Warning: slight smut.
I don't think I can write full smut, but if I do later on, just bare with me :/
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~Levi~
I remember I used to see everything in black and white, like the world was drained from its colour. I remember looking at everything and feeling as if everything was dead, just how I used to be. In my eyes the world was rotten, dying, like all all the life had been drained from it, leaving it empty and meaningless.
But slowly, over the next few months, everything started regaining its meaning, colour and life. I could feel the warmth in my fingertips, feel the breeze in my hair, and my eyes could see the colour and life again. It wasn't like I was colourblind before, it was just that I saw no meaning in the world, I saw no meaning in myself; I was meaningless.
All the days we spent together, all the sleepless nights, each moment was carved into my brain, never to be forgotten. The countless kisses we shared never failed to leave me breathless, and they always left a tingling sensation upon my lips that always left me craving more.
Our small arguments always ended the same way; the both of us apologizing and sometimes hugging, but Eren was always the one to initiate it, since he always felt guilty after our arguments, no matter how stupid they were. There wasn't one argument that had ended with the both of us still angry, or with someone upset. I constantly made sure that Eren was always happy, or felt fine; I hated to see him upset in any possible way. If he was feeling upset, missed his friends, or on the rare occasion, cried because of his parents, I would do everything in my power to reverse his emotion. No matter how ridiculous I had to act or how ultimately stupid I had to look, I always managed to get a small smile out of him, and that made me feel good; it was nice to be someone's reason for smiling.
Even though I was usually stoic and introverted, especially around strangers, I sometimes had no trouble showing my emotions around Eren, but that was rare. I hated looking weak, absolutely despised it, but there were a few times where I just couldn't hold it in and ended up breaking down. And because Eren was always beside me, he was there each time. The first time I scared the shit out of him, but after a few agonizing moments, he pulled me into his arms and rocked me back and forth. Deep down, I was always glad he was there, even if he seen me in my weakest state, because if he wasn't, I'm sure I would've lost my mind at some point.
Even if I felt much better than I did before Eren, I still couldn't say that I was the same way I was before her. She did something to me that I couldn't bring into words. She had manipulated me and changed me, like I was some sort of school project that she decided to change at the last moment before it was to be presented. She deranged me then left me unfinished, and that left me a complete mess, an unfinished mess that would always be incomplete. And it frightened me that even Eren couldn't manage to finish me, no matter how much I wanted him to or how much he tried. I was doomed to be incomplete until the day I died.
After my breakdowns, Eren wouldn't mention them again. It was like he knew what was wrong without even having to ask, and that saved me from having to figure it out myself before I could explain it. I knew they were taking a toll on him, seeing as he always seemed to have this constant worried look on his face when he'd look at me, accompanied by a look of cautiousness, like he didn't want to trigger me. And like I said before, I hated looking weak, so I hated when he would look at me like that; like I was a weak little creature that needed protection, although I was completely capable of protecting and looking after myself.
Sometimes a thought occurred in my head, one that I hoped wasn't true. It was: 'What if she's dead?'. I couldn't handle the thought, just thinking about it nearly tore me to shreds. I admit it, I still loved her, but once you love someone, it's nearly impossible to stop. Love wasn't meant to just fade away and be forgotten. Once you love someone, you always do, no matter how hard you try not to; that's why I was so cautious with Eren, because I knew the aftermath of love if not treated properly. And I didn't want to go through it again, and I didn't want him to go through it either. It frightened me that he might, that I might break him like Petra broke me.
But loving Petra wasn't the only reason why I hoped she wasn't dead, although the other was quite selfish. If she was dead, then I would never receive an answer as to why she suddenly left. A part of me longed to know, while the other was afraid of what her answer might be. I was afraid that if she were to tell me, I'd try to change it to get her back, even if I didn't want her back, I wanted Eren, not her. But if she came back tomorrow or something, I wouldn't be mad. I would be happy, to be honest, and I would treat her as my friend, even after all the shit she put me through. I could never hate her, no matter what she did to me.
Day by day and eventually month by month, I got more comfortable with saying 'I love you' to Eren. We wouldn't say it all the time, only before bed, at the end of phone calls, or if the moment seemed right. Each time the words slipped from my mouth, they grew stronger and more meaningful. The words were meant to be cherished, and not to be overused so much that they lost their meaning like almost all words have.
Since both Eren and I agreed that Eren's job kept us apart for such a long time during the day, he got a job at the book store, which meant that we were together for almost the entire day. I helped the costumers and managed the shelves, which was only necessary if someone misplaces a book in the wrong place. And Eren occasionally worked at the cash register with Hanji or helped me if the book I needed to return to its spot happened to be on the top shelf. That happened too often, and I hated it and cursed my unreasonable height each time I had to call for Eren to help me. I always hated my height, while Eren says it matches me and that its cute, although I obviously disagree.
