"it was a year ago, that my brother," pause, "passed."
her heart sank. his brother. his b r o t h e r .
"his name was jude. that's -that's why i can't stand to say his name anymore. jude is," he stopped, "was my twin brother."
hearing that made her feel selfish for anything she had possibly felt sad, upset, hell, even anything she had complained about. there was no way, that she had ever come close to feeling that amount of sadness, that he felt and currently feels, genevieve deducted. there was a lengthy pause, long enough to question if the voicemail had ended.
"it's all my fault, genevieve."
she bit her lip.
"it's all my damn fault."
his voice broke, "nobody understood. nobody understands. my parents, hell, they never tried to understand. but he was closest to me, genevieve. i didn't help him enough, clearly. because if i did, he wouldn't have-"
he let out a quiet, yet sharp obscenity.
"he wouldn't have killed himself."
genevieve trembled. never had she felt such an immense amount of pain for someone else. she was upset with herself for being able to be there for lennon at this moment.
"i could've helped him become better. i could've stopped him. but i didn't. i couldn't. my efforts-"
genevieve heard a crash in the background.
"-weren't enough."
genevieve noticed that she too, was now crying, silently. she chuckled to herself, wondering how she must look to others, passing her. a girl, sitting alone at a park bench, phone to ear, tears falling down.
"a n d i h a t e m y s e l f s o m u c h f o r i t."
she wanted to comfort him. over text, he seemed so...okay. she let out a bitter laugh.
"this comes to prove how vague text messaging can be," she thought to herself. never, would she have ever guessed that he had been through hell and back.
"i don't deserve anything. and i sure as hell don't deserve you, genevieve. you're too good for me. you make me feel a twinge of hope, could it be happiness? i don't deserve that kind of feeling. if i was there for him. if i was at home, at the time, i could have stopped him. i try to be happy. to act happy. why, genevieve, why? there's no damn point to taking antidepressants."
there was a sharp inhale of breath, "i should be dead instead."
god, how those words cut through her like a blade.
"you have no new voicemail messages," the monotonous, automated voice filled her ears.
12:57 pm
she pulled out her phone, and composed a text. hastily clicking send.
if you think i'm just going to leave you -or that i will simply let y o u leave m e, because you don't "deserve me," then you're quite, horribly wrong. dammit lennon, i care so much about you. can't you see that?
1:22 pm
i want to give you a hug.
*i need to give you a hug.
a u t h o r ' s n o t e :
ahh i received so many tv show recommendations, so thankyouthankyou. i'll try and get through them all, i've composed a list based on all your suggestions.
*deep breath* this was so hard to write.
tysm to everyone for encouraging me to write (friends, followers, you, whoever is reading this right now, thank you).
vote bc this chapter was quite hard to write? i'd love you forever + the support means the world to me.
i would love to hear your comments. and don't hesitate to pm me,
ily, simran