Soft whimpering echoed through the room. It had woken me about twenty minutes ago, but I didn't know what to do. The room was pitch black except for the light shining through the bottom of the closed bathroom door. The crying coming from behind the door ripped out my heart, smashed it and threw the broken pieces into the ocean outside. I didn't know whether to pretend I never heard her or get up and try to help. I was a human train-wreck and would probably only make things worse. I laid there in the darkness contemplating what to do. This couldn't all just be over Declan and I. She may have liked him, but not to the extent that she would ruin everything we had worked on the past few days. She had spoken to Declan only a few times at most; all of it would have been small talk. I know I hadn't known him long, but I couldn't deny what I felt for him, even in such a short time. I felt like a dumb lovesick girl whenever I thought of him. He made my stomach turn in knots and erupt in butterflies. The crying continued and my worry was beginning to outshine my reservations and I quickly slipped out of bed and walked over quietly to the bathroom door. Taking a deep breath I knocked on the door. "Chelsea," I whispered. "Chelsea, come on, let me in." When she didn't respond I sank down to the floor with a sigh. I leant my head against the door. "Chelsea, please, let me make this right." Again, there was no response. I sat up on my knees and tried the handle. I was surprised that it wasn't locked and opened with ease. I swung the door open to find Chelsea sitting on the bathroom floor, tears stained her face and her eyes were red and swollen. The entire scene made my heart ache all over again. I crawled over and sat down crossed legged next to her.
"Chels," I started. But she shook her head and turned away. "This is about more than Declan isn't it?"
"Maybe," she rasped out quietly.
"You can talk to me," I whispered. She just shook her head as silent tears continued to roll down her cheeks.
"There's no point," she croaked. I sighed trying to think of something to say to make it better. I couldn't force her to tell me anything if she didn't want to. She turned away from me wiping the tears from her eyes. After a few moments of silence, her breathing had slowed to a steadier pace and the tears had stopped.
"Thalia," her voice broke out breaking the silent air. "She can be controlling and I just want to please her, to fit in. I mean they're my friends. I don't have anyone else, " she sucked in a deep breath. "There's always been aspects of my life she's controlled - what I ate, what I wore. The newest part was guys. All the girls have boyfriends now, or at least guys their interested in – except for me. So when I heard about Declan, I thought he could be my chance. But I wasn't really into him - I was into the idea of a boyfriend I guess, and Declan was so sweet and polite. He was also rich which would've grabbed Thalia's attention even more." She rubbed her hands over her face. "I know I'm a terrible person for thinking so shallowly. But it's true. He was what I needed to please Thalia. To please them all."
I was rendered speechless. She had mentioned wanting to please Thalia earlier but I had no idea the extent Chelsea was wrapped around Thalia's skinny little finger. I didn't know if I should respond or how to help. But as Chelsea looked over to me with her sad eyes I knew I had to say something. She had opened up to me and I couldn't let her down.
"I'm sorry Chels," I mumbled. "I know you told me about her, that night I found you drinking. I didn't realise it was so bad. I thought it was the drunken stupor talking last time."
"It is that bad."
"I see that now," I nodded. "But you are wrong about one thing, you do have other people who care about you. I told you before and I'll tell you again, I do care about you. I know you hate me right now, but I do. You have a clean slate in front of you. High school's done and you can start again. Maybe we both need to take control of our lives."
She laughed softly. "I wish it were that simple."
"Maybe it can be," I shrugged.
"Well let me know when you work it out," she shook her head bitterly.
"Maybe we could work it out together," I offered.
She smiled lightly, shrugging her shoulders.
"I'm really sorry about Declan," I said again.
"It's okay. I'm glad you found someone," she shrugged again.
"You'll find someone too, when you're ready, not when Thalia is."
"I know," Chelsea nodded with a little more determination this time. However, as fast as that determination had come, it was gone again and her eyes that were filled with layers of despair locked onto mine. "I don't know how though? She's been my friend as long as I can remember. I don't remember having to be without her in my life."
"You could tell her the truth. Maybe she doesn't realise what she's doing and you guys could still be friends – you know – if she backs off a bit," I suggested, though after what I heard I hardly believed it myself.
"Maybe," Chelsea sounded as sceptical and I felt.
"Maybe," I confirmed.
She sighed and stood up. I followed her movements and helped her wipe her face and clean up the tears. We walked back out into the bedroom and she walked out onto the balcony. I followed her again and stood in the doorway like I had done that night I had found her here in a drunken state. I almost smiled at the memory realising how much had changed in such a short period of time.
"Are you coming out here?" Chelsea asked without turning around from her spot at the railing looking out at the ocean. I smiled softly again and walked over to her, leaning against the rails and closing my eyes as the ocean breeze brushed against my skin.
"I almost wish we didn't have to go back," Chelsea laughed lightly. "I'd never thought I'd say that."
