I turned back to Richard hoping that he wouldn't be able to decipher the look of shock that was written all over my face.
Lydia was like a rash. She was always there no matter how hard you tried to get her away. Like a rash you were both disgusted yet fascinated by her. I found myself often studying her, both from the toilet and in art.
I hated that she was able to command a room so effortlessly, that she was able to make someone struggle to regulate their breathing simply by looking at them a certain look through her lashes. We were the same age yet the sex appeal that she was able to constantly exude both shocked and surprised me. It secretly made me jealous. Sometimes, a secret part of me wanted to shock her by having some major make over and being as equally attractive as her. But a much louder and smarter art of me didn't want to allow myself to gain self-love or self-worth though the attention, acceptance or appreciation of others.
What I hated most was that no one knew the side of her that I knew. She was very well through of and well received by everyone. How was she able to make it here after what had happened with Richard and Nat?
I could feel my naked back being burnt it. My mind was going crazy thinking of all the things that the trio could currently be doing or talking about. To put my mind and wild immigration at ease I turned to gaze at them. It did nothing to calm me. I tried to look over my shoulder casually only to meet Jasons eyes. Our eyes locked for less than a second before we both mutually returned to our conversations. Me, back Richard who was ordering our drinks and he, back to the sultry Lydia and Ellie.
***
After a few cocktails we walked for a few minutes to the train station. I stood arm in arm with Patrick as we waited for the train that would take us into central London. Levi has said that we were on guest list so hopefully Patrick and I wouldn't have to show our ID – as we were only 17.
The train ride and walk to Trafalgar Square was a blur of jokes and laughter. Levi and Daniel entertained everyone the train with their various stories about their childhood. It amazed me how Levi was able to put a smile on everyone's face so easily. I don't think he even tried to be funny half of the time.
We luckily walked into the club as Levi had put himself down as having two guests with him. I think he knew the bouncers because he touched hands with them when we walked in. Patrick and I went to put ours coats in the cloakroom. I was happy that I had picked this dress to wear. Pat and I blended in with the rest of the crowd. Most of the girls were in a dress or a crop top and jeans of some variation all paired with heels. We had a quick trip to the toilet to make sure that everything was in place, and I did actually need to use the toilet. We left and made a mission to find everyone else. Levi had mentioned something about them getting a booth so we walked towards the wall that had all the booths. We spotted them easily, but the group had grown now with some people that I hadn't seen before. There wasn't any seats left in the booth and we didn't want to stand around like extras so Pat and I decided to get some drinks. I didn't want to get to drunk as I was planning on going back home tonight, last thing I wanted was to stumble home drunk and wake up my mum.
What started off as a couple of drinks ended up in us taking shots. This resulted in us dancing, getting male attention and then having drinks bought for us. I started getting slightly worried when the shots no longer burnt my throat.
I had such good intentions for tonight as well.
Later in the night I was sitting in the booth with Levi and a few other people. He was sipping on a drink and swaying soberly along to the music. He had said that most of them had gone out to the smoking area but would be back and then we could hit the dance floor and get more drinks. I had lost Pat by this point but I texted her telling her where I was. It was slightly brighter light and not as loud as the dance floor so you could kind of hold a conversation in the booths.
I caught Levi putting something in his mouth. He locked eyes with me and winked.
"What did you just take?" I asked scrutinizing him. He ignored me, choosing to continue to nod his head to the music as if I hadn't just witnessed him take an illegal drug. I nudged him with my elbow to get his attention. He opened his mouth and confirmed what I thought I saw. He had a small white round pill sitting on his tongue.
"It's a mint." He winked and took a sip of his drink. He opened his mouth again to reveal that the small 'mint' was now gone. I opened my mouth to argue with him but I just couldn't be bothered. I took a sip of his drink instead hoping that his friends would hurry up, I could feel my buzz dying.
He didn't seem to care, instead picking it up when I put it down, then handed it back to me. He scanned the club before his eyes locked on a girl that was walking towards the booth.
"Micah," He nodded with a cheeky that seemed to live on his face at the girl walking towards us. Her face was engulfed by her wide pearly white smile. Her white teeth contrasted her deep dark purple lipstick. Levi didn't have to say her name for me to remember her. Her ice blue eyes had been engrained in my eyes since the day they bore into me all those weeks ago. She must have been on Scandinavian or something, but with more tanned olive skin like someone from Spain or Portugal. Her mouse blonde hair suited her tone well and only accentuated her features eastern European features.
She wore a black strapless midi. I think she had a Channel shoulder bag but it wasn't bright enough for me to tell. The dress was simple. It was should have been void of sex appeal, should have been. Her body sat well in the dress, the dress cut her small frame in all the right places, showing off the perfect ratio of her breast: waist: hips. It left everything yet nothing to the immigration. Her hair was in a dead set middle part tied all back in a low ponytail. Her baby hair behaved and were laid down like a sea of waves.
