Pia.
I continue to mutter as many curse words as I can as I scramble about my room, throwing on the first items of clothing I can get my hands on. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I actually woke up on time for school.
Pulling on the first hat I find to suppress my out of control hair - that I haven't even bothered running a comb through - I pound down the stairs in my clunky boots.
Mom doesn't even look up as I enter the kitchen, she's too busy getting all the kids in control. There are cheerios everywhere and the kitchen is a mess. Mom's already in her uniform - she's a nurse at the local hospital - obviously ready to go as soon as the nanny gets here.
"Pia, don't skip breakfast," She tells me, using a cloth that's more-than-likely dirty to clean up spilled milk off the floor.
I grab an apple and my skateboard, heading out the backdoor, not really meaning to slam it behind me. Taking a big bite of it, I shove it in the pocket of my Letterman jacket and throw my board to the ground, hopping on as quickly as possible.
When my eyes land on my younger brother, Scott, sitting at the bus stop, I let out another swear word. I'm usually long gone before he goes to wait for the bus.
"Why don't you just ride the bus? You're going to be late," Scott asks me as I skate past him.
"I'd rather eat your shit," I call out, trying my best to skate with speed.
I glance over my shoulder, seeing the younger brother that resembles me so much, it's rather scary. He wears a smirk on his lips as he shakes his head. The only person he resembles more than me, is our father, which is probably why mom loves him more than me.
Or perhaps it's because he's never been arrested and doesn't have over a dozen tattoos. I mean, the reasons could go on and on.
It's not like I'm bitter or anything. Some kids get along with their parents and some don't; it's as simple as that. It's not like I'm going to be living with her for my entire life. Less than a year from now, I'll be long gone and neither of us will have to worry about the other ever again.
At least a girl can dream...
Kicking off of the pavement, I skate faster than I ever have before. I pass several kids from my school on their drive there. They glance in my direction and watch me carefully. Most kids keep their eyes on me at school. They're waiting for me to do something entertaining that they can talk about later, like fight another girl or something stupid like that.
I used to actually have a social life that didn't involve sneaking out, drinking, drugs and parties, believe it or not. Back in the days of my innocence, I'd have normal sleepovers with girls and talk about girl things like going shopping and which boys we thought were cute.
That was all before Jace.
It's really a rather cliché story. I was the innocent little girl, new to high school; he was the bad boy that smoked, drank and broke all the rules. For some reason, he liked me. Perhaps it's because when he tried hitting on me the first time, I told him exactly where he could shove his pickup line.
I've always been such a charmer...
It didn't take long for me to be sucked into the excitement of the rebellious boy. He was sneaking me out of my house on school nights, taking me to parties with lots of booze and an assortment of drugs. I did pretty well staying away from it all, but I'm not made completely of steel.
Once I started, I never stopped. I was skipping classes every day to hook up with Jace in the back of his car; going with him on drug deals. Jace even gave me my first tattoo, the 'x' on my hipbone. Now every time I'm stripping out of my clothes, I think of him. I think that was his intentions...
Then one day, completely out of the blue, he stopped talking to me. He didn't answer my phone calls or my text messages. He pretended not to notice me in the hallways. Without a single explanation, he dropped me from his life.
It's totally fine though. I don't need him or any of his shit. Nobodies first love ends up working out anyways, so it's not like I should've been surprised.
Frustration pulses through my body as it often does when my mind wanders back to Jace, I push off of the pavement with my boots, gritting my teeth against each other. My mood does not improve when my school comes into view.
The warning bell rings as I skate through the parking lot, paying no attention to the cars trying to hurriedly find a spot. A few of them honk at me, but I just roll my eyes. I'd like to see them try to hit me with their cars...
"Sleep in again, slut?" A loud voice calls out, taking my attention from the pavement speeding past the wheels of my skateboard.
I look up to see my entire band of weirdos standing outside the doors of our school. Trax smirks at me, to which I respond with a flick of my middle finger.
After Jace left me, these guys took me in. They were good friends of his, but they got dropped as well by Jace. From what I've heard, he's got into some pretty serious shit. It's probably a good thing he's not with us anymore. I'd rather not end up dead in some ditch from a heroin overdose.
I hop off of my board, scooping down to pick it up quickly. Alright, so I had intended to actually go to English, but fuck it.
My eyes scan - as they always do when I get together with my friends - for a certain brown haired, blue eyed person. When I finally spot him, my stomach does little flips.
Jake Feldson.
To make my life even more screwed up, I happen to be ridiculously in-love with one of my best guy friends. I don't even know how it happened. Just one day we were hanging out and - BAM! - every inch of my brain was screaming at me to kiss him.
Of course he doesn't know this, what, am I completely an idiot? Jake's not that kind of guy; the relationship type. He sleeps around with any girl he lays eyes on, except me, of course. I'm just 'another one of the guys' to him. Just call me the queen of the friendzone.
Not a single soul knows and I intend to bring it to the grave with me. If any of the other guys found out, they'd harass me until I jumped off a bridge, and still, they'd make immature jokes at my funeral, I'm sure.
