Hellow guyss!
So ehm.. this is kinda 3200 words.. yippee I guess! Anyways, I put these random quotes in this and I don't really know why because I just thought it'd be fun, but this is actually just a 'normal' two days. Soo enjoy!
T.W. therapy, depression, panic attack, death, mentions of mental hospital, fluff, fucked up sleep schedule, exhaustion, pasta, throwing up, crying, eating disorders, crying, bodyshaming, nicknames, huge character death, screaming, blood, people getting hung, panic attack, whimpering, nightmare, sweat, wet rag, maze runner, Chris and Nick being the best siblings in the world, quotes.
Relax no one actually dies.
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You can wipe away someone,s tears but not their pain.
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Matt sighs when he walks out of the small therapy office. He just had his first therapy session and it was just like he expected. Talking talking and more talking. Like that'll make anything better. If Matt wants to talk he can just talk with his brother's, he doesn't need a therapist for that. If he was in Nick or Chris's place he would've brought himself to a psych ward already. Although he's scared to death to be in a psych ward. He's glad Nick and Chris decided not to bring him there, he just doesn't really understand how they're going to help him. Matt doesn't see the light anymore. The world is dark, even when the sun shines. He feels the need to cry every single minute of every day.
Nick and Chris are with him as much as possible. They're always by his side. Helping him eat, helping him change, holding him when he sleeps, comforting him when he randomly breaks down again, holding his hand when he has a panic attack. Matt didn't ask, they insisted on never leaving him alone. Always keeping an eye on him and always making sure he's honest when something's wrong. Matt is secretly grateful for it. He knows he can't get through this alone. He can't wish for more supportive brother's. They mean everything to him. And that they're still here and taking care of him proves the amount of loyalty and love they have for him.
He walks out of the building with heavy eyes. He can't stop thinking about the look his therapist had on her face. He's never seen such an amount sympathy on someone's face. Although Matt doesn't like the idea of therapy. He instantly noticed how she understood him, how she listened and how she could be trusted. Yes, it's her job to do be like that but Matt has never met someone that empathetic before.
He looks over at the car where Nick and Chris are sitting in. It's nine in the morning, he was in there for an hour. They both notice him immediately. He walks to the car, opens the door and gets in the passenger seat. Chris has just gotten his license so he's in the drivers seat.
"Hey! How was it?" Chris asks when he gets in the car. Matt knows he doesn't have to say anything about it to them. It's a question they wouldn't mind him lying about it, nor would they ask further. It's a question but nothing more than that. It's not a conversation, not a topic, just a question. Matt is extremely grateful for that.
"Fine, I guess." Matt brings out with a weak smile that makes his eyes look even more exhausted. He sees that Chris and Nick are slightly relieved at that and Chris lays a hand on his shoulder for a moment. "Alright." He says while smiling at Matt. "How are you feeling?" Nick asks him. "Tired." Matt answers once again. Nick and Chris share a look. Every time they ask him how he's feeling Matt answers with, 'tired'.
"You wanna go to bed when we're home? We can also go the the couch or go to one of our rooms." Nick says with a slightly worried tone in his voice. "I just want to sleep." Matt says, exhaustion clear in his voice. Nick and Chris nod in response, worry growing in their stomach.
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You stay quiet, while a war happens within you.
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"Alright bud," Nick throws an arm around his brother's shoulder and slightly pulls him closer while walking into their house. Matt gives in to the touch and allows Nick to help him to his room. "Lets get u to bed." Nick finishes his sentence.
When they arrive in Matt's room Matt immediately falls down on his bed, but Nick insists on changing into pyjama's first. And at the time Matt has changed Chris walks into the room with a bowl of pasta and a glass of water. Pasta at nine thirty in the morning? Yes, it's never too early for pasta people.
Nick and Matt sit next together in his bed with the blanket already covering their legs. Nick throws an arm around Matt again and pulls him close. Matt lets his head fall down on Nick's shoulder and closes his eyes, knowing he'll be forced to eat a least half of the bowl soon. He feels the mattress dip, meaning Chris is right in front of him now.