I felt like a little girl that had gone dress up in her mummy's closet standing across from her. I took her in not being able to suppress the same silent jealously I had with Lydia, with her.
"You alright trouble?" She greeted the other people before addressing Levi, wearing a similar cheeky grin. "Where's trouble number two?" Her eyes, which she had styled again simply with immaculate wing linger and falsies darted around the room. She looked around Levi, but never look directly at me. It wasn't as if she could even avoid me, I was sitting right next to him and he's hand was resting casually on my lap.
"I think Rich is in the smoking area." I inwardly thanked Levi for clarifying who 'trouble number two' was. "This is his girl, Satiah." I take back that thank you. Micah had no other choice but to now look and acknowledge me. I saw something but her face flashed a smile so quickly that I thought I must have imagined it.
"So, you're the famous Satiah that I hear so much about?" I nodded and gave her a smile.
"And you're Micah."
She raised her fleshly threaded eyebrow and also nodded. "Indeed I am."
"I hear you're dating Rich." I nodded confirming. It was so weird for me, "dating someone."
"I wish both of you well. He is a really nice guy." I know, that's why I'm dating him. I thanked her by nodding again. "I really like your dress by the way, where did you get it from?"
"Motel Rocks."
"I've been meaning to shop there for ages, but I've never gotten around to doing it."
"They don't have a flagship store, but Topshop stocks some of their things sometimes."
"You'll have to take me. Let's swap numbers and arrange something." Micah took out her phone unlocking it. I didn't miss the screensaver of her, Richard and another girl. She handed me her phone. I put my contact details in and returned it to her. She smiled locking her phone and placing it back in what was indeed Channel shoulder bag.
"I'm going to light up. You coming?" She directed this at Levi. She had replaced her phone with a pack of cigarettes. He shook his head softly and lifted up his drink. She smiled and waved us off. "See you soon, Satiah."
"You handled that well." Levi said when she walked away.
"What do you mean?"
"Micah." He nodded in the direction that she had headed off in. "I know she can be intimidating, I think she feeds of making other people feel small. But you held you're own, little one."
I wanted to ask Levi questions about Micah, especially how close her and Rich were in comparison to now, but I wanted to act cool. I didn't want to seem like I was over-thinking the situation or being insecure when in reality it was exactly what I was doing. I was still interested in what Chloe had said about them being on and off all summer, then Micah doing 'something stupid' to end it all. If they were on and off all summer did that then make me the rebound? In that case, no wonder Micah was smiling so much. Meeting you ex-boyfriend less attractive rebound would make me grin too.
"I'm going to get a drink." I shouted into Levi's ear over the music. For one night, I was going to let my hair down and stop worrying. Levi had told me before and he was right, it was all about pretending. I needed to pretend and confident, the middle of the club wasn't the time or place to question my attractiveness. I stood up from the booth that we were occupying and Levi copied. We walked over to the bar. I ordered us four shots of vodka and paid with my card although Levi protested the whole time.
Levi bought us the next round, which was Jaeger Bombs. We danced for a while and I could feel all the cocktails, glasses of Champagne and shots finally started to kick in and my buzz was setting in. I swayed side to side and recited all the lines to the pop dance songs that were currently playing.
We eventually went back to the booth were most of the other people had returned from smoking. This is where the night began to get blurry. I vividly remembered someone buying a bottle of something. The bartender bought it over in an ice bucket with sparklers on either side. I had secured a seat on Richards's lap who was sitting slap bang in the middle of the booth. I could tell he was starting to get drunk as his eyes closed, making him look really dopey. That, and the fact that he was showing me major PDA. He introduced me to some of the people I didn't know proudly as his girlfriend and kept stoking me and kissing my neck despite people watching, which was something he wouldn't do sober.
I realised that the drink, that we all cheered the new season to, was straight vodka. After I had downed the whole thing.
I felt two hands around my waist and lips touch my neck. My neck instantly felt like it was on fire. I linked hands with Richards hand around my waist. His touch was unmistakable. The way he could make me body react by doing such simple actions was unmistakeable.
"You look so sexy." He kissed my neck again. I titled slightly to give him more space to please me."I can't wait to get you home." Aware that many eyes were on us I pushed myself back onto him. If they wanted a show, I would happily give them one. The music had changed to recent hip-hop. I swayed to the music seductively.
Richard went out once again to smoke. I noticed that he smoked a lot more when he drank. I knew he smoked sometimes but it was more of a once or twice thing in a week. He kept a pack of cigarettes in his car that usually lasted him over a week. During exams he smoked more. I shrugged realising that I really didn't care. I was comfortable on my own. Levi, some random girl and I were wrecking the dance floor anyway. We had made friends with a random group of other people on the dance floor and we were all hang fun.
I put my hands around Levi. I gave him my best drunk baby face. "Give me a mint." I tried to demand, but more like whined.
"You sure?" I nodded. Levi went into his jean pockets. I opened my mouth and he placed the small pill on my tongue. He then handed me his drink to wash it down.
