What happened to you...?
The sun burns out the morning haze, heating up the house where we begin opening all the windows. We start to bathe in our own sweat and stripping down to our underwear would've just been awkward for Shane, Tori and I.
"Okay, Shane," she begins, my mom, "remember where I kept the money for the week. Don't forget to call tonight or answer your phone and, uh..." She taps her chin, remembering more of her set rules we'll forget soon.
In reply, Shane shakes his head for the umpteenth time, trying to run them out of the house. Mom and dad geared themselves up for week vacation, with dad's impatience running through the sound of his lame old ass car honking. Mom, neither us, can't understand why he keeps the thing around. I know he giddies himself up for when it comes time to pass down the vintage car to me. "I got it, mom."
I'm not using that car when I get G2. I'd look super insane in one of those. Not to mention how annoying mom gets when it breaks down quite often. She always says one of these days it will betray his love.
"Trust me," Shane adds. I can't much relate to how Shane feels, the clear unnerving happiness, to what courses his mind as of now knowing the kind of wild animal his friends made him out to be. Can you believe he used to be so caring and loving and kind? Now he's an assbag, an asscreek, a douchebag asswipe I call a brother who teases Tori and I way too much.
Oh, yeah, Douchebag Asswipe... I like that one. And just because I'm laughing and tend to when he's sick and used to help him with his math homework when I'm the little brother doesn't mean, at all, that I love him or anything. I'm sure all other young brothers and sisters can relate.
Like Leone. Lee beats his ass so many times it's pretty funny. Then there's Levy and Chris who have no siblings and I crave for their luck.
In return, with exasperation mocking Shane, she sighs. She draws her arms around him, tightening her grip it seems. "Take good care of your brother and sister. Don't let them run off without permission or leave them to go with that Maliah girl or I will beat your ass when we get home." Everyone in the house takes her threats seriously.
After all, dad got his ass beat when he failed her simple tasks like washing the dishes and doing the laundry or even trying to rid him of his prime days – the vintage car. No wonder why us three are keen on doing the first two as to not let out asses get the hard, heated lick of her palm – or even worse, the belt, as we've so heard from Shane.
Oh, God. The shivers. Hell no to that.
"How many times have they died on my watch?" he asks her. Like always, he's probably raising a brow at her. They bicker a lot, and most of those banters are playful. So hearing mom's sweet, short lived chuckles assures how right I am. "None. Just trust me, mom."
"That's a bit hard when you party too much with those friends of yours. Like Maliah! Again!" Maliah, at first glance, seemed like one of those preppy girls, ones who raised the stakes of cheerleading and dated jocks. A stereotypical feminine girl. But my, man, she was far from that and I'm not afraid to admit she was a mighty fine beast – according to how Shane describes her. So it's clear they've already done a few things behind closed doors. And for whatever reason, she likes to pinch my cheeks. She's as weird as Tori. "Why can't you be more like Anthony?" I can't deny hearing his name curves my lips, and how many times I blush hiding it only to be caught with both on from Shane.
Imagine if he never made the first move, or if I hadn't liked him, any sort of reference of him wouldn't make e feel some type of way. And I'm glad he did.
I crushed way too hard on that beautiful man. It still puzzles me how a guy like me got a guy like him, who could get girls more freaky like Maliah and guys with a similar frame like him. And as always, I realize how much he adores my personality and it makes sense. For a while, I hadn't realized it until a few weeks ago. Every time I wonder if I love him... or if he loves me but I can't be too sure on how I really feel. What my feelings are.
Psychology would come in handy at this point.
"That's because Tony's an ass. You'll never see that when you or dad are around." She chuckled in reply again. "Now go and enjoy your time with Rafael and Shana." I've heard they were going down south to Islington, California, at some sort of western resort.
Hesitant at first, mom takes her leave with dad, the sign of his impatience by the blaring repeated honks of his vintage car. And when the sound his rusted car frees from our range of hearing, Shane comes back and takes a seat next to me again.
