Salaaaaaaaaaam
WARNING CONTAINS PURE UNDILUTED AWESOMENESS
1.Weird people in the mall
2. The Selfie addicts
These people are nutty about SELFIES like that is sooooooooo 2013!
So, you just see a huuuuuuge group of teens walk in and its like.
#MorningSainsburys!
#BananaSmiles
#DORITOSILOVEYOU
#byonegetonefreeOMG
#BenandJerrysHALFPRICE
#checkingout
#reusingbags!
#Timetoleave
THANK. ALLAH.
Are you gone already?
Basically their WHOLE shopping trip is recorded with selfies and hashtags.
Its. Just. A. Grocery. Store.
3. The sneaky mom and daughter
So this'll be a mom and daughter, who are just being CREEPY.
That, was an understatement.
They're just walking around the shops like they're hiding a gun or something.
Like WTF?!
Mom: *whispering* look carrots
Daughter : * whispering* shhhhhhhh its mike!
Mom: *whispering* half Price! Wait.... will we look like tramps?
ITS FINE WRECKING BALL IS PLAYING FULL BLAST NO ONE WILL HEAR YOUR VOICE CALM DOWN.
2. Stupid questions non bearded men ask bearded men
2. Why don't you plait your beard?
Because it's a beard...........
4. Why do you have a beard?
So when I'm thinking I can stroke it derrrrr......
5. How old are you like........53?
I'm 25...........
Stupid questions non hijabis ask hijabis
4. If I took your hijab of, what would you do?
Do it and find out, you wont live to tell the tale.
5. Are you bald?
I got more hair than you.
6. Are you a nun?
I'm wearing a floral headscarf, do nuns were those?
DESI STUFF
No.2 Traditions
On a Quraan qhutum (prefrebly the 1st) we shower the mabrook with confetti somehow it ends up down their back and in their trousers/pants. 0.o
On any special event at meal time the children all eat together and drink Pepsi then a little kid will spill it all over the floor (I dunno if it is by purpose but it happens all the time) Or someone will step in some else's plate of food. 0.o
Henna
When you have henna on and your just sitting there for half an hour with your hand stuck out like a lollipop lady.
Birmingham
When you step into Birmingham like; Desi's, Desi's everywhere
1. The classic recycling
Ever opened the fridge and saw an ice cream tub? Yeah instantly your brain goes "bulls eye!", amd then you look inside...
Its frikin curry.
Oh jee thanks mum, just put it in the ice cream container will you, yeah just get my hopes up.
Or the spices in the yoghurt pot, you want yoghurt, you open it up and theres just this pungent smell of spices. -_-
Heres what happened a while back.
My aunt visited our house and was looking through the kitchen.
Aunt: *opens cupboard* *sees rows and rows of yoghurt pots*
Aunt: What the hell is in all of these?!
Mum : oh you know just spices.
Aunt: WHAT?! All you need is mixed masala and some tunya (coriander) like what da flip is in them?!
Mum: well, in one theres unhudvana
Aunt: WHAT DA F**** IS THAT?
Mum: dry pomegranate seeds
Aunt: *slams cupboard shut* Why da f*** you need that?!
XD shes so funny you guys you don't even understand, it was my exact reaction. Like, why mum? Why?
_____
Oh my lord how I hate racist people. We were in Clarks and we went into the 2-3 people elevator. It was just me and mum. And then some white mum comes in with a pram.
A FREAKIN PRAM!!!
Like uh, helloooo that weighs a freakin TON and this lift aint goin anywhere.
Oh suprise suprise, the door shuts and we're stuck.
IM CLAUSTRAPHOBIC YEAH HAVE SOME FLIPPIN SYMPATHY!!!
And finally once we get out, some racist Clarks worker comes and says.
"Oh you asians are so dumb honestly, there another lift over there, shall I show you?"
And she said it really slowly like she thought I couldn't undertand English.
Lol, I said.
"Uh no thanks, hmmm Shayleine, oh look theres a customer service desk, I'm of to report racist workers, because I aint dumb, so thanks Shayleine,"
Haha I read her badge when I said this and she got really worried.
Hijabis
A freakin turban is not a hijab. We are not seekh men, we are MUSLIMAHS. Geddit? We are NOT seekh men we are MUSLIMAHS. Like when in the hell did you turn into Professor Quirell?
Celebs
Miley Cirus.
Ok, so this chick was all sweet an all. She was like Disney's effing princess and all the nine yr olds were squealing about her.
And then some dude goes. "Hey Mileys gotta new hairdo"
So all those damn nine yr olds rush onto the internet trying to find mileys new hairdo.
The screams still pierce my ears to this very day.
I mean come on, you used to be on a kids show now your hairs all gone and your sitting on a wrecking ball licking a hammer. WHO FRIKIN DOES THAT?!
Yeah, we know your growing up but look at other musical artists THEY ARENT AS LUNATICAL AS YOU!!!
Plus Selena Gomez was trying to get away from her Disney image. She took BABY STEPS AND GUESS WHAT OT WORKED.
I guess Mikey thought the saying "If you tear a plaster of its hurts less"was actually true.
We despair you Miley.
2. Taylor Swift.
Ok three words.
Life. Moves. On.
You should to ya know Taylor.
I mean just for heavens sake stop writing such depressing songs.
We understand your "love life" was forever ending and tragic.
We honestly don't give a damn.
Buuuuuuuurn. *does gangsta click*
AWKWARDDDDDDD
1. When your under wear is drying on the heater and your friend comes over
Stuck.
In an elevator.
With some 70 year old granny whos staring at you like a hawk.
Talk about "Awkwaaaaaaard"
The desperate workers. (In sales)
So the workers, ah yes the workers, ya know in Britain a sale is over when there is nothing on the shelves, so what better than to get rid of every thing in the first ten minutes.
Like I be walking to the shoes and some pleading worker comes by me like "TAKE THESE THEYRE ONLY A COUPLE OF DOLLARS AND THESE AND THESE AND THESE,"
And she piles like ten pairs of shoes in my trolley and I'm just like "Wtf,"
Types of people
Foodie
She looks at food, eats food, her t shirt has a picture of a doughnut on it, she works part time at a bakery, and if you tell her you're hosting a party she'll ask "will there be food?"
-_- yes, yes there will be food.
1. WAKING UP
Ok, imma start with the most cliché of all.
Waking up.
Ahhh, so simple yet so challenging.
For lazy girls its far from a flutter-eyes-open-punch-the-air-its-a-new-day.
Its more of a groan-hide-under-the-duvet-scratch-yawn-strerch course.
#lestruggleisreal
Hope you enjoyed its a hit long but worth the read, hope it brought back some memories!
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Cherries, chocolate and strawberry cupcakes.
storyzrok