This is the first time I've been out of bed in two weeks. It's hard to find motivation. I'm only leaving the house today because I have to, Ren wants me to go to her wedding dress fitting with her. Coincidentally, Marshall's going with Rule to a tuxedo fitting. I think they did that on purpose, they only want to be away from each other when they have to be. I'm jealous of them. Marshall and I used to be like that.
Over the course of the past couple weeks, the guys managed to make double what was needed to rebuild the gym. The remaining money was divided up between the fighters. Marshall received $17,000.
Remembering that I'm still in bed, I blink my eyes open and sigh, I really don't want to get up. Marshall's in the shower, the water is rather loud and I wonder how I managed to sleep through it. I swing my legs off the bed and take off his t shirt. Shuffling around on the floor, I find some jeans and a bra. Where is my shirt?
The water stops in the shower and I hear him clanking around on the other side of the door. I look around the room and find one of my shirts under a pair of his jeans. We really need to clean.
Marshall opens the bathroom door and steps into the bedroom. A towel is tied around his hips, and he's still damp, making it seem like he's glistening. I stop and have to take a second to find my breath. I stare at him for a moment and then blush, pulling my shirt on.
"Checking me out?" He teases, walking over.
"Well you are naked." I point out.
"No I'm not." He says, and tosses his towel to the side. "Now I am."
I don't know why but I shield my eyes. I think it's because usually when he's naked, I'm naked too, and now that he's the only one I'm getting shy. I hear his rumbling laugh come closer and my heart flutters.
"Why are you covering your eyes?" He laughs, pulling my hands down. He's so close now I can't see his bottom half anyway. "You've seen it all before."
"You're not usually naked just for the hell of it." I explain. "We're usually...you know." I blush again.
"We can 'you know' if you want to." He smirks. "I already got the naked part down."
I can feel my cheeks turn bright red and I look down at the floor. Only the problem with that is, I see Marshall's bottom half now and my eyes shoot right back up. He's laughing at me, and I'm unsure where to look so I just close my eyes.
"So innocent." He laughs, guiding me by the chin to kiss him. "It's cute."
"I gotta go I'm going to be late." I say in between his kisses.
"Be late." He demands, placing his hands on my waist.
"No." I tell him, pushing his hands off.
Marshall looks at me with an unreadable expression for a moment, like he's shocked I said no to him. Then, he kisses me quick and let's me pass. I hurry for the door, I can't think about a naked Marshall in the bedroom for too long, it's distracting.
***
Ren rambles on and on about how great her wedding is going to be. I half listen as a courtesy, but I'm not interested. I'm not interested in any of this. At least not today. It's been a while, but my chest still tightens every time I think about it.
"I think you're going to like it." She tells me, guiding me towards the fitting section of the bridal salon. "It's kind of vintage, his mom saw a photo of it in a magazine and insisted that I wear it."
She babbles about how Rule's mother is so happy about them getting back together. I nod in appropriate places and laugh occasionally. She continues to talk through the curtain, changing into the vintage gown I've been hearing about. She ceases momentarily and then asks if I'm ready to see it. I let out a half hearted yes and the curtain opens.
Holy crap. She looks, beautiful. Rule's mother picked this? My jaw is hanging open. It's all lace, with full length sleeves and it's form fitting. Without showing any skin it makes her look mysteriously sexy. Rule's type of sexy.
"Ren oh my god." I stand up and walk over to the pedestal. Immediately I feel my mood lighten, I guess weddings really do lift everyone's spirits.
"Is it bad?" She raises a brow and her face washes with worry. "Do you think Rule will like it?"
"Oh my god." I say again, admiring the buttons on the back. "Ren it's beautiful."
"You really think so?" She says, turning to look in the mirror. "You're not just saying that because you're my friend?"
"No, I'm serious." I say, looking at our reflections. "I think he will love it."
"Good." She's beaming, and it adds to the wow of the dress.
We stand there for a couple minutes just taking in the whole experience. I take a few photos of her in the dress and send them to her so she can hand them over to Rule's mom. As I'm sending my phone begins to ring, I'm expecting to see Marshall's name but I see my mom's. I tell Ren that I need to talk to her and walk back down the hall a little bit before answering.
"Mom?" I answer.
"Rachel!" She sounds very concerned. "I just got your message about the baby, are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine now." I feel a ping of pain in my chest just talking about it. "I guess." Part of me feels bad for waiting until last night to tell her.
"You have to come over soon." She demands. "I need to ask you about something."
"Mom I'm going to be busy with the wedding for the next couple weeks." I remind her, actually I won't be that busy I just don't want to leave the bed.
"Oh well I'll just tell you now." She says. "Paul has family down in Alabama." She explains. "And we were going to go for two weeks next week with his son Thatcher."
"Oh that's nice." I say, playing with the drawstring on my hoodie.
"Yes it is." She says, clearly not done explaining. "And I thought it would be a good idea if after Alabama, we fly to California and visit grandma and your aunt."
"We?" I ask, folding my free arm across my chest.
"Well I thought maybe you'd like to come with us." She offers. "I just would like some time with you, and it might be nice to get away after the miscarriage and I know the family would love to see you. Paul really wants you to meet his family too, I'm serious about him you know Rachel."
I stay quiet. I may be actually considering this. It does sound appealing, getting away from Detroit for awhile, having some time with my family and having time to heal from the incident. For the first time since I lost the baby I feel genuine happiness. The thought of seeing Aunt Daisy again and my grandmother, it's all very welcoming.
"Don't feel like you need to rush into anything honey." Mom quickly reassures when I haven't answered to any of it. "Just please promise me you'll think about it. We'll need an answer by Saturday, we will leave on Monday."
It's Sunday. I have one week to think about this. If I do decide to go, what will I tell Marshall? We'll be separated for a month. It will crush him. My heart begins to ache and I know it's time to end this conversation.
"Okay I'll think about it." I tell her, feeling extremely guilty for even saying those words. "I'll get back to you."
"Alright well, happy shopping." She says, and I can almost feel her smile through the phone. "Bye, love you."
"Love you." I say, and hang up the phone.
I don't even walk back to Ren just yet, I just sit down in a nearby chair. Wow. A month. Mom really wants me to go with them, I want to go with them. I think of Marshall and my heart stings. It's not fair to him. I can't just leave him.
My mind drifts to Italy, and how Marshall almost left me. It's the same thing only he didn't go. But no one went. I put my face in my hands, this is all so sudden and confusing.
What will that mean for us if I go? I wouldn't want him to wait for me to get back. He'd be miserable.
I lean back against the wall behind the chair. Maybe this is what we need, some time apart. Like Ren said, maybe in the future we will reconnect and have kids when we're older. I feel like I need to do this, like this is something I need to do in order to get better. I can't go on living like I have no motivation to get out of bed in the morning because I lost a baby I never even got to hold. I need to be around my family, I need to think about Marshall's needs too.
He wants to fight, he loves it. I can't be the reason he stops doing what he loves. I couldn't live with myself if I was the thing that tore him away from it. I tried once before and it didn't work, he went back anyway. And now I see that he needs the ring. I'm sad I didn't realize it sooner. I think this trip will be good, for the both of us. To kind of find ourselves. Let me grieve, and let him fight. Like I said, I feel like I need to do this.
"Rachel?" Ren calls from the dressing room. "Come help me pick a veil."
"Coming." I say, and wipe away a tear I didn't know I was crying.