Naeun POV:
It's been a week since we filmed our last time in We Got Married. The feeling is strange,now that I have nothing to look forward to.
I never thought that I would actually get the feeling of being "Virtually Married".
I had a good and hard time but the hardest part of it was; it never intended to last long. I can't imagine how it would be easy to forget such feelings. . .
How someone was pushed to you at a sudden time and now that person is pulled back from you. Like he was something I just borrrowed.
What a show.
I'm thankful for this though,because of this I knew him.
Lee Taemin.
"Yah. . . It's starting!" Chorong shouted as she pulled me to watch with them. I wish she could tell by the looks of my face that I wasn't interested to watch.
I couldn't help but walk hazily to the TV set as all the members gathered. I don't know why I found myself watching the last of it but still; I am now. All of us settled down quietly as if we were watching some great romantic comedy movie.
Actually it was,
except that this story has no certainty of a happy ending, it was just an ending.
The ending of my virtual marriage. Nothing more, nothing less.
I sat quietly next to Eunji, looking around everyone just seems so quiet.I guess they too aren't expecting much happiness from this. They know too well that it was my last with him. Even so, they wanted to see how it has ended for their curiousity.
I sat there watching as if I don't know what will happen. The scenes soon came indicating its close.
I looked down, knowing I will never be able to watch it without my tears falling. I was sure enough that tears had come rolling down my cheek. Looking away, I quickly wiped them off before any of them would notice it.
As my eyes avoided the television set, it landed on my members who were too focused on watching. Looking at them, their eyes began to water.
Soon, I felt Bomi crying. Hearing her sniffs and all, it made me sure that she was. One by one everyone just teared up. My eyes turned its gaze towards the television as Taemin began to sing. I watched as I may never hear him sing for me.
The thought along just made me wish that time would just stop. That he was really mine and not just for some time.
Why did I agree to be played with this? All along I thought of the program as a mere entertainment show, something that wouldn't involve my emotions personally; yet here I was acting so unprofessional. In everything I did, I knew that I was totally honest with it.
Even if it meant my feelings...
As he sang, I didn't bare holding back my tears. They all came down as I felt too weak to compose myself...

"Could you remember only this?
That I lived by your side for a while...
I may see you on streets sometimes
So I try to tidy up my shabby look on a mirror
Are you not sick? I'm concerned about you a lot. . .
You must be happy,but I'll pray for you.
Remember even though you meet another man
That I lived by your side for a while..."-
His voice soon cracked, as he too was near in tearing.
"The lyrics are sad" - Taemin said as he held my hand.
True enough they really were. For the first time, I could see him tearing, his eyes watery like mine. Hearing him, his voice. I know he is less emotional than I am but this time he showed me that side of him. I really was thankful.
For everything. . .
The scenes slowly drifted to the end of it. It finally caught me.It really has ended.
I wiped my last tears as I stood up first, stretching, trying to act normal. My members soon got up and I met their gazes. They all looked at me, as if they were sorry.
"What's wrong ?" I asked as if I was some stupid person.
"Oh Naeun-ah, it's just sad that you ended like that." Bomi unnie was still wiping off her tears.
"Yes- it is. . .But we all knew it was never intended to last long, right? " I quietly hugged her tightly. Namjoo then turned to Bomi and quickly flicked her ear.
"Yah, Bomi-unnie. Why are you acting like that? You're not the one who needs comforting."
"Oh- sorry."- Bomi began." I think I was too in it."
Chorong,Eunji,Hayoung and I began to laugh. The atmosphere lightened a little as Namjoo said that. Naturally, Bomi has always been more emotional than any of us.
Maybe a little Over-Emotional?
Soon as Bomi was back to her senses, we all decided to eat our early dinner. All of us seemed tired with our eyes, when we had been crying. We all decided to have our food delivered as we were too bothered to cook.
Ice packs were handed out to each as we waited for the food. We let them rest on our eyes to let its soreness go. Too bad, ice packs can't heal sad hearts.
Dinner came fast. We had ordered bibimbap and beef intestine soup. Sitting down, dinner soon began.
Eating.
Talking.
Eating.
Talking.
We didn't speak of the show since it involved me and I was thankful for that. Somehow I sensed their sensitivity for me.
Finally we all rested,everyone seemed tired. Namjoo and I headed. to our room.