"I love alcohol!" I shouted. I grinned watching all the alcohol disappear from the cup to down my throat. There was no better confidence in the world than confidence gained from alcohol.
***
I hate alcohol. I woke up the next morning feeling my head pound with every thought I had. I tried opening my eyes but they felt too heavy so I closed them again. My ears were ringing as well. My stomach felt horrible. I could just feel a layer of alcohol sitting on the top of it. I tried to move my body to the side but instantly felt like I was going to be sick. I played it safe and remained were I was.
I dozed off and woke up a few hours later. I was actually able to open my eyes this time but I still felt the pounding and the ringing. I stared at the blank white wall in front of me trying to place where I was. I wasn't at home, or Levi's. I wasn't at Josephs either. Richards? His room wasn't white though.
Slight panic started to take over my body. I thought back to last tonight but I was unable to piece together anything that had happened past Turtle Bay and even then I was second guessing my memory. I had a complete black out to the events that had happened last night. I patted the bed and under the pillow looking around for the phone. The panic only grew when I was unable to locate it.
My arms felt heavy but I used them to pull myself up so I was at least sitting up. I scanned the whole room and still gained no insight in where I was, or where I could possibly be. I wasn't in a hotel though. The room was lived in. I looked out the window and saw that I was in a suburban area. Ok, so I was at someone's house then.
Using the remaining little energy I had, I pulled both my feet out of the sheets. It was at this point I realised that I was naked. I swore under my breath as the worst scenarios ran through my head. I was able to spot my lace set sitting in the corner of the room. I used my hand to cover my chest and creeped under the window towards them. I swayed slightly on the spot as I put them back on, I still had alcohol in my system. I held the wall to gain balance. I scanned the room again to find my dress. It was hanging on the corner of the bed. I walked to pick it up, only to find that the zip had been completely ripped off. I swore under the breath again, this dress wasn't cheap.
I opened the wardrobe and found it full of boys' clothes. I pulled out the first sweatshirt I could see. It wasn't long enough to cover my dignity so I pulled out what seemed to be matching bottoms. I closed the wardrobe and almost jumped at the reflection that met me. My eyelashes had somehow survived the night, but my foundation had now streaked and I had panda eyes. My hair was everywhere as well, evident that I had had some kind of wild night.
I ignored it for the moment and focused on walking towards the door without falling over. I walked down the dark corridor, with a light at the end of. A door was slightly ajar to what seemed to be the bathroom. I think I was on the second floor. I stood at the top of the stairs. I couldn't make out any of the voices until I heard Levis laughter. I instantly felt at ease. All the bad things that were running through my head were alleviated. I walked to the bathroom before going downstairs.
The pounding in my head was in sync with the pounding from down below. Ok, I had had a really wild night. I found myself limping to the bathroom. I washed my face removing my lashes in the process. I used the toilet and tied my hair into a messy bun with a hair band that had been left next to the sink. I also washed my mouth with the mouthwash, mindful of how bad my breath must have been currently. I still had to no idea what time it was, or where I was. I just wanted my bed and the endless ringing in my ear to stop but I knew I had to go downstairs and face the music for answers to my questions.
I walked down the stairs holding on the banisters for support. I followed the noise, walking past the living room into the kitchen. I was met with a dining table full of people. I immediately noticed that neither Jason nor Ellie were here, but Micah was here. Sitting next to Richard.
I scanned the table noticing that Patrick wasn't here either. I needed my phone, I barely remember seeing her last night and I needed to make sure that she was ok.
"Sleeping beauty awakens!" Levi said smiling. I glanced at him, he was leaning against the counter with a girl I barely recognized. I was only able to smile at him and give him a half wave although my hands were engulfed in this oversized jumper.
"What time is it?" I croaked. God, I was thirsty. You could start a fire with how dry my throat was.
"Three," Levi said. He leant over to start pouring a cup with tap water. I walked towards him, ok limped and dragged my dead body towards him. As soon as the glass made contact with my hands I finished it. I heard a few chuckles from the table.
"How you feeling?" This question came from Richard. I turned back to the table. It was a small mixture of boys and girls, about eight of them. I gave them all small smiles as they were all watching me.
"Like death is knocking my door but I don't have enough energy to even open the door and let him bring sweet death." I complained. Richard chuckled standing up and walking towards me. He opened his arms and I slumped my body into his. I was so tired.
"Ah, you'll live. You hungry?" I nodded my head in his chest. He felt so warm. "Do you want McDonald's?" My mouth salivated at the thought.
"Oh, yeah please!" I said eagerly looking up at him. The thought of McDonalds right now was brining me on the brink of tears. I felt like a little child on Christmas morning. He laughed pulling a few strands that my messy bun didn't catch away from my face.
"Where are we?" I asked him.
"Aarons." I nodded, happy that I was only a walking distance from home. I didn't want to reveal how little of last night I didn't remember because it was slightly embarrassing. I didn't seem to have any major cuts or bruises so hopefully nothing too bad happened.
