"What do you mean? She won't be able to-- to feel love?" Lorcan asked with a confused glare.
The docter nodded sadly. "Yes, hate is something you also won't be able to feel. Compassion might be hard too. What do you feel right now Parker?"
"Numbness. I feel numb," I whispered, confused.
He nodded. "It's an empty feeling, isn't it?"
I nodded slowly.
"Is there anything we can do about it?" Harry asked with clenched jaw.
I stared at him confused. Why was he angry?
"I'm afraid not. That mate of hers has practically killed her," he turned to me. "Parker, you might be able to feel again in time. But unless your mate decides to have a change of heart or reject you, your heart may never restore fully. For now I suggest you take it easy. Don't force yourself to feel things. Throwing up blood is normal for now. But if you are still throwing up next month, please call me. As for you guys, all you can do is keep her away from bad things. Your heart is broken Parker, be careful, another heartbreak might be fatal."
I gave him a small okay and turned my head down, staring at my hands.
I knew this was coming. I was kind of hoping this would happen. But I hoped it would kill me.
It didn't.
And now I felt empty. Numb. Nothing besides confusion and dread.
"Parker are you hungry?"
I swallowed. "Am I allowed to eat?"
"Why the hell wouldn't you be?" growled Lorcan and glared at Elijah.
Elijah glared back at him, but luckily didn't say anything.
Not wanting a fight to break out I spoke. "Yeah. I really want sandwich."
Harry nodded. "I'll go down and make you one," he said and stood.
Lorcan stood up too. "I'll come with you. We'll be right back Parker."
Elijah and I were left alone. For a while neither of us spoke. But then Elijah cleared his troath and took a step closer.
"The pack house has been a mess without you," he said quietly.
"I'll start working again as soon as possible."
"No-- I," he sighed. "I've been a mess this past week too, Parker. I'm sorry."
He took a hold if my hand and squeezed. "Do you not feel anything at all?"
I shook my head.
His jaw clenched. "I missed you like crazy," he whispered. "You died. Your heart stopped beating. Twice. I had never been so scared in my whole life. I never left your side."
"What do you want me to say, Elijah?" I asked calmly. "You literally broke my heart."
"Parker, I'm sorry."
"If you're really sorry, you'll reject me."
He suddenly let go of my hand and growled. "No, I won't Parker. You are my mate--"
"No. I'm not," I interrupted him. "I never was. You don't want me. I'm not your mate Elijah. You never saw me as one. You don't want to wake up next to me. Hell, you don't even talk or look at me without scowling in front of the pack. So please, reject me."
He shook his head. "No. I'm sorry Parker, but I won't."
"Please," I begged. "Just reject me. You can continue living without me. You don't need me."
"Yes, I do!" He yelled. "I need you so much. I'm not rejecting you Parker."
I shook my head. "Then why don't you see me as your mate? Why don't you announce to the pack that I am your mate?"
He went silent.
I smiled weakly. "See? You don't want me nor need me."
He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could Lorcan entered the room.
"Harry is coming with your sandwich-- What happened?" He asked when he saw Elijah his angry expression and my pleading one. "Did he do something to you?"
I shook my head no. "I was just asking when I had to start working again," I lied, not feeling guilty about it at all.
Now Lorcan got angry. "You won't be working anymore. You're coming with me."
"What?" Elijah turned his glare from me to Lorcan. "She won't be going anywhere."
"She's treated like shit here. She's coming home with me. She'll be treated like a queen there," he growled.
"She's staying here!" Elijah snarled.
"Over my dead body!"
"Oh, I'll gladly arrange that for you," my mate sneered and stalked towards Lorcan.
Lorcan didn't waver. He kept glaring at Elijah with his head held high.
I quickly jumped out of bed. I really didn't want to stop them. Nor did I want them to fight. I guess this was just instinct.
"Guys stop!" I yelled and stood in between them. I placed a hand on both of their chest and pushed then back. "Lorcan you are an Alpha, act like it! And you are a soon to be Alpha Elijah! Stop behaving like you're five years old!"