"I agree with you," I smiled. "And I never thought I'd do that either."
"This trip made those "never's" possible," she reflected.
"I guess it did," I agreed again.
"I suppose that's life. Everyone has a whole list of "never's" that could become their reality in a matter of seconds. Maybe its smarter to just never rule out anything," Chelsea murmured.
For the third time that night I agreed with her and we both decided that when we got back, we would return with an open-mind and a without our list of "never's".
*
"So she's not mad?" Declan asked as we walked down the boardwalks the next night.
"No, she was. But she's not now."
"Well then that's good. What made her change her mind so quickly?" he asked.
"I guess she realised that it wasn't really us that she was upset about. But it's okay we talked through it. She actually came round to even being happy for us in the end."
"Wow," Declan whistled through his teeth.
"So where are we going?" I asked. He had told me this morning that he had plans for us tonight, but wouldn't tell me what they were. I had never been one for surprises but all of Declan's so far had proven to be pretty amazing, so it was curiosity more than anxiety making me want to know.
"You'll see," his cryptic answer did nothing to sustain me as we walked further away from the main part of the resort. We walked on for a bit until we came upon a part of the resort that I didn't know had existed. It was an outdoor restaurant, but on the beach. The tables were spread out across the sand lit by outdoor lights and candles on the table. There was a bar off to the side and the main kitchen, I assumed, was in a building near by. I looked over to Declan completely awestruck as we followed a waitress to our table. I was still staring at him with my mouth half open like an idiot when we sat down. He smirked, obviously pleased with my reaction, and raised an eyebrow at me.
"Going okay there?" he laughed. I couldn't form a response, but I did manage to close my mouth.
"You never cease to surprise me," I smiled at him.
"You like it?" he asked suddenly looking a tad nervous.
"Are you kidding, its beautiful," I assure him looking around. The waves lapping onto the beach not far from us, the smell of the salt, the tropical breeze and the sand underneath my feet was making it hard to call it anything but beautiful. I even kicked off my shoes and dug my feet into the sand underneath the table. It was blissful. I smoothed out my long skirt and looked back at him.
"You really didn't have to do all this," I sighed.
"It's just dinner Sof, not a big deal."
"Not just dinner – everything. The whole trip, you've just made me feel comfortable, and I really appreciate it. That's not a feeling I felt often back home. No ones done anything like this for me before and its so appreciated. Thank you."
"Your more than welcome, besides I kind of like spending time with you," he laughed.
"Good, you better get used to it."
"Good."
We ordered our food and just chatted about anything and everything while we waited. It surprised me how easy it was to talk to him. I almost had to remind myself I only met him at the start of the week because it felt like I had known him for so much longer. I didn't know things like this could actually happen. He made me feel like I was worth something, like I mattered. That alone was enough to make me want to spend as much time with him as possible.
"So you leave a day before us don't you?" Declan asked once we had our food. I nodded my mouth full with my ravioli. I swallowed before answering him completely.
"Yeah, we leave in like two days I think."
Declan nodded, looking at me closely. It was a look he hadn't given m before, quite intense and almost questioning. I couldn't fathom what he could possibly be thinking about. As with most things, my curiosity got the best of me.
"What?"
"Nothing," he said, the look in his eyes gone and he was smiling once more. "I was just thinking."
"About?" I prodded.
"About you," he explained.
"What about me?"
"Just in general I guess," he shrugged going back to his food. I took that as the end of the conversation and that he wasn't going to explain it any further.
"Can I ask you a question?" I said after a while.
"Yeah, of course," Declan answered.
"The other night you said you were going to study commerce and then go into the family business, did you always want to do that?" It was just out of interest that I asked the question, so when he froze slightly after I was finished speaking I grew a bit concerned. His reaction was not what I had expected and it made me turn all my attention to him. He looked around, like he was checking no one heard, or that no one would hear what he was about to say.
"No," he shook his head. "Actually I wanted – want – to be a photographer."
"Really?" I said. To say I was surprised was an understatement. I hadn't seen him with a camera at all the whole trip and there was no hint whatsoever in anything we had spoken about. I frowned slightly.
"Well then why can't you be?"
"I think you know why," he sighed. He looked so defeated and it hurt my heart.
"Your parents."
"Yeah," he sighed again. "Their legacy is quite important to them and as their only son – only child in fact – it wasn't really my choice."
"Have you talked to them about this?" His parents seemed like reasonable, good people, that wouldn't jeopardise their son's happiness. It was a surprise to hear that they weren't allowing him to follow his passions.
"I did a few years ago, the idea was shut down quickly and they've made sure to stop any of my efforts to try and continue with it."
"That sucks, I'm sorry," I said, I couldn't think of much else to say, and it was truth. It did suck and I was sorry he was being forced to do something he didn't want to do.
"I'll tell you a secret though," he said his smile returning. "Along with applying for the commerce course, I also applied for a photography one at a different university. Just to see what happens. They don't know obviously. It's top secret."