With his controller in hand, he turns to me grinning. "Ready to get your ass beat again?" he asks. I'll never understand why he thinks he's so God at Road Warrior. This may be round five, which we're in a draw, but c'mon. He can't underestimate my skills like some amateur playing for the first time.
Why look so smug, Shane? Don't make me punch you in the face, cheat and brag like you do. "Uh, no. How many times did I win?"
"Twice."
"And how many times did I beat you before?"
"Twice," he says. Same smug grin. "Out of forty-five. So, you're saying again?"
This is why I will forever call him a Douchebag Asswipe for as long as I live. Tori better get on track with this, too. "I do not like you anymore. You are not my brother."
"Oh, really?" At first I'm confused, until it dawns on me too late when his fingers quickly latch around my sides and fiddle. All I can do is squirm in his grasp, laughing and panting and kicking at him. But damn his frame, like if my kicks are nothing more than a mere kids punch.
I'm basically a kid to him when I'm almost seventeen. Just the rest of my junior year and then all of senior year left before I'm an adult. Well, a young adult at that. Why can't my birthday be in, like, May or April and not July?
Sigh... four more months to go.
"Stop, you ass." I can try sounding demanding if I wasn't laughing out each word, breathing in between. "You douchebag asswipe."
"Douchebag asswipe, eh?" Faster and faster his finger make me squirm more and the harder it gets trying to break free before I die.
"Oh my God, Shane," a voice says, drawing from behind us and Shane jerks up. My lucky saviour who happens to be Tori when we look. Never thought I'd say that. "Don't give the guy a boner now. Like, I know you two jerk off with Chris and stuff but c'mon, act like you're fully blood-related." A burning sensation creeps on my cheeks and I turn my face away.
Why did I have to have such crazy siblings?
"I do not jerk off with Chris!" I said. "Or Shane..."
"Right. That's not what Leo says." I turn back to face her, watching her wiggle her eyebrows and come in closer.
I deadpan eyes at her now. "I'm gonna kill him..." I whisper to myself but of course, they both hear and smile. Bursting out in laughter afterwards and I sit myself up straight, back turned against them and arms crossed over my chest. Screw those two. I don't like them anymore.
I blame hormones.
"So, Shane..." she begins, no doubt swaying from side to side from the heel of her foot to her toes. And as usual, Shane would cock an eyebrow in question. The usual routine of Tori wanting something from him because she knows she'd get it. Dad would say no, mom would too and Shane was the only caring one despite how much of an ass he was. "You're gonna give me 40 bucks, right?"
Here would come to the shaking of his head and his chuckle I hear. "Why do you need 40 bucks? Where are you going?"
"Out with Toms."
"And what are you and Thomas doing?"
"Going out."
"Where?"
She sighs, probably stopping her sways and crosses her arms. "We're going to a parade. Logan's driving us."
"What kind of parade?"
She sighs again and when I turn to look, she pops out her hip resting a hand on it. The other extends, her palm showing. "Nigga, can you give me 40 or nah?" Can't believe her and I are twins, no less.
Shane chuckles while I shake my head smiling. "You hang around Leone too much," I say, noticing every time how his dialect seeped into hers.
She rolls her eyes and after a minute or so, Shane gets up and whips out 40 from his wallet. By the time she reaches the door, it rings.
She opens it and Logan comes into focus. He waves off us both before taking Tori with him and that's that. Shane gets up, checking his phone and before I can say something, he beats me to it. "Okay, get on upstairs and study."
"Wait, what? We haven't had our last match yet."
"But I can't let you fail your test tomorrow," he says. "C'mon, get up there before I attack you again.
When I'm done pouting I oblige and listen, studying for a few hours. There was a couple of rings at the door and talking and I could make out his voice. Anthony's voice and yet I decided not to go down and ruin the fun. Because as far as anyone knows, he was just my brother's best friend. The only one who knew about us were just Shane and Tori. No one at school and I bet they've had their suspicions a couple of times. Anthony could be subtle when he wanted and other times outright blunt like he is often enough.
