I had never once wanted to stay longer than 3 minutes in a bathroom until right now. The bitter taste of the goodbye I said to Jade and the fact that I agreed to be just a friend to her still coated my tongue; and all I wanted to do was to take it back but I knew I couldn't.
Especially after having my heart smashed into bits by Wila's infidelity, Jade cheating on David wasn't something I'd ever want to do. I would never want to inflict that kind of pain on anyone else, no matter how much I felt for Jade.
My feet begin to feel heavy, the flesh turning heavy like lead. They begin to drag along the soft carpeted floor and my eyes glance towards the closed door leading to the ladies' room. I could feel myself being pulled back towards it, back to where Jade was but my conscience keeps me rooted in my place.
You can't. You can't like her, Althea. You can't want her. You can't have her. You put yourself in the friendzone so you stay there.
As I mentally berate myself, I see Jade exit the bathroom; her eyes cast on her bag as she fiddled with the zipper. She walks past me without seeing me before making her way back to her table where David greeted her by standing from his seat and kissing her firmly. The kiss only lasted a fraction of a second and had no trace of familiarity or passion like how she kissed me that day. Jade pulls back and she must have said something about leaving because the next thing I know, David turns to the waiter and motions for the bill.
With them about to leave, I took it as a signal for me to make my exit. With the way they were sitting, Jade's back was turned to me but David would clearly see me if he even happened to be looking up at the crowd.
Whatever. I thought irritably before walking towards the table. I already had to hide my feelings, there was no way in hell I was going to sneak around a restaurant. Miraculously, neither David nor Jade spot me as I reach my table but my stomach twists painfully when I see that Lauren's chair is empty. The only thing at the table was a large brown paper bag and a small note taped on the side.
My shoulders drop and I pick the note from the bag, taking the creased napkin between my fingers before taking in the words it contained;
I'll see you around.
L.
With a sigh, I slip the note into my pocket before grabbing the paper bag from the table and heading towards the exit. My path takes me near Jade's table and to my non-surprise it was David that called my attention just as I pass behind the woman.
"Althea, I'm surprised to see you here." He says with a smile that less-knowing people would find as charming but I knew better, it was arrogant and it was downright annoying. So annoying that I couldn't help the venom that dripped from my tongue, "Why is that?"
His mouth opens to answer but no sound comes out, instead he sits there motioning to the rest of the dining room. "Well, I just...I didn't think a teacher's paycheck could--" "David." Jade scolds and I see her head tilt to one side, sending him a look that I couldn't see.
Feeling my anger bubbling up my chest in the next loop of my emotional roller coaster, I bit my tongue and walked out of the restaurant. There was just too many emotions that I was feeling and it wasn't even past . The burn I felt in my chest, that I suppose is the jetlag after being sent to the friendzone, still ached and throbbed under my flesh.
I just want to go home. I thought tiredly as I fished my keys out of my pocket, pressing on the rubber button to unlock the door with it's signature boo-beep tone.
"Althea? Althea wait."
David's voice makes my hand freeze on the handle and I try to take a calming breath as i listened to him approach. "What?" I bark before turning to him and Jade who was standing behind his broad shoulders; an apologetic expression on her face.
"I apologize..." He starts, "I'm sorry if you took what I said the wrong way. I just meant that I was surprised you could afford the place, I have nothing against you being a teacher. It's just that Jade and I don't normally people like you around here." He says, raising his hands up in a gesture that I believe was supposed to soothe me.
Both mine and Jade's eyes widen at his words and she turns to him with a horrified expression, "David... That's not--" "People like me?" My question cuts her off but I couldn't help it something about this David just sets me off.
"Yeah. A... um... a lesbian. We don't see your kind here that often. Anyway, i just wanted to apologize again for that misunderstanding. Jade? Let's go?"
My jaw clenches tightly as I watch Jade be pulled away towards the other end of the parking lot.
I'm so sorry. She mouths silently but it didn't help the burn I felt in my chest. Without giving her any sort of answer, I whipped back around to my car and quickly slip into the driver seat; dropping the paper bag into the passenger seat.
Not half a minute passes before my ringtone blares from my pocket. "Gah! What now?" I groan as I pull the ringing and vibrating phone from my pocket, sliding my thumb across the screen to answer the call. "Batchi?"
