It was 3am and Lauren was wide awake. It was infuriating. Who comes home for a break and then cant rest?
She was restless and uncomfortable in her surroundings. She missed the noise, the hum of the engine of their bus, the whispers and murmurings of their crew and her bandmates. It was strange, not having the other girls around her. They had become dependent on each other in a sense. They were pieces of the same puzzle and to be broken up and separated felt wrong.
Lauren had had many people in her life, people that came and went, friends that she thought she could rely on that left when times got hard. She was thankful really that those 'friends' (note the parenthesis) fucked off when they did, because they left spaces in her life for true friends to slot into. And yeah, maybe the Fifth Harmony puzzle was pieced together by Simon Cowell through pure coincidence, but they fit y'know? She missed them. It had been two days and she missed them. It was ridiculous.
She clicked her bedside lamp on, resigned to the fact that sleep wasn't coming. Lauren looked around her dimly lit bedroom; it remained relatively unchanged for the last few years. It was scattered with memorabilia from high school, photos of old friends, posters of bands she no longer listens to.
It was testament to how much she had grown up and changed these last few years, she had lost things, things that she previously had clung to, things that made her feel safe. She had lost the familiarity and all that greeted her here was a sense of homesickness that warped its way through her gut like a growing vine.
It was shocking, how out of place she felt. She wanted to feel home but home wasn't here anymore. Home was on tour, home was with her girls, home was a poorly functioning tour bus and... home was Camila.
She was terrified of what that meant.
Lauren reached for her phone, calling the girl in question. Camila picked up after barely two rings and Lauren knew it was because she wasn't sleeping either.
'Hi.' Camila answered. Lauren breathed a relieved sigh, the heavy homesick feeling lightened with that one breathy syllable. Camila was her silence in this world filled with noise.
'Hi.' Lauren echoed.
'Why is it weird?' Camila asked quietly, her voice a delicate whisper through the receiver.
Lauren found it oddly bemusing that they were both feeling the same emotions regarding being home and from the texts she'd received from Ally, Normani and Dinah they were experiencing similar emotions. It wasn't the same anymore for any of them.
'Because we don't belong here anymore.' Lauren answered. 'I miss them, my family, when we're away. I miss them everyday but now I'm back it's just...I can't wait to leave.' Lauren whispered the last part, feeling ashamed that she felt this way. She had felt guilty ever since the car pulled up at her house and the nostalgic feeling wormed its way into her heart.
'Me too. It's great to see them but it's been like 48 hours and they're driving me crazy.'
Lauren chuckled into the phone, strangely glad that Camila felt the same way but it did nothing to assuage the guilt she felt. Her family should be her home and she felt bad that that wasn't the case anymore.
'I can't wait to see you.'
'It's just three days.'
Christmas day was in two days and Lauren was going to stay at the Cabello's the day after and then stay until the New Year.
'Yeah.' She knew these next few days were going to drag.
They slipped into a comfortable silence; Lauren could hear the quiet murmuring of music coming from Camila's end. 'What are you listening to?'
'I'm watching Pitch Perfect.'
'You should be asleep.'
'So should you!' Camila scolded, Lauren could hear the smile in her voice.
'Do you think we will ever have a normal sleeping pattern?'
There was rustling on Camila's end and Lauren imagined her burrowing into her bed covers, illuminated only by the television light. 'Probably not.' She answered when the movement ceased.
It was quiet again for a few minutes, all Lauren could hear was the barely distinguishable words of the movie and Camila's light breathing. It was luring her into a deliciously drowsy state and she felt content in the moment.
'You ever notice how Beca and Chloe are like, perfect for each other?'
The whisper made Lauren's eyes flutter. 'You always say that.' Her words slurred through lethargic lips.
'Because it's true.' Camila argued as Lauren yawned down the phone. 'You sound out of it, shall I hang up?'
'No I'm listening, it's helping.' Lauren didn't explain that it wasn't the movie she was listening to that was helping lull her to sleep but the steady breaths of her girlfriend. Camila's quiet presence eased away the insomnia and restlessness.
'Okay' Camila whispered.
The last thing Lauren remembered was Camila's soft singing along to the Just The Way You Are mashup, before sleep washed over her.
