'Play?' I mumbled shyly, 'I love games, Peter Pan, if you remember...' I said more confidently than I felt, but taking a step back to confidently stand my guard.
'Of course I do,' Peter mused and then turned to say mostly to the Lost Boys than me, 'And it was for that very reason, Tiger Lily, that I married you.'
When I had arrived in Neverland on the Jewel of the Realm, only Felix seemed to know that I was married to Pan, but now all of the Lost Boys seemed to know. It made me wonder why Pan decided to tell all of the Lost Boys.
Hoping he would let me go after he realised I wasn't willing to cooperate with everything, I continued, 'Oh c'mon, we were adults then.' I protested, reminding him of his advanced age spitefully. 'There were no games then, it was because Malcolm loved me and cared for me. Games may make you like me more now, but they didn't make you marry me then.'
'That's right we were older, but I was never an adult.' Peter Pan mused, looking out into the middle distance theatrically. 'I was never a boring adult, and neither were you, otherwise I wouldn't have fallen in love with you, right boys?'
They all whooped and cheered mockingly. I put my hands on my hips and pouted, annoyed that he had wiped out his entire adulthood, including me, the memories, falling in love with each other, our life together, our house, our jobs and even our son. 'Don't be afraid to grow up, Peter Pan. It's only a trap if you forget how to fly.'
Pan laughed, 'And that, Tiger Lily, is why I became Peter Pan: because I forgot how to fly.' He looked almost sad for a brief moment, but he snapped from his mourning into joy again, 'But I never forgot how to play games and have fun.'
'I don't want to play any of your stupid games just to humiliate me.' I protested angirly.
'That was our deal, wasn't it? Become part of the Lost Boys as Lost Girl.' He reminded me, his eyes widened in amusement. I pouted, unsure of what to say. He took a step closer to me, smiling like Malcolm did. Only when his eyes shone with a mixture of pure happiness, sorrow and regret, with his sad smile only ever shown to me, did I ever see my husband in Peter Pan.
'I know.' I spat, ashamed and angry at myself. I felt sickened by this and by our agreement, remembering why I had promised myself never to make deals with him again. Yet, I stood up taller, not letting him see how I truly felt at the notion of becoming a Lost Girl. I was a strong warrior and I was certainly not weak.
'Well, Lost Boys never humiliate each other on purpose, our games are purely for fun, not bullying, except if its fun bullying.' Peter Pan added softly, making a subtle connotation to my adulthood. I remembered our time together when I finally told him about my real past, not the past he played a part in when he dreamt of Neverland. I told him I was bullied by them, so Malcolm promised never to allow bullying again. The Lost Boys seemed to realise this, sniggering with each other.
'I suppose they would, otherwise we both knew I wouldn't be part of it.' I replied stubbornly and he smiled approvingly, realising he had won the debate with lies. I had seen the Lost Boys and that they would fight one another, losing meant humiliation just because everyone watched you fight. Peter Pan took care of the Lost Boys, if he didn't then I would hate him even more, but he did allow them to be humiliated so that they became more ruthless and unforgiving.
'So is that a yes, you will play our games with us?' He mused, raising an eyebrow curiously. I thought for a long moment, lulling the thoughts calmly through my mind. 'You will become a Lost Girl and equal to a Lost Boy, respecting the games we choose.'
'Fine, I mean it's not like I have a choice.' I snapped angrily, folding my arms in front of my chest. Pan narrowed his eyes, but they weren't threatening. They were reminding him that he would accept me, but the Lost Boys would be less accepting of a girl who was snappy and didn't seem to want to be there. 'I mean, if it's a game your playing, why wouldn't it?'
'Good girl,' He smiled and rose from the tree he was leaning against, shooting me a wink and walking over to the Lost Boys and blowing some imaginary notes into a pipe. I raised an eyebrow, smirking at how ridiculous this island truly was. I remembered that pipe and the time I gave it to him like it was only yesterday:
#Flashback#
'Here.' I said smiling, passing the panpipes to him. He studied them carefully, turning them over on his hands to feel the groove of the pieces of bamboo fastened together. Malcolm smiled romantically, the smile only I exclusively ever saw.