"I don't want it." His shaky voice brings out without opening his eyes. He feels Nick softly starting to run his fingers through his hair. "I know, but you need to." He says softly.
Matt is surprised his brothers still have so much patience with him. It goes like this every time a meal gets put in front of him. His heart aches when he remembers the tantrum he threw yesterday evening. "I'm not hungry." Matt brings out while shaking his head in short movements. "You haven't eaten since yesterday morning, I can basically hear your stomach scream for food." Chris says with the familiar gentleness in his voice.
Matt reluctantly opens his eyes, looking at the food in front of him. "It's okay bubba, you need it." Nick says sweetly, not removing his fingers from Matt's hair. He looks Nick in the eyes who gives him a sweet smile and an encouraging nod. He looks at the food again and lets a shaky sigh of defeat leave his mouth.
With slow movements he brings his hands forward to the fork in front of him. He picks it up and brings it to the bowl, putting a few pieces of pasta on it. He sighs again. His mind starts going rapid, insulting thoughts begin spinning around in his mind. But the one most standing out is the old one, the one that Matt is so familiar with.
Fat.
Fatty
FAT
FAT
FAT
FAT
FAT
FAT
FAT!
FAT!!
It's always fat. Whatever happens, it always comes down to fat.
Thick tears roll down Matt's pale cheeks as he brings the food to his mouth. He hesitates once more before he puts the fork in his mouth and starts to chew on the pasta. Tears are now pouring down his face like a waterfall. He then feels a hand rubbing soft cirkels over his back. He looks up to Nick who looks down at him. "Good job Matty." Nick says softly with a proud smile on his face. Chris then leans forward and gently rubs the tears off his cheek. "First bite's always the hardest." He smiles. Matt gives him a small smile back and picks up the fork again.
FAT-
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The mind replays what the heart can't delete.
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When the whole bowl is empty he feels Nick wiping his tears gently and then gets the glass of water handed to him which he washes down quickly. Chris takes the glass from him, ruffles his hand through his hair and walks away with the bowl and the glass. Matt looks up at Nick again. "Can we go to sleep now?" He asks, voice soft and broken. Nick's eyes soften at the younger's tone and brings his hand up to Matt's cheek again, wiping away the remains of tears. "Of course baby." He says softly while breaking into a smile. Matt then leans forward and wraps his arms around Nick's torso, hugging him tightly while burying his head in the elder's chest. Nick rests his head on Matt's head and hides his face in the boy's curls while hugging him back and rubbing cirkels over his back.
"I love you." Nick says with a sweet tone in his voice. "Love you more." Matt tells him. Nick smiles and closes his eyes for a moment, enjoying the comforting hug.
After a while Chris comes into the room again and pats Matt on the back. Nick and Matt break away from their hug and they turn to Chris who now is crawling in the bed. Matt and Nick decide to lay down too and Matt shuffles closer to Chris who opens his arms for an embrace and pulls Matt in his chest. Matt allows himself to rest his head on Chris's chest and relaxes slowly when he feels Nick against him and when Chris starts to gently strike his hair.
He slowly gets lulled to sleep by Chris's touch and his steady heartbeat under him. And before he knows it, he gets welcomed by sleep and restless dreams.
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I have cried oceans to sleep
wondering what I ever did
to deserve such a heartache.
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Matt doesn't know where he is. He has no idea. Is he in his house? No.. Matt feels instant relief washing over him when he realizes he's in a forest. Matt loves being in a forest. Without thinking he walks over the small path through the forest until he suddenly sees two figures standing on the path. Matt slightly furrows his brows while walking up to the people. "Matt.." the voices cry. They cry desperately and start to walk up to him with open arms. He suddenly realizes the two people are his triplets brother's. But why are Nick and Chris crying? "Nick? Chris?!" He yells. He hears a gasp from Nick. "Matty!" He screams. When they're close enough Matt pulls both his brothers in a deep hug. "What happened? What is going on?" He asks, desperate for answers.
