Before you read this book can you please watch the attached video. I know this book isn't so much about bullying as it is a Jayonce love story but I honestly think It's important to spread the message on bullying. I feel like in recent years awareness of bullying has gone down especially as you get older. I understand that it's probably because we get tired of hearing about it so much but I really think its so important that we learn to value other people because we are all gifts from God put on this planet for a purpose. Also if you are or know of anyone who is being bullied I want you to tell someone as soon as possible. Don't think that telling someone makes it worse because it really doesn't. That's the only way any of this will get better, after all there's always some rain before a rainbow. Also If you have been bullied in the past it would be wonderful for you especially to take action and stand up for those who are being bullied, that may be something as simple as a speech or becoming a mentor. Please remember that Bullying is a serious thing and is never appropriate or justified.
STANDING BY AND DOING NOTHING WHILE A SIN IS BEING COMMITTED IS THE SAME AS COMMITTING THE SIN ITSELF ~ Amish Tripathi
CHAPTER 1
Monday October 11th 1998
I was sitting in my usual seat on the dingy school bus, I don't sit at the back because that's where the popular kids sit, and I don't sit at the front because that's where the nerds sit. I sit right in the middle, on the left side in the seat closest to the window.
Michelle's dad drives her to school and Kelly walks so I'm always alone on the bus and that's the way I like it. I like being alone because I've never been much of a people person, I've always kept to myself and preferred to be left alone to read a book or listen to music. Everyone has problems, for me my problems have always been things for me to face alone and have no power over what so ever and so my outlet has always been music. A time where I can block everything else out and be truly happy, that's the only way to say the things I've always been too scared to say in real life. And so here I sit on the yellow school bus on my way to school. I was wearing a pair of baggy jeans with a camouflage tank top and my hair was down with my light make up on my face and my sneakers on my feet. I had my flannel shirt tied around my waist and my bag resting on my lap as I leaned my book down on to it and pushed my glasses up on my face. I only wear glasses when I'm reading and no other time but I still manage to maintain the name four eyes but I don't pay it any attention. The bus came to a stop at Ravenpowel Road when Shontelle Evans gets on. Shontelle Evans? The lead cheerleader or cheerleader captain or whatever it's called. She's that officious girl in school everyone wants to be, well everyone except me anyway. She's pretty, she is a black girl with dark brown hair just past her shoulders and constantly wearing her cheerleaders uniform with those silly little white shoes and school coloured ribbons in her hair. She got on the bus and walked straight to the back without even looking at the driver who I'd come to know over the years and glancing at me before smiling sarcastically and continuing with her walk before finally sitting at the back with her group of girls. Shontelle has always possessed the need to annoy everyone around her which is probably the only reason she gets the school bus, we're juniors in high school with our permits and if your lucky enough to have rich parents like Shontelle then you have a nice expensive car too, so honestly she has no reason to get the bus. But she does. How disconcerting.
"I like your hair Beyoncé, where did you get it?" She asked smirking at me, I turned around and looked at her.
"Pardon?" I asked not really hearing what she said properly but not honestly wanting to hear it either.
"oh sorry you're one of those lower class people who don't understand properly, Your hair!" She shouted, "Where did you get it?" She asked slowly causing her gang of friends to start laughing.
"It's my real hair, I got it from my mother" I said quietly before turning around and going back to my book. I felt someone tug on my hair causing me to yelp as I spun around.
"Oh look at that, she was telling the truth. She must be white or something, I mean look at her. No ones skin is that light" Britney said sniggering at me,
"Maybe she bleaches it" Amada added causing them all to laugh.
"Do you Beyoncé? do you bleach your skin?" Shontelle asked as she supressed her laughter.
"No" I said before turning around once again and attempting to get back to my book and ignore their comments about me. They did this every morning, they made fun of my hair, my ears, my skin and my face. They called me a fat ass and poked me non stop and all I ever did was ignore them and that's the way its supposed to be because I live by the Bible. Oh that sounds like something Michelle would say but its true, In a way I could turn around and say a whole load of mean things to them and justify it with the bible, an eye for an eye, that's what the old testament said but then Jesus came along and explained that just because someone does something to you does not mean you can do it to them, God will do that for you. I'm just waiting for God to do something before Kelly does.