But when a few cars drive off late at night and the faint smell of weed disperses, I get up and walk towards the door. The amount of studying I've done drained me and I need a couple of snacks and hot chocolate to refuel myself. Because who in the right mind made studying a thing? It kills you!
However, when I open my door, I'm greeted a signature grin that tells another tale, not one of frustration, not one of any feeling. A signature grin I loved seeing on his face that makes me question it now. Anthony... I'm confused. Instead of questioning him, I play with an abridged smile in return, stepping aside to watch as he plops down on his bed. Where I now notice how he's just in a beater and shorts, playing with the same grin.
I may not be as bright as my mom, but I'm getting there, hitting the books as hard as I just did. And I know the difference between grins and smiles when I see one and his ticks at something. What? In case he gets angry or bothered I choose not to pursue my curiosity. Besides, there's the chance he's high and has no idea what the hell he's doing. He is staring up at the ceiling paying me no attention so it must be it.
"How long are you going to wait?" he asks and my curiosity increases. A couple seconds go by before my eyes wander down his big, defined frame – something I kind of strive for being a twig like everyone says, my dreams and hopes of being an archer and being on the football team – catching sight of the groin of his pants are stretched.
"Anthony, we've talked about this," I say. "If you want to leave-"
"I don't." He sits up abruptly, grinning still and my composure rests on a cynical innervation boiling around, jittering my entire body. Why does this feel so different? Feels like a warning from my body. Then he shrugs. "I'm just curious because you're such a sexual guy when it comes to jerking off with that tool of yours. Can't believe Shane gets to see it and I don't. That's not really fair now, is it?"
"Anthony..." I'm hesitant, at a loss of words. What's he getting at? I can't read his face, what his emotions are and what he's thinking. All I can get from it is that this feels wrong for some reason. One step back and he gets up off the bed.
What a mistake...
"What's wrong, Chance? You're okay, right?" I... don't know. "I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable or anything. Am I?" But the way he carries his voice... I cringe at every prolonged word. A kind of seductive perversion his tongue coiled around – all I can get from it.
One step back... His body soon shifts and his grin grows, fitting his tone of voice if that makes any sense. Is he sexually frustrated? I don't know.
Slowly, I shake my head. "No..."
"I'm not going to do anything... trust me." He dives in as I spring back, only to not move another inch as I'm pressed up against another body – at first, feeling like a wall.
Fingers ride up along my arms, clenching above my biceps from the man behind and from the sound his laughter, a recognizable voice, carrying the same tone of Anthony leaves me with fear, confusion and a determination to escape.
"Everything's gonna be alright, Chance," Shane whispers, his lips close enough that his breath brushes against my ear. I arch my back at the warmth Anthony slithered down my spine, searching within the barriers of my pants.
What the... fuck?
My heavy breathing intensifies, my mind clogs and all my confusion stares back at the man I called a boyfriend. A man my parents love, who Tori respects and who Bentley can't stop talking about. The same man I crushed on and my memories muddled with the image of Shane being not the person I thought he was. A brother.
In a rush Anthony closes in for a kiss, his free hand running through my hair while I feel the hard pump of Shane's groin from behind. My heart jumpstarts, my muscles tense and my body is conflicted over the million feelings washing over. The nerves running deep inside stutters my breathing and I can't, for any reason, fathom why my life is taking such a plunge right now. Why these two guys I looked up to and respected and loved betray the memories of them I cherish.
Not one clear thought runs through... not an act of emergency takes control. I know my capabilities and in just this one moment is feels everything I've done in self-defence was stripped from my memory.
Anthony takes my hand in his as Shane's explored my body. Everywhere they touch becomes a cold patch I can't shake. A frostbite nipping at my fear. My lips now stutter, my teeth clam and my hands swole with moistness. Shane soon removes his hands and Anthony steps back. With ease they pick me up, before I knew what the hell to do, and throw me face down on the bed.
My eyes seep in the darkness of my sheets. One of them weigh me down, the moist pecks of their lips trailing along the back of my neck, towards my ears while another shred me half naked. Exposed from the waist down in a snap and all my body can do is react with squirms and shivers, craving for an escape. All I can do is taste the salty feel of my own pain leaking from the betrayed love now dwindling with each touch of their cold warmth.