Eren and I weren't together as much as we were before, but we did see each other everyday. He still occasionally slept at my apartment or I slept at his, but we'd stay at our own apartments on school nights, since whenever we slept together, we ended up staying up for the most of the night, talking about nonsense or sharing soft kisses. During the days, we tried to do more outside things, like going to the park and taking walks. In the winter I hated going outside, but now that's it warmed up, I don't mind.
Eren and I spent his birthday at the abandoned park; we stayed there all night. He said he didn't want much, so I didn't get him anything. I know that if I said I didn't want anything myself, then I really didn't want anything, so I suspected that Eren was the same and he was. He said he hated getting gifts for his birthday. He said he hated his birthday in general, but I told him that it was his day of birth, and that if he hated it, he hated the fact that he was born, so therefore I loved it, and that ladies and gentlemen, is how to make Erem blush like a tomato.
Some days we would do absolutely nothing, just enjoy each other's presence. Sometimes we wouldn't even acknowledge each other, even when we were in the same room. But then one of us would cut the act and give in, and we both shared that role equally. When I cracked first, I'd find my way into Eren's arms and stay there without saying a single word, and he always accepted me happily. When he cracked first, he would stare at me and either cough loudly or make some other noise to get my attention. Once he did, he'd open his arms slightly, and so I'd nod and allow him to cuddle into my chest.
I was aware of how much I cared for Eren, and I knew how much he cared for me. I trusted him enough to tell him everything about me, and he understood and listened. I was afraid of what he would think, but he only smiled softly and told me I won't have to go through that again, and that he would always be there for me. After I told him my story, he told me his. I'd like to say I handled it well, although I was sure if his dad was still alive, I probably would've killed him, rhetorically, of course, but still. He deserved whatever he got for treating Eren how he did.
College seemed to get easier in a way, too, or it was just that I had gotten less lazy and actually did my assignments. Eren's tutoring helped loads, especially since Germany's education was probably much better than America's, or he was just smart in general. It bothered me a bit that he majored in Art because he was so smart. If he wanted, he could probably be a doctor, but nope, he said he likes Art. I was still undecided, but Eren wanted me to major in Literature so I could write a book or peom, but I don't think I would ever have the patience for it, or the right vocabulary.
I had even met a few of Eren's friends from college; Sasha, Connie, Jean and Marco. I had already met Jean, but not formally, and apparently he was dating Marco, at least that's what Eren said, but I couldn't care less about that fuck-face. Jean had lost all my respect even before I had met him. How can you cheat on someone? What goes on through your head that makes you feel like it's okay to be unfaithful to someone you love? If you loved them, then you wouldn't even think of cheating, so why think it's okay to do so? Jean certainly thought it was okay, and that was exactly why I went out of my way to be a bitch to him. Eren's other friends were okay though, even Jean's boyfriend, Marco. Marco was the type that you couldn't dislike, he was too nice and innocent. It made me wonder how Jean managed to snag someone so kind while he was just a douche himself.
Sometimes Eren, Hanji, Erwin and I would do something together, but only things like meeting up for pizza or Erwin would visit us at work. We weren't all happy together either, just chill, meaning we didn't hold hands and skip along while singing the theme song of Friends, although I'm sure Hanji would love to. Erwin seemed to like Eren, and Eren didn't mind Erwin either. They were the type of people who were mutual friends. Not fully friends, but they were friendly towards each other. Hanji on the other hand absolutely adored Eren. Eren was closer to Hanji than he was with Erwin, but he had known Hanji for longer so it was understandable. I preferred Eren to be friends with Hanji, to be honest, but only because I trusted her, while I was still a bit hesitant with Erwin.
I sometimes tagged along with Eren and his friends. They all seemed to like me and I didn't mind them, except for Jean. Jean was an absolute douche that annoyed me to the point where I almost hit him. While his boyfriend, Marco, was the friendliest of the bunch. I probably liked him the most, which was ironic because I liked Jean the least. It seemed as if everyone liked Marco the most, too, including Eren, who often earned jealous glances from Jean whenever him and Marco would speak. I often earned glares from Jean as well, but that was only when Eren and I would show affection, like a hug or short kiss. I suspected that Jean still had feelings for Eren, but that was his loss. Eren gave him a chance, but he abused it, so he had no right to be jealous of me.