"Guys look! She can read!" Shontelle said and the entire bus erupted in laughter while I sat in silence, not to far from school now.
"Telle!" I heard someone shout, "Leave the girl alone damn, it's been like this every day since we started this year and that was last month. No! You did it last year too, and the year before that! stop being a bitch!" The person yelled, I was far to scared to turn my head to see who it was but it sounded like a girl and I could just about recognise the voice. I had to look, I had to say thank you. I turned around and saw Nicki and Shontelle looking at each other angrily, Nicki was one of Shontelle's friends and had been for as long as I can remember. She looked at me and I mouthed thank you, she smiled weakly then sat down and looked out the window away from shontelle.
"Damn nick, when did you start to care about charity" Shontelle said but no one laughed this time, instead Nicki turned to her and shook her head.
"Telle, I honestly don't know what Shawn sees in you." She announced before standing up and only then did I notice that the bus had stopped, I grabbed my things quickly in attempt to rush of the bus and as I stood up I saw the evil glares from every direction and rushed down the bus to the front.
"Have a good day Beyoncé" The bus driver said as I made my way down the steps,
"You too Sam, thank you" I quickly said before getting out of the bus and walking over to the school building to meet Kelly and Michelle inside like I did every morning. I heard the commotion of people in the corridors. The jocks were throwing a football down the hall and the nerds were at Dylan's locker all looking at something on a computer he had in there. The geeks were all walking down the hall with books in they're noses before the footballers came and nocked them to the ground and walked of laughing. But then as usual the basketball team would come and help them pick up their things before continuing with their business, the sporty girls travelled in groups down the hall as couples were pushed up against walls kissing. I walked down the halls until I reached my locker, I tucked my hair behind my ear before looking to the right of me and seeing the usual every day sight. The kids in the halls parted like the read sea as Shontelle walked down with a boys arm wrapped around her shoulder and the other girls all trailing behind her laughing. She gave me her sinister smirk before walking off down the hall and allowing the previous commotion to continue.
"Kelly stop crying" I heard Michelle's voice say behind me, I rolled my eyes and turned around to see Kelly crying as usual.
"What is it now?" I asked her laughing slightly,
"I j just love you all soo muuuch" She said as she hugged me tight and Michelle and I laughed.
"Kelly, we know" We said,
"Girl your like this every morning" Michelle said as she reached behind me and took a tissue from my locker and wiped Kelly's eyes.
"I'm sorry guys" Kelly said before smiling at us weakly and leaning on to her locker beside mine.
"It's okay, just try not to be like this tomorrow" I said laughing a little bit,
"Okay" She leaned her head onto my shoulder and smiled up at me before kissing my cheek.
"We should get to class" I said, getting up off my locker and picking up my bag.
"What's our first lesson?" Michelle asked as she opened her locker and looked through her books, Michelle had always had the messiest locker, there were food wrappers and papers and books simply thrown in there with a crucifix on the back of the door and a bible on top of her Biology book.
" AP Chemistry, then we have Psychology, Human Geography, English Lit and AP Calculus" I said to her. our usual school day started at 8am and ended at 4pm with 5 lessons with one break and one hour and 30 min for lunch.
"ewww todays lessons are horrible" Kelly said before sighing.
"Hey, thank god you get to go to school you ungrateful rat" Michelle told her causing the three of us to laugh as we gathered our things and made our way to Class room CL11 (Chemistry Lab 11) our Chemistry. Class room CL11 was on the third floor of the school building and so we were going to have to walk up all those stairs that Michelle hates so much, its the funniest thing when we get to the top and she's out of breath but honestly they're not that bad. Especially if your Kelly who's on the track team doing 300m, what do I do? Well I do nothing. I go to school, do my lessons, eat my lunch then go home. I'm not the president of any Club like Michelle and I'm not on any sports teams like Kelly, I'm just that kid that's happy to be here and has no real purpose. Like in the movies when you see that kid in the back of the class not even joining in when the whole class laughs or not actually being part of the story line at all. Yeah, that's me. You could argue that I'm the kid that bullied but you would still be wrong, I'm not even important enough to be the main outcast, nope, not me. I'm that kid Shonetlle bullies when she can't find Bryan, Bryan is the kid in the movies who is constantly Bullied thoughout high school. Just watch, it will come to our reunion and he'll be some sexy billionaire with a model girlfriend. Honestly I don't even see a point in my existence at the school or in any movie your possibly thinking of.