I looked behind Richard to meet Aaron's eyes. "Thank you." He nodded and smiled. The girl sitting on his lap in her dress from last night didn't go unnoticed. She wasn't Courtney or Chloe. Maybe her name was Kim?
I smirked at my own joke. We re-joined the table and Levi and his mysterious girl – who wouldn't let go of him – all sat around the table and discussed what had happened the previous night. I couldn't add to the conversation, I was still disorientated and confused about what had happened.
"Where did you sleep?" I asked Richard. I knew – well hoped that we had had sex last night, hence why I was naked this morning, so why wasn't he there when I initially woke up?
Simultaneously, Richard and Aaron replied, "In another room."
Lydia went against the grain and said "With Micah." I would deal with why the hell she was even here later.
My eyes flickered between the three of them but rested on Richard. Was he going to offer some sort of explanation or was I meant to sit here in front of all his friends looking like a dickhead? I smiled waiting for one of them to give me a reason not to start acting out some of the things in my murder journal.
"You were acting really reckless last night. You were refusing to sleep so I told Richard to go to another room and that I'd take care of you." Lydia smiled. I wanted an explanation but not from her, and not that explanation either. "The only other free room was Micah's'." Not in that smug tone either.
"If she's in the room how is it empty?" I asked trying to hide how confused and angry I was. I didn't want to make this (publicly) an issue but I couldn't hold my tongue. I wanted answers now from Richard but he was being quiet, letting Lydia speak for him. Why would he do that knowing that she was close friends with Natasha, and he knew how me and her left things? The more I thought about the situation the angrier I got and the harder it was for me to conceal behind my fake tight smile.
"Everyone else had doubled up in the double beds." Lydia continued to try to explain, but the more she spoke the more questions I had. I looked Levi, I wanted him to confirm that I wasn't going crazy, because everyone was acting way to calm about the fact that Richard had spent part of the night with Micah. Levi held my gaze for a while before looking down.
"Oh, so you shared a bed?" I asked Richard directly.
"I'm sure it's not what you think." I wasn't thinking anything like that until she said that. I looked back at her and she gave me a sweet smile. She knew she had planted doubts.
I was silent but I was not blind. I didn't miss Micah's eyes drop from Richard.
I took a deep silent breath in.
"Can I have a big mac meal with a vanilla milkshake please?"
Richard didn't say anything for a while. He eventually nodded and stood up, picking up his phone and car keys in the process. Aaron offered to go with him and they left the house without saying anything. I was fully aware that the room was awkward but it was the last thing on my mind.
I had said this so many times, but no one was taking notice. Lydia continually took my silence as weakness. But I was neither blind nor stupid enough to plan a murder aloud.
"Do you know where my phone is?" I know turned to Levi.
"Yeah, I'll show you." I nodded following him out of the room. He walked up the stairs and led me to what seemed to be a second living room. He took a seat unplugging an iPhone that was charging next to the sofa. He unplugged it and handed it to me as I took a seat. I unlocked it and briefly went through my notifications. I had a few missed calls from my mum, Kenny and Joseph. I only had one from Paul. I chuckled, typical Paul. I had two missed calls from Patrick and one from Jason. I furrowed my eyebrows but decided that this wasn't the best time to respond. The most important was my mum. I hadn't told her I was sleeping over anywhere and it was now thee pm. I went through the first few worried texts asking where I was, then the last one which eased my beating heart.
'I got Jo's message. I know your phone's dead and you went to his because it was easier than coming all the way home. You're becoming a very responsible young lady. Love you, see you tomorrow'
I said a silent prayer for my skin being saved. I texted Joseph quickly thanking him and told him I'd call him later and explain everything. If only my mum really knew what happened last night, I shuddered at the thought of it. It might have been a good thing though, someone could actually fill in the blanks in my memory.
"I didn't know you had your nipples pierced." I instantly went red giving Levi my full attention. He said this so casually as he scrolled through his own phone which was now charging.
"Why did Richard tell you?" I asked defensively.
"He didn't. You showed me."
"No I didn't?"
"You flashed me about ten times, and each time you thought it was funnier than the last."
"What?" My face fell. I tried to think about it but I just couldn't remember doing that. Levi nodded smiling. I couldn't tell if he was lying or not.
"Yeah, we were in the manager's office and he left to go somewhere. I can't remember what we were talking about but I turned to look at up and you've pulled the top bit of your dress down and you're looking at your tits in the mirror." I flushed feeling so embarrassed. "Then you turned to me and asked me if I liked them." I covered my mouth feeling so ashamed. That was so... I couldn't even find the word to express my anger at drunk Satiah. "Then you laughed, covered yourself up, then did it again and cracked up." Levi recited the story starting to laugh himself. "You know when you play peekaboo with a child? And they just keep laughing at the silly game" I nodded. "Yeah, you were exactly like that but with your tits." I wanted the world to swallow me up whole right on the spot.
"I'm so sorry."
