"Is this bad? It looks bad. Why doesn't it hurt? Should I put pressure somewhere?" Ray babbled like a brook. His blood flowed like a lazy river through a water park, except the water was dark plum and kids weren't peeing in it. Thankfully, he didn't spurt; rivers don't, especially not lazy ones. If the crazy witch who sliced his arm open wanted to drink his blood, she'd have to work for it.
In a hoarse voice, Audubon said, "Get yourself together, Ray." She cackled, winced, and rubbed her throat.
Ray wobbled. Trivia gently lowered him and cradled him in her lap. Wilson and Roosevelt attended her.
"From this angle, your deer looks more like a lamb." Audubon snapped her fingers. "Merde. I should have done both wrists!"
Ray lamented her comparison to the Pietà once he comprehended it. He had been enjoying floating in Trivia's strong, cozy arms. Now he prayed that he would exsanguinate before developing an Oedipus complex, or Madonna complex, or whatever. Audubon's diabolism knew no bounds.
"Stay still," Trivia said, elevating and squeezing his injured arm. "You'll be okay."
If necessary, Ray would swallow the entire lake, like a Chinese brother in a folk tale, to purge any Freudian associations from memory. But it wasn't necessary: Trivia did not weep for him, or wail, or rage at Audubon. She remained calm, and he followed her lead.
"I've lost comrades before," she had said. "I've lost wars." Neither mother nor mourner, then, but combat medic.
Trivia could not cover Ray's wound alone. Roosevelt aided her, and Wilson contributed his scarf. "It's mostly clean, and caramel's good on a wound. Or was that honey?"
Ray was pretty sure it was honey. He yelped; If Roosevelt squeezed his arm any harder, his eyeballs would start bleeding.
"Careful," Wilson said. "Ray's got bones on the inside." Roosevelt gave Ray a sheepish smile and reduced the pressure from agonizing to miserable.
"Am I going to die?" Ray asked.
"I won't let you," Trivia said.
"Come on, Ray. I hit a vein," Audubon said. "Take a joke."
"Your jokes aren't funny anymore," Wilson said, adjusting his trench coat to cover his face.
"You haven't heard the punchline yet," Audubon said.
Ray hoped that the punchline didn't involve Audubon dipping her talons into Hepatitis C before slicing him.
"You can't treat Ray like that," Trivia said. "He's—"
Ray caught Trivia's eye. Don't say fragile, he thought.
"—He doesn't heal like we do," Trivia said.
"So I am going to die?" Ray said.
"Of course!" Audubon said.
"I meant like, in the immediate future," Ray said, in an annoyed tone.
"You have a while. But why put off until tomorrow..." Audubon said.
"You haven't lost much blood, but there will be a scar," Trivia said.
Ray sat up. "That's going to be fun to explain. Sorry for ruining your dress. And your scarf, Wilson."
"It's no trouble," Wilson said.
"What did I say last time?" Trivia said, showing her bloody palms.
"You're bound to get blood on you," Ray said. "Or I am, or something. Is that why you're taking this so well?"
Trivia kissed his cheek. "Men do not heal like we do, but you do heal."
"Can I stand?" Ray said.
"Are you sure?" she asked. He nodded, and she helped him up.
"My arm is tingly but I think the bleeding stopped." Ray tapped Roosevelt's shoulder. "Thanks, but could you let go of my arm now? Your hand's really warm and it burns a little."
"What burns?" Trivia said
Grinning, Audubon gave herself silent, millimeter-width applause.
Roosevelt let go of the scarf. No more blood seeped through the fabric.
"What happened to your face?" Wilson said to Roosevelt.
"Burned," Roosevelt said, speaking clearly. Surprised at his own voice, he touched his face. The hole in his cheek that had revealed his teeth had filled in with brown, healthy skin. Patches like molten plastic still marred his face, but the clouds in his eyes had dispersed. His disfigurement no longer hid the man he had been before the fires. He looked about forty years old, although his eyes called that estimate into question, and his features were strong and symmetrical. He ran his hands through his curly black hair and smiled.
Audubon wolf-whistled.
Trivia looked between Roosevelt and Audubon, confusion clear on her face.
Wilson clapped his friend on the back. "How do you feel?"
"Tingles." Roosevelt's cheek pouched outwards; he was testing it with his tongue.
Ray peeked under the scarf wrapped around his arm. "Holy shit, you guys! Roosevelt healed me!" All that remained of his injury was a thin, white scratch covered with dried blood.
"Some men heal like we do," Audubon said.
Trivia shook her head. "This isn't right."
"Oh, no," Wilson said.
"Thanks, man," Ray said to Roosevelt. "And, no offense, but you look a lot better this way. Got kind of a Wesley Snipes thing going, if Wesley Snipes were freaking huge."
Roosevelt furrowed his eyebrows at him.
Ray chuckled nervously. "Always bet on black, am I right?"
"Aye." Roosevelt raised his hand. Ray tried to give him a high-five, but could not jump high enough.
Audubon pumped her fist.
"Roosevelt!" Trivia said.
Roosevelt looked away from Trivia. "Too many have died." He gestured at Ray. "Good man, but only a man."
"Gee, thanks." Ray handed the scarf back to Wilson; to his alarm, Wilson rewrapped his face.
"Roosevelt's in favor of making you King of the Woods," Audubon said.
"Oh, that's cool." Ray attempted to fist-bump Roosevelt and, left hanging, pretended to adjust his hair.
Trivia wore that miserable, guilty look that Ray hated so much.