We walked into The Chemistry Lab and saw Miss Leon setting up the Apparatus for distillation, Is that honestly what were doing today? Distillation? I can do that in my sleep.
"Goon morning girls" She said smiling at us as we walked in,
"Morning miss" We responded together, Miss Leon was very pretty and very smart. She could answer any question you gave her on any subject, She had light brown hair up to her shoulders which she always kept up with a red ribbon and icy Blue eyes with a small frame and long thin legs. She was very slim and had naturally bright red lips and rosy cheeks.
"Miss Knowles, do you have a hair tie?" She asked me without looking up at me.
"Yes miss" I said before going over to my seat.
"Well then please do your hair, we wouldn't want any chemicals on it now would we?" She asked smiling up at me, I took my hair tie off my wrist and began to tie up my hair when Shontelle walked in with her group of girls making a bunch of noise. "Ladies! Ladies! Please stop making such a racket and get to your seats" Miss Leon said obviously annoyed as she continued with what she was previously doing. "Can we all open our books to page 278 and open your note books to the next day. Write the date and the title at the top and begin the starter please". She said before moving out of the way so we could all see the board and take down what she had said, I had always been a fast writer and so when I was done I began to read the page and didn't find anything I didn't already know. In this class room we had to work in working areas with one other person and I'm sure you can all do math and you'll realise that in my group of friends there are three of us. So someone needs to be alone, I chose to be alone while Kelly and Michelle work at the desk in front of me. It doesn't matter much since I would much rather be alone anyway, that way I don't need to wait for anyone else to finish the work or get distracted and there's no one to complain when I read ahead in the book.
"Miss Knowles!" I heard Miss Leon say, I lifted my head and looked at her. "Will you please tell me your answer to the first question" She said smiling at me, she always did that. She was a smiler, constantly smiling as if she didn't even know that there was war in the world and Climate change and Ebola.
"In a chemical reaction, Chemical Equilibrium is the state in which both reactants and products are present in concentrations which have no further tendency to change with time." I said shyly as I felt my face turn red as all of the eyes in the room locked on to me.
"Very well done Miss Knowles" She smiled before turning to look around at the entire class and I breathed out heavily as if the entire world had been lifted off my shoulders.
"Now!" She began, " Can anyone tell me, when this usually occurs?" She asked, I knew the answer but I didn't put up my hand, I looked around and noticed that no one had put up their hand at all. "Oh come on, no one?" She asked looking around the room.
"Miss Knowles choose someone to answer the question" She said looking at me, My eyes widened as I gulped and looked at her confused.
"M-me? w-why me?" I asked her stuttering causing Shontelle to release a little laugh. Miss Leon had obviously heard this so turned to her and smiled.
"Miss Evans It seems you have a lot to say so why don't you answer our question" She smiled, Shontelle's smile fell from her face as she looked at the teacher confused.
"Miss Leon, If I knew the answer then I would have raised my hand" She said with annoyance falling from her voice.
"Well then, unless you have anything scientific to say, don't say it. Don't laugh unless the joke is a science joke and do not disrespect another student. It's just rude." Miss Leon's smile remained on her face as she spoke to Shontelle before looking back at me. She looked around the class one more time and I knew that if no one raised their hand she would ask me so I quickly wrote it on a piece of paper and handed it to Kelly who then raised her hand.
"Ah Miss Rowland, Yes" Miss Leon said.
"It usually occurs when the forward reaction proceeds at the same rate as the reverse reaction miss" Kelly answered proudly before Josh spoke from the back of the class.
"miss, if were doing Chemical equilibrium then why do you have an experiment for distillation set up?" Josh asked. Josh was a white boy and that's pretty much all there is to know about him, he's going out with one of the cheerleaders and that's it. Honestly he's completely irrelevant.
