's that I know about. My Troye is the kind, friendly, caring one that would do anything to make sure that I'm safe and the other one is"work" Troye I guess. Work Troye is a person that I can't fall in love with, I can't let myself fall for all of Troye when I know what he has done to other people.
It's a really weird thing to think that he has done those things to human beings. He once told me that he knew twenty something ways to kill someone with his hands. I don't understand how someone as frail looking as him could possibly do that. He has a bendy wiry sort of build that is not what you would typically want in a fighter or hit man. I honestly don't know how Troye intimidates anyone, to me he seems like least threatening person. I know what he can do, to some extent at least, but that isn't the Troye that he has let me get to know. It's not the Troye that I want to get to know. He must have been trained by some of the best fighters in the world for him to be able to do what he does so well.
I find comfort in the fact that I know that Troye would give his life to save mine. I don't want that to happen obviously because I want Troye to be here with me. Just having that knowledge makes my feelings for him stronger with every passing moment. I have no doubt in my mind that he will do everything in his power to make sure Jason and Garrett never hurt me. All of these thoughts are running through my head as I strip down to my boxers and lie on the cold sheets. I fall asleep quickly wrapped up in the blankets tightly trying to make up for Troye's momentary absence.
"NO. NOT CONNOR." I wake up to the sound of my soulmates screams and I rush to the source of the noise. I find Troye sitting in an office chair with his face presses against the desk and a skype call still going on in front of his face. I walk towards Troye stroking his hair to calm him down as I look at the screen where I see frightened eyes. This boy in front of me looks somewhat familiar like he could be related to Troye, but Troye said that his whole family shunned him.
"You must be Connor." the boy says with a thick Aussie accent, that a few months ago would have been hard for me to understand. I study the boy and decide that this must be one of Troye's brothers that I know nothing about other than their names.
"I am. You must be Tyde, he told me his younger brother was named Tyde. He doesn't talk much about his family." the boy looks down at his lap then back to the camera with a sad look on his face.
"Yeah, I'm Tyde. I wouldn't talk about them either if they'd done that to me. We just started talking again not to long ago. I think he contacted me right after he met you because he knew that I didn't agree with my parents." he sighs and looks over at Troye's sleeping form that has settled down due to my contact. "Does he always have nightmares and yell and scream like that?"
"I'm some sort of comfort for his nightmares, when we are sleeping in the same bed he doesn't have them. Otherwise he has them basically every time he sleeps, if you knew what he's been through you wouldn't be surprised." Tyde nods his head at me then looks back with a scared look on his face.
"My parents don't know that I've contacted Troye, they wouldn't like it if they knew I was." I nod my head from what little Troye has told me about his family I wouldn't want to test them. They would kick Tyde out without a second thought.
"Then you should get off the skype call now. Stay safe please, I would hate for what happen to Troye to happen to you." Troye stirs under my hand and his eyes flutter open to look at me then back to the screen and his face pales. "It's okay Troye. I'm not mad at you for not telling me."
"T I have to go. I love you." Troye looks at his screen and he looks sad as he stares at his brother.
"I love you too, Tydals." With two clicks of his mouth and a two fingered solute Tyde ends the call. I look over to Troye and he looks up at me sadly. "I miss him so much." I pull him out of the office chair and into a hug that he returns.
"I know. He misses you too, he's risking a lot talking to you Troye. I'm sure you know that." he nods his head against my shoulder and I start saying things that I hope will comfort him. "Everything is going to be okay." I keep talking to him for several minutes before he suggests that we go to bed. It's about three in the morning by this time and Troye looks like he's going to pass out from lack of sleep even though he just woke up. As soon as we are under the blankets Troye cuddles into my side and kisses my neck before falling asleep.
A/N
Hey what's you guys it's Amanda and I kind of really like this chapter. I feel like it's helping you learn a lot about Connor is thinking and things like that. So anyways I have some pretty cool news for you guys. A few of you were asking for a spin off of this story in this universe but with Phan and I have decided that I will be doing that. My _______ Soulmate (As of now I have genius but I'm open to suggestions) will be published shortly after or before this story is finished. I'm actually very excited to write that. Anyways If liked any part of this chapter please:
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