We talk of her day and mine, she scolds me for going out sick and reminds me take my medicine but still sounded very interested when I told her that I was with Lauren the whole time. Against Batchi's motherly, or should I say fatherly, instincts, I drove home without hanging up. Partly because I missed her and partly because I needed the distraction from all the goddamn emotion stirring up inside of me.
She tells me that she and Marinelle went to the park again today after school because some kids teased the kid for having her as a father; Batchi only comments about the kids not being raised properly but I knew it hurt her to see Marinelle affected by narrow minded people. We were used to it; the kid wasn't. Without getting too much into the topic, Batchi shifted to the topic of Pearl Sy and her wedding.
Pearl didn't have a favorite flower and neither did the groom, Gabriel. They simply wanted to make sure that the wedding and the reception looked beautiful. I always found it odd to know that there are people out there who never take the time out of their lives to appreciate the beauty around them. Sure, it made my life easier if I just used the red and white roses and be done with it but it didn't make the ceremony feel personal. By the time I got home, my body ached and my brain buzzed and screamed for sleep.
I woke up early the next day with the last thing I remember was crawling into the bed with the phone pressed against my ear and Batchi singing some song I couldn't recall. Just like I had promised Sam yesterday, I peeled myself off the bed to go to work.
Today, we were working on simple portraits, it was always the best way of gauging whether children were happy at home. After the initial excitement of my return wore off, they eagerly got to working. By the end of the class, I collected all the drawings to hang them up on our art wall. Most of the drawings were normal. Mom and Dad, sometimes a sibling; smiling and holding hands. There was one with the mother on a computer screen, another with 'Papa' written on a tombstone. Samantha's was relatively normal except she had Pearl, her father Gab and a gravestone all drawn together.
"Miss?" One of my kids call from beside my desk, grabbing my attention away from the drawings. He was small, his skin copper the color of caramel and his hair was a mess of a mop on his head.
"Yes, Kenneth?"
"Can I have my drawing back, please?" He asks without meeting my gaze.
The request makes my forehead crease with worry and I quickly scan through the paper in my hands. I see his name on the top left hand corner of the paper and fish it out from the pack.
Three people holding hands where the father stood between mother and child, an angry look on his face while the two other figures sported sad faces.
"Kenneth, what-- does your father...?" I whisper harshly as dread and shock makes my throat constrict.
He doesn't answer, he didn't need to. Because as soon as turned his gaze, I could see a the remnants of a bruise on his cheek. One on the right and as I make him turn the other way, I could see three more little bruises on the left; fingers. Someone had grabbed his face so tightly that it bruised. Despite the tightness in my throat and chest, I gave him a tight lipped smile. "Why don't I put this away? I won't put it on the wall, okay?" Kenneth nods then sniffles, wiping his nose with the back of his hand then swiping angrily at the tears that escaped him.
Out of instinct, I wrap my arm around his tiny frame. Keeping him against me. "I promise, it will get better. Be strong." I whisper into his thick hair, keeping my words simply but truthful. I could feel him begin to shake against me, sobbing quietly while his classmates watched us with concern and worry etched in their young faces.
I could feel Batchi's hand running through my hair gently, trying to soothe me, trying to lessen the pain that I felt in my heart and in my entire body; all while trying to avoid the blood that stained my skin.
"It's okay. I've got you. You're safe." She says and her voice is barely above a whisper but I could hear it loud and clear over the sound of my crying.
My lips stung as it stretched but it was nothing to compared to the rest of my body, "I'm scared, Batchi. I'm so scared."
"You can leave him. Get out of this while you still can, Althea."
"He'll kill me if I leave. I know he w--"
The loud and shrill ringing of the bell yanks me back to the present and I quickly wipe at the moistness under my eyes before pulling away from the kid in my arms, "You'll be okay." I whisper and he nods before getting back on his chair.
As soon as I was out of the classroom, I headed straight for the second floor bathroom and locked myself inside the cubicle. The salty stream of tears now free flowing down my cheeks. It could be from all the emotions I was exposed to recently that had me feeling prickly and sensitive, or it could be that I was still recovering from my fever and this was some unpleasant after-effect but it felt like a dam had broken inside of my mind and I could only hold my breath until the flood of memories ceded or calmed enough for me to be able to swim through.