But when his brother's pull away from the hug and look at him Matt lets a scream escape his throat. Instantly tears start pricking at his eyes and he grabs his brother's face firmly, inspecting their cut out eyes. "Wha- what happened?" Matt sobs.
"You did this.." Chris starts sobbing loudly. "You did this to us, you'll always do this to us!" He screams between sobs.
"Chris? No I didn't do this! What're you talking about?" The desperation in Matt's voice could break the most selfish people. He turns to Chris and looks at his face. His eyes are also gone.. "Chris? Chris please what are you talking about?!" He screams.
He feels two firm hands grab his shoulder's and make him turn around to face Nick, still no eyes. He holds a small box in Matt's face. "Wha-" he looks at the box it says, Tylenol. "Take them, Matt. Take them, I want you to take as many as you can. Leave us alone! We don't want you here. We never did, we hate you, more than anything. Leave us alone, please I'm begging you, stop torturing us with your pitiful behavior!" Matt looks at Nick with wide eyes as he lets tears stream down his face.
Rain starts falling from the sky, first lightly but it quickly starts pouring. He looks down at his shoes. He doesn't remember having red shoes.. he raises his head up to the sky, only to see the blood pouring from the red skies. A scream escapes his throat and Matt decides to get the hell out of here. So he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs. He runs till his legs get sore, he runs until he bumbs into a glass wall.
He looks up to see Chris and Nick, both hanging from a rope, dead, hung. Another scream escapes Matt's mouth. But this time the scream is louder than the other's more painful, more emotional. His cries fill the whole forest. "NO!" He screams over and over again while the tears escape his eyes.
He suddenly feels claustrophobic. A glass box surrounds him, getting smaller and smaller by the second. Matt pusheshis back against the wall while sobbing loudly. He feels the pressure of the wall on his chest, slowly crushing his fragile body.
"MATTY..." he hears Chris's voice scream before the sounds of bones crushing fill his ears and his sight turns black.
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Some children are simply born with tragedy in their blood.
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Matt screams at the top op his lungs. Desperate cries and gasps fill the room. He then hears muffled voices saying his name. Someone grabs his face and turns it to theirs. Nick. Nick is here, he's alive and his eyes are still in the right place. The realization sets in. It was a nightmare. It was a fucking nightmare.
He lets out a gasp of relief and grabs Nick's face, cupping it and looking him in the eyes before he gets pulled into a hug from Nick. Matt holds Nick tightly while he lets heavy sobbing fill the room. "Nicky.." he cries. "Shh it's okay you're okay, you're safe." Nick soothes softly while he runs his hand through his sweaty hair.
Matt whimpers desperately while crying and holding onto Nick for dear life. "Oh baby.." Nick brings out, his voice breaking.
Matt doesn't respond, he only cries, cries his heart out.
Suddenly a wave of nausea hits him and he quickly backs away from Nick, running to the bathroom and collapsing on the floor next to the toilet. Nick and Chris look at each other confused for a moment before getting up and running to the bathroom. When they enter Matt just started to let his stomach contents fall into the toilet and is throwing up loudly. Chris immediately collapses next to Matt and holds his hair back while supporting his full body weight and helping him lift himself up while he's busy throwing up.
"Chris-" Matt sobs. "Shh it's okay I'm here." Chris immediately says to him and rubs his back comfortingly. When Matt is done throwing up he lets his full body weight fall sideways into Chris's arms. Chris immediately wraps his arms around him and holds Matt's head close to his chest as the elder lets whimpers and cries escape his mouth. "Shh, it's okay, calm down Matty, breathe." He comforts while massaging the boy's scalp. Matt slowly calms down.
After ten minutes Matt has only tears streaming down his cheeks and sometimes whimpers or lets a sob out. Nick has just left the room and Chris is still gently massaging the elder's scalp while holding his head close to his chest.