"Stop!" I finally cry out, and yet my throat dries. "Please! Shane! Anthony! Please stop!" At this point... my tears will kill if not for the lack of air, and... I wouldn't mind if I die right now. The peace of the afterlife.
"It's going to be okay, Chance. I'm just teaching you some new things," says Shane and I can't bear hearing his voice anymore.
How I wish Tori was home, hearing her voice or my parents and not Anthony's either. "I'm giving you some experience. You'll like it, trust me. Shane always does." And he chuckles.
"Shut the hell up, you bastard."
"I'm just saying. You like it when I'm rough and you'll like it to, Chance."
Positive thoughts... positive thoughts... this isn't real...
A hand glides up my legs and I jerk. For a few seconds I try resisting. Toss, turn, and spin. Kicking and flailing my arms around, hoping one of them get a well-deserved shot in the face. But they manage keeping me restrained. So who am I kidding? They are stronger, they are bigger. Where is the luck I thought I had? Where is the luck I needed the most?
Then came the shirt... exposed. And... and pain erupts, through words I don't know, and it's slow at first. Then builds up and gradually my screams get louder. Screeching the air and burning my own ears while they seem to enjoy it by their laughs and it dawns on me. The one who's killing me right now when his lips reach close and whisper, "I love you, Chance. Don't you love me? Doesn't this feel good?"
Anthony...
I feel my throat running dry, but I talk, as coarse and rough as it sounds. As soft and vulnerable as it is. Crying out softly, "Do you really want to hurt me... do you really want to make my cry... Why Anthony?" But he keeps going, ignoring my words. Going... and going... harder and harder and the agonizing pain strikes a hundred lashes as I can feel like... the ooze...
Too much... too rough... STOP!
"Chance!" My eyes followed the sound of where my name was called, a blurry figure. And I let out a breath, composing my body's tension. Blinking a few times, drying my eyes, my eyes settled on the figure and outlined him.
A dog of the law. Hunched over, hands clasped over his lap and angered eyes on mine as if I was a criminal behind the bars he locked me in. What a fucking smug look he had on. Mirroring the men he despised.
Forget what happened to me, the better question was what happened to this poor excuse of a man, a bruise along the crease of his eyes, a darkened shade of purple illuminated by the lights like someone beat his ass. And before I done it first, too. Ha, it was what he got for thinking he could take on the pigs of the department.
Like a straight fool.
'How dare he look at you like that...?'
The badge of his vest flashed my eyes more and more when he shifted in spot, a sign of the privilege these bastards had. Hiding behind an object for a sense of power, an authority over the weak.
You're right, Anthony. How dare he?
"Do you really want to hurt him? Do you really want to make him cry...?" Thomas... "Wake the fuck up, Chance."
Complete silence. A shudder ran through, the cold feel of the seat jerked me and I asked, "What?" a couple seconds later. Unsure of my thoughts, unsure of what I heard. If he said those words or if... as if I...
"Get it together, man. Shake it off.'
When I rubbed my eyes, they stared back in his – angry, cold and judgemental. Picking away at me in his thoughts. No, I must've heard wrong. Who knows how long I'd been here, the dead silence still collecting in lumps between our words and nothing to do but sit unmoved. The lack of movement wearing me out.
"Look at you... what happened?" he asked. "Couldn't even fucking hear a word I said?"
In reply, through a bit of hesitance, I chuckled. Slowly, I shook y head as to not stir the thunder erupting inside now. "Bet you were being a dumbass as always with that eye of yours. They're not gonna come back, you know."
"Yeah... like your innocence won't either. We've been through this already. Don't play that game with me." His nose started to flair and his fingers curled, tensing as they balled themselves up tight.
"My innocence died a long time ago... I know it's not coming back. But you... you're more of an angry little prick than me," I said, watching how much he struggled letting his actions take control.