"Nah, you have good tits. Not gonna lie, I was so fxcked that I genuinely thought of pressing you."
"Levi, can we please, just like not ever bring that up again?" I asked ignoring his comments. He nodded putting out his Pinky hand. Before I could put my Pinky around his to Pinky promise he pulled his hand back without warning.
"I would Pinky swear but my Pinky ring too big!" He sang laughing to himself, kissing his indeed large signet ring. I smiled to myself to happy that I had a friend like Levi. I suppressed my urge to cuddle him.
He locked his phone and turned to face and give me his full attention. "When did you get them done?"
"Ages ago,"
"But you have African parents, you're not even 18 yet."
"You only have to be 16. My brother took me to get them done." It was my silent victory against my mum and my dad. It was in a way me rebelling against everything they stood for. It was a personal decision that I had made so I had never made a big deal out of them. They were only noticeable when I wasn't wearing a bra, which I rarely did when I was out. Joseph, the best person in my whole life took me because I needed adult consent. Well, he thought I was getting my belly pierced. I went to the counter having previously made my appointment, I then gave Joseph the form who was sitting on one of the sofas in the parlour on his phone. He didn't even read the form, just signed and waited for me to finish. He didn't even ask to see the piercing, just asked if it hurt.
"Why we were in the manager's office anyway?"
"Oh, you were flirting with him so he bought you a bottle, which you shared with everyone. Then he bought you a drink that he spilt on you. He suggested that he takes you to his office to dry you up. He seemed a bit dodge so I went with you. He left to get you a towel and then you started, you know" He indicated to my breasts.
"What else did I do?"
"You don't remember a lot of last night do you?" He asked starting to grin. I'm glad my memory loss was funny to someone.
"Literally, I don't even remember the club. Like I remember snippets but I can't remember who I spoke to or what was said or anything."
"I don't think you didn't anything worse than flashing, but that was only with me."
"Was I with you for most of the night?" Levi nodded. That made me happy, even if I didn't remember I must have had a good night.
"Where was Rich? And Patrick?" And Jason? Why did I had a missed call from him?
"You're lady friend with the boy's name," I rolled my eyes. When would he just accept her name? "She was with Troy and some other girls. She didn't come home with us, I think she went home with Troy." My nxgga, I thought approvingly.
"And Richard?" Levi shrugged. He wore a plain expression. He wasn't being honest. "Levi?"
"Don't put me in an awkward position, Satiah."
"I'm not. I'm just asking why where my boyfriend was." Levi shrugged casually again. "Just wondering why he ended up sleeping in the same room as his ex."
"I'm sure it wasn't like that"
"Well it was like something because he tried to hide that fact from me."
"I think you need to extend the same trust he's given you back to him. Ellie was there last night don't forget, you spoke to her and he was calm about it. Take a leaf out of his book." And just like that I remembered New Years and that Levi's full loyalty didn't lie with me, but with Richard. If needed be, he would defend and lie for his friend. It was clear I wasn't going to get the truth from last night from him.
It was silly for me to think, or even assume that what happened at New Year's wouldn't be brought up again. After New Year's Richard didn't speak to me for a few days but when he did speak to me he acted as if New Year's had never happened. As if I hadn't effectively cheated on him. Was I expected to do the same thing? Act as if something wasn't sitting right with me? I knew I would struggle with this.
It wasn't the same comparison but I didn't want to be like my mum. I didn't want to blindly trust someone and pretend to be happy for the sake of peace.
When Richard returned I took my food and literally left. He offered to walk me home but I declined, thanked Aaron again, gave Levi a hug and left. I got home just before 4. I took a shower before changing into my PJ's. My mum must have been at work as the house was empty. I was so glad. I needed to sleep off this hangover.
The next day I was tasked with babysitting my little niece. I really didn't want to but Joseph threatened to tell my mum that I hadn't actually spent the night with him. It was a Saturday but Jo had to go into the office to finish off extra work. She was currently sleeping though. After I had exhausted all the recorded programmes on Sky, I tapped my feet wondering what I could do in Joseph's flat all by myself. I thought about looking through all his things, then I remembered that I just didn't care enough to do that. There was always the option to play a prank on him, but I couldn't muster up the energy to do that either.
The last option was to wake the sleeping Gremlin. I stomped up the stairs and swung open the door to the nursery on the first floor. I slammed the door loudly behind me.
I paused.
Nope. Her soft snoring filled room indicating that she was still in deep slumber, probably dreaming about my demise or something. I walked towards her as she lay on her front in her miniature princess bed. I bent down poking her in various places.
Still nothing.
I shook her softly. Not even a murmur escaped her lips. If her soft snoring wasn't filling the room I would have thought the gremlin was dead. If only I was so lucky, eh?
As a last resort I held her nose. After a few seconds her mouth became ajar. Her eyes began to open as her right hand gently moved my hands from her nose. Her eyes connected with mine and she instantly smiled. When she smiled her eyes disappeared and her dimples took over much of the bottom half of her face. She covered her mouth with her hands trying to conceal her soft giggle when I smiled back at her. She shook her head making her curls fall onto her face.