" Naeun-ah?"
"Yes?"
" Naeun-ah, you haven't unpack you boxes yet? The room looks full if you just keep them there."
I turned towards the boxes direction.They lay still,waiting to be opened...
Should I open them?
My thoughts came swimming all over the place.I guess now isn't a good time to do that.
I looked at Namjoo. She hasn't climbed up to her bed instead she sat on the floor as if she was anticipating for something...
I guess she was like the boxes : WAITING...
" Mianhae Namjoo, but ...
I don't think I'll unpack them now. I hope you understand why."
"It's okay, I understand."- She sighed. "How I wish Taemin sunbae would have fit in your box...
Maybe that's the only way I'll see you lighten up that face of yours."
I knew Namjoo was quite disappointed that I didn't open the box. She was more worried about me now. I know by her tone that she was. I felt sorry but I know I should feel sorry for myself if I try to push myself to it.
When Namjoo climbed up to her bed, I dimmed the lights down. I lay in my bed. Scribbling little notes for my diary. I didn't feel sleepy at this hour. I lay in my bed as if I was asleep. I hate this time, its the time were my thoughts were just over me. I feel nothing now but my thoughts were filled with him. I remember that day so well. They may have seen what was happening but after that long warm hug it was all bursting in me. I knew at that time it would be a long,long time before I get over him. The guy who taught me how to love and be loved.
I remember it too well...
.
.
.
.
.
.
I could remember what happend behind the camera, what happend after that long embrace.
I felt him. His warmth, while hugging him, his scent and just him. I closed my eyes hoping that maybe somehow I would remember him this way.
He hugged me tightly but soon he was slowly moving away from that moment.
" Oppa?"
"Yes?"
"Can I hold onto you like this for a moment?"
He didn't answer me but I know that he would let me. He didn't move, he hugged me tight until I knew I had to let him go.
I couldn't hold back my tears anymore for this, I know this would be our last. I guess I have to do this. I have to or I might regret that I didn't.
He pulled back and reached my face. I turned away hoping that he will not see me this way.
"Why? Why are you crying?
It's not that we will not see each other anymore. It's not that we will say that I won't see you forever right?"
I was lost for words. I know he was trying to lighten up things for me but I guess nothing will. It's like breaking up though ours was VIRTUALLY.
"I don't know...
I never intended to cry really.It's just that we won't be this way anymore...
Even if we see each other in the future, it'll never be the same."
By that time, he said nothing.I guess he felt the truth in it. Silence became our language. We only held hands, looking at each other but time was running. I know the moment would come that I would really have to let go.
The silence broke when SHINee manager came to us. He approached Taemin and whispered him something. He nodded in response and turned to face me for the last time.
" Naeun-ah, I uhm..."
I felt that he was already asked to leave. He didn't know how to say that he was, so I mustered myself to let him go now.
"I know...
you have to go,right?" -I begun.
He nodded.
I was relieved that I wouldn't go ahead of him. I didn't want to leave first. It would make me feel uneasy that I just left him there. I maybe would have gone back to him.
"Well you should go...
Manager hyung is waiting for you." I said giving him a weak smile.
" Will you be okay here?" -He asked as he stood up, preparing his stuff and his coat.
"Yes, I guess so."
" Take care then?"
"Take care..."
"I'll see you when I do right?"
"Yes..."
"So, I guess this goodbye?"
"For now, it is..."
I stood up and held out my hand. He held it and I shook hands with him for the last time as my husband.
This has to be the hardest,to just let him slip away. I quickly grabbed my hand away from his grip. It would just be harder to let go when I already held it.
As we broke off he then walked slowly towards the door. The closer his steps were to the exit, I too felt crushed. Looking at him walk away was not a nice sight.
It never will be.
I was hoping he would look back and smile at me but...
He didn't.
The moment his figure disappeared, I closed my eyes and the tears escaped from the corner of my eye.
Do all good things come to an end?
Remembering everything that just happend provided with me thoughts. Thoughts that I will never be able to get rid of easily.
I just hope now that sleep creep into me.
Author's note:
Hey guys. I just started this story, seems dramatic at the moment? But yes it has to be that way: heartbroken stage right? Hope you'll continue reading this little play of mine. Lots to come not just drama all the way. Lets have some butterflies too? Share me your thoughts guys!