"That's not cool?" Ray said. "What's going on? My arm feels great, Roosevelt looks great, why aren't we happy?"
"What's going on is, you aren't a sex wizard," Audubon said.
"I never said I was, okay?" Ray said.
"Yes he is," Trivia said. "We performed a ritual, a powerful, joyous one. It wasn't big enough to protect all of the woods, but it worked."
Ray held up his hand. "Just to clarify, she's talking about the ritual."
"Nonsense," Audubon said. "You two spilled more than seed on the earth, didn't you."
Ray scrunched up his nose. "Spilled seed? Gross! Can't we call it making lo— having sex?" The blood loss and constant humiliation were beginning to wear on him. I'd love to meet your scary friends in the woods, Trivia. They can try to kill me, I'll be a good sport about it, then we can talk about our sex life with your psycho ex-girlfriend. What fun!
Audubon scoffed. "Love, right—"
Trivia tapped her lips thoughtfully. "Who said I spilled any?" And just like that, Ray forgave everything.
Audubon squawked and began dry-heaving.
"You got something in your gular pouch?" Ray said, grinning.
"Easy," Trivia rubbed Audubon's back. "You're okay. Just try and swallow."
Ray smothered his laughter with his hand. If I die today, the look on Audubon's face right now makes it all worthwhile.
Audubon slapped Trivia's hand away. "I meant blood! Ray bled on the earth, didn't he?"
"Oh, sure," Ray said. "I got scraped up while we ran around in the woods, I got a splinter in an uncomfortable place, and I hurt myself playing with the tip of Trivia's spear."
Audubon raised her eyebrow.
"That's not a euphemism. Also, I cut my hand while I was burying—" Ray said.
Trivia shook her head sharply.
"—a hole." Ray said.
"Sympathy," Audubon said. " A wounded man for a wounded land. The Green has spoken."
"Aye," Roosevelt said.
Hesitating a moment, Wilson nodded.
"You can't know that," Trivia said.
"Wait, the Green healed me? And Roosevelt?" Ray said to Audubon.
"You healed each other," Audubon said. Turning to Trivia, she added, "You said yourself, he loves the Green more than any man you've ever known. And he just happens to wander into the deep forest in our time of need? It's a sign."
"Are you a soothsayer now?" Trivia said. "Shall I open your liver for a second opinion? I'd trust your entrails more than your tongue!"
"I lie when I please," Audubon said, "but you only get this angry when I tell the truth."
Trivia jabbed her finger at Audubon. "You do not read omens."
"I read faces," Audubon said. "And even Ray can read yours. He'll be King of the Woods."
"That isn't true," Trivia said, with a dwindling voice.
"I don't mind," Ray said. "If I have this connection with the Green, I can be King of the Woods. It'd just be until you find someone better suited."
Trivia shook her head.
"Why, that's Trivia's specialty," Audubon said. "Succession."
"Like, human resources?" Ray said.
Audubon smiled. "Exactly! It's what Trivia was born to do."
"Yes," Trivia said. "My role. Not yours. And I say Ray cannot be King. He's innocent."
"I know you don't think much of me..." Ray said.
"I love you," Trivia said, in a tone of voice people normally reserve for threatening to beat someone with a stick.
Ray said, in a tone of voice people normally reserve for apologizing for walking into the wrong restroom, "I love you too." His face burned like the morning sky.
Wilson smiled beneath his scarf. Audubon pointed her index talon at the back of her throat. Roosevelt had acquired a compact mirror, presumably from Audubon, and stood a few long steps away, checking himself out.
Trivia smiled sweetly but wearily. "I know."
"So let me help," Ray said. "You don't think I'd be a worse King than Frazer, do you?"
"You would die," Trivia said.
"Not if we helped him," Audubon said.
"I'm not afraid of Frazer," Ray said. "I know you care about me. I want you to believe in me."
"Audubon doesn't believe in you," Trivia said. "She wants to use you. Even if you could become King, it would destroy you."
Audubon yawned.
"You don't think I can do it," Ray said.
"Have you heard nothing I've said?" Trivia said. "Do you want to grow old and sick and mad and bring the land down with you? To build your own cancer and your own flame?"
"I'm nothing like Frazer," Ray said.
"Do you imagine Frazer always was?" Trivia said.
"I'm nothing like him." Ray said. "I'm not saying I'd know what the hell to do. I'm sure any one of you could do a better job, but you said yourself the King must be a man, and there's no one else around that can do it. So, I'll do it."
"Do you know why the King of the Woods must be a man?" Trivia said.
"Come on, don't spoil it," Audubon said.
Wilson mumbled to himself; he was counting, and the number was in the tens of millions.
"Tell me," Ray said.
"Because men die," Trivia said. "You don't come back. When you grow weak, you die, and the Woods get a new King. That's what the Woods need, and that's what it costs, over and over again. I won't let my dream be thrown away!"
"I'm not a dream!" Ray said. "I'm a man, and maybe I'm stronger than you think."
"This isn't right," Trivia said. "The Ray I know is beautiful, and gentle, and kind. When have you ever cared about being strong?"
Ray threw up his hands. "Since I met you! Fuck!" He stormed off towards Roosevelt.
Audubon made antlers of her hands and did a skipping satyr-dance, cackling merrily. Her antics caused Ray to look over his shoulder as he left.
Trivia extended one arm towards Audubon and drew the other back.
Audubon balanced on one leg. "Seriously?"
Trivia nodded. Wood creaked, and sinew stretched taut.
Audubon removed her antlers. "You're no fun."