"Maybe I should cut my hair." Batchi muses as I strum my fingers against the strings of the guitar.
"Probably." I answer without looking at her.
"I look gay when it's this long."
A laugh bubbles up from my throat and I finally stop to give her a look, "you are gay, Batchi."
She clicks her tongue and waves me off, "that's besides the point. I mean at least your long long hair suits you; it's your disguise along with your husband."
I roll my eyes before returning my attention to the instrument in my hands, "just cut your damn hair and leave mine alone. Tommy is not a disguise, he's--" I'm cut off as the door crashes open and the large hulking man stomps into the room. "Althea, what the hell is this?" He growls as he holds out a stained white polo.
My heart drops to my stomach and my eyes widen as I take in the appearance of the light brown stains, trying desperately to remember where it had come from. "Are you going to make me repeat myself?" He asks then stomps forward and right into my face, making me cower back and Batchi to surge forward in defense.
Her thin arms press against his chest, "Calm down, dude. No need to get physical."
"Shut the fuck up, dyke. I'm not talking to you."
I feel Batchi tense and lunge and I knew Tommy expected the reaction because his hand rears back in anticipation. Fearing Tommy might hurt her, I drop the guitar thoughtlessly before darting between them. After half a beat, I feel it.
A sharp snap of firm flesh against my cheek, the sound reverberating throughout the small apartment. The force of it makes my vision spin and leaves a harsh burn on my skin. I feel Batchi struggling to get past me but I reach back and grab her shirt to keep myself between her and the man in front of us. At the same time, I cup my free hand over the crimson tainted flesh.
"You fucking--" "it's okay. It's okay. You should go." I mutter fearfully, tasting blood on my tongue.
"I'm not leaving you alone with this scumbag."
"You want to get beat too, bitch?"
"Fuck you, Tommy!"
The air between the three of us began to thicken until I was afraid that the two might get into a fight and despite Batchi's courage, she was a petite little thing that Tommy could easily break. He already hurts me, there was no way I'd let him hurt my best friend too.
Clenching my jaw, I meet his gaze and answer with, "I'm sorry, Tommy. I couldn't get the stain out, I think it's from the hot chocolate that you drank last--" His hands close around my chin, squeezing tightly and painfully that I could feel his fingertips digging into the flesh around my jaw; cutting off blood and air.
"So it's my fucking fault you aren't competent enough to remove a fucking stain?!" He barks as his hand tightens even more.
"Tommy-- Please... I c-can't br--"
"Shut up!" He pulls me off the couch to stand on my feet and towards him then angles his hand to get a better grip, cutting off more of my precious air. It forces my eyes closed and my hands to instinctively reach for his, trying to pry it loose enough so I could breath.
"Let her go, fucking psycho!" Batchi yelps and I could tell she had tried to help and I open my eyes in time to see Tommy's arm swinging toward her, knocking her back down to the couch.
"All you had to do was get rid of a stain and you can't even do that properly. How useless can you get, Althea?" Tommy hisses as he pulls me back towards him, close enough that I could feel his warm breath on my lips. "Say it! Say how much of a fucking useless dyke you are!"
Tears flowed smoothly down my cheek and I could feel them burning a path down my face and unto his hand, "I'm..."
"You're what? Hmm?"
"I..." The words coat my tongue but refuse to come out, rendering me speechless and my heart to sink in both agony and rage.
"Say it!"
"Let her go!"
A firm hand on my shoulder makes me jump and pulls me from my memory, "Althea? Where do you keep going off to, sweetheart? Doesn't seem like a good place." My Pa's soothing voice coos gently.
I blink the remnants of the memory away before refocusing on him. "Sorry." I mumble.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Nothing, Pa. I'm fine." With that, I move from one end of the shop to the other to avoid his knowing gaze.
Pa sighs and walks after me, taking my hands in his before speaking firmly. "Althea, you're just like me..." he starts, "... You're a horrible liar. Now tell me what's wrong."
I wanted to tell him, I really did, but I worried that it might not be the best thing for him right now. He was supposed to be stressed free and knowing that his only child was having flashbacks of her abusive ex-husband wasn't going to help his condition.