"And you're acting like him again. So what's new, huh? We're all gonna go through the same shit again?" he asked and I had no clue the hell he bullshitting about. "And what about Thomas? Imagine how uncomfortable you're gonna-"
Pouncing at the bars, my fingers gripped around the cold metal, heating under my grasp. "Don't you dare fucking bring his name into this."
Fight erected his legs and he stood close without a sign of fear in his eyes. "Well I'm gonna have to seeing as how you're gonna do the exact same thing to him like you did to Jalen." Through his heaving chest, he breathed, a stuttered act. "I'm not gonna let you hurt Thomas. You're just like Anthony."
"I'm nothing like him!"
The sight of his figure began to blur but I noticed how careful his eyes were searching mine. How remorseful and at ease he became then. "You really don't remember... do you?" What was he talking about anyway? He had no right comparing me to a monster like Anthony. He sighed then, backing away into his seat. "What a sad day this is... Good going, bud. You fucked yourself up again."
'Leone's always been a bastard, hasn't he? I never really liked him anyway.'
Bet he was spiting me because of Thomas. All because his wasted feelings and angered jealousy controlled him.
I took my seat again, keeping my eyes up in the air and blocked out everything else until a voice drew from outside the cell. "You've been posted on bail, Chance." I turned and following the sound coming from Kingston who went around Leone and unlocked the cell. Leone pulled himself up and came in from behind Kingston, watching me as I stepped out, wondering who the hell bailed me out in the first place.
Following Kingston, with Leone by his side, I left the thought of who bailed me out and rather lived in the freedom again. I now knew better than to get caught doing nothing wrong, but of course, these needed a quick paycheck and a living in upper class as always. Right? But when we came out to the front, my eyes widened and the revelation of Levy in one of the guest chairs.
Don't tell me Leone called him?
I walked around up to him and he brought his eyes up, a look of disappointment I didn't really care about. Without a word he left outside and I followed him back to his car and we were on the road back to the dorms. I slouched in my seat and crossed my arms, peering out the window at nothing but darkness. Little patches of the surrounding area illuminated by streetlamps.
After a few more strips away from the department, breaking the quiet air, he spoke up. "Why are you doing this again?" Same with him, it seemed. What was I doing again? Did he think I was anything like Anthony?
I wasn't up to a talk or a lecture. But replied anyways. "What are you talking about?"
"Blazing. You know what it does to you."
I sighed. "I don't know what you're talking about but all it does is help me relax."
"Yeah, you said the same thing before. Don't you remember what happened? With Jalen and us?"
'He talks as if you've been through this before. You're just getting high and mellowing down. What's so bad about that? I used to do it.'
What was so bad about it? Smoking made me relaxed, calmed my nerves and cleared my mind. I thought better, did my work with efficiency and all around felt better about myself. What the hell were they going on about?
"What the hell are you talking about?"
He groaned. "Yeah... you're putting us through this bullshit again," he said. "I pray that Thomas breaks up with you."
"Like I told Leone... don't bring him in this. Don't say a damn word."
"He's you're fucking boyfriend!"
"And I'm not gonna hurt him!"
Silence seeped through the long drive in the night. Our eyes averted each other's anger, his on the road ahead and mine out the window. I restrained against closing them, the fear of... a fear of something sculpting the images in my head. Playing a movie I've experienced... seen so many times before. I fought against my own exhaustion wearing me down like everything and everyone else.
'You can never hurt him. Like I can never hurt you.'
We reached the dorms and went our separate ways. Mine being Thomas' room and it came as a shock to him when he came out the bathroom door. His hands in evasive action shielding his skin in initial reaction. His body bathing in small little drips, illuminated by the lamp light. His smaller frame, less defined than mine appealed a lot to me. I couldn't care less for the bit of belly he stocked or the little hair sprouting his body as a whole, something about his personality lured me in and showcased how beautiful his body was.
Like right now when I licked my lips and caught his eyes following the act. So he spoke up in question. "Well... isn't this something?" His hands still kept their position and I questioned why. Even when I reeled in closer and held his waist, a gentle, firm grasp. Before he uttered another word, I kissed him with soft pecks at first, my hands exploring his body until his hands shifted up my frame, laid on my chest and with a slight push we placed a small distance between us. "I still have to change."
