"Promise me something. Write it all down. Everything that you accomplish in your life. Every crush, when you fall in love, when you start a family. Every time you fantasize about wanting to kill Damon...Write it down. So that one day, when i wake up, I can read all about my best friends lives, and feel like I was there..."
Elena's words replayed through my mind as I rubbed the leather notebook I had bought weeks ago, but had been too afraid to open and begin writing in.
But seeing the situation I was in and the emotions I was feeling, writing it all down seemed the best thing for me to do at the moment. It would give both me and Elena ease. Well, of course Elena wouldn't at all be happy at what I was about to write in this.
I take a big intake of breath then a big breath out. Then I grab the pen laying next to me and open the leather diary to its first page.
Dear Diary,
I can't believe I'm actually doing this...but here goes. Elena you have no idea how much I miss you. But I know this journal isn't for me to write about missing you or sad things...so I'm not going to talk about that. I know what I'm about to write will sound ludicrous and slightly not like me...okay, not at all like me. But, I just have to let my feelings out. If I hold this in It'll consume me.
Kai is back. From the dead I mean...wow I can write it but not speak it....interesting. His spell wasn't that strong. I guess he didn't think I would try to write it. Anyways. I have been having dreams and nightmares about Kai for the past month. The nightmares being horrid and very scary. And the dreams being... bearable. Even pleasurable. When I dream about him, each time he was apologizing. And then right before I would wake up he would kiss me. Passionately. And the dreams felt so real. They felt like they actually happened! But the nightmares would be dull. Scary. Fast paced and not at all realistic except for him chasing me. So when he showed up - two days ago might I add - I passed out. And I'm serious when I say I passed out....
I continue to explain on the pages of the journal the events of that night and then what happened the day after. I felt a rush of wind from behind me. I was sitting at the desk. But I continued.
Then... he told me something. He said he loved me, Elena.What the hell? And now I don't know what to do. Elena! I know you would hate me for what I'm about to say...But I think I'm in love with him. Even through all of the things he's put me through...US through. But he says he can fix it. I think I've loved him deep down for a while...ever since he died, I've felt an ache. Oh my god I sound crazy.... I think I left him in 1903 because I didn't want to admit to MYSELF I love him. I;m the reason everything happened! After I left him In the prison world he turned his humanity off. I'm so sorry. But now that I'm writing it... I just want to look him in his brown eyes and never look away as he holds me in his arms...
"Oh god," I hear a voice whisper right behind me.
AUTHORS NOTE ********************************
Hi guys. If you've read this far thanks so much. Follow me, vote, comment. This is officially the line for maturity. It's about to get very R rated...so thanks for reading this far and can't wait to write the next chapter! <3