"I'm fine. I promise. Just... tired." The lie rolls off hesitantly off my tongue and Pa wasn't at all convinced, but thankfully, he doesn't push the subject.
"Alright. Well. If you want to talk about it, I'm here." He says with a tight lipped smile.
God I hated how he would use that look on me, like I had somehow hurt his feelings or how he would pout at me like a lost puppy.
"Well there is one thing..."
His disposition immediately improves and he perks up, "what is it?"
"I never came out to you but you accepted me wholly without even questioning my choices, not when I brought girls home and not even when I brought Tom-- him home. How... How did you accept that? I mean I know you go to church and I know what they teach about people like me so how...?"
The last thing I expected was my father to laugh at my question like I had asked how babies were made, "That's the question? How?"
I nod in response.
"Okay well... Yes I do go to church and yes they do say pretty nasty things about homosexuals." he pauses to take a seat on his bench, "but you're the only family I have, Althea; and even if you had sibling or if we still had your mother, all I would want is to see you happy. I could see you struggling to hide who you were, not only from me.. but from your own self. I wasn't going to add to your problems. I'm your father, I'm supposed to protect... and take care of... you, not make your life... worse." He stops when I reach forward with a napkin, wiping the bloody spittle that had escaped after his coughing fit. He nods then takes a sip of water before continuing, "I could see you grow into this wonderful and loving partner to those girls."
"You weren't disappointed that I grew up to be a lesbian? That you wouldn't have grandchildren?"
"The only time you ever disappointed me was when you didn't leave Tommy the first time he hit you and then you made up for it by leaving him for good. As for grandkids? Well, you could always adopt. They also have that thing where they put the uh... inside your um... and get you..."
"Artificial insemination?"
"Yes." He claps, "whatever that is. I mean, can you imagine seeing little Althea's running around?"
At that, my mind immediately forms a picture in my eyes. Pa on a rocking chair with a young girl and a young boy on his lap; twins. My hand intertwined with my partners as we looked on from the garden, her family and mine together and happy. In my mind's eye, I trail my gaze up joined hands and finally see the face of my partner; Jade.
"Which brings me to my question." Pa says with a businesslike expression, thankfully pulling me from that delusion.
My brow automatically rises, "what's that?"
"When are you going to find someone who'll take care of you and love you? I haven't met anyone since... You know who. Even Batchi beat you to having a family."
Right. I never officially introduced Wila to him. Not as my girlfriend at least.
"Pa, Abby had a kid before she met Batchi. It's different."
"A family is still a family, Althea."
I sigh softly before wrapping my arms around him, "Pa... After everything I've been through? I'm just done. I don't want all the drama of having another relationship."
"Life is supposed to be shared. It's meaningless if you have nobody to share it with."
"I have you."
"Not for long."
His answer causes a cold shiver to pass my spine and I hiss unhappily, "That's not funny, Pa."
"I'm just saying. I'm old, I--" "Nope. No. You're going to get better and we'll have years before we even have to think about that. You and I are still going places. Nepal, remember?"
My father sighs and nods, knowing that I hated talking about it, "Okay. Why don't you cook for me? I'm starving."
Agreeing, I let him go and walk around the small desk to get to the the kitchen where I prepare a small meal for him and myself. It reminds me of a time when I had been a domesticated housewife; the label sounded like a pet instead of a woman now that I thought about it. It reminded me of a time when I had been so afraid, so disgusted by myself that I had agreed to marry Thomas Alvaro.
He was every girl's bad-boy dream boy, or so I thought.
Charming, mysterious, and handsome, it had surprised me when he began to court me despite knowing of my lesbian tendencies. Back then I thought it was because he really loved me but now, thinking about it, he could probably sense my weakness. He must have seen me like an injured but still very beautiful deer that he could take and keep.
Which he did.
We were only together for three months before he asked me to marry him, three months of awkward dates and unpleasant kisses, but I agreed. I agreed because I knew this is what women were supposed to want; a husband. That's what we've been programmed to be. Be well-groomed, well-mannered and one day you'll meet your prince.
Well, my prince turned out to be a monster.