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Christmas day passed in a blur of excitement and food, of family and kisses on cheeks, of hiding in corners to just stop and taking naps whenever she could, she ate a tonne and drank on the sly when her parents weren't looking. She played Mario Kart with Taylor and Chris and their cousins. She opened presents and passed out gifts and laughed until her sides hurt...but she couldn't shake that feeling of melancholy constantly seeping into moments like ink blots on wet paper.
She somehow managed a moment away to Skype the other girls, she thought it would help but it only increased the feeling. When she finally slipped into bed at one thirty fatigued but annoyingly alert, she couldn't find it in her to be particularly mad because she was safe in the knowledge that tomorrow she would see Camila. Tomorrow she was going home.
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The sun was setting by the time Lauren was on her way to stay at Camila's parents. Her dad drove her in the same car he'd had for the past ten years. It chugged and stuttered down the highway as they drove in comfortable silence.
She tried to keep still but she could feel herself bouncing in her seat (not just because the suspension was shot in her dad's Ford) from excitement and nervousness. She felt like she hadn't seen Camila in weeks.
'You missed her, huh?' Her dad asked, reading her mind. He smirked at her glancing away from the road.
Lauren shrugged, trying to be nonchalant but epically failing. 'I guess.'
'You guess?' Mike laughed, taking the highway exit. 'You're like a kid on their way to Disneyland right now.'
'I am not.' Lauren grumbled, concentrating extra hard on keeping her bouncing leg still.
'I think it's cute.'
'Shut up, dad.'
His laughter filled the car as they neared Camila's neighbourhood. Lauren tucked her hands under her thighs to stop them jittering and looked out of the open window. She had missed Miami, it had a smell – not a bad smell just a smell that she could never recall until she was back here. Sea salt and food and something distinctly Floridian.
Mike pulled to a stop outside the Cabello's, he got out first and made his way to the trunk to get Lauren's suitcase.
Lauren had only just stepped out of the open the car door when she heard an excited squeal from the house as Camila barrelled out of the front door and careened towards Lauren.
Camila jumped on her girlfriend, wrapping her legs around her in a famous Camila koala hug. Lauren almost toppled over at the force of the embrace but she was more shocked however at the sting of tears that afflicted the corners of her eyes. She buried her face in Camila's neck in an attempt to hide them.
'I've missed you.' Camila said, squeezing Lauren harder to emphasise her words, Lauren felt like the younger girl was trying to press the words into her.
'I missed you to you dork.' Lauren spoke into Camila's shoulder, her words muffled by Camila's sweater. She breathed in deep, the smell of Miami dissipating into the scent of Camila; they mingled together into a lungful of homeliness.
'Not to break up the love-fest but I've really got to run.' Mike interjected.
Lauren let go of Camila and turned to her dad, hoping the tears had gone from her eyes and that her face wasn't as red as it felt.
'Sorry Mr Jauregui.' Camila apologised sheepishly. 'It's nice to see you again.' She tagged on.
'You too,' He said pulling her into a quick hug. 'I'll leave you two to it, Lauren has been super eager to catch up.'
'Dad!'
'She was like a sugared up ten year old at a Bieber concert the whole way here.' Mike and Camila laughed at Lauren's mortified expression.
'Oh my god.' Lauren groaned, hiding her face behind her hands. 'Bye dad.' She said pointedly, hugging him quickly and pushing him back towards the car
'Say hi to your mom and dad for me okay?' he said over his shoulder to Camila as his daughter manhandled him into his car.
'You guys are still coming to our New Year's party right?' Camila asked him as he sat down in the driver's seat.
'We wouldn't miss it Camila.' He waved as the car started up, 'Bye girls!'
The car sped away down the street and Lauren turned to Camila, the Cuban was looking at her with a smug look, a twinkle in her eye that Lauren couldn't decipher.
'What?' Lauren asked, feeling odd under Camila's gaze. Her skin prickled unexpectedly and she had an urge to fan herself like a 40's house wife.
Camila's eyes bore into her own for a few long seconds before she shook her head with her lip tucked between her teeth. 'Nothing.'
Lauren didn't have time to reply as Camila side-stepped her to grab her suitcase and start tugging it towards the house.
Lauren looked on feeling peculiarly light as she practically skipped towards her girlfriend to catch up.