She was cute.
But something had to be done about this hair. It was clearly dry and extremely messy, even by my standards.
The bad thing about living in such a posh 'new development' area was the lack of shops that catered to the African-Caribbean community, especially for hair. I didn't know Joseph area too well to know which way to go, and going all the way back to my own house would have been a trek and unfair to put Char though that.
I took out my phone thinking who had a car and would drive me somewhere. My brothers were out of the question as they were all either at University or at work, which is where my mum was currently. Patrick didn't drive although she was currently taking driving lessons. That left two people that could possibly drive us. I was split between calling Levi and Richard.
I ended up going for Richard. I listened to Levi and extended the trust that he gave me back to him. I guess like New Years, we would pretend that last night didn't happen. Besides, I really couldn't trust Levi to behave around my niece. I knew he would somehow use her to pick up girls, pretending to be a single dad or something.
"Hey babe," His smooth voice answered after the sixth ring.
"Hey, you alright?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm just at the gym with the boys."
"Oh, ok. How are the 'boys'?" I really didn't care and I didn't even want to talk to him either, I just wanted to be carpooled.
"They're calm. Is everything ok?"
"Yeah, I just wanted a quick favour but if you're busy then-"
"Nah, what's up?"
"I'm babysitting my niece and we needed a ride to buy some stuff for her hair."
"If you're willing to wait I can just come through after the gym"
"I don't want to put you out of the way"
"Nah, its fine. Are you at yours?"
"My brothers, near Canary Wharf? You've dropped me there before"
"I think I remember. I'll text you when I leave."
"Thank you."
"See you soon."
I hung up and placed the phone in my pocket. Charlotte, who had been watching me intently locked eyes with me. She reached out so I could pick her up, which I did.
"Who was that?" She asked in what would have been the cutest sleepy voice, but she was probably using such a tone to call her real father, Satan.
"Our ride! Come on, let's get you showered and some breakfast."
"Pancakes please!"
"You'll be lucky to get water ok? Why don't we chill?"
I ran the water making sure that it wasn't too hot. Whilst I was doing this Charlotte was tapping away on her I-Pad. Now, there was two things wrong with this. First, why did a two year old own an I-Pad and why was she able to use it so well and with such speed? She shut the toilet and placed the I-Pad on the seat. After as few seconds of silence 'Let it go' began to play. I gave her a tight smile.
When would I be safe from the curse of Frozen? When would I be allowed to live? I added a few drops of 'No Tears' bubble bath. Charlotte stripped (like the baby thot she is) and placed her clothes neatly in the corner away from the bath and the potential splash zone.
Hmm. I see Joseph had the gremlin well trained.
She turned her eyes onto me. She lifted her hands up expecting me to pick up her naked body and have the social workers at my door next week whilst the gremlin holds a doll and tells them where I touched her?
Not today Satan.
"Hop in then, Gremlin."
She jumped shaking her hands. I sighed giving in. I picked her up and dropped her in the bath.
I waited with baited breath for the gremlin to multiply and grow. Nothing happened. Strange.
She splashed in the water struggling to sing on the right tone to the music. Ok Michelle. I let her have her fun until the song finished. When silence entered the room I got out her small towel, placed some no tears on it and began to give her a bath. To my dismay, the silence was quickly eaten up by once again, 'Let it Go' playing. When would I have my salvation?
"What does daddy use to wash your hair?" She pointed at the no tears, what I had been using to wash her body. "Are you sure?" I questioned. Joseph was surely not using baby shower-gel to wash her hair? She nodded confidently.
I thought the social would be after me, but they'd need to sort out Joseph first. This was child abuse. Charlotte's hair was way to curly, thick and just not skin to be using that on her hair. No wonder it was so dry and hard for him to upkeep.
After her bath I took her to her room. She dried herself whilst I took out her underwear and clothes for the day. I thought about being cute and making her match my high waisted jeans and cropped khaki jumper, but then again not everyone could pull off my amazing, I just threw this on but still flawless look, let alone the gremlin.
Instead, I took out thick winter tights, a plain black dress and a thermal vest to put under. I wasn't going to the reason why she got a cold. I re-dried her, moistured and dressed her. She skipped into the kitchen ahead of me.
She was eager because she thought she was getting pancakes. Why would I risk burning myself on the hot oil just to feed her? HA. I put some oats in the microwave.
We watched a few episodes of Power Puff Girls before I got a message from Richard telling me that he was downstairs. I threw my leather jacket on as did the gremlin. She wanted to be me so bad it was actually tragic. I tied up her all black Timberlands (I didn't even own a pair of the black ones. I would have to have words with Joseph.) I gave myself a once over in the small mirror by the door. I had minimal make up – only BB cream and mascara. I studied the length of my hair. I had got it re-cut as it was growing faster than I wanted. I had gone for a Kim K inspired bob. I sighed pulling my hair behind my ear regretting not putting on more make-up when I had had the chance. I took a pair of keys off the hooks making sure to lock the door behind me.