As soon we began to live together, he became increasingly aggressive towards me. At first, our fights would always end with broken dishes, windows or even small appliances. Then he turned his aggression on me and that's when things really got bad. He would kick, punch and slap me for the littlest mistake, even when it wasn't my fault.
One day, when Batchi was over at our apartment he took things to far. He-- My thought is cut off when I hear something fall, like a bag of potatoes had been dropped on the floor of the store. "What was that?" I ask before turning around to look, not finding my father in his seat. "Pa?"
I turn the stove off and walk back towards the shop, looking around for my father, "Pa?"
Something on the floor catches my attention and I quickly turn to look, seeing my father laid out unconscious on the floor.
"Oh god! Pa!"
"He's stable now, Miss Guevarra, but we'll have to keep him under observation since the tumor has spread." The doctor says quietly as he stood beside my father's bed.
"A collapsed lung was it?"
"Yes. The lung failed to function because the tumor has spread--" "I don't want to know. Can you give us a little privacy, please?" I cut him off without taking my eyes off of my father's sleeping figure.
The doctor nods and steps silently out the door. Just as the door closes behind him, my phone goes off, indicating that I received a text. It couldn't be from Batchi or Wila because I had just finished talking with them and had established that I wanted to be alone for the night so out of curiosity, I fished it out from my bag and held it up so I could read the text.
Unknown [8:44PM] Hi, Althea. I finally got your number from Pearl. Sam says hi. - Jade
After what happened in the restaurant and with my father, I couldn't believe that a simple text could put a smile on my face. It wasn't the brightest or the happiest smile by a long shot, but it was there and that helped ease some of pain and heaviness that weighed down my heart.
Sent [8:45PM] No worries. I'm not busy or anything. Did you need something from me? PS. Hi, Sam.
Jade [8:46PM] Just wanted to make sure I got the right number, you were the one of four in her phone book named Florist and Pearl couldn't remember which one you were so I had to take a guess. Sam's gone to her room but I'll tell her you said hi in the morning.
Sent [8:47PM] So you texted all four florists?
Jade [8:50PM] Of course not! There was only one with a thumbs up emoji so I figured this was you.
Sent [8:50} Good guess. This is me. :)
Jade [8:51PM] Good. :)
Before I could answer her text, I could hear two distinct voices from outside the door. I stand and make my way there; looking through the peephole on the door. Wila and Batchi were stood outside with Batchi standing between the door and Wila.
"Dude, I told you not to come here. Althea's been dealing with a lot and you adding to it won't make things any easier."
"Relax, Batchi. I'm here as a friend. I know she's not going to forgive me any time soon but at least she won't be alone."
"This is a mistake, Wila. You'll only hurt the two of you by being here."
At that, my ex scoffs and pushes Batchi aside. "The only mistake I made was letting my fear hurt the woman I loved. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice just because I'm scared of what Althea's reaction is going to be. I'm not leaving her alone. Especially not now. She needs a friend so I'm here."
Seeing her brought back a rush of anger and bitterness but not as much as I expected it to be. It felt diffused, like the hurt and anger I felt was drowning in a sea and I couldn't feel it properly. I pulled the door open and greeted both women with a small smile, "Can you guys keep it down? Pa's sleeping."
The two apologize quietly before stepping inside. They both ask what happened and what needs to happen next, then Wila brings out a big Tupperware of food so we could eat. She knew I didn't eat when I was worried or stressed and for that I was thankful.
We talk about Batchi's day and Wila's pregnancy, finding that I didn't feel the bitterness I thought I would. She was about four months along and the baby seemed to be in good health, we had to wait another month or two to find out that gender of the baby and that sort of excited me. The father of the child was now more involved with the pregnancy and I was glad for that; even after he had said he wouldn't marry Wila, at least they were being responsible enough for the child.
"I'm happy for you, Wila. At least you'll have a family now, just like you always wanted." I tell her with a genuine smile on my lips.
Wila nods and drops her gaze from mine, "Not in the expense of hurting you. I'm so sorry. I was just--" "It's okay. There's no need to apologize."
"But there is." She says with creased eyebrows and I shrug in response.
She holds out a hand to me with a shy smile, "Friends?"
"Friends."