While Eren made his own friends, I started to patch up things with Erwin like I said before. At a time we were inseparable, but now there were many awkward silences while we were together. It felt odd to be with someone you once called your best friend, but is now only a stranger. Yet I still allowed him into my life and eventually started to trust him again. When I wasn't with Eren, I would be with Hanji and Erwin, or sometimes just Hanji, and sometimes just Erwin. I preferred to be with Erwin because he didn't shout when he talked and was just as composed and calm as I was. He kept things chill and quiet, and that was the exact thing that drew me to him in the first place; I saw myself in him.
He liked almost all the same things as me, including quiet areas, like sitting on the hood of his car in an empty parking lot. I enjoyed the quietness, and the fact that the Stars were out. They never failed to remind me of Eren, and that was why I grew to like the night. My times with Erwin were never long, only an hour at most, but that was enough to contribute to our already rebuilding friendship.
"If you could have one wish, what would it be?" He asked, breaking the silence.
I gazed up at the stars while thinking, pondering several choices. I would like to own many things, have many superpowers, and know even more things, but how could I narrow it down into one wish? If I couldn't, then I'd rather have no wishes. But of course, me being my killjoy self, I decided my answer in probably the most obvious way possible.
"If I had one wish, I'd asked for, like, twenty more wishes. Then once I only have one left, I'll ask for twenty more."
"I would want to live forever."
"Oh. I thought you'd ask for smaller eyebrows."
"And I thought you'd ask to be taller."
"Fuck you."
He chuckled, raising his fists to lightly punch my arm. I shot him glare before looking back up at the sky, my phone suddenly interrupting my staring contest with the sky.
Eren: 9:12pm
I'm starving D: Are you still coming over?
I sighed and texted back, shooting an apologetic look at Erwin.
Levi: 9:12pm
I'll be over in a bit. Calm your tits, kid.
"Eren?" Erwin guessed.
"Yeah. Do you mind-"
"No worries. He lives on Garrison, right?" He asked, hopping off the hood of his car.
I followed suit, and hopped in the car before him. I was used to his car and treated it as if it were my own, that was how much time we had been spending together. We were almost like we used to be, except for the fact that our time was always cut short due to our 'busy' lives. I waited until Erwin got in before answering.
"Yeah, and if you don't mind, could you stop by my place for a second?" I asked, buckling up.
"Sure, because I love being your personal driver."
"Just drive, bitch."
He laughed lightly before following my orders and starting up the car. He started up a conversation that I didn't bother listening to. I thought he was talking about his work, but I wasn't too sure so I only nodded when I thought was the right time. Since I was getting tired of pretending to listen, I started fumbling around with the radio, which signalled him to stop talking. A few boring songs later, we pulled up to my apartment, so I hopped out and went up to my room to gather an overnight bag. While I was packing, I received another text. I suspected it was from Eren, but was surprised to see that it was from Hanji. She never usually texted me, only on rare occasions or if it was absolutely necessary.
Hanji: 9:27pm
Don't come into work tomorrow.
I slipped my backpack strap over my shoulder before exiting my apartment, making sure to lock the door behind me. I wrote a text back as I walked down the hall, confused as to why she was telling me this.
Levi: 9:28pm
Why not?
I didn't get a reply until I got back into Erwin's car, yet her answer wasn't even an answer, it was more of a demand. Erwin asked what was wrong, but I shooed him off.
Hanji: 9:29pm
Just don't, Levi, I'm serious. Don't let Eren come in either, and stay over at his place tonight and all of tomorrow. Also, don't answer any private calls. Just trust me on this.
"What the actual fuck?" I muttered, angrily texting back.
"Seriously, what's wrong?" Erwin asked, attempting to read the screen on my phone.
"Hanji doesn't want me to go into work tomorrow. She won't tell me why." I answered.
Levi: 9:29pm
We're not missing a day of work for absolutely no reason. So tell me why, shit-face.
Erwin gripped the steering wheel, his face hard as he drove. I waited for a reply from Hanji, but after over five minutes, I still didn't get one, so I started to fiddle with the radio again.
"Maybe you shouldn't go." Erwin said suddenly.
"Why not? Did someone put a hit on me?" I asked dramatically.
"Just don't, Levi. We're your friends, so trust us." He pleaded, causing me to roll my eyes in annoyance.
"What the fuck is going on?" I demanded, my tone angry and low.
"We can't tell you, so just listen to us, please, Levi." He pleaded again.
"Fuck. Fine, but I'll eventually find out, and you know I will." I growled angrily as I crossed my arms over my chest.
Erwin made several more attempts at a conversation, but I ignored him completely and stared out the window. The rest of the ride was tense and quiet, except for the radio that played horrible songs. When we finally got near Eren's apartment, I sent him a text that told him I was outside and to come open the door. When we pulled up, he was standing at the door, waving at us. I hopped out without a word and walked over to him.