"That's great," I replied. "I won't tell a soul."
"Thanks," he smiled gratefully. "It's a long shot though."
"Still a shot," I shrugged. "That's what counts."
"I hope so."
"What will you do if you do get in?"
"I don't know," he replied honestly.
"You'd have to take it- surely you couldn't pass up an opportunity like that."
"I'm trying not to get my hopes up. But yeah it will be hard to pass up. I just don't know how I'd tell my parents. They would never let it happen."
"Maybe they'll have a change of heart when they see what you've accomplished by getting in," I tried to reassure him.
"Maybe," he shook his head and I could tell he didn't believe it. "Anyway, what do you want for dessert?"
After dinner we walked back to the rooms along the beach, taking the long way. Declan took my hand as we walked, interlocking our fingers.
"Thank you for dinner," I smiled up at him.
"My pleasure," he said softly kissing the top of my head. I didn't really know what any of this meant, if we were in a proper relationship or not. I'd not had much experience. All I knew was that it felt right and felt uncomplicated so I decided not to question it just yet. I didn't need a label to be happy with someone.
"Hey, what's that?" I looked up following where Declan was pointing. I looked, squinting slightly but there was nothing there.
"I can't see any-" The next second I was splashed and covered head to toe with the salt water.
"HEY!" I yelled but I was laughing and already running into the water splashing him back. It was an all out war as we kept splashing one another. He was winning, his strength being a totally unfair advantage as his splashes were far larger than mine. I was soaking when we finally called a ceasefire. I was out of breath and Declan was laughing his head off at how soaked through I was. I went to hit him playfully in the chest, but he caught my hand before I could make contact and pulled me closer. I almost fell into the water completely – not that it would have mattered at this rate – but he caught me and held me up. He looked down on me his eyes growing more serious but he was still smiling. He moved my wet hair out of my face before cupping my cheek and placing his lips on mine. The kiss was sweet and tasted like salt from all the salt water. He deepened the kiss and even though I was aware we were in a public place I just prayed no one was around as I kissed him back my hands running through his wet hair. When we broke apart he was still smiling at me. I saw my chance and pushed him back as hard as I could. He was caught of guard and fell straight into the water, flat on his ass. I laughed hysterically at the sight before me. He slowly got up shaking his head but his smile just grew wider.
"I win," I told him when he was on his feet.
"Well played Sof, well played." He looked like he was about to kiss me again when a voice broke through gaining our attention.
"Declan is that you?" I searched the beach for the voice and felt Declan tense beside me as my eyes fell on that of his mothers. Amanda Jacobsen stood just a little way up the beach. Her expression was hard to read in the dark but as she came closer I could tell that shock was written all over her face. Her gaze fell onto me and she gave me a rather dismissive look. However, it didn't last long as she quickly looked back to Declan.
"We missed you at dinner where were you?" she asked, a trace of annoyance was laced in her voice. Declan untangled himself from me slightly and walked out of the water towards his mother. I followed reluctantly, not really sure where I fit in to this conversation.
"I took Sofia out for dinner at the beachside place," he said. His voice was firm and calm, but his eyes betrayed him as they nervously darted from his mother to the ground.
"I see," she said slowly. "Did you two have fun?" she asked cheerily, her change in attitude taking me completely off guard. Her usual smile returned, that I now saw to be quite fake. Declan looked surprised as well but recovered quickly.
"Yeah we did," he nodded looking over to me. I nodded too, smiling to at Amanda as best I could.
"Okay then, well I was just about to meet your parents at the bar," she said looking at me then moved her attention back to Declan. "You better head back to the rooms, it's getting late." I frowned internally. It wasn't that late and we were both eighteen, but Declan nodded despite this.
"We were heading that way now."
"Okay good, see you tomorrow then. Sleep well." She told him before looking back to me. "Goodbye Sofia." Her fake smile held some kind of disapproval of me that I had never noticed before. But now that I thought about it maybe it was always there and I hadn't cared enough to notice.
"Sorry about that," Declan said when she was out of earshot.
"Its fine," I shrugged knowing it wasn't his fault. If there was one thing I understood, it was complicated relationships with parents.
"Lets head back." He said draping an arm over my shoulder and starting to walk again. I was in no rush to get back but I let him lead me as I tried to push away all my new questions that I knew were too intrusive to actually ask. When we finally reached my room I turned to face him.
"Thanks again for tonight," I said.
"Any time," he grinned. His seemed to back to his old self and I felt my concerns fading.
"You okay?" I found myself asking anyway.
He didn't answer, but instead he leant down and pecked me on the lips.
"I'm good," he said finally when he pulled back. "I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight Sof."
"Night,"I called after him as he walked away. I sighed, frowning at his retreatingsilhouette wondering if this really wasn't as simple as I thought it was.