Char cuddled my neck as we walked towards Richard. He was leaning against his car in a casual plain grey Nike tracksuit. My eyes wandered to his feet, the most important part of every outfit. I smiled at the all red Adidas Flux's on his feet. I looked back up at him smiling as I walked towards him.
"Richard, this is my niece Charlotte." Richard gave her a wave. "Charlotte, say hi to Richard." Charlotte waved shyly back at him. Last time I had seen her like this was when I first met her a few months ago.
"How old are you?" Richard asked her. Charlotte put two fingers up.
"She's turning three in a few weeks though." I added. He leaned in gave me a quick peck on the lips. The gremlin found her voice and squirmed. I wanted to squirm too, but Levi's words rung in my ears.
"Ready to go?" I nodded. Richard opened the back door to let Char in, before he realised something. "Where's her baby seat?"
"Oh, don't worry she doesn't need one."
"Satiah she's two she needs a booster seat.
"She'll be fine. The baby thot lives on the edge anyway."
Richard watched me unsure if I was being serious. "You did not just call your niece a thot, Satiah." He chuckled but shook his head.
"Where's your baby seat?" He directed the question at the gremlin. I sighed.
"I'll get it. Give me two minutes." I dragged my feet back towards the flats. Even if we got into a car accident the gremlin wouldn't die. It would take something a lot more powerful than that, along the lines of a nuclear bomb maybe?
When I got back I walked into the cutest scene. Richard was sitting in the driver seat with the door open. Charlotte was sitting on his lap. He was listening to her ramble on about something. He would smile every so often which would make Charlotte look down at her nails before looking back up at him. So his smile had that effect on everybody.
They noticed my presence. I lifted up the child booster seat and Richard laughed.
"That wasn't so hard was it?" I rolled my eyes. I handed it to him. He set it up and placed Charlotte on the seat. As we drove to the local high street Richard and Charlotte were chatting away about nothing other than... FROZEN!
I seriously struggled to figure out what was so amazing that the gremlin was obsessed with it. Richard must have watched it as he was able to talk about the movie without missing a beat.
"Did you know they're making a Frozen 2?" I looked at him. If looks could kill. Why would he tell her that? Charlotte gasped and let out a high pitched scream. Richard grinned obviously proud of himself. He wasn't the one that would have to take her to the cinema.
Richard parked the car. He held Charlotte in his arms whilst I walked around the shop with a basket getting her hair things. I had no idea how to upkeep mixed-raced curly hair, I had to rely on my memory of all the You-tubers I had seen and what they used on their hair. After, we went to a Tex-Mex restaurant for some lunch.
We were driving back to Joseph's when the car came to slow stop at the red light. Richard took this chance to change the soft music that was playing lightly in the background. Quiet enough to put anyone to sleep, evident by Charlotte sleeping in the back of the car. He pressed next from his I-pod Nano that was dangling off the aux cord. He picked up his phone that was resting on his lap. It had vibrated violently a while ago, suggesting that he had had a load of messages arrive at the same time. He couldn't respond to them then as he was driving. He unlocked his phone. I watched his eyebrows furrow as he read through the messages. He locked his phone tutting.
"What's wrong?" I asked aloud. Richard turned to me, almost as if he had forgotten that I was in the car with him. He shook his head returning his gaze to the road. He tapped his hand softly to the beat against the wheel waiting for the light to change.
"Nothing, it's just Levi being dumb." I nodded leaving it. Richard expression returning to its classic casual face, the one that I found unreadable most of the time. I silently questioned his answer to myself however. Levi acting dumb usually warranted laughter, not a scowl from Richard.
I thanked Richard as we reached Josephs door. He was kindly offered to bring Char up the stairs. I told him that all she needed was a little pinch or a little holding of the nose and she'd be up and able to walk by herself in no time but he insisted on leaving her to sleep.
I unlocked the door, instantly feeling my stomach turn. Joseph had now returned from work and was playing Lil Wayne's new album through the Sonos system. It made me sick that after all he had done to us and music, Joseph still called himself a Lil Wayne fan. I shuddered. The more his voice filled my ears the more I could feel myself losing my brain cells. Richard followed me to Charlotte's room where he gently lay her down on the bed. We left and he closed the door quietly behind him as not to wake her. He cared a lot more than I did. I wasn't bothered if she woke up, the gremlin was out of my hands now that Joseph was home.
We back down the stairs. I wasn't sure whether or not to introduce Richard to Joseph, who I could heard rummaging around in the kitchen. I had to make a decision quickly as the kitchen was close to the door to leave the flat.
The door to the kitchen opened and if seemed as if fate had made the decision for me. Joseph exited the kitchen with a bowl on crisps in his hands rapping – if you can call it that – to lil Wayne's music – if you can call it that. He looked up from his phone when he met Richard and I in the corridor.