'The human body is a beautiful thing to behold. There should be no shame in hiding it.'
"What's wrong with being naked?" I asked, sort of chuckling. "We're gonna be soon."
"I... I-I just don't feel uncomfortable, okay?" Not gonna lie, it kinda pissed me off but I backed more away, giving him space as I turned.
When he coughed, a seemingly sign, I turned back around. Seeing him clothed which placed a small pout on my lips, my eyes wandered up at his eyes and I questioned myself. Would I ever hurt him?
'I never hurt you, so why would you hurt him?'
It was a fucking ridiculous thought I pushed aside and asked him something after he came back from the kitchen eating a little snack. For some reason, I felt uneasy. "Is it alright that I sleep with you tonight?" He looked me, lost in my eyes as his narrowed. But they widened again when I apologized. "And I'm sorry for these past couple of days and when I called you a bitch... I-I"
"It's okay." He shook his head. "It's fine if you sleep here."
A small smirk formed, then grew as we slipped into bed together and I felt at ease again. More at ease when my mind broke off from the effects of Andrew's homegrown weed.
A haze hindered my morning thoughts and opened my eyes, straining on the sight of the ceiling above. Sitting myself up straight I brushed fingers through my hair, blinking. Then shook my head and strained my vision at my surroundings. When everything clear and things focused, with my mind holding a bit of haziness left, I crawled over Thomas and off the bed, heading into the bathroom. Only to come to a realization I didn't room with him.
However, instead of leaving, I leaned over the counter sick, again brushing my fingers through my hair and let out a groan. Lifting my head up my eyes caught of my reflection, a different me. A younger, skinnier, broken me who let his anger gaze back. Judging me. And my I couldn't stop brushing through the imagery long hair I used to have.
"Wake up, Chance... don't do this again," he said and the image obscured the second I doused my face with water. No...
Get it together... get it together...
Leaving the bathroom, I stopped when faced with Leone. The same smug look judging me. As he changed, he'd look in question and I'd stare back wondering why. Other than what I gave him, work tired him out last night. He looked desperate for sleep. And before I climbed back in with Thomas someone knocked on the door. He went over and answered it. Tori strutted through looking casual for once in her life. She graced Leone with a smile but hard eyes and straight lips with me.
"Brother," she said.
A quiet sigh, knowing how much of an annoyance I must've been for her, let out. "Sister dearest." But if she was going to act like I done something wrong, like everyone else seemed to act, then fuck them. I'd be nice for now until one of them breaks my patience and gives me reasons as what I've done wrong. To what I've done before because I didn't remember anything.
I watched as she locked her hands on Thomas. "What're you doing?" I asked.
"What does it look like doing?" How should I know? "I'm waking him up, idiot."
"Why? Let the guy sleep." Let me continue sleeping with him.
"No. He's part of my cast and I need him today." She shook him anyway, disregarding what I said and Thomas jerked up in reaction. Eyes bulged out at his surroundings and locked on Tori's devious smile. I didn't even know what to do anymore and just stood around.
"What are you doing, woman?" he asked.
"Nigga, this is my final day of filming. What are you talking about? I need all the help I can get."
Maybe I should've offered some assistance with her film, seeing as how I planned on fly of just being with Thomas the whole day. Knowing he was taken and busy. "Do you need any other help?" Couldn't smoke all day either.
She rested in thought. "Okay... sure. I do need the help."
The winter haze stung my eyes still, working in the winter wonderland of a forest, its white floor reaching up to our ankles. The winter air played, leaking through the layers of our coats by all the shivers it caused. Yet we kept going as Tori strived for a finish. A finale. Four hours in and things weren't quite ready, four hours in and we were pushing ourselves through the cold, using each other as our homemade firewood.
Four hours in and two smokes of the day away from the crowd. This was a well-deserved break after hours, where we all tend to our own things, eating a few snacks people brought. I stood off the side and with the ball of my foot and the cool, crystal flakes, I extinguished the third smoke of the day. Just watching everyone else.