'What is it?' He wondered gently, sliding down from the armchair to become closer to me, as I leant together making a small hat for Rumple, as winter was drawing closer. He brought it to his lips and blew, but as I suspected, I heard nothing.
'It's my promise to you in the form of panpipes.' I replied and when he still seemed slightly confused, I continued, 'I placed a charm on it so that it is magical. Only certain boys can hear it, you see. Boys who feel unloved. Boys who feel lost. That is why I can't hear it, because I am a girl.'
'What does it promise?' Malcolm asked, lifting the panpipes from his lips to look at me again.
'It is a reminder to you that I will always be there, no matter what. Every time you bring your lips to the panpipes, you are like kissing them goodnight, wishing my return. I promise I won't leave you, but I wanted to give you this just in case.' I told him and he smiled sadly, nodding, before he brought his lips to the instrument, and sweet music was playing. I didn't know whether he could hear it, but he never really grew up, so I knew he would.
#Flashback over#
I sat back on my log and sulked, not wanting to look at or talk to anyone. Peter Pan was just like anyone: selfish, cruel and heartless.
'Want to come along and speak to the other Lost Boys, Tiger Lily?' Peter asked, smirking at me. My eyes snapped up, then almost immediately travelled back down again so that I was looking at the feet, my comfortably bare feet. On the Jewel of the Realm I wore shoes because of rubber and leather, but the forest allowed my feet to be bare, which was always more comfortable and natural to me because it reminded me of my childhood.
'I'd rather be left alone, Pan.' I forced back tears, my heart tired of everything. I felt almost sickened by everything that had happened that day and all because Pan was spiteful and selfish enough to force me to stay in Neverland with the Lost Boys. Rumple was dead, Oliver was sent away, the natives had been slaughtered and now I was trapped in Neverland with Peter Pan again. I couldn't begin to comprehend what the uncertain future could hold.
'Is it true you gave up your magic so that you could gain eternal youth and live here with me?' Peter asked curiously and my eyes snapped up to meet his, biting my lip anxiously.
'The shadow only wanted part of my magic.' Came my ambiguous reply, but we both knew what that meant. I didn't want to talk about it, but Peter did, so we would. 'I just hate my magic, it cost me my family and you know it. The natives, the island, my husband and even my son. I wasn't sad to see it go.' I mumbled eventually.
'Never say that, Tiger Lily. Whatever magic you have left, whatever it does, you can't ignore it, you have to help it grow. Magic isn't a curse if you don't want it to be, it can be a gift. It won't go away, you have to learn to live with it and control it.' He mused, cocking his head slightly to the side to await my anxious reply.
'I can't control it, Pan, I don't know how.' I said loud and clear, frustrated with myself.
'Not with that attitude, Tiger.' He teased and he laughed, before sinking deeper into his seat on the log by the fire. 'You know, I can't help you with your magic, because I know it is very different from mine. I can control my magic one way, but you may have to control your own another way.'
'I told you, Pan, I can't control it. If you're so powerful, take it from me and then it can't burden me anymore.' I sulked angrily, staring back at the earth in dismay. There was nothing Pan could do to help me or my magic, I just wanted to be left alone. Magic had betrayed me and much like my husband, I wasn't willing to keep giving it multiple chances. 'It has only caused me pain.'
'But you're making matters worse by disabling your magic, I can see your eyes glaze over and darken whenever your sad or angry or afraid. You have to learn to control it and not let your magic disable itself with your pitiless emotion.' He explained lightly, his eyes becoming rather business-like.
'Disabling my magic? What if I don't want it in any circumstances, Pan?' I sighed and my eyes eventually left the floor to grind into his. He was suddenly before me, kneeling down and inspecting me closely, as if trying to puzzle me out. 'Magic isn't a gift, Pan, it's a curse.'
