I think about what Lucas said. I could see the truth in his eyes. I could see a future with him. Me dressed in white as I walk down the aisle. Him waiting for me with the priest. Having babies of our own. Watching him play with our beautiful blond children as they run and play. Tears in our eyes as they grow up with their own kids. Growing old together, and missing him when he's gone. I could see it, and it would be amazing. The perfect life.
"Hey." Says Josh, sitting by me. "Hi." I say, biting my lip. "What. What do you think the future has for us?" I ask. Normally I live in the moment. But what about forever? How would he treat me? I know Lucas. How he treats his mom with respect. Always obeys orders, and helps her. That's how he would treat me. But what about Josh?
"Well. I don't really know. You know I want you to pick me. I would love it if you picked me." I nod, thinking for a moment.
"But what if I don't choose you?" Josh goes still, and I can see him. He looks ashamed, and that's when it clicks.
"You wouldn't stay with me would you? You wouldn't even be my friend. A part of my life." I state it as more of a fact than a question.
"Maya. It's only because I love you."
"No. You don't. If you really loved me, you would stay friends with me no matter who I choose."
"Maya it's not like that-"
"Then tell me what it is like Josh!"
"You should have seen yourself the day you two broke up. You were running, then ran into me. I tried to catch you before you fell, but you fell too quickly. I protected you Maya. I knew you needed me. You needed a friend. But I don't want us to be just friends. I want us to be boyfriend and girlfriend."
"But what about after? This next year is your senior year. Then you're going to college. What about me? I'll still be in school for three more years. If you really loved me than you would see how hard it is for me. Long distance relationships don't work."
"If you really loved me your would see that I would find a way to make it work!" "You'd be at college. Tell me you wouldn't see those other girls. Older than me. Smarter than me. You wouldn't be tempted at all." He doesn't reply for a minute.
"You're right. I wouldn't be able to help myself. Maybe being with you is like a full-time babysitting job. Maybe I'm sick of your, do I love Lucas? Do I love Josh? Just pick one already!"
"Well maybe if our relationship is just a babysitting job, than you better go find someone your age!"
"Maybe I will!"
"Good!" I yell and storm off, tears in my eyes. How did I ever think I could trust him?