Relaxed, even when Levy approached me with crossed arms, arched brows and narrowed eyes. It'd never get tiring for them, would it? "Are you ever going to tell him?" I shrugged. "Winter's not going to shield the smell away forever, you know? And he's not an idiot either. He'll catch on."
He sighed in my silence until I bore my eyes in his. "Are you done?"
"Chance. Listen to me."
"And you listen to me. I'm fine."
"You're really not," a voice added. My ears followed from where the voice drew and caught Chris sauntering over. Behind him Thomas came into focus with Tori over there and the rest of the cast. Wished she hurried her ass up so I could take my guy out to ear or something.
But I also had more important things to tend to now like these two. For reasons I'd never get.
"You supress your memories again and again and they'll never leave you. You'll never escape the dark trenches you were bleeding out in, Chance, so dry your eyes and remember how this went the last time. This isn't you," Chris added.
"I've never smoked before and I don't why I haven't," I replied. "There's nothing wrong here and you're all getting dicked down so hard I can't believe it."
"You still can't see how much alike you are to him..." Chris' voice trailed over, his eyes looking almost remorseful of his words.
He sure should've been. "Don't compare me like that. I'm nothing like him."
"And that's exactly what you said the first time..." I got in close and settled my eyes in him, hoping he saw the rage I was ready to unleash on them both.
"You know Thomas can see this difference, too, right?" Levy asked, giving Chris way to back up.
"And so what? I'd just assure him I'm fine and he'll believe me. So can you guys stop trying to help me when I don't need it?"
"No!" they both said. Like angry little bitches creating problems when there weren't any to begin with. Reminding me of memories I recalled nothing of... pain I buried way deep inside and locked away...
No...
'Get them off your case. You don't need friends thinking you're always doing something wrong with your life. You've been through enough.'
I graced them ever so with smug smile and retired back to my car. But before I even took a few steps of my trip, someone grabbed my arm and turned me around. Levy. "And you're pushing us away again. Like last time. Why don't you remember that?"
"Because there was no last time!" While their voices of compassion and confusion rattled my patience, I restrained the anger they lit. But I couldn't censor myself. "So how bout you let me go. Maybe I'll take a trip up to the great white north and fuck Jessie. How 'bout that, huh?"
The force of his fist crashed into my jaw before I had enough to react and I staggered back. Regaining balance I pushed forward, lunging a fist back and knocked him off his face. Once his back his plunged into the hands of the snow I lowered myself onto him and battered at his arms shielding his face. But quickly, he spun us around and now while Chris tried intervening, we both shooed him away with our flailing fists.
This little fucker had some nerve. 'The audacity of your so called friends. The frustration they put you through.'
The sounds of feet trudging through the snow ticked at my left and I raised my arms in defence of his mighty powerful fists. A fire I lit inside of him for bringing up Jessie like that. But could you blame me?
'You had a right.'
"Hey, stop!" Levy froze at his voice, none other than Thomas and pushed himself off and on his feet. I did, too after being quite hesitant hearing his voice.
Everyone's eyes looked lost and puzzled and then came in sight of Thomas who couldn't possibly understand what happened. He came around and took me by hand, stepping aside from the crowd. "What just happened?" he asked.
I let a few seconds go by, catching my breeze, before I answered. "Levy said something and it went from there."
"But what happened?"
"Like I said, Levy said something. He's a fucking ass." Watching his lost eyes, full of confusion and anger and hesitance, I swallowed a lump in my throat. I couldn't face him with the truth like this, not ever.
"Chance..." And he sure wanted answers but no. I wouldn't dare let this out to either him or Tori or anyone else but Leone, Chris, Levy and I.
So I took my leave just then and reached my car, climbing inside. I slouched in the seat, closing my eyes and groaned as I ran tensed fingers through my hair. I swallowed hard again and breathed. Slowly calming my anger. I dug out for my phone and stared at the screen, wavering my options until I dialed his number.
"Hey, Andy... I'm coming over. So you know."