'Maybe to you,' He snapped angrily.
I swallowed heavily, allowing the conversation to wither to a natural close. Nobody apart from me noticed the leaves of the trees rustle like living things, because I was so angry, ashamed and betrayed by my own magic. It was then I realised Peter Pan was right; I had to learn how to control my power before it learnt to control me.
'You hungry?' Pan asked, dragging me out of my dream, his kindness threatening me. I decided the threatening side of him appealed to me more because honestly I knew him too well to feel like I couldn't trust his kindness.
'Not really.' I replied sorrowfully. I wasn't in the mood for eating anything at that moment.
'C'mon, you can't not eat, you'll be starved tomorrow. The Lost Boys won't save you portions for your sorrow.' He teased, nudging my side.
Peter Pan slinked his muscular arm around my waist so I didn't run and guided me towards the many logs set up for dining. 'C'mon, you must be hungry.' He decided defiantly. 'You'll be so hungry that your stomach might infect your brain and make you walk towards the food and even if you don't, I'll make you go anyway because otherwise-'
'Ok, ok, I'll eat.' I sighed eventually, tiring of his words.
'I do have expert persuading skills, don't I?' Peter teased, nudging me and I groaned once more, rolling my eyes at his arrogance and ignorance. 'Come and eat with everyone else.'
'I just want to be alone.' I whimpered.
Peter Pan grabbed my arm, his fingers so tight they were digging into my skin. I squealed in pain. 'You need to remember the rules pretty quickly, Tiger Lily, I don't like lies and I don't like you disobeying me. I most certainly wouldn't advise it.'
Reluctantly, I slumped down onto one of the logs and poked the food around on my plate. 'Eat.' Peter Pan ordered and my eyes travelled upwards to meet his.
'I'm not hungry.' I objected but he just shook his head and sighed.
'Tiger....' Peter Pan groaned, rolling out the words. 'Are you not famished? You've been refusing food for ages now. Eat, otherwise you'll be weak.'
'No.' I snapped, crossing my arms tighter around my body and glancing nervously at him, but Peter never broke his timeless stare with me.
'Eat, Kitten,' Peter said, pushing the plate of fruit and bread slowly towards me. 'Eat it.' His stern words caused me great discomfort.
I pushed my food around on my plate for a few more moments, but Peter's eyes glared angrily at me until I eventually scooped up a few pieces of fruit. But my mouth refused to open and my body couldn't even begin to cooperate with eating. I didn't want to eat, it was like giving in to him and I refused to do this.
Peter Pan sauntered over and leant in front of me.
'Look, you have to eat, Kitten, have a strawberry.' Peter Pan insisted, passing the plate of fruit towards me. Each strawberry was succulent, juicy and sweet. The deep red contrasted with the pale green leaves and created a colourful swirl on the tray.
'I'm not hungry,' I lied again sourly, I hadn't eaten for ages now and my body and mind demanded to be fuelled.
''Course you are, Kitten.' He smiled, passing me another strawberry. 'Tiger, our time is short and limited. When you see something good and sweet, you have to grab it and never let go.' He popped a strawberry into his mouth, the juicy flares erupting and creating a delicious taste in his mouth I was sure. Smirking slightly, he left me with a flourish, winking before he sat down opposite me, but his eyes never left me as I tried to resist eating.
Peter Pan sat down on the edge of the rock, leaning against the smooth edge and pretending to ignore me, like I was a wild animal that needed taming and didn't like people watching me. His eyes lifted up to the sky, where there were no stars, just a beautiful moon and ribbon of darkened cloud, hanging like a shadow of darkness. The muscles in his arm were relaxed, his hand rested on the back of his head. He looked almost comfortable.
The strawberries still lay on my lap, as tempting as ever. Eventually, realising that Pan wouldn't leave until I ate, I let the succulent juices of the luscious red berry dance in my mouth and send delightful shivers down my spine. I licked my lips to remove any morsels of the delicious juices from my lips and rolled my eyes at a very arrogant, satisfied Peter.