"Hi." He sighed, smiling softly.
"Hey." I mumbled, walking past him and into the building.
Usually we would've greeted each other with a kiss, or maybe a hug, but I was too pissed off to do that. So without even glancing at him, I pressed the button for the elevator and waited, while he stood beside me. When the doors opened, I stepped inside and pressed his floor number.
"Levi?" Eren asked softly.
"Just." I muttered, waving my hand dismissively. "Don't."
"What's wrong?" He asked, now standing in front of me.
"Erwin and Hanji are beings dicks, that's all." I mumbled.
"Would a kiss help?" He asked childishly.
Before I could answer, he gave me a kiss on my forehead, letting his lips linger there for a moment. He pulled away when the elevator doors opened, and by then, my anger decreased.
"Better?" He asked.
I nodded once, causing him to smile and lead me down the hall. He opened his door and I followed him inside, making sure to take off my shoes at the door.
Eren's apartment wasn't at all big, yet it wasn't exactly small. It was pretty much the size of mine, which was meant for one person. But it had a cozy feel to it, and was relatively clean, so I didn't mind staying here. It reminded me of my own apartment, especially since his also had a balcony.
"So, you're hungry?" I asked as we sat down on the couch.
"Can we order pizza?" He asked.
"Sure, as long as it's cheese; I hate pepperoni." I replied.
He nodded and pulled out his phone. While he ordered the pizza, I went out on his balcony. The weather was warm tonight, yet me, being my temperature sensitive self, shivered anyways. I hated the cold, but tonight was a mix of the two. Warm, yet the cold still lingered in the air. Winter was long over, but the nights remained cool.
I wondered where Eren and I were headed. We cared deeply for each other, and even loved one another, but where were we going? Did I want to marry him? Would we be together for the rest of our lives? Probably not, because even if Eren didn't want to, he'd eventually leave. Everybody did, no matter who they were and how much I cared for them, they always left, whether it was against their will or if they died, just how my parents and uncle did.
Eren and I had been together for quite some time now, but I still refused to do anything more intimate than a kiss with him. There were many times where it almost happened, far too many to count, but I always managed to stop us at the last moment. There was one time when I didn't want to stop us, and it almost happened. It was almost unbelievable that we managed to get interrupted. I knew then that it wasn't the right time, since we were so close, but a phone call ended up interrupting us. And ever since then, I wasn't sure when the right time would come, or if it ever would.
Eren understood completely, since he also wanted it to be special. He knew my reason for always stopping us before we got too far, and why I was so cautious with him. Eren was smart, probably even smarter than I was.
"It'll be here in fifteen minutes."
I glanced over my shoulder at Eren, who was standing at the balcony doors. I nodded and returned to staring out at the city. It was a nice view, yet the rather annoying car honks and other city noises spoiled it. I was about to say something about the annoying sounds, but Eren's presence behind me stopped me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned his chin on my head. Before I was slightly cold, but now I was comfortably warm.
"So, we can't go to work tomorrow, huh?" He asked.
"Did Hanji text you?" I guessed, leaning back against his chest.
"So did Erwin, but I don't feel like missing another day of work."
"Then we'll go. Who cares what they want, 'cause I don't." I muttered.
"I know what I want." He cooed, his lips kissing my neck softly.
"And what is it?" I asked, tilting my head slightly to give him more access.
"You~"
"Eren, you horny bitch." I muttered, yet he continued to kiss my neck.
"I'm not horny." He insisted.
"I can feel your dick against my ass."
He laughed against my neck, while I only rolled my eyes. I went to push him away from me, but he turned me around and pulled me to him by the loops on my jeans. I kept my expression straight as he started to kiss my jaw, his hips rolling against mine.
"No, Eren." I groaned, pleasure overtaking me. "W-we're on the balcony."
I felt his hands trail down my back, while he continued to leave little butterfly kisses across my jaw and neck. I bit my lip to stifle the sounds of pleasure that were struggling to escape my lips. After minutes of struggling to keep in my moans and attempting to stop us, I finally gathered the strength to push as both into the apartment. I ended up pushing him all the way to the couch, causing him to fall and me land on his lap. He let out a low groan, but the noise was quickly muffled by my own lips.
And just like always, we were interrupted when a knock was heard at the door.
I hopped off him, flashing him a smile. "Sorry, Eren. Pizza's here."
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Over 1k reads, what the shit.
Thanks guys. And since I just hit over 1k a few days ago, I decided to make this a chapter a little longer, but my iPod is lagging as I'm typing this due to writing so many words xD
Sorry for any mistakes.