"Oh." Was all he said. He scrutinised Richard openly, making no attempt to hide his confusion as to why there was a boy standing in his flat. "I was about to text asking where you were." That statement was directed at me but he didn't remove his gaze from Richard. I almost felt sorry for him. Joseph stood tall at a lanky 6'3 and I'm sure Richard was 6 feet at best. It wasn't a major difference but standing in this corridor with the looks that Joseph was giving Richard... those three inches were making all the difference.
"Richard took us out." I gave Joseph a tight smile. I wanted him to look at me so he could see the daggers I was giving him. Why was he being like this? Kenny and Paul weren't making an issue out of this.
"You're Richard?" Joseph asked in an accusing tone. I sighed inwardly. Richard nodded giving him a toothless smile.
Joseph grunted in response. He finally broke his deadlock stare at Richard. He walked past both of us and went into the living room. I turned to Richard about to apologise for my brother awkward behaviour, but once again, fate had something else in plan.
"Are you coming through or what?" Joseph asked from the living room. He had left the door open. I dropped my shoulders and sighed aloud. I give Richard an apologetic smile. He shook his head and gave me a kiss on the head before walking into the dragons den.
Richard took a seat on the free standing sofa, as so he was adjacent to Joseph. I took a seat directly opposite Richard. We sat in silence as Joseph flicked through the channels. He finally rested on some football commentary of some sort.
"Who do you support?" He asked, finally gracing us with attention.
"Arsenal." Richard replied. There he was again wearing that plain expression I couldn't quite read. "What about you?"
I could see Joseph trying to supress the smile on his face. He was pleased with Richards answer. "I'm a gunners fan too." Richard nodded.
"So," Joseph cleared his throat. I rolled my eyes ready for the crap he was going to talk any second. He muted the TV and with another remote paused the drool that was Lil Wayne. My tummy finally stopped hurting now. "You're dating my little sister." Richard nodded.
"My youngest sibling. My only sister." Richard nodded again looking at Joseph as he spoke.
"Are you two sexually active?" Richard was clearly caught off guard. He's eyes flicked to me before returning to Joseph, who had his eyes still trained on him.
I answered for Rich. "He's knee deep in me every night. He pulls my hair whilst I shout Papi." Joseph turned to me only to cut his eyes and look back at the TV. He was unable to look at Richard. I was being sarcastic but I knew Joseph didn't want to take the chance and check if I was being serious.
When he looked at me again I blew him a kiss and gave him a cheeky wink. Richards's eyes flickered between myself and my brother. It was only when Joseph broke out into a soft chuckle that I saw his muscles tense and he himself also let out a small smile.
"Do you two go to college together?"
"I've told you all this before, Jo." I protested. He knew about Richard from weeks ago.
"I know but I want to hear it from the horse's mouth." I rolled my eyes again and nodded at Richard, who went on to answer all the stupid and intrusive questions that Joseph asked. From what subject he studied to his recent health history. I found out some things that even I didn't know.
Joseph finally relaxed after he felt that there were no red flags. They spoke about how Arsenal had been performing in the league recently and who they wanted transferred. They spoke a little about trainers before Richard had to go home. I wanted to walk him out Joseph insisted. I knew that he'd only try to subtly threaten his life or something. I gave Richard a hug and a quick kiss before Joseph walked him to his car.
The next day, Sunday went by quite quickly. I stayed the night as Joseph had to go into the office early again. It wasn't too bad as he was back home by 2. He took me out to lunch as a thank you for covering him over the weekend before dropping me home. I spent the rest of the day making sure I had finished all my homework and the extra reading that I had to do for Chemistry. Still the ultimate bane of my life. I snuggled into bed replying to the messages I had missed throughout the day whilst watching some of my favourite YouTube Gurus.
***
I let Meek Mills new album drown out the butterflies that flapped profusely in my stomach, getting more violent the closer I got to the college doors. I knew Natasha hadn't had the last word, and despite what Richard had said to her last time she would still have something to say. I had arrived early, but instead of heading to the McDonalds on the High Street I opted to get some breakfast at the college café. Without doubt Ellie and Jason would be there. I did need to speak to both of them, but I wasn't ready yet. It would have been best if I spoke to Jason face to face about the missed call and with Ellie... I just needed clarity on the conversation we apparently had, and whether or not Rich ad spoken to her about us.
As I ordered my butty and juice I thought about the ridiculous amount of money I spent on food. I knew if I had ate breakfast at home or stopped eating out some much I could afford higher end make up and more clothes, which would have been nice. But then again, food was nicer and instant. I shrugged handing the dinner lady a crisp £20. I knew that this note would probably last me until tomorrow night when I'd then again be asking my mum for money on food. Winter had fully set in so I took a seat in of the booths. I shrugged of my bag and played on my phone until the bell for first lesson went.
I walked into art, immediately feeling the warmth. I had removed my black bomber jacket by the time I took my seat on the table. As usual, I was the first in the lesson.
If I would survive this lesson though, was another question in itself.
TP