Jake and I are really good friends. I wouldn't dare give that up for some stupid feelings in the back of my head. Plus nothing about love sounds appealing to me. It only leads to heartbreak and disappointment. I'll just wait out the feelings and I'm sure they'll pass.
My eyes catch Jake's and my lips pull down into a frown. His eyes are clouded with stress and other troubles.
I think one of the main reasons I started to fall for him is because he's real. Not in the sense that he lives and breathes, but he's got flaws. He seems like one of the only people that wouldn't go running the other way with me and all my baggage.
His imperfections make him even more desirable to me.
& that's the problem...
* * * *
"All I wanted was for you to not desert me in English class, was that asking too much?" I'm greeted by a very irritated Clove the second I plop my lunch tray down at our usual table.
Clove is the only friend I have from my innocent days; or my 'BJ' days, as Clove calls it. Before Jace. She's the closest thing I have to being a normal teenage girl. We even have sleepovers, granted they usually end up with Jake coming and picking us up and dragging us into something troublesome.
But it's a sleepover, nonetheless.
I shoot her my best 'I'm-sorry-but-it'll-probably-still-happen-again-tomorrow' smile as I take my seat. She lets out a low groan, knowing I'm completely hopeless, but then she drops it. That's why we're still friends. She's not your typical girl that literally drags everything out for all it's worth. We're much like guys where we get mad at each other, but the next minute we're laughing over something stupid someone else did.
I wouldn't have it any other way. My eyes glaze across the bustling cafeteria, resembling some sort of big city. People are running all over the place, knocking into one another. You have to nearly shout to be able to hear the person next to you.
With a roll of my eyes, I turn my attention to my rather pathetic lunch in front of me. The perks of being a kid sitting below the poverty level; free lunches. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch in jealousy as Clove stuffs her face with an assortment of junk.
"How you're not three hundred pounds, I'll never know," I remark, picking up my flimsy slice of pizza, staring at it with disgust.
Clove simply shrugs and opens a bag of deliciously greasy potato chips.
As always, my eyes glance across the cafeteria as Jake walks in with the rest of the guys in tow behind him. It's rather funny how hardcore guys like Trax, follow him around like a puppy dog. They push their way, not giving a shit about the scrawny freshmen that goes sprawling to the ground, parting the crowds in the cafeteria like Moses himself.
"What a group of charmers they are," Clove snorts as they slump through the lunch line, just grabbing whatever they like. The lunch ladies glare at them as they throw crumpled up dollar bills at the register and leave without acknowledging them.
Jake looks up, his eyes meeting mine all the way across the room. He seems in much better spirits than before. It makes me feel a lot better; seeing him all sad and depressed bothers me more than it should. Usually this is a red flag. When I start caring about others is usually when I take my leave.
That way I'm not there when they're disappointed in me.
"Ay, Clove, you're looking sexy as ever," Daimon smirks as he takes a seat at our table beside her. Daimon's life is a constant journey into Clove's panties. The corners of my lips turn up as I watch her scoff and scoot her chair closer to mine.
Trax takes the seat next to me, leaving Jake to sit directly across from me. He watches Daimon's irritated expression with amusement as well. I do my best to keep my staring to a minimum. Instead I pretend to be focused on the mashed potatoes plopped down on my tray.
"You guys getting psyched for tonight?" Spencer asks, parts of his lunch spilling out of his mouth as he chews in a disgusting manner. I can't help but to crinkle my nose and shake my head. How this kid isn't a virgin, I'll never know...
"What's going on tonight?" Clove perks up, a mischievous grin appears on her face.
My eyes glance over to my friend - who's arms are just as tatted up as mine are, if not more - and I can't help but to feel slightly responsible. When I started to spiral downwards, Clove followed closely behind. Sure, she's not into all the heavy stuff that I am, but she's certainly picked up on my partying tendencies.
But hey, she's a big girl. She makes her own decisions. She knows what she's getting herself into... Most of the time.
"Jake's throwing a giant rager tonight," Daimon answers her, eyeing her up excitedly. I know the only thing running through his mind right now is how to get Clove as drunk as possible so that he has a slight chance of hooking up with her.
I glance over to Jake to see him forcing a grin on his face, trying his hardest to look happy. No one else seems to notice. Guilt eats at my gut - a thing that doesn't happen very often to me. I was perhaps a little pushy when suggesting the party earlier. From the looks of it, Jake could use a minute to himself.
But he always feels better after partying; we all do. That's why we do it. To get that small bit of fulfillment that we can't quite get anywhere else. He'll be thanking me tomorrow morning.
Clove starts chatting excitedly with Daimon, Spencer and Jake about the party. I know there's no use even trying to keep up with her. When Clove starts going, there's no stopping her.
From beside me, I feel Trax scoot his chair closer to mine. I can smell the drugs wafting from his breath as he leans in to whisper in my ear,
"You can supply the goods tonight, right?" He speaks quietly, knowing better than to let the others know of my little secret.