"well Josh, you are all going to do your own experiment for Chemical equilibrium and the distillation practical if for my younger students which I have next period" She explained.
So far the day had been nothing but the usual, I had done Chemistry, Psychology and Human geography and so now it was lunch and I was sitting at the table alone as usual on Mondays. This was because on Monday Michelle had to be at her debating club and Kelly had to be with the track team planning for the summer, and as you could have probably guessed by now... I didn't mind.
"Honey c'mon" I heard Shontelle's voice whine from behind me.
"Nah man, I got a game tomorrow I cant be doing that shit" I heard another voice reply, I didn't bother turn to see who it was but instead continued to read my book.
"Baby I'll make it worth your while" she said, I think I'm gonna be sick.
"Yo chill I don't roll like that" The boy replied, I laughed in my head before she spoke.
"But I just want to spend the night with you, we did it before" Her voice was softer and more annoying then usual as she tried hard to persuade who I'm assuming was her boyfriend to spend the night with her.
"Yeah I don't want to do it again girl damn" He said before smacking his lips and I sipped on my orange juice. "Telle, I got a game tomorrow, I need to practice after school then do my homework then eat my moms bomb food help my little sister get ready for school tomorrow and sleep. where in that do you see time for me to go to your house fuck you without your parents knowing and go home?" He asked her, I could just imagine him rolling his eyes right now. In the corner of my eye I looked over to their table and just managed to see his timberland shoes before I pulled my gaze away in fear that she might catch me. I then heard him get up and saw him walk down the hall toward the exit, he was wearing a basketball jersey with black baggy jeans and timberland boots. I only saw the back of his head which was well cut with a good shape up and a snap back on backwards with a basketball in his hands. He was around, 6'3 and had dark skin.
"Why the fuck you looking at my man for?" She asked me, I turned my head away and looked down at my book. "Cat got your tongue?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I was just looking around the room" I said not lifting my head from my book,
"Well it's not like I need to worry about yo ratchet ass anyway. You probably still a virgin" She chuckled before turning away from me and talking to her friends. If your wondering then the answer is yes, I'm still a virgin much like many other girls in the school and I'm perfectly proud of that because I don't open my legs to any random boy who says they love me, Kelly on the other hand. Well Kelly had an "Eventful" Summer. Don't even bother ask about Michelle, the girl doesn't even know what an orgasm is. I picked up my things once I had finished eating the lunch my mom had made me then walked out of the cafeteria before walking down the hall and bumping into someone.
"I'm sorry" I said quickly, I didn't look at the person but I sure as hell did feel them. They were like a brick wall and much bigger than I was, I went to walk around them and then I heard the same voice as earlier.
"Nah I'm sorry Ma" The person said after me, "Uhhhh See you around" After that I heard a basketball being bounced on the ground as they walked away and I simply shook my head. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I recited to myself, Of course I would bump into Shontelles Boyfriend, I'm just surprised he didn't push me back down to the ground after I stood up. I know she would have.
"Hey!" I heard the same boy yell from behind me. I stopped and thought about whether I should turn or not, they could be about to throw food on me for all I know. They did it before. "You dropped your book!" He said, I heard his footsteps come up behind me so I turned around and looked at his hand before taking the book.
"Thank you" I said quietly and just above a whisper.
"It's cool ma, It's a great book but your probably gonna hate the end" He chuckled before turning away and this time I was sure he was gone. After what he said I could help but wish I had spoke to him more, I never though that anyone with any sort of popularity would have read this book, The Goldfinch wasn't a very popular book and not many people had heard of it but here this basketball playing popular cheerleader fucking cool boy comes and says he's read it. Not only did he say that he's read it but he said it to me. Me of all people, that shy little girl in the corner. Someone he's probably never even noticed before what just happened and I want to continue to talk to him. I have this strange feeling inside me to talk to him about any and everything even though all he said was one sentence, even though it's as if his girlfriend will surely have me beheaded, I know him not at all and he said nothing especially beautiful or outstanding. I just want to talk to him and I have no reason why, I want to know that he is in the same room as me because somehow it makes the room a better place to be in and however irrational and illogical it may sound I want it all. And Yet, I don't even know why.