Sitting up right after a nightmare has to be the biggest relief you'll ever feel. It's a sign that whatever happened inside your head wasn't real and that right now you are awake and you are okay. Harry is covered in sweat, his hands still gripping his sheets and his heart hammering against his chest. He can't seem to catch his breath, but he's awake. He's in his room and the sun is now rising and he is safe.
What he dreams about is unknown though he knows it's about that day. It's all about the sound of the gun and the crying of his classmates. He's not sure if in his dreams he's being shot or if it's just a memory of that day. He really can't remember anything except the bang and then the pure panic that wakes him up.
It's a Thursday and that means after school he meets with his therapist. She's a sweet lady named Beth and after every session she gives Harry a lollipop and wishes him a good week. Harry's not one to hate his therapist like other people. Honestly, he quite likes talking to her.
He finally finds the strength to climb out of his bed and slowly, sleepily find his way across the hall and into the washroom. He strips his clothing and turns on the warm water so it can cascade down his sweaty skin and clean him of his bad night.
He does his morning routine as if on autopilot and when his mother wakes up she kissed his cheek and takes a bite of the toast he made for her. He's always up before everyone so he just makes his mom and dad toast and coffee every morning. Something small for two people that do everything for him.
"You meet with Beth after school," his mom reminds him and Harry nods as he sips at his black coffee. Something he only started drinking recently.
"I know. I think I'll just walk there today. Can you pick me up?" He asks and Anne hums around her coffee mug.
"If not me then Robin will. I might be late at work," she tells him and Harry gives a small nod again before pouring the remains of his coffee in the sink and placing the mug in the dishwasher.
"I'm just brushing my teeth and then I'm off to school. Love you," Harry smiles as he waves his mother. He brushes his teeth quick and then slips on his brown worn boots and leaves for his haunted school. The halls still hold screams and the gym holds the blood and the students hold the pain and Harry's heart holds the love and everything is wrong, wrong, wrong.
"Styles!" He jumps at the sound of his name and turns to see none other than Niall Horan and some random boy jogging up to him. The boy with him is big and has soft eyes that seem to be filled with fake innocence.
"What?" Harry sighs. He's not in the mood for more comments from Niall. The boys always found it fun to make him squirm.
"I wanted to say sorry about last week and also introduce you to my friend Liam."
"The one that got expelled," Harry recalls and the boy chuckles.
"That's me. You must be the town pretty boy," Liam smirks as he checks Harry out. The boys rolls his eyes and turns to keep walking, aware the other two are following.
"Hardly. Leave that to Zayn or Louis," Harry replies and Niall snickers beside him.
"Those are Harry's little boyfriends," he explains and Harry looks at Liam and shakes his head.
"No they're not. Niall is a compulsive liar," Harry shoots back and Niall raises his brows but doesn't deny the statement. The three walk and occasionally Liam asks a question that one of the two answer. It's evident Niall just replies when he can say something to get under Harry's skin.
"So are people here friendly? I'm not going to be shunned am I?" Liam asks as they get closer to the school. Harry shakes his head no, but Niall speaks.
"Everyone will be friendly. They're all afraid if they're not another incident will happen," Niall looks over at Harry as he says this and Harry grits his teeth.
"Everyone will be friendly because we're nice people. The town asshole is Niall," Harry quips back and Niall smirks.
"I thought I was the compulsive liar?"
"You're both. Congrats on being a huge twat," Harry says through clenched teeth. Liam looks between the two and before anyone else can say anything someone else joins the group.
"Morning, Harry... What's wrong?" Louis frowns when he sees Harry's angry face and turns to look at the two boys accusingly.
"Nothing. This is Liam and Niall. I'm going to my locker," Harry slithers from the group and speed walks away from Niall's loud voice. That boy has something against Harry and Harry can never tell what it is. He makes it to his locker and relief fills him when he sees Zayn.
"Niall is a fucking twat and I don't care if you like him he's not coming near us today," Harry informs him and Zayn just looks at him with wide sleepy eyes.
"Alright. I sense some harsh vibes so I'll just agree," Zayn speaks and Harry nods before slamming his locker and rushing to class.
•••
"Can I rant?" Harry asks first thing when he enters Beth's office. She turns to him and nods her head. Her eyes watch Harry as he throws down his bag and starts to pace.
"There's this boy and he just came back from boarding school and even when we were younger he'd pick at me. He's friends with Zayn so of course I have to see him and he just goes out of his way to be a complete ass. Example; when we were younger I told him I was scared of clowns. What does he do? Wakes me up in the middle of the night at a sleepover with a clown mask on and me being me I pee myself. He told everyone. Now it's Chad. Chad this, Chad that and of course it's always the shooting and guns. I hate him," Harry finished and Beth just stares at him calmly before gesturing for him to sit.
"I can see how that'd be hard on you. Why does Zayn still hang out with him if he's mean to you?" She asks and Harry sighs and runs his hands through his hair.
"Apparently he had a rough time. I don't understand or something. They're close," Harry explains and she nods.
"It's still not okay."
"I know, but he's back and I can't change that," Harry admits in defeat and she shrugs.
"Change the way he treats you. Talk to him. Let's make things happier though, how's Louis?" She questions and Harry smiles automatically.
"He's great. We're getting really close," Harry tells her.
"Tell me everything," she grins."
•••
"What did Niall do to you? I could rough him up a bit," Louis offers that night. He's painting a black rose with it's petals falling off and Harry just leans against the wall and watches him.
"He just brings up that Tuesday a lot. He's always loved teasing me," Harry whispers.
"Like the time he made you pee!" Louis recalls and Harry blushes and hides his face.
"I'm terrified of clowns! Of course I peed when he jolts me awake with that mask on!" Harry defends himself and Louis is now fully paying attention to him.
"Don't be embarrassed. It's a normal reaction when scared. I can seriously talk to him," Louis offers again and Harry just shakes his head and looks up at the sky.
"I don't want him to say something that might trigger you. He has no filter."
"It's his ADHD. He doesn't think before he speaks or does anything. He's impulsive," Louis supplies and Harry shrugs.
"He's an ass. I wish he was still away."
Louis doesn't speak after that and continues to paint. Underneath the dying black rose he writes "love kills" which suits Harry's life situation at the moment. Harry's half asleep as he watches Louis add the finishing touches and jumps when he feels something lie on top of him. It's Louis' sweater and the boy just smiles at him.
"Continue your nap. I'm almost done," he whispers. Harry just nods and Louis wakes him when everything is done. They both pick up everything and slowly walk back to their neighbourhoods. Louis looks tired and Harry doesn't want him walking home alone.
"Stay the night at mine. Your house is a far walk," Harry speaks up and Louis gently nods as he follows Harry up to his house and then into his room. Louis throws his bag on the ground and slips off his shoes before crawling into Harry's bed and Harry takes off his shirt before joining him. He cuddles back into the boy and sighs in contentment when he feels Louis' arms around him.
When he wakes up the next day he forgets everything and in a sleepy haze turns and kisses the person holding him. He can just imagine Chad staying the night with him and it warms him up.
"Morning, Chad," Harry mumbles with his eyes still closed and he only opens them when he feels the person tense. He opens his eyes to Louis and curses as the boy sits up and scrambles from his bed. "Shit. I'm sorry, Lou, I was half asleep-"
"It's fine. Forget it. I need to be home. Mom will be worried," Louis chokes out. He practically runs from his room and Harry feels this heavy weight of guilt eat at his chest. He also feels this disappointment that he woke up to Louis and not the other. He wishes that feeling would go away.