"Sorry," Lorcan said to me, but didn't stop glaring at Elijah.
Elijah growled and then stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut so hard it nearly fell from its hinges.
Lorcan turned to me and his glare instantly disappeared. "Get back into bed. You must me dead tired."
I nodded and did as he said. Just as I placed the covers back over me Harry entered the room. When he saw Elijah wasn't here a frown appeared on his face.
"Where is Elijah?" he asked as he handed me my plate.
I quickly bit into the sandwich so I didn't have to answer.
Lorcan shrugged. "He stormed off when I told him parker would be coming back to with me?"
"Oh-- Wait. What?" Harry turned towards Lorcan. "Why would she be going with you?"
Lorcan his eyes hardend. "She isn't save here. That pathetic excuse of a mate must live in your pack. She is only going to get more hurt staying here, plus she's treated like shit here."
Slowly Harry nodded. "Yeah, you're right. She would be better of if she went with you."
I was getting annoyed that they kept talking about me like I wasn't there. Like I wasn't capable of taking my own decisions. Setting my sandwich back down on my plate I cleared my throat and gave them a glare.
"Will you both stop taking decisions for me? I think I'm old and capable enough to do that myself. Just because my heart is broken doesn't mean that I can't think anymore," I turned my head towards Lorcan ad tried to soften my expression. "Thank you Lorcan, but I'm not coming with you. I don't need, nor want to be treated like princess. I'm can handle myself perfectly fine. Like I have been doing my whole life. My mate and our relationship is our business, not yours."
By the time I was finished I was breathing heavily. I was getting a headache and my throat was hurting.
Lorcan scoffed. "So you are just going to stay here and let the treat you like you're nothing? You don't deserve that Parker. Just come with me. You heard what the doctor said, you could die!"
Stubbornly I shook my head. "No Lorcan. I am staying."
I didn't want to go with him. It would matter if I went with him. Elijah stil hadn't rejected me. There was still a chance I could die. Besides, I would only be in the way.
He looked like he wanted to say something, but then stopped himself. So he just sighed and leaned against the wall, accepting the fact that I wasn't going to change my mind.
Harry just reminded silent and I was thankful for that. After I finished my sandwich I set the plate on the table next to my bed and glanced at the two boys. They both looked incredibly tired.
"Have you guys slept at all?" I asked when Harry yawned and Lorcan did too not soon after.
"No, not really. We we're really worried about you. Did Elijah tell you your heart stopped beating twice?" Harry replied and looked at me tiredly.
I nodded. "Yeah, he did. But I'm fine now. Go sleep. I'm not going anywhere."
Lorcan pushed himself of the wall. "Fine. Just push that red button if you need something, okay?"
I gave him a small yes and he pressed a kiss on my forehead before he left. Harry just gave me a smile and then left the room shutting the door quietly, unlike Elijah did.
The moment I was finally alone I let my head fall unto my pillow and let out a tired sigh. Why was this happening to me? I felt nothing when they said they were worried about me. But worse was that I didn't feel sad or happy when Elijah said he wouldn't reject me. I knew that a few days ago I would have started crying. Begging him to reject me, because I couldn't take it anymore. Because there was a change I could die.
Now I was begging for entirely different reasons. I hadden't died. And now my only change was for him to reject me me. Then I could live, not happily, but not sad either. I could just live.
A terrifying feeling settled in my chest when I felt I tried to grasp at least a sad feeling. But I could feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.
That's when I realized I shouldn't care anymore. If he did reject me I could live, but without loving or hating again. If he didn't and did something like cheat on me there was a chance I could die. Really die this time.
And right now I had no idea what sounded better to me.
Pff, okay so I was thinking about entering this story in the Watty's but then I decided against it. I really don't think it's good enough, but since I can be quite a pessimist I was wondering what you guys think I should do?
PS: Did you like this chapter?
Don't forget to vote and such. ^^