Nick enters the room again with a glass of water, a blanket and wet rag. He kneels down next to the two boys and runs his hand through Matt's hair and kisses him on the head before handing Chris the glass of water. Chris takes it and gently helps Matt's shaky form drink the water. After that he reluctantly removes himself from Matt and lets Nick wrap Matt in a blanket. Matt says nothing during this. He just tiredly cries and closes his eyes when the warmth of the blanket welcomes him. After that he feels Nick pressing another kiss now on his forehead and strong arms lifting him from the cold bathroom tiles to the soft, comfortable bed of Chris.
He gets laid on his back and the sheets get pulled over his body. Matt still has his eyes closed, too exhausted to keep the open. But they fly open when he suddenly feels something cold on his forehead. "Shh it's just a rag." He hears Chris's gentle voice say. He looks at Chris for a second before his eyes flutter closed again.
A few moments later he feels the mattress dip and a body gets in next to him. "Chr's?" Matt mutters tiredly. "Nick." Nick whispers softly. Matt's mouth curls up slightly and he's glad when an arm gets thrown around his neck, pulling him close and letting Matt rest his head on his chest. Matt cuddles up to Nick and relaxes his body fully, finally giving into sleep when he feels Chris's arms wrapping around his belly.
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You sometimes think
you want to disappear.
But all you really want is
To be found.
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Matt wakes up to a hand massaging his scalp gently. He looks up and sees Nick who immediately looks down to him at the movement. "Morning baby." He smiles. Matt doesn't respond and just cuddles up to Nick more, now being almost on top of him. Nick removes his hand from Matt's hair and starts softly striking the boy's cheek as they make eye contact. "How are you feeling?" He asks. Matt leans into the gentle touch and wraps his arms around Nick's torso again. "Bad." He groans. He sees Nick's expression changing, like a light that is put out. A pitiful expression appears on the elder's face as he slowly moves Matt's hair out of his face. "Okay." He says. "That's okay"
Matt is glad it's okay, because something tells him that this isn't going to be a good day. At that Chris comes in the room with, you guessed it, scrambled eggs and a glass of water. Matt's expression drops. "What's the time?" He whispers to Nick. "Seven in the morning." Nick smiles sympathetically at seeing Matt's distressed expression. He groans in defeat and lets Nick help him sit up. Chris puts the food down and comes up to Matt and Nick, switching seats with Nick. He pulls Matt to him in a sideways hug and lets Matt rest his head on his shoulder, knowing Matt has to mentally prepare himself to eat food. "Hey Matty." Chris whispers softly. "Hey." Matt says with a hoarse voice. Nick goes to sit in front of them with the plate of food. When Matt opens his eyes again Nick picks up a few pieces of egg and carefully brings it to Matt's mouth, who to his surprise just accepts it and lets Nick feed him. He's too exhausted to get angry, too exhausted to think about the negative thoughts, too exhausted to even say anything against it. He's numb and tired and wants to cry, that's all he has left. So he just lets Nick carefully feed him, knowing how he can trust them. Through the whole thing, Chris is there, holding him and striking his hair. Sometimes saying comforting words like, it's okay, you're doing so good, we love you, and you're safe. Matt is grateful for that, it genuinely helps him keep eating.
When the plate is almost empty Nick puts it away and Chris helps him drink the water. After Nick disappeared Chris gets out of bed, dragging Matt with him and walking towards the bathroom where he helps Matt brush his teeth and combs his hair. When he's done with that he leaves Matt to pee and grabs some blankets out of his room, bringing them too the couch. He then returns to his bedroom again where he sees Matt sitting on his bed. Chris smiles at him and Matt allows Chris to support him to the living room where Chris lays him down on the couch, next to Nick. Chris throws a few blankets over them and sees that Matt immediately cuddles up to Nick, who gladly allows him to.
Chris then sits at the other side of Matt, grabs a few blankets and puts on the maze runner, since Matt loves that movie. The triplets spend the whole day on the couch and watch movies, though Matt is asleep for a big part of the day.
Just an average two days with the Sturniolo's.
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I'll survive.
Somehow I always do
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✨Stay strong I love y'all and I'm so proud of you!💜💙🧡💗✨