Sure, the others know I've always got the drugs covered, but Trax knows the most. He's pretty good at keeping it hush. I don't really want my private life being paraded around, especially if it puts my entire life at risk.
I bite my bottom lip and nod, which earns a pat on the head from Trax. He jumps into the conversation going around the table without missing a beat. My minds too occupied to even try keeping up with everything.
Being as discreet as possible, I take my cellphone out beneath the table. My fingers slightly shake with nerves as I text my guy.
You got any more? Feel like supplying for a party tonight?
I know he's not going to be very happy with me. I just got some new stuff last night and it's already gone. He's probably going to make me sell tonight as well, which will make actually enjoying myself a little bit more difficult.
But I'll do whatever he says. I have to. I can't even imagine what would happen if I even tried to stand up to the guy. He just exudes this intimidating air about him. I pride myself over the fact that I'm pretty fearless. It takes an awful lot to get me shaking in my boots, but this guy could get me wetting my pants in a matter of second.
Another thing I can thank Jace for.
My phone buzzes and I glance around the table to be sure the conversation's still resuming without me. Jake's eyes meet mine and he shoots me a confused and slightly concerned glance. I give him a smile in return.
Meet me in 15.
Just as I had suspected; not so good.
I can feel my nerves eating up in my gut, making me nearly chew my bottom lip off. Jesus, I need a smoke.
"I've got to tell my brother to ride the bus home, I'll be back," I get out of my seat, trying my best not to appear jittery.
"I'll come with you!" Clove smiles at me with a friendly grin, getting out of her seat as well.
"No!" I put my hands out, stopping her dead in her tracks. I watch as the smile slowly slips from her face, leaving her confused instead, "Finish lunch, I'm fine," I insist, turning around before she can argue any more.
I don't mean to keep things from Clove and them all, I really don't. They're my friends and I know I can trust them, but it doesn't make things easier. I'm used to being on my own and I prefer it actually. That way another Jace doesn't waltz in and end up ruining everything.
My feet move quickly through the cafeteria, passing the jocks like Mason and Noah, and the irritatingly peppy girls that hang off of them like Sarah and Liz. Their eyes follow me all the way to the doors to the cafeteria. I shoot them a dirty look before throwing open the doors.
Before I disappear out of the cafeteria, I glance back towards my table. Clove has already gotten over it and is in conversation with the others about something. But Jake's eyes are still on me. He gives me a small smile, making my heart flutter rather uncomfortably. I feel my palms getting sweaty on the door, so I move even more quickly.
The minute I'm outside in fresh air, I dig my hand in my bra and pull out the half-smoked joint that I saved from earlier. I light it as quickly as possible, my hands shaking as I walk down the sidewalk. I glance nervously over my shoulders to be sure no one's following me.
The second the smoke fills my lungs, I close my eyes in relief. Exactly what I needed. I can feel myself calming down with each puff. My legs feel more stable beneath me and my hands become steadier.
Pulling my jacket tight around my body, I cross the street. My feet move on their own - I know this path better than I know myself - as I enjoy the pleasures coming from this small rolled up heaven between my lips.
After I turn a few corners, going a few more blocks down, I see a hooded figure waiting beside the stop sign, just like always. He bounces from foot to foot impatiently, making me pick up the pace.
"I just gave you stuff last night, Pia," He greets me with a stern face.
Beneath his hood, I can see his tattooed face watching me carefully. I don't dare make any snide remarks or stupid little comments. I've seen what he's capable of.
"I know, but my friend's throwing this party tonight and they're in desperate need of some fun," I explain, speaking lowly just in case there are curious ears around us.
With the mention of the party, the gears in his mind start turning, just as I figured they would. He sees all the business opportunities waiting to happen.
"Well, I definitely have some fun," He grins, showing off a grin with a couple holes in it.
I watch him as he carefully shoves his hand down his pants, feeling around. I bounce in place, doing my best to keep warm in the cold weather.
"It's some Grade A stuff here," He pulls out a small baggy stuffed to the top with an assortment of drugs; pills, powder, weed.
It's probably worth more than my entire house and he's giving it to me to be responsible for. There's no way I'm going to be able to sell all that tonight. The kids at our school aren't hardcore enough for that.
"It's all I've got left, so it's either the party pack, or nothing," He catches the skepticism in my eyes.
Jake's clouded blue eyes come to mind as I realize I'm pretty much to blame for all of this. I always am. I get myself in situations that are damn near impossible to get out of. This party tonight's not going to go well if there aren't drugs, then Jake will be even more down.
The back of my brain pushes my hand forward, reaching for the baggy. It's the same part of my brain that's always telling me to kiss Jake. It's the absolutely stupid part of my brain, I'd say.
"Have fun, kid," I'm left alone at the corner, stuffing the inside of my jacket with the party pack as I puff on the last of my joint.
Wouldn't my dad be so proud?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AN: This chapters is dedicated to @4emma4everago for her lovely character Pia :)
The song on the side of this chapter is: Youth by Daughter <3 check it out!
Leave your thoughts on Pia, whether you like